How Many Ways To Say I Love You
by Cofkett
Summary: Well, she said it and it was wonderful, but before she said it, the possibilities were seemingly endless; and thus this series of one-shots was born. - - SPOILERS FOR THE WHOLE SHOW.
1. Long Distance

**_Disclaimer: _Castle_ belongs to ABC (America) and Andrew Marlowe. No money is being made from this work and none will ever be sought regardless of any similarity to future plotlines.  
_**

**_A/N: So, somebody pm'd me the other day saying that just because I happened to find their story a little too over-the-top for my tastes, I obviously don't like fluff. So, here's my response to that. One of the big things for Caskett fans in Season 5 will be if, when and how Beckett's gonna say ILY to Castle. I have so many scenarios in my head. _**

**_Each chapter will be an alternate scenario, sometimes several scenarios that fit in the same category. Will try to keep this going at least until she actually says it in the show. I already have about twenty-five ideas but would be open to suggestions - of course, you're free to use this idea for yourself. It's a fun exercise for sappy shippers._**

**So, I knew where I wanted to go with this first one but the road I ended up taking in order to get there took me completely by surprise****_._**

**Chapter Rating: T**

**Chapter Summary: While Castle's in LA consulting for the new ****_Nikki Heat _****movie, Castle and Beckett chat over the phone. Phone Sex without the sex.**

**_#1_**

_I don't miss him, _Beckett told herself as she tried to focus on the movie. It was ten o'clock at night and she was trying to relax on the couch; but everything just felt off.

_Ok, maybe I miss him a little._

It had started with one or two sleep-overs a week and slowly escalated until now, six months later, they'd gone from "Do you want to hang out tonight?" to "Your place or mine?" to simply "See you tonight". Somewhere along the line it had become habit to spend every night together. He was spending the week in Los Angeles to consult on the filming of _Naked Heat. _It had only been three days and already, it was the longest time they'd spent apart since they'd gotten together.

Before that, they probably hadn't gone more than twelve hours.

_It's normal to miss your boyfriend, _she assured herself.

Between home and work, they were usually together. She'd grown accustomed to spending every night on the couch with him. It felt much too empty without him there, cliché as it was. She'd never wanted to be one of those women who depended on a man and she'd definitely never wanted she and Castle to be one of those clingy couples who had to spend every moment together; but she couldn't help the twinge of loss she felt in her gut.

_I can do this. I can go one week without talking to him every second._

She stared at her phone, trying to resist the urge to call him.

_Oh, who am I kidding? I miss him, we're a couple. I should be able to check in with him once in a while, God-Damn it. So what if I lose the bet? It's only five dollars – and my pride._

She was just about to reach for her phone when it rang. It was Castle.

_Oh, thank God, _she sighed when she saw the picture.

She grinned as she answered. "I knew you'd break," she said smugly.

"What can I say? I'm weak."

"You'd just better pay up when you get back."

"You know I'm good for it."

"So, how's LA?"

"Warm, sunny and totally miserable without you."

"Castle, I'm concerned," she teased. "You should have your own identity outside our relationship."

"I have plenty. I'm a writer, a father, a son and a police consultant."

"You consult with the police department to shadow _me_; for a set of novels you wrote based on_ me_; and your daughter interns at the morgue where most of our bodies end up; so, with the exception of your Mom, all the facets of your life are intertwined with me in some way. That's not healthy."

"It was unhealthy before we were together; now, it's sweet."

"Good thing I'm not a diabetic; would have lost a foot after our first week together."

"Oh, you love it. So..."

"So?"

"Whatcha _doin_'?"

"I'm watching a movie on TV."

"What's the movie?"

"_Breakfast at Tiffany's_," she replied.

"Remind me how that one goes."

She grinned; as if he hadn't seen it a hundred times.

"Oh, you know, it's the same old story of a young, attractive woman just trying to make her way in the world doing something she's good at when this writer comes along and turns everything upside down."

"I hope for the better."

"Well, the movie isn't over yet."

"I wish I was at least on the same coast; then, we could watch it together over the phone - like we did when we started dating, remember?"

"Yeah," she said fondly. "That was nice."

"Actually, what I really wish is that I was there with you."

She sighed. "Me, too, "she admitted.

There was a pause.

"What would we be doing if you were?"

She heard his breath catch.

"Don't get too excited, Castle. I want you to be honest. If you were here, right this second, would you rip my clothes off and have your wicked way with me?"

He cleared his throat uncomfortably. "_Kate_, if you don't want me to get excited, that is not the way to go about it."

"Castle," she warned.

"Ok, ok. Honestly? No," he admitted.

She sat up. "What would we be doing?"

"We'd be curled up together. I'd have my arms around you, your head under my chin, both of us facing the TV. You'd probably be wearing those pink pjs."

"Uh, if you were here I probably would be."

"Wait, what _are_ you wearing? Not that – I know how that sounds – I didn't mean..."

"Relax, Castle," she smiled. She wished she could see him now. She loved watching him squirm, loved seeing him all flustered. "I'm wearing your purple shirt and my pink pyjama bottoms."

"I don't remember leaving that shirt at your place."

"Well, you might have to work on that little memory problem."

"Katherine Beckett, did you steal that out of my closet?"

"No!" If she'd taken a fresh one out of his closet it wouldn't have smelt like him. "You knew I was going to do your laundry while you were gone since Martha's so busy with classes. I was here, going through the clothes... I've always liked this shirt. It's my favourite colour; and it's the one you were wearing...y'know, _that night."_

"I remember. I love seeing you in that shirt. It reminds me of the morning after _that night_."

"You were so funny. Did you really think you were dreaming?"

"I didn't want to let myself believe that it was real if it wasn't. It seemed too good to be true. Sometimes I still have to pinch myself."

"What about you? What would you be wearing, Mr. Castle?"

"My _Batman_ boxers and probably the blue shirt I'm wearing now, but it would be open so you could see my white wife-beater."

"The cotton_ Batman_ boxers or the silk ones?"

"Ok, not that I'm complaining, but it's a little weird that you know so much about my underwear - cotton."

"Do you think we'd be talking?"

He chuckled. "We'd probably be arguing over which Hepburn is the best."

"Well, it's obviously Audrey, definitely."

"Well, of course you're going to say Audrey, otherwise it wouldn't be an argument."

"Audrey was classier."

"Katharine was totally classy; just in a different way. And she had guts, chutzpah."

"Audrey had chutzpah, she just didn't have to bring down other people to show it. She was a humanitarian."

"Katharine was a better actress."

"Says who?"

"Says everyone. More awards, a bigger body of work, more acclaim... her career speaks for itself."

"Nope. Sorry."

There was a pause.

"And?"

"And nothing."

"That's it? That's your argument? You're not even going to try to back it up?"

"Don't need to. Who's movie are we hypothetically watching together right now?"

"You put it on."

"You have it on DVD."

"Audrey doesn't carry the whole film."

Beckett sighed, rolling her eyes.

"Are you rolling your eyes?"

"Maybe."

"With that smile, that 'You're such an idiot, Castle,' smile?"

"That's the one."

When he spoke again, his tone was softer.  
"Well, maybe I'm just a sucker for strong, intelligent women named Katherine." He sighed. "I miss you."

"I miss you, too. So, what would we be doing now?"

"Now, I'd probably kiss you on the head. Depending on your mood, you might snuggle up closer, turn to face me and give me that look you know I can't resist."

"If I did, would you kiss me?"

"Of course - if you didn't beat me to it."

"I probably would," she admitted.

"But I wouldn't be far behind. It'd be soft and slow at first. I know how much you love to tease me."

"Oh, I _do_ love to tease you – but that's not why I do it. I do it to be romantic."

"It _is_ romantic," he admitted. "You above me, gently pushing your lips against mine; I'd be able to feel the warmth of your body, the beating of your pulse."

"Would it be fast?"

"Is it?

_Yes._

"I don't know, Castle, I might need a little more... _encouragement_."

"I'd raise my hand to your hair – is it up?"

"Yeah."

"I'd stroke it softly. Usually, around this point, you start to introduce your tongue, just lightly pressing against my lips at first, but then, moving gently under mine as I open my mouth to you. Like I said, I wouldn't be far behind. I'd go for your bottom lip, you'd let me, my other hand would be on your neck and... well, it's different every night; but I think tonight would be one of those nights where we just have to kiss for hours without really knowing why."

Beckett inhaled and exhaled. She wasn't sure if this exercise was alleviating her angst or making it worse.

"Do you remember the first time we kissed?" he asked.

"How could I forget?"

"This is going to sound weird..."

"Coming from you, Castle, nothing sounds weird to me any more."

"Would it be OK if you... talked me through it? Your memory of it?"

"Uh..."

"Because that was the first time I heard you make that soft little sound at the back of your throat. Sometimes when we're having a heavy make-out session, or when we're in the middle of..._ you know,_ you make this sound; it makes me crazy and I want to hear it tonight – but I want it to be genuine. I was just thinking, that first kiss was so intense – but if it's too weird, that's... " he trailed off, sounding like he was losing confidence.

What was it about a forty-two-year-old man referring to sex as '_you know_' that she found so endearing?

"Castle, it's OK. You should never be afraid to ask me for anything. I won't say yes every time, and I'll probably judge you - but you should never be afraid to ask."

There was a pause.

"So... are you going to say yes this time?"

She pretended to mull it over.

"I don't see the harm."

He said nothing. She wondered if he was smiling. She wanted to see him smile. She loved making him smile.

"OK, then," he said, his voice shaky. "Start when you're ready."

"Right. OK." Was she nervous? She took a deep breath.  
"So, it's night. It's cold and we've just gotten out of the car. We're both laughing, pretending to be a drunk couple to get past that guard. Your idea, of course. I lean against you. He spots us. He starts heading towards us. He's suspicious.  
"My pulse speeds up. I keep laughing but I tell you, 'He's not buying it, Castle.' I try to keep up the ruse but I'm in full-on cop mode now. We stop, easing apart. I keep laughing, while my hand starts to wrap around my gun but then you grab my wrist and pull me towards you by the back of my neck. I could break free without too much difficulty but I'm in shock.  
"I'm wondering what the hell's going on in your head. The way you're staring at me, it's making me feel...uneasy. Truth be told, I'm a little terrified. Not of you, but... of what's gonna happen next.  
"I have no idea. This is all going through my head in the space of two seconds. Because then you're leaning towards me and your lips are on mine. God, I can feel them burning. But it's gentle and you move into it, your hand moving up and down my back.  
"My whole body relaxes at first. I feel this warmth in my chest but when I realise what's happening, I break off. You look as stunned as I feel, even though you're the one who initiated it; but you also look... hungry. For me.  
"I glance at the guard making his way towards us and I catch on. Without really considering it, I lean up and kiss you back, urgently, keeping an eye on the guard, because we need this to work if we want to save Espo and Ryan. He's s still walking towards us, we're still kissing, your hands are all over, I feel mine moving all over you too and for a moment, I just kind of lose myself. I forget what we're doing. I'm kissing you, you're kissing me and it feels incredible.

"That's when – " she sighed. She felt like she was letting him down. "I'm sorry, Castle, I'm trying. This feels amazing but I can't force myself -"

"It's OK, it's OK. You're doing great. Kate, this is so freaking hot. Just breathe."

She obeyed.

"It was instinct," he explained. "I didn't want it to turn into a gun battle. I just did the first thing I could think of. You said you were open to dumb ideas.

"Well, I had another one and it was even dumber but I didn't have time to ask you if it was OK. So, I just did it. But then... it was you. I couldn't help it, I wasn't just kissing you to trick a guard, I was _kissing_ you, tasting you; and when you broke off, it hurt a little bit.

"You looked... so taken aback; but now you're kissing me back and I'm holding you; your mouth is fire and ice; we're moving around, and I'm holding back my tongue as far as it'll go but then I feel the tip of your tongue on my lip and it's involuntary; you smell incredible, you feel incredible; and my tongue slips out for a fraction of a second and just barely grazes against yours -"

"Hmm," she moaned softly. She had to control her ragged breathing. Just thinking about that moment, hearing his voice saying those words, describing that kiss had brought her back and in an instant she was there again and she remembered; the softest brush of his tongue had sent so many indescribable feelings coursing through her body, she hadn't been able to suppress the tiny whimper that escaped her throat.

"Kate," he whispered softly. "Thankyou," he said between his own ragged breaths.

"You're welcome."

"But... yeah, so, anyway, back in the present, that's the sound that I would hopefully be coaxing out of you if I were there."

"And afterwards?"

"You'd pause, look down at me with another one of those looks of yours. I swear, you've got, like, fifteen different expressions that you only use with me."

"I think fifteen is a bit of an exaggeration."

"I'll follow you with a camera for a month and show you if you'd like."

"Pass. What's next?"

"You'd probably give me a little kiss... somewhere; it's different every time. Sometimes it's on my cheek, sometimes my forehead. I love it when you kiss my hand, because the look you get when you hold it, lips pressed against my fingers, is just so adorable."

She grinned. That was one of her favourite things to do; she didn't know why.

"Then, you'd lay back down. Usually, we can't be bothered getting up and end up falling asleep right there."

Beckett sighed. It was routine; but it was one that never got boring, like watching your favourite movie over and over. She missed it.

"But the couch is too small for both of us to sleep on and eventually, one of us usually wakes up. I think this time it would be you, and I would wake up to find you -"

"Ok, Castle," she interrupted him. "Don't spoil it."

She heard him take a deep breath.

"Sorry," he said. "Ok, well... that was amazing."

"Yeah, it was... pretty good," said Beckett, still recovering.

"I guess I should get some sleep," he said reluctantly. "Will I talk to you tomorrow?"

"I don't know," she said coyly. "Will you?"

"Five-thirty, your time."

"I might be able to squeeze it in."

"OK. I guess I should let you go."

"OK."

"Love you."

"Love you, too," she said automatically, without realising it. It was only a second later that she did.

Neither of them hung up.

_Oops. _She had been waiting for the right moment and that had not exactly been the right moment.

"Castle?"

"Yeah?"  
His voice was carefully controlled.

"I mean it. I wish I'd said it in person the first time, but it's true. I love you."

"I know. And you'll still get to tell me in person when you pick me up from the airport on Sunday – we can pretend it's the first time if you want."

"No, that's OK. I can live with this."

"You're sure?"

"Positive."

"Alright. Night, Detective."

"Until tomorrow, Mr. Castle."

* * *

_The next day..._

She waited at baggage claim, fully intending to tell him. But when she saw him and he froze, smiling at her, words left her. They didn't run into each other's arms; they eased into them, as if he'd only been gone a few minutes. His arms enveloped her and she smiled up at him.

"A deal's a deal," he said, briefly removing one of his arms to take a five-dollar bill from his pocket.

"The benefits of a rich boyfriend," she said, tucking it into her own pocket as he embraced her again.

They were the first words she'd spoken to him since he'd returned, and it occurred to her somewhere at the back of her mind that there was something else she wanted to say to him, but she couldn't quite recall what it was, preferring instead to bask in the awesomeness that was Castle being here, in person.

The way he was looking at her told her she didn't need words.

Her lips found his easily and she inhaled his scent.

"Mm," she said against his skin.

"Me, too," he replied contentedly.

**Thankyou for reading. I hope that wasn't too angsty(!)***

***Sarcasm**


	2. Little Marshmallows

_**A/N: Thank you so much, everyone! Don't be afraid to critique my grammar/spelling, or anything else. I'm Australian, so some words are different. Updates won't always be this quick. I'll do my best. I just wanted to give you a reward for the response.**_

******Here's another fluffy chapter based on Castle and Beckett's tweets and the fact that everyone seems to love the Little Marshmallows...**

**Upload Date: August 10, 2012  
**

**Chapter Rating: T (Very mild course language, references to violence, murder and child abuse)  
**

**Chapter Summary: Castle decides to give Beckett something from her childhood to cheer her up when she's having a bad day.  
**

**#2**

"Kate."  
His voice seemed to come from far away at first.

"Kate."

She should say something back.  
"Mmkmlmhm," was all she could manage.

"Kate." He prodded her gently.

"What? I'm up." She shook her head, feeling groggy, processing the new information.

She was in Castle's bed. According to the clock it was 2:30 am. He was standing next to the bed looking - _oh, crap_ - scared.

She groaned. "Castle, I thought we'd moved past this. You were doing well."

"I'm sorry - I had another dream. Freddy and Norman were trying to make me take a shower with them and when I said no - "

"It was a dream, Castle."

"It was just so graphic. So much blood."

"Really? _You're_ saying this? Castle, what do you do for a living? Hell, what have you been doing in your spare time for the last four years?""

"Please, Kate, I'm busting."

She groaned again. "OK, if the big baby really needs me," she said, getting up.

"Thank you," he said sweetly.

"I hope you appreciate everything I do for you."

"I do," he smiled as they walked hand in hand towards the bathroom. She resented how nice his warm hand felt in hers.

"I was joking about the Nightlight before but now I think I'm gonna get you one," she said when they reached the door. "OK, do your business."

He trotted sheepishly in to the cool, tiled room.

* * *

"Did you wash your hands?" she asked when he got out.

"Funny. Come on, let's go to bed. We'll snuggle."

"I'm not in the mood," she said as they walked back to his room.

"I'll let you be the big spoon."

"I usually am the big spoon."

"Then, I'll let you be the little spoon," he reasoned as they got into bed.

"Castle, the Malinowski case goes to trial in a week. I've got heaps of paperwork to do tomorrow. We can't afford any mistakes; those are the little technicalities that put murderers back on the streets."

"All the more reason to get a good night's sleep. And what better way than to snuggle up to Big Rick?"

She sighed. "Goodnight, Castle."

There was a pause.

"Goodnight."

She lay there for a while on her side of the bed, wondering why she hadn't been arrested for pedophilia; she was sleeping with a nine-year-old. The thought reminded her of something she'd said to Montgomery when he first told her Castle would be shadowing her.

She thought back to the person Castle was back then. He was so different now; and yet, he hadn't changed at all. How did that work?

_Oh, what the hell?_

She sighed again. "OK, come on," she said, adjusting so that she was on her side.

He turned to face her.

"Really?"

"Yeah, but you're gonna be the Big Spoon this time. Hurry up before I change my mind."

She could practically hear him beaming as he turned his body fully and wrapped his arms around her. She allowed herself to smile because she told herself he couldn't see it in the dark.

Castle fell asleep pretty quickly. Beckett wasn't as lucky. She tried counting sheep. She tried re-playing boring movies in her head. She even tried listening to his breathing. Usually, it had a calming effect on her. This time, it was getting on her nerves.

"Damn it, Castle," she whispered, giving up. She managed to free herself from his arms without waking him up and made her way to the kitchen.

The light was on. Martha was there and the kettle was boiling.

"Oh, hello, Kate," she said brightly. "Couldn't sleep either?"

"Actually, I was sleeping really well until your son woke me up for Bathroom Escort Duty."

"Oh, not again. He was doing so well!"

Beckett sighed. "I know."

"Maybe you should think about scrapping Scary Movie Night."

Beckett suddenly looked as if she had suggested cancelling Christmas. "Oh, no, we can't call off Scary Movie Night. That's crazy talk."

"But if it's causing you to miss sleep -"

"That's a pain in the ass, I won't lie," Beckett yawned, "but it's worth it."

"Oh, to be young and in love."

"Well, one out of two ain't bad."

"But I'm not in - "

Beckett gave her a mischievous smile.

Martha inclined her head. "Oh, aren't you sweet? Now, I was about to make myself a hot chocolate. Would you like one?"

"Uh, yeah, if it's not too much trouble."

"No trouble at all," Martha assured her, going through the cupboards. "I'm sorry. We seem to have run out of the little marshmallows."

"You guys get the little marshmallows? I love the little marshmallows."

"Darling, everyone loves the little marshmallows. I always had to hide the packets from Richard and Alexis still won't go to bed without Hot Chocolate with a little Marshmallow."

"My Mom used to use them to make little smiley faces," Kate confided. "Two pink eyes and a white mouth. I used to have them with every hot beverage you can imagine. I stopped doing it at the Academy because I wanted to be taken seriously - I was kind of sick of all the funny looks I was getting at lunch - and eventually I kind of just lost the habit."

She sighed wistfully. " Little Marshmallows make everything better."

* * *

Castle awoke to a lot of muttering and swearing.

"Morning, sweetheart," he said, stretching.

"Morning," she said distractedly, barely giving him a glance as she hastily put on her clothes.

"What's the rush?"

"The rush is, I slept through the alarm. I can still make it if I skip breakfast."

"But I thought we were gonna have breakfast together to make up for that meeting I have to go to at _Black Pawn_."

"We don't need to spend every second together, Castle."

He pouted.

She softened. "Oh, don't give me that. Hey. Look, I'm just really tired today and I don't need any more distractions."

"I thought I was your favourite distraction."

"You are, but I'm not the Captain. If I'm late, Gates will find some way to blame you. I have the feeling today's gonna be pretty crappy, and I don't mean to take it out on you. I just wanna get through this day, OK?"

"OK," he said sadly.

She reached over the bed to kiss him on the shoulder. He in turn kissed her forehead. She smiled at him for a fraction of a second.

"I'll see you tonight."

"See ya." With that, she ran out, still doing up her buttons, racing against the clock.

Castle heard a loud thump and more swearing.

"Kate?" he called out, concerned, jumping out of bed.

"I'm fine," she called back. He heard the door slam shut.

* * *

Castle held the plastic packet, fully confident in his plan. At first, she would be annoyed that he had just showed up unannounced, wondering why he wasn't at his meeting; but then her eyes would go straight for the coffee and she'd accept, thanking him. She'd see the little smiley-face of marshmallows bobbing in her latte' that he'd prepared for her and she would exclaim, "You put the little marshmallows in! I _love_ the little marshmallows."

He would chuckle and say, "I know." She would be happy and his work would be done. He would attend his meeting knowing she was going to have a good day.

Seemed like a full-proof plan.

* * *

Beckett weaved her pencil through her fingers, resisting the urge to snap it. Her morning coffee buzz was starting to wear off. It never lasted as long when Castle wasn't there. It just wasn't the same when it wasn't coming from him. She didn't know what it was about the simple act of him handing it to her, or even just placing it on her desk, that made it so much better; it just was.

And that pissed her off. What an annoying man. What a frustrating, immature, hyperactive, annoying man. He was ruining her life was what he was doing; waking her up at night, making her think about him all the time, giving her those irritating warm fuzzy feelings in her stomach, making her mouth ache with the amount of smiling she'd been doing lately...

"Guess who?"

She nearly fell out of her chair.  
"Castle!" she said when she realised who it was.

He looked very pleased with himself, sitting down and placing a coffee on her desk.

"What are you doing here?"

"Relax, I'm not staying long. I just wanted to make you a coffee before my meeting."

She couldn't help smiling, much as she wanted to stay annoyed at him.

"Thanks, Castle." She grabbed the handle and pulled the mug towards her.

She froze when she saw the marshmallows arranged just as her mother used to do: Pink eyes and three white ones for the smile.

"You put in the little marshmallows," she said quietly.

"I hope you like it. I thought about shredding one in half to make eyebrows but that seemed like overkill."

"I _love _you."

"I know," he chuckled, and then froze when the words she'd actually spoken sunk in. "Wait... What?"

At first, Beckett looked just as shocked as he felt but then she smiled.  
"Did I stutter? I love you, Castle," she repeated, taking a sip.

_Oh, yeah. _There was definitely something comforting in the way the marshmallows affected the flavour, but there was something else, that familiar feeling she only got from Castle's coffees. Of course, it had nothing to do with the coffee. It was all about the looks he gave her when she drank it. The one he was giving her now might just be one of her favourites: a mix of surprise, awe and happiness.

"Your mother told you, didn't she?"

"Uh, yeah."

"I'd like to have some more so pick up another packet on your way home."

"This packet's almost full."

"It won't be for long." She gave him a quick chaste kiss on the cheek, checking to see no one was looking. "I'll see you tonight?"

"Definitely," he beamed.

"Outstanding. Now, get lost Castle; can't you see I'm trying to work here?"

**Thanks for reading. Hope it met up to your expectations.**


	3. Kissing

_**A/N: Wow. I've got to say, I was pretty ecstatic with 10 followers but 29? That's awesome (I know it's not a big deal to some people but it is to me, especially since it's been growing every day. I actually just had to change that from 28 to 29. Crazy). Thanks for all the favourites and reviews, too. I was blown away when I discovered there are some authors whose stories I'm already following who are following/favouriting my story. That's so cool, especially considering they've probably influenced my fic writing in some way! I also appreciate the people who are just reading this story, even if you don't like it. Thank you.**_

**So, uh, this one's a little... different. More references to tweets. Set early-mid fifth season. Everyone knows about Castle and Beckett except Gates. Also, just in this reality, Remy's got blown up, uh... a few weeks earlier.**

**Upload Date: 13 August, 2012  
**

**Chapter Rating: T (Frequent mild coarse language, references to violence and murder, sexual references)  
**

**Chapter Summary: Beckett decides to help Castle blow off some steam when he's having a bad day.  
**

_**Reader: Hang on, that sounds a lot like the summary for the last chapter. I thought you said you had twenty-five ideas?**_

**_Author: Uh... look, something shiny! (Runs away)_**

**#3**

"You're despicable."

"Castle," Beckett warned.

"Ooh, you've got a feisty one here, detective. Ever thought about getting him fixed? Usually worked for me."

Castle stood up furiously, reaching across the table.

"Castle, get out!" said Beckett furiously, holding him back.

He shot the witness one last dirty look and stormed out of the interrogation room, slamming the door behind him.

"Bro, relax," said Esposito.

"That guy is slime!" said Castle.

"We deal with slime every day. You can't just lose control like that."

Castle took a deep breath. "I know."

_Ten Minutes Later..._

"Castle, what the frack was that?" Beckett demanded after the witness had left.

Castle, who was still fuming after hearing all the twisted things that bastard had said to Beckett while he'd been listening in the next room, tried to calm down.

"I'm sorry, ok? I wasn't thinking."

"Damn right, you weren't thinking. Look, I know this case in particular has been difficult for you. But you're the one who's constantly going on about how we shouldn't do anything to piss off Gates. Well, if this got back to her, pissed would be the least of our worries."

"I know, I know. I just...I hope you nail him."

She sighed. "Castle, I told you, he's not a suspect."

"Still? But –"

"Buh," she stopped him. "We only interviewed him because of his connection to Healy."

"Three witnesses saw him talking to Sandra –"

"Last time I checked, talking wasn't an arrestable offence. Because other than his priors, that's all we've got on him. The guy's had a clean record for fifteen years, before that he had twenty years of good behacviour in prison and this doesn't fit his MO - not to mention his rock-solid alibis for the other two murders. You're not your usual self today. That in there, that wasn't you on a normal day.

"That's the loving father who sees his daughter in the victims. As Kate, I find that really... sweet and frankly, sort of beautiful; but as Detective Beckett, I need Rick Castle, the methodical thinker. If we go after the wrong guy, those girls won't get justice."

Castle looked away, not wanting to take his anger out on her.

Beckett touched his arm gently. "Come on, it's lunchtime. I'll take you out for a burger."

_Twenty Minutes Later..._

Beckett pulled into an empty parking lot over-looking a bridge.

"Uh," said Castle, "I thought we were going for a burger."

"I lied. Ryan knows where we really are," said Beckett, taking off her seatbelt and reaching across to plant her lips on his neck, the warm, wet liquid caressing his skin as she sucked it, eliciting a small gasp from him.

"What are you doing?"

"The way you were looking at that suspect," she breathed against his skin, "the way you were talking to him, the way you went off at him; was so inappropriate –" she kissed the base of his throat, "- so unprofessional – " she tongued his collar-bone " - and so..._hot._" She moved to the back of his neck.

Castle fought to control his body's impulses. She was rapidly adding to the adrenaline that had already been coursing through him with her torturous actions and her mesmerising words.

"It took all my willpower not to slam you down on that table and take you right there," she said as she viciously removed his tie. "I could talk about how difficult it was not to dry-hump you in that elevator, but that's nothing new," she muttered as she hastily undid the buttons to his shirt. He gasped at the feel of her hands on his chest, gripping hold of the door handle and the console to keep from grabbing her.

"Camera," he managed to choke out.

"Not on," she breathed with a grin. "The worst part, though, would had to have been the drive over here. Having you sitting there, locked in, inches away from me, feeling you breathing." Her other hand made a fist in his hair.

"Smelling you. I thought being together would make it easier, but now that I've seen what's underneath this tidy little package; now that I've heard all the different ways you can say my name; now that I've had you inside me - "

He let out a soft groan.

" - it's a thousand times worse when you're not, having to be around you all the time and keep my hands to myself." She stopped for a moment, just staring at him.

He knew she was doing this deliberately, teasing him, goading him, but now, the way she stared at him was dead serious.

"I want you; all the time," she said frankly.

That was the last straw. With a low growl, he let go, undoing his seatbelt and pulling her towards him as she climbed into his lap.

He leaned up, bringing her down by the neck to kiss her but she turned her head. He slumped in frustration. He'd known the game she was playing and he'd fallen for it anyway.

"Now, Castle, I want you to know I'm not rewarding bad behaviour."

Reward? This was more like a punishment. As punishments went, not the most unpleasant one, but still.

She ran a hand through his hair. "You're gonna have to learn to control yourself. I know how... _hard _it can be_."_

"So hard," he echoed, mesmerised by her hazel eyes.

"I know how much easier it may seem to give into your _urges_."

"Urges, so many urges."

"But even you need to play by the rules sometimes. Am I making myself clear?"

"Oh yeah, things are – " he swallowed, "things are very clear."

"Good," she said, inching closer towards him. He pulled her the rest of the way so that her lips crushed down on his. His hands pressed hard against her rear. She moaned as their tongues plunged deep inside each other's mouths.

Castle frantically reached for the lever next to him.

Beckett let out an involuntary squeal as the next moment they were toppling, she forwards, he backward. Now, with more room, things got a little more heated. He fondled her breasts through her clothing, as her hands travelled back to his chest.

"You feel so good," he muttered against her lips.

"Mm," was her response.

"You're so hot," he gasped as he undid the top two buttons of her blouse.

"Mm."

"So beautiful," he whispered as he fingered the tiny pink wounded flesh between her breasts.

She had a sharp intake of breath as she wrapped her arms around him so that she could be as close to him as possible.

His behaviour back at the precinct had been deplorable and she hadn't wanted to be turned on any more than she'd been able to help it. Now she had the luxury – or was it a sweet curse – of not having to suppress these feelings anymore; she had an outlet. They were a couple now. Besides, she couldn't stay mad at him for too long, especially when she knew the place all the madness was coming from. Murders. On a college campus. All of them female. All of them Alexis's age.

She knew the irrational state of mind he'd been in all too well. Maybe she should have talked it through with him. That's what she would have done before they were together. That's what she had told Ryan they were coming here to do (although whether he'd believed her was a different story). That was the sensible, healthy thing to do.

But this was just so much more fun. And it appeared to be working. Anyway, they could talk about it later and everything would be fine until the next thing he did to piss her off – other than the seemingly never-ending argument that was currently pissing her off.

She smiled against his lips. She was so lost in him, so caught up in him, she forgot herself.

"Hmm, I love you," she breathed against his jaw.

"Mm," was his response.

Beckett's phone rang. They halted, breathing ragged, and she reluctantly pulled herself up, answering.

"Beckett," she said, trying not to breathe so much, or so hard.

She paused.

"Ok, we'll be right there. Thanks, Ryan." She hung up. "New lead," she said between breaths.

He nodded.

She climbed back into her seat and he readjusted his.

"You gave me a Hickey," he remarked as he re-did his buttons, looking in the mirror.

"Well, I guess I only owe you... what, two more?" she simpered, swerving the mirror towards herself as she did up her own buttons.

"How long do these things last?" he asked anxiously as he swerved the mirror back towards himself. "It's been a while."

"Ok, see, there," she said, swerving the mirror back towards herself and reaching for a comb, running it through her hair. "Right there. If we weren't still trying to keep this stupid, juvenile secret from Gates, you'd probably be wearing it like a badge of honour, showing it off to everyone at the station – hell, you'd probably post a picture of it on twitter."

"You would kick my ass if I did that," he pointed out, swerving the mirror back and fixing his hair.

"Oh, you'd be lucky if I didn't shoot you first;" she said, swerving back the mirror to reapply her lipstick, "but you'd do it any way because that's who you are."

"Kate, we agreed –"

"No we didn't agree," she snapped, sub-consciously rubbing her lipstick off his face with her thumb. "We still don't agree." Her voice was harsh but her actions were gentle, almost nurturing. "You don't wanna tell her. I do. It makes the most sense to keep it a secret until we do agree; and since neither one of us is looking to back down, you're obviously going to win – until Gates inevitably finds out, and everything you're afraid of will be monumentally worse than if we just come forward with the truth. So, I need you to back down. Back down, God-Damn it!"

"Can we not - Just... not today, ok, Kate?"

She softened. Cheap trick, but it worked.

"Ok." She put her seatbelt back on.

"Uh..."

"What?"

"Do you mind... dropping me off at the loft? I've got some... stuff to take care of."

"Oh, I can see that," she smirked as she peered down at his lap. "Need to take a cold shower, Castle?"

"Uh... yeah, let's go with that," he said, putting on his own seatbelt.

She rolled her eyes in mock-disgust.

_On The Road..._

"I'll tell the guys I sent you home, took you off the case."

"That's probably a good idea anyway. You're right. I'm no good to you like this."

"Castle, you're always good to me, just in different ways. Exhibit A," she teased, briefly stroking the love-bite she had given him without taking her eyes off the road.

From the corner of her eye she could see him staring at her, a dopey smile on his face.

"What?"

"Nothing." He paused. "You said you loved me."

She raised her eyebrows. "I did?"

"Yeah, while we were..."

"Oh, yeah, I did. Well, I do," she shrugged, trying to keep her tone casual, though she could feel her cheeks burning.

"You've never said that to me before."

"Well, I have now."

She reached over to squeeze his hand, spotting another dopey smile from the corner of her eye, not being able to resist one of her own.

**I know, since when does Castle wear a tie? For some reason, I pictured him wearing a tie. Weird. **

**I seem to have an odd fixation with Beckett moaning. I wonder what that says about me...**

**I'm not sure if the wiping the lipstick off his face thing is cute or kind of creepy. At least she didn't use her spit (although the idea that would be odd considering she just had her tongue down his throat is what some people would call ironic. I'm not sure, since I still haven't figured out what **_**ironic**_** means).**

**I'm not a ****_Battlestar Galactica_**** fan but I figure Beckett would be.**

**Hope you liked it. Don't mind if you hated it. Fluffier stuff coming, I promise (I also have some angst and smut up my sleeve as well, as promised in the story summary. Let me know what you want to see).**


	4. Tattoo

_**A/N: 45 followers. You guys are seriously killing me with your awesomeness right now. Sorry it's taken so long. Between school, this other fic I've been writing, my mum finding out what fanfiction is and bugging me to do "actual witing" and generally just having my mind blown by Taylor Swift, I've been kind of busy.**_

**I've been working on a chapter for a while now that's basically been kicking my butt. I have no idea when it's going to be ready. In the meantime, here's a little one-shot that was much kinder to me. **

**Yay, first Alexis chapter! Snaps for Alexis!**

**Mild smut. Don't get too excited. It's very mild (though Your Mileage May Vary).**

**Edit [August 20 2012]: Just saw an episode of _The Doctors_ that showed that Laser Tattoo removal is relatively painless. Sorry about that oversight.**

**Upload Date: 18 August, 2012  
**

**Chapter Rating: M (Infrequent very coarse language, sexual references, nudity, naughty touching)  
**

**Chapter Summary: Beckett gets another tattoo. Castle makes it his personal mission to find it.**

**#4**

"You have a tattoo, right, Kate?" Alexis asked.

Castle's fork paused in mid-air between his plate and his mouth.

"Yes," said Beckett.

"Did it hurt?"

"Well, yeah, it burned and stung a little."

"Like, on a scale of one to ten?"

"Probably... about a one - although, you've gotta remember that ten for me is being shot in the chest, so, my threshold for pain's a little higher than most. If you'd asked me at the the time, I might have said three. Are you thinking about getting one?"

Castle leaned forward.

"Considering it."

Beckett, who seemed to be the only one who noticed how uncomfortable Castle looked, squeezed his hand.

"Relax, Castle, it's a tattoo, not a Nipple Ring.'

Alexis turned to see her father's expression and held back a laugh.

"Yeah, Dad, it's not like I'm sticking the Playboy Bunny symbol on my butt."

"Ok, neither of the things you two just said were in any way funny or reassuring."

"Oh, lighten up Richard," said Martha. "The girl's - the woman rather, is - twenty-years-old, for crying out loud. This is her decision. I got a tattoo once."

Castle narrowed his eyebrows, suddenly distracted. "You never told me that."

"Well, it was so long ago."

"Wow, Grams. Uh... is it any place you can show us?"

"Oh, don't be vulgar, Alexis. Of course," she said, holding up her left arm. "Right there, above my elbow."

Alexis squinted. "I don't see anything."

"It's right there," she said, pointing. "See that little dot?

"Isn't that a freckle?" ask Castle.

"How many blue freckles have you seen?"

"What's it supposed to be?" asked Beckett. "A tiny Planet Earth?"

"Don't be ridiculous. I was at this party. I may have had a little too much to drink -"

"Ever notice how many of your stories start the same way?" said Castle.

She ignored him. "Andrea Ross dared me and - well, I might have backed out at the last moment. Except that I was one moment too late."

"Martha Rodgers backing out of a dare? Just how drunk were you?"

"I know it sounds out of character but actually it's quite the opposite. Back then, I had a crippling fear of commitment - "

"Back then?"

"The idea of being locked into anything for the rest of my life terrified me!"

"Good thing you never had any children," Castle said dryly.

She glared at him in mock-annoyance.

"Your Grandmother's right," said Beckett. "It's a big decision. Tattoos are a lot more painful and expensive to remove than they are to acquire. You shouldn't enter into it lightly. And you'll need to do your homework to make sure you're using a reputable place."

"Where did you get yours?" Alexis queried.

"Well, it's funny you should ask, because I've been thinking about getting another one - "

He choked on his potato.

"Dad, are you ok?"

He nodded as he took a drink of water.

Beckeett rolled her eyes and continued, " - so, maybe you and I could go together."

"It'd be nice to have someone there for moral support; someone who's done it before."

Castle watched the scene unfolding, dumbstruck.

A tattoo. Well, there were worse things, he supposed – and wasn't he constantly encouraging Alexis to be more adventurous? A tattoo was far preferable to a lot of other things she could be doing. Maybe this would be her one act of rebellion – except not really rebellion because he was totally cool about it. Because he was a cool Dad.

_One Week Later..._

"Oh, before I forget, Castle, I've got an appointment after work, so, tonight, why don't you meet me at my apartment at, say, 7:30?"

"An appointment?" He straightened up, looking across her desk with concern. "Is everything ok?"

"Oh, no. I mean, yeah, every thing's fine. It's at the tattoo parlour."

Right. The tattoos. How could he forget?

"You're going with Alexis?"

"No – Didn't she tell you? She changed her mind."

In spite of himself, he was a little relieved. "Huh. Y'know, the whole tattoo thing did seem a little out of character for her."

"Well, apparently, she was very attached to her room-mate's Gold-fish and wanted a way to memorialise him."

"Blinky died? Why didn't she tell me?"

"You'll have to ask her."

A goldfish. She had considered getting a tattoo for a dead goldfish. How adorable. How sweet. How... Alexis.

"Hey, so, do you know what you're gonna get?"

"Oh, yeah, I've been thinking about it for a while. I even know where I'm gonna have it."

He raised an eyebrow. "Where?"

"Now, if I told you, where would be the fun in that? I seem to recall you having a pretty good time finding the first one."

Castle almost forgot to breathe.

She smirked.

It drove him crazy the rest of the day, wondering what it could possibly be. Something meaningful? Something cute, like Hello Kitty? Or maybe something sexy. What was he thinking? She could get a tattoo of a paper-bag and it would still look sexy on her. He wondered if she would get it on her knee. She knew how crazy he was for her knees. Actually, she'd mentioned on several occasions that she found it mildly disturbing, but then again, she often said that about him in general.

_That Night..._

Beckett smiled at Castle as she handed him the last dish.

"What?"

"You've been so good tonight. You didn't ask me about my tattoo all evening."

And it had been really difficult. He hadn't been able to stop thinking about it all day; and tonight, having her in front of him, he had just stared, his eyes searching, wondering, _Is that where...? Is that..?"_

"Tattoo? Oh, that's right, you got a tattoo. How did it go? Are you sore?"

"A little."

"Want me to kiss it better?" he offered as he put ther last plate away.

"You'll have to find it first," she simpered as she put her arms around his neck. "The question is, as good as you've been, have you been good enough? I mean, you did bring wine."

"It's polite. I'm a guest."

Except that he hadn't brought wine over regularly since the early days of their relationship. Now, he reserved it for special occasions – mostly to discourage Beckeett's habit of drinking 1997 Pinot Noir with pizza.

"You helped with the washing up."

"When have I not?"

"You look really hot tonight."

He stared, mouth agape. At first, he didn't have a response for that one and she smirked in satisfaction, but then the look of shock was replaced with a self-satisfied grin.

"Don't I every night?"

Truth was, he'd spent much longer than usual getting ready, agonising over what to wear. He'd never felt more like a woman in his life.

"You deserve a reward."

"Ooh, is it shiny?"

She bit her lip, unwrapped her arms and led him by the hand to her bedroom. He didn't care how many times she did it, he would never, ever get sick of the way her hand fit his, of the look in her eyes, the promise there. He would never stop feeling absolutely ecstatic and wonder-struck that Kate Beckett was leading him into her bedroom. To have sex.  
With him. _Fuck yeah_!

"Tell me, Mr. Castle, have you ever been strip-searched?"

"Half the times I was arrested, it wasn't necessary, as I'd already taken care of the strip part."

"Do you know how to conduct one?"

"I think you know I've never been one for procedure. I prefer to improvise. But I think you also know that I'm a fast learner. Will you teach me?"

She paused, thoughtfully. "No. Let's do things your way. You're in charge."

"I'm sorry, I just hallucinated. What did you say?"

She bit her lip again and whispered in his ear, "_I want you to take the lead_."

He looked in her eyes, saw the trust there, the certainty, and it melted his heart – as well as making him hard. He inched closer towards her, listening to her heavy breathing.

Beckett usually followed her instincts. Right now, they were telling her to grab him and kiss him, but she ignored them. This was going to be on his terms. She was handing over the reins.

He cupped her face in his hands, softly pressing his lips against hers.

Again, she fought her instincts, which were now telling her to grab his hair, to push her tongue into his mouth.

He could just ask her to show him – but that would ruin the mystery. It would be like skipping to the end. Richard Castle never skipped to the end

He led her to the bed, and she lay down flat with him kneeling beside her. He tentatively lifted her foot with one hand, and slowly slipped off her high-heeled shoe, repeating his actions with the other. He was going to be meticulous. He gently rotated each foot, checking the heels, ankles, toes, everything.

He looked up at her as a smile slowly played at his lips.

She shook her head slightly, smiling back. She knew what was coming next.

He bent over her, tucking his thumbs into her slacks and slowly pulling them down, peering into her eyes as he did so, his warm fingers trailing softly behind on her skin, stopping just before her knees. He lifted her thigh, sliding the pant leg off. His finger traced down the bottom of her leg from her thigh to her heel, grasping hold when he got there.

He gently pushed down on her thigh and up on her heel. Seeing what he wanted, she straightened her impossibly long leg and he inspected it. Thoroughly. Then he gently rested it back down and proceeded on to her other leg. He took a deep breath as he moved the fabric past her knee and couldn't hide his disappointment when he saw that it, too, was bear.

"Oh, you didn't seriously think it was on my knee, did you? God, Castle, not every part of me revolves around you."

He bent his head down softly kissed her knee anyway. He kept moving the fabric down, following the path with his lips and tongue. He switched to the inside of her leg when he travelled back up. She laughed and gave an involuntary kick when he reached the inside of her knee, which only seemed to encourage him as he kissed his way all the way up to the bottom of her panties. Beckett grabbed on to the sheets to restrain herself.

Her breath caught when he moved up and she saw he was about to do.

He could see a pool of moisture forming through the fabric of her panties and he licked his lips before he proceeded to pull them down with his teeth. She lifted herself up to assist him as he dragged the material down, all the way off her feet, throwing them aside with a flick of his head.

Castle pushed her knees up towards her chest, where she held them as he caressed her buttocks, spreading them apart, salivating at the view. Still no tatoo. He had a serious temptation to concentrate on this area for a while, but he had a mission.. He lay her legs back down and moved on to her white blouse.

He was trying to maintain a slow speed as he unbuttoned her from bottom to top but it wasn't easy. He nearly broke his resolve; but at that moment Beckett hissed in frustration.

"Tease," she muttered.

He chuckled. Ok, driving her crazy was worth waiting a little while longer. Once he removed the top button, he opened the shirt up.

He lightly traced the scar from her operation with his fingers, continuing up to her bra, resting on the much tinier scar between her breasts.

"Do you ever get sick of this?" he asked.

She narrowed her eyebrows.

"Do I ever get sick of you running your hands all over me? Well, yeah, it can get pretty tedious sometimes. I mean, jeez, Castle, ease up," she teased.

"I mean your scar. Do you get sick of me touching it?"

Her smile faded. "Never," she said solemnly, reaching up to stroke his face. "Why would you even think that?"

He shrugged. "I don't know. Do you really wanna be reminded of that when we're... y'know?"

"Screwing?'

He nearly choked in surprise.

"Or making love?" she placed her hand on top of his. "'Cause I guess it would be weird if we were just screwing, if this didn't mean anythhing. When you touch me here it reminds me of the way I felt the first time you told me you loved me. It reminds me of our first night together. It reminds me that I have someone that I trust so completely with every part of myself.  
"And I think it reminds you that I'm still here, that I came back to you."

She was right.

"It's our scar. I never have and never would let anyone else touch me here."

"Well, I should hope not. It's right between your boobs."

She smiled, rolling her eyes. "There's my guy," she said tenderly.

Her guy. He was her guy. He smiled back, pressing her lips gently to hers. Then, he lay down next to her, rolling her on her side. He ran his finger slowly up and down her back before unclasping her bra and gently slipped it down and off her arms.

She was now completely naked, he fully clothed. He moved her hair off her neck and nizzled it. She inhaled. He rolled her on to her back. She was simpering at him.

He lifted her arms studiously. Then, he stared at her in confusion.

She raised an eyebrow. He looked down.

_Oh, no way._

He gently cupped her right breast, looking under. Nothin He repeated his acrtions with her left breast and his breath caught. There it was. Tiny, but large enough for him to read, just under his thumb. Three characters: a black _I_, a red love-heart and a black chess piece.

A very specific chess piece. As her message sunk in, his eyes widened and his heart nearly stopped. She... Well, he knew that but... she had gotten it burned into her skin. Deciding that saying all the mushy, sappy things he was thinking out loud might come across as less than manly, he feigned confusion.

"'I heart Chess?' Well, it's a fine game, I'll give you that, but I had no idea you felt so strongly about it."

"Not chess, Castle."

He pretended to think. "'I heart Rook.' Well I'm flattered. A lot of my fans find him annoying and unnecessary."

"So do I," said Beckett, playing along. "I guess he's just grown on me."

He continued to stare at her tattoo.

"So, you like it?"

"I love it," he whispered,abandoning all pretence, slowly moving his fingers along it with utter reverence. "It's beautiful. You're beautiful." He bent his head down, slowly, and kissed her declaration, her_ dedication_, to him. He felt her heart thundering beneath his tongue. Her breath came in short, quick gasps.

He looked up at her from in between her breasts. "You branded yourself," he said in wonder.

"Well, it's hard to compete with an entire book series. Besides, I figure I'll just tell my next boyfriend I'm an avid chess player," she teased.

He knew, though, how big a deal this was for Kate Beckett to allow herself – to choose - to be marked this way, with a man's name – ok, technically not his name but...this was even better than his name. It was like their own private code. It occurred to him that she might have done it that way knowing how much he would love that, and his heart melted even more. He had stopped caring that she'd never said the words, had even accepted that she may never be able to. She had often hinted at it very strongly – tonight for example, referring to sex between them as _making love_.

She found other ways to show him: with her actions; with the way that she looked at him; with her body. She had found many, many, many ways to show him with her body. He'd thought she'd ran out but - _son-of-a-bitch_ - she'd found another one.

"I thought not every part of you revolved around me."

"Not everything," she said, bringing his hand back to the tattoo, her heart. "Just this," she whispered.

There were no words.

"Apples," he whispered against her skin.

Kate rose her head. "What?"

"I don't need to be in charge any more. I've found it now. I really appreciate it, I do – maybe some other time, but... tonight, I just want you to be you."

Her face changed. "Thank God," she said, pulling him up by the collar and kissing him so fiercely he thought she might have swallowed his tongue. "Let's get rid of these, first, they've been driving me insane," she panted as she tore his shirt open.

"Whatever you say, Detective," he gasped as she unzipped his pants to stroke his erection.

"I'm your guy."

**The Rook in chess is also known as the Castle, for those who didn't know. I know nothing about wine. Pinot Noir just sounded really fancy. I'm sorry if it's crappy, or if 1997 was a bad year. People who know about wine can reccoomend one that you think Castle would be into if you want and I might change it. Hope ya liked! Firefly reference was unintentional.**


	5. Picnic

_**A/N: 54 followers, 17 favourites. The traffic's pretty encouraging, too. You just know how to make me happy. I'm loving the reviews, also. Still waiting for something negative (I can take it). The general vibe is that the dialogue is in-character, which I appreciate. That's my favourite part of Caskett's dynamic (although I have a feeling that'll change in season 5).**_

**This one's a little lighter than the last. Still ended up having a semi-serious conversation. I don't know why that keeps happening. Lots of name-calling in this one.  
That's never not fun. Ah! Double negative!**

**Upload Date: 19 August, 2012  
**

**Chapter Rating: T (Frequent mild coarse language, sexual references, implied naughty touching, mild violence)  
**

**Chapter Summary: Castle and Beckett go on a picnic and fall asleep in each other's arms. Beckett wakes up. Fluffiness ensues.**

**#5**

Half of her was still asleep. Her body was heavy. She took in her surroundings. She was snuggled up to Castle. Nothing new there but... they were outside. That was new.

They were on a picnic rug. Right, a picnic. Castle's idea. He'd thought it would be romantic; and he'd been totally right, of course. But they'd gotten there at around two or three and now – jeez – the sun was going down. She supposed it had been a long week for both of them.

She looked down at him sleeping. She knew she should wake him but... well, maybe she'd just watch him for five more minutes. Ten, tops.

She rested on her elbow, her head still resting lightly on his chest, feeling it rise and fall, watching the contented look on his face.

She smiled warmly. This was her boyfriend. Sometime it was just nice to think about that.

He started to stir.

"Mm - " He shifted.

"Castle?" she asked softly.

"Warn the penguins," he muttered.

She smiled again, this time much wider. "Penguins?"

"Mm – the penguins, they're gone."

They were both sleep-talkers, and often teased each other about it. This was a good one.

"They're gone?" she asked, trying to coax out more ammunition for future teasing.

He breathed oddly for a few seconds but then went silent.

She shook her head, just staring at him, and reached down to stroke his cheek softly with her thumb.

"_I love you_," she whispered. She wanted so badly to say it to him while he was awake but their history made it hard. She was afraid that saying the L-word would bring up the issues surrounding his declarations of love; but there were so many moments when these feelings felt like they were just ready to burst out of her and holding them back was uncomfortable, like holding her breath.

Saying it like this, there was no pressure. It felt easy, natural.

He started to stir again.

"What is it now? Are the penguins still in trouble?"

He muttered something incomprehensible.

"What is it? What's going on in that head of yours, Castle?" she asked quietly.

"Kate," he mumbled.

She raised an eyebrow and she felt a warmth in her chest. "Yeah?"

"Oh, you want me to spank you don't you?"

_Uh... what?_

"Yeah, you know how I like it. That's my dirty girl."

"Castle."

"Yeah, say my name."

She forced herself not to laugh. "I know you're faking now."

"What are you talking about? I'm dreaming."

"Oh yeah?"

"Mm-hmm."

She covered his lap with part of the blanket and reached underneath to grab his -

"Kate!" he yelped, eyes flying open.

She grinned, removing her hand.

He sat up, still covering himself.

"Are you crazy? There are children present!"

"Yeah, I know, there was a little six-year-old girl who walked by right at the spanking part. You know, I've been getting a lot of judgemental looks from Moms since we started dating."

"Well, I just couldn't resist. What was that about penguins?"

She chuckled. "Nothing."

"I'm gonna be hearing about that later, aren't I?"

"Definitely," she said, starting to pack up.

He stretched. "What time is it?"

"Late," she replied.

"Were you just watching me sleep that whole time?"

"No! I was sleeping, too, for most of it. I just woke up a couple of minutes ago."

She snickered as he attempted to help pack up while still holding the blanket in place.

"By the way," he whispered in her ear as he closed the drinks esky, "I love you, too."

She stopped dead. By the time the shock wore off and she turned around , he was focused on packing away the fruit. She looked down and saw an apple-core. Acting on instinct, she threw it at him.

"OW!," he yelled, rubbing the back of his neck and facing her.

"Ass," she uttered.

He cracked a smug grin. "Yeah, I'm an ass – but you love me anyway."

"Shut up." She turned away.

He crawled up behind her, wrapping his arms around her.

She stiffened. "Castle," she breathed.

"Why don't you want me to hear you say the words?"

She took a deep breath but nothing came out.

""You make me so happy, Kate," he whispered, his head on her shoulders, warm breath tickling her neck "I don't need the words. But if you want to say them, you don't have to hide them from me. Hearing them makes me even happier. Never be afraid to tell me how you feel. If it's how you feel."

She pulled away from him and turned to face him, glaring. "You're an idiot."

"So, I'm an ass and an idiot."

"Oh, you're a lot of other things, too, but as you said, there are children around." She shook her head. "Of course it's how I feel," she said softly.

The look on his face at that moment was one of pure contentment, unsoiled by anger, resentment or bitter memories, and she felt so guilty for thinking that it might be, because _duh_, that was not who Castle was.

They were kneeling in front of each other. Beckett placed her hands on his neck, resting her forehead against his. For a moment, they stayed there, giving each other the dopiest smiles.

Then, she lifted his head slightly and softly covered his bottom lip with her mouth. His response was slow at first, getting more eager by the second, his tongue pressing insistently against her teeth, which she opened with a smile.

"Hmm," he sighed appreciatively when they broke apart. "Romantic picnic at the park, you telling me you love me, kissing under the sunset; all in all, a pretty perfect day."

"Even the part with the apple-core?"

He grinned. "Well, I might have to get a new safe-word – I don't want you getting any more ideas – but I wouldn't change a thing about today."

"Good, neither would I," she said, pressing her lips to his neck and reaching underneath his shirt.

"Ah-ah!" he exclaimed, stopping her.

She groaned. "Except maybe the part where you're a giant prude."

"Patience, Detective. Wait till we get back to the loft."

She slumped against him in frustration. "Kill-joy."

"You still love me, though."

She sighed. "Yeah, I still love you."

He beamed.

She rolled her eyes as she kissed his neck and stood up, using his shoulders for leverage. "And you're still an ass."

He smirked.

**I just want to make it clear that Castle and Beckett are fictional characters. Violence in a relationship is never ok, whether it's female on male, male on female, male on male or female on female. This is for entertainment purposes only. In real-life, throwing things at your partner is neither funny nor sexy. It's wrong. Don't do it.**

**One of my chapter ideas includes one entirely comprised of different scenarios involving sleep. This one didn't make the cut because it doesn't count since Castle was faking, so, here it is. Hope you enjoyed!**


	6. Always

_**A/N: 20 faves makes me happy. 60 followrs makes me even happier. Over 7000 views makes me super happy. But do you know what makes me happiest? 13 reviews! 13! Thankyou!**_

_**Wow, Adults are reading this series. I feel like I have to make it all meaningful with substance and stuff. So much pressure. Special mention to Jud98 who rather than actually reviewing thefic simply responded to something in the Author's Notes. I'm not being sarcastic (or ironic, hehe), I'm genuinely grateful because I do the exact same thing.**_

**I held out as long as I could. This one's just a bit angsty, set after the Dragon's been caught and assumes a lot of stuff happened with that which they're still getting over but doesn't go into details. Short and hopefully sweet. Hope the chapter name isn't too misleading. Like everything I've written so far, it's set post-season 4 finale, but other than that it has nothing to do with it.**

**Upload Date: (21 August, 2012)**

**Chapter Rating: T (Very mild sexual references, mentions of rape and murder, reference to violence)  
**

**Chapter Summary: After a particularly difficult case, Beckett looks for comfort in the arms of her man. Being the awesome man that he is, Castle's only too willing to comply.**

**#6**

Every case took its toll but there were certain kinds of cases that were especially difficult. Generally, Beckett, Esposito and Ryan were pretty good at handling the grittier aspects of the job, thanks in no small part to Castle's lighter approach, but there were cases even he couldn't find the funny side of. They didn't usually handle sexually based murders, but it had turned that a case they were already working on was linked to a series of murders and rapes. Having already put so much time into the case, and with so much knowledge of the details, they had been asked to assist. The case had put a slight strain on Beckett and Castle's relationship. Neither had exactly been in the mood to be intimate in the last two weeks, which was unusual for them; but what was even more unusual was the fact that neither had spent the night in each other's home – or in fact, much time with each or at all outside the precinct – in the same period. Beckett had been the one to put the "Shields Up", so to speak. She hadn't said it aloud but Castle had gotten pretty good at reading her signals, had understood her need for him to back off for a bit without asking for an explanation. But the case was closed now. They'd caught the guy. She was working on paperwork late into the night and as he had every night, Castle stayed with her. She smile and rubbed her eyes when he brought her third cup of coffee of the evening.

"I think it might be time to retire for the night."

She stared at him as she took a sip.

"All this paperwork will still be here in the morning. How much sleep have you gotten in the last two weeks?"

"Enough."

"Enough for a Giraffe, maybe."

She rolled her eyes and placed her hand on his arm. He stared. She couldn't blame him for being surprised.

She hadn't been one for physical contact lately. Damn it, that had been stupid.

Yes, she had needed her space; yes, cases like this made touching another person the last thing she wanted to do; but his arms were the warmest, safest place in the world as far as she was concerned and she had missed it, had missed them.

"Just let me finish my coffee."

"Of course. And then, you'll go home?"

"Depends on whose home you mean."

He furrowed his brow in confusion.

She smiled between sips. "Is it ok if I stay at the loft with you?"

"'Is it - ?' Of course it's ok." He tried to hide the way his face lit up at her words and she shook her head at the adorableness of it.

She sighed. "I'm sorry, I don't think I can finish this."

"That's ok. You're gonna be sleeping soon anyway, if I have anything to do with it."

"You're not the boss of me," she teased. She looked down n at the coffee wistfully. "I can't remember the last time I didn't finish one of your coffees."

"I forgive you."

She sighed as she grabbed her stuff and got up, walking around to where he was sitting and wrapping the hand carrying her jacket around him, pressing her lips to his head.

"Let's go home, Castle."

_Four Hours later..._

"Kate, shh, Kate, it's ok. Wake up."

Kate woke up with a start in a cold sweat, breathing heavily.

It took her mind a few moments to transition from the world she had been imprisoned in just moments earlier to the real world.

Lying here, in Castle's bed, in his arms, safe, was such a stark contrast to the nightmare she'd been having that she became overwhelmed with emotion and tears started streaming down her face.

"Oh, God, what did you dream about, Kate?"

"Everything," she breathed. "This case, the victims, my Mom, Maddox... _him_."

They never said his name.

"You hanging from that rope. When I thought..." her breath caught in her throat. She couldn't finish. When she had thought that he was dead, that she had been staring at his lifeless form.

"It's ok, I'm here. I'm not going anywhere."

She clung to him, her lips seeking his for reassurance. The damn burst and suddenly they were covering each other in urgent kisses, two weeks without contact fuelling an overwhelming need that was physical, but not sexual, in nature. It ran so much deeper than lust, than the need for release. That was not what they craved from each other now.

They'd seen each other almost every day; yet they hadn't felt so far apart since they'd gotten together. Eventually they slowed, savouring each other's touch with softer, more indulgent kisses. After a while, they lay back down together.

She inhaled and exhaled slowly.

"Thank you," she whispered in his ear.

"What for?"

"For everything. For giving me my space, for being here when I needed it, for being _you._ Just... thank you."

"Always."

She looked up at him through the darkness, trying to make out his face. Slowly, she reached out and touched his hair.

"I love you, too, Castle."

He looked down at her. "Wow."

"'Wow'? You didn't already know? Kind of slow on the uptake, aren't you?"

"No, I knew," he said, tracing soft circles on her back. "Just... wow."

She snuggled up even closer to him, a lazy smile on her lips.

Then, there was no more talking as sleep took over them both, each dreaming only of each other.

**I know that's a pretty sappy ending but I think they've earned their share of sappy endings, don't you? Sometimes in a relationship, one or both parties need space. Castle gets that and respects it, which is one of the many reasons she's so crazy in love with him. Writing makes me happy. **

**I****f my writing makes other people happy, I get even happier. I hope this made you happy. I'm sorry if it didn't. Thanks for reading either way!**


	7. Drunk

**_A/N: I have a feeling the last chapter may have left people a bit cold. I'll hold off for a while before the next angsty story, but I think it was also lacking the sparkling dialogue of the earlier chapters that everyone seemed to love so much. As usual, thanks for the alerts, reviews and faves. I also think I should clarify something: I mentioned earlier that I'm a Taylor Swift fan. Thirteen is her lucky number. It's my lucky number anyway but it means even more now. That's all I meant. Fourteen reviews are great - even better! All mistakes are mine. I swear I do proofread but I keep missing stuff._**

**This is the first multi-scenario chapter. The two scenarios have nothing to do with each other and are in the same chapter because they fit the same category. Let me know if it's too confusing. I hope this fic doesn't get taken down for one paraphrased line from a Beatles song. This was supposed to be all about the ILYs but it ended up being about Castle and Beckett taking care of each other. How sweet is that? I love Caskett so much.**

_**Edit[25 August, 2012]: Thankyou to Micrazy2 for pointing out some discrepancies with the alcohol. I'm not a big drinker, ok? Hopefully it's been amended.**_

**Edit [01 September 2012] : Decided to give the scenarios names (because quoting Taylor Swift songs and Alyson Hannigan lines make me happy)Upload Date: (24 August, 2012**

**Chapter Rating: K+ (Alcohol, very mild sexual references, very mild coarse language in the end Author Notes)**

**Chapter Summary: Two alternate intoxication scenarios, one where Beckett gets drunk, and then another where the roles are reversed. **

**#7: (It's a Vomit Story; Baby, Just Say Yes) Beckett gets a little carried away at a wine-tasting and ends up uncharacteristically drunk. Castle takes care of her back at her place.**

**#8: (Love isn't Just a Feeling; it's Shaving Your Balls)Castle and Beckett have a drinking contest at The Old Haunt after hours. Castle loses. Beckett takes care of him.***

**#7**

Beckett burst into laughter when he dropped his spare key. Attempting to hold her up, he tried retrieving with his feet, which just made her laugh harder. Eventually, they managed to get inside Beckett's apartment. Castle had never seen her this intoxicated before. Usually, she was pretty good at handling her liquor. Apparently, this had been her first wine-tasting, which surprised him, having thought of her as a woman of the world, although he supposed she'd probably just never had time for them.

Eventually, he was able to get her on the couch, deciding the bed was probably a little too ambitious.

She giggled and then suddenly stopped.

"Whoa, whoa. Did you feel that?"

"No," said Castle. "I'm not drunk."

She squealed with laughter. "But I totally am! I know! I'm drunk. So, Castle -"

"Yeah?" he sighed, sitting next to her and putting a blanket over her.

"Castle."

"Yeah."

"Castle. Castle. Castle."

"What?"

She laughed. "You have a funny name. Castle. Why don't ya just go by Rick?"

"I do. You're the one who calls me that. Come on, lay down."

"I'm ok. I'm fine. I'm fine, I'm -" she stopped. Held her hand to her mouth

_Crap_. The next thing he knew, he was covered in vomit.

He sighed and carried her to the bathroom.

"Oh, don't, no, don't like that. Too much moving – ah."

"It's ok, I got you," he said, placing her in front of the toilet and holding back her hair through her sickness.

"Oh, God," she said, lifting her head. "I'm so gross right now."

"Yeah, you are," he agreed, rubbing her back gently. After it seemed that he was done, he placed her gently in the tub.

When he returned from the laundry room he was shirtless and barefoot.

"Ooh, sexy times. Ok." She started to remove her clothes.

"No, not sexy times, but yes, I need you to take off your clothes."

She stared up at him, her face childlike.  
"No, but um – you – you can't – don't, I'm in a highly Confuciusedable state. New York!" She giggled. "I made a funny."

"Yeah," said Castle, taking off her clothes and running the bath for her.

While she was in the tub, he cleaned up in the living room and changed.

He came back, washed her hair, got her to brush her teeth, put her in a fresh change of clothes and took her to bed.

"You're a good boyfriend," she said drowsily as he tucked her in.

He smiled. "I know."

"Best boyfriend ever. Champion boyfriend."

He picked up the silver bowl he had brought and put it on the dresser.

"Aww!" she said as if he had presented her with a bouquet of roses. "See? I told you. Aren't you awesome?"

"Yeah, I'm awesome. Lay your head down."

She complied.

"Such a good boyfriend," she mumbled. "Love you."

He smiled as he stroked her hair.

After a few moments, she suddenly looked very aware.

"Did I just say I love you?"

"Yeah."

She laugh and gasped at the same time.  
"Uh-oh. I hope I don't remember."

He knew not to take anything she said in her inebriated state seriously, but he couldn't stifle the sudden pain her words triggered.

"If I do remember, I'm gonna be so pissed. I had this whole plan – there was a speech – shh! Don't tell me when I'm sober, ok – ok! Ok?"

He held back a laugh, relieved. "There was a speech?"

"Yeah. I didn't write it down. It was in my head, but I practised it over and over." She laughed again. "Sober Kate's gonna be so mad at me!"

"It's ok, I won't tell her."

"I thought we weren't supposed to keep secrets. Bad castle!" she slapped him.

"Ow!"

"Oh, what happened? You ok?"

"Yeah, some crazy drunk woman just slapped me."

"Oh, no. Want me to shoot her? I can shoot her for you, Castle."

"No, I think she's been shot enough times. You just go to sleep."

"Ok," she said, closing her eyes. "You take care of yourself, Castle."

"I will."

Her mouth hung open and she started to drool.

Castle shook his head incredulously and made a mental note: _no more wine tastings._

_The next day..._

Her stomach was full and empty at the same time. Her throat was impossibly dry and her head was spinning. Beckett groaned. Then she suddenly sniffed. She could smell coffee. It was simultaneously inviting and repulsing.

"Somebody's up," said Castle, walking in with two cups.

"Mm, morning," she said, taking the coffee from him.

"Good morning," he said, sitting down on the bed and kissing her lightly on the head.

"How you feeling?"

"Like I just spent the weekend with Lindsay Lohan." She rested casually on his shoulder as she forced herself to drink the latte'.

The combination of heat and caffeine cleared her head somewhat and she started to remember the night's events.

"So, I guess I got a little carried away, huh?"

He chuckled. "A little carried away? If I hadn't been there you would have started making out with the cab driver."

"Oh, God, I'm not one of those slutty drunks am I?"

"Well, they say you're more yourself when you're drunk."

She shot him razor eyes.  
"Not in the mood, Castle." She sighed. "How much did I say last night?"

"You remember, don't you?"

She sighed.  
"Yeah."

"Don't worry about it. You didn't have to make this big romantic gesture. I thought it was beautiful."

"Beautiful? I threw up on you."

"Not the first time that's happened to me during a declaration of love."

"Yeah, see, I didn't want to be like one of your random bimboes. It was supposed to be special and I ruined it."

"You didn't ruin it. It _was _special. Although if you're that worked up about it, why didn't you say something earlier?"

"I was waiting for the right moment - but the right moment never seemed to come. Then, the other day, I just thought, 'Wow, it's nearly been a year.' So, I thought about it some more and I realised I should just suck it up and get it over with."

"So romantic."

"I was going to say something. I had a plan. Next week's our anniversary."

He raised his eyebrows.

"What, you didn't remember?"

"No, I remembered. I'm just surprised you did. Did you really have a speech?"

She rolled her eyes. "I'm not reciting it now, Castle. I'm hung over. "

"I understand," he said, unable to hide the disappointment in his voice.

She sighed, turning so that she was staring him right in the face. "I can give you the basic gist of it, if you like."

His face lit up.

She shook her head incredulously, rolling her eyes. "Richard Castle," she started," to me, you are wonderful; and I am irrefutably, positively, undeniably in love with you. There. How's that?"

He shrugged, containing the urge to do a happy-dance at her beautiful, awesome words.  
"Not bad. Personally, I prefer the vomit story, boozy."

"I'm not living that one down, am I?"

"Not likely."

"You're gonna tell everyone we know that story, aren't you?"

"Probably."

"Well, that's not the one we're telling the kids."

There was a pause as they both digested what she had just said.

"Kids?" he finally echoed, unable to contain his shock.

"Don't get ahead of yourself, Castle," she said, slightly mortified. "It's just a figure of speech."

After his surprise wore off, he smirked.  
"Hey I'm a writer. I think I'm fairly familiar with most figures of speech. That sounds more like a Freudian slip to me."

Beckett groaned as she freed herself from his arms, putting the coffee on the bedside table.  
"I'm never drinking again."

"You're right; that would be a bad example for the kids."

"Castle," she warned as she walked to the bathroom.

"Besides, you can't drink during pregnancy," he called out after her.

"Shut up," she called back.

Castle was grinning from ear to ear and, within the confines of her bathroom, Beckett was glad he couldn't see that she was doing the same.

She came back out about five minutes later.

"Castle?"

"Yeah?"

"Thanks for taking care of me," she said softly, sitting back in his arms.

He smiled as he held her close. He loved Kate in all her forms: Drunk Beckett, Sober Beckett, hungover Beckett, Cop Beckett, Naked Beckett, Sleepy Beckett - there were so many more to choose from, and when you put them together you got one amazing, unique individual; and he was so honoured that she let him be the one to hold back her hair when she was sick.

* * *

**#8**

The _Old Haunt _wasclosed. The manager had just left. Castle had told him he would lock up. He and Beckett had both been in a particularly good mood that night. Ryan and Esposito had made up, Esposito was not going back to the military and Gates knew about their relationship but had allowed Castle to stay on as Beckett's shadow. They'd all - with the exception of Gates - decided to come here to celebrate, and had gotten a few drinks in them.

After everyone else had left, Castle and Beckett had decided to start their own private drinking contest.

An hour later, Castle was about ready to pass out while Beckett was barely tipsy.

"Do you concede?"

"N-uhver," Castle mumbled with great difficulty, slumping into his chair. Normally, Castle was a "fun" drunk but he was well-past that stage now.

Beckett shook her head, smiling. "Come on," she said, getting up.

"No."

"I'm cutting you off."

"M-my bar."

She ducked down, placed his arm over her shoulders and put her own arm around him.

"What did you tell me last week?"

"Uh..."

"At the swing-set."

His eyes looked unfocused for a moment, and then he turned his head to look at her.

"I'm yours," he said finally.

"Right," she said,her alcohol-induced euphoria increasing three-fold at hearing him say those words again, even in his current state. "You own the bar and I own you. So, really, it's my bar."

"Yes, ma'am," he hiccupped.

She grunted as she attempted to lift him up. It took about fifteen minutes to haul her hulking mass of a boyfriend to the office, where she managed to sit him down on the couch, gasping for breath.

She reached into her pocket and pulled out her phone, calling the manager to let him know that Castle had downed one too may and was staying the night. He was ok with it - after all, Castle was the boss.

He started playing with her hair.

She tried to pull away. "Castle."

"You have pretty hair."

"Thank-you. So do you."

He took a heap into his hands and sniffed.

"Mm, smells pretty, too."

She chuckled. "Ok, getting a little creepy, now, Castle. Come on."

She pulled him down gently so that his head rested in her lap.

"I love your hair," he said as she stroked his gently.

"I love yours, too."

"I love _you_."

She smiled.  
"I know."

"Do you love_ me_?"

She paused.  
"Hell, no," she said finally.

He smiled sceptically.  
"Yeah, you do."

"No, I don't."

"Yeah, you do." He started to sing softly, "_She loves me, yeah, yeah, yeah_..."

She rolled her eyes and looked down at him, watching him as he travelled off to his own little world. She sighed.

"Of course I love you," she said finally.

He stopped humming.

"Ha-ha, I knew it." He dozed off not long after.

She lifted his head slightly, got up and replaced herself with her jacket, laying him back down gently before turning everything off, locking up and retiring to the office chair.

* * *

She knelt beside the couch, shaking him gently.

"Come on, wake up."

He stirred, opening his eyes slowly and stretching.

He groaned.

"Morning," she smiled.

"Oh, kill me now."

"Sorry, I'm a cop. Murder's a crime in this state."

He rubbed his eyes as he sat up.

She rose and sat next to him.

"Feeling pretty crappy, huh?" she asked, handing him a coffee.

"Oh, hey, I never showed you how to use our espresso machine. It's fifty-years-old. It requires a special touch. "

She nodded. "I'm sorry. I'm sure it's nowhere near up to scratch."

"Well, that's ok." He took a sip._ Oh, merciful Zeus, that's good, he _thought.

"I hope it's not too bad," she smirked, reading his face.

"Uh, it's passable."

She rolled her eyes.  
"So, after you've finished your coffee we should get going. I'll take you to the loft."

"Don't you have work?

"It's Saturday, Castle. So, I'm on call but I don't have to go in if no one gets killed."

He nodded. "Thank-you."

"You're welcome."

"No, I mean it. Things are a bit hazy, but I remember that you took care of me."

"What else do you remember?"

He grinned.

She groaned, putting her face in her hands.

"Are you ashamed?"

"Of course not. It's just that I still wasn't ready to say it. I didn't think you'd remember."

"Hey, it's not like I didn't already know," he said, pulling her hands down and placing one of his over them. "You've taught me that love isn't just something you feel, or say, it's something you do. It's staying out to take care of your drunk boyfriend, giving him coffee when he's hung-over the next day; dressing up as _Cat-Woman _on his birthday..."

"Ok, I get the idea," she said, climbing on to his lap.

"Oh, there's another good way to say, 'I love you'," he chuckled as she took his bottom lip between her teeth, trying not to spill the coffee that was still in his hand while using his other to caress her back.

***See? How sweet. Caskett effing rules.**

**Reference to Once More WIth Feeling (Buffy) totally intentional.**


	8. Did You Say Something?

**_A/N: You totally have my permission to skip these, by the way. You're not missing much (though you may want to check the chapter ratings)  
_****_16 Reviews: Thankyou so much. I really appreciate everyone who takes the time to comment, whether it's encouragement or constructive criticism (or both). I don't believe in hoarding chapters or bartering them in exchange for reviews but they really have motivated me to write and update more quickly than I might have otherwise. I know how fortunate I am to get this many reviews when some people don't get any at all.  
_****_24 Favourites: This means a lot to me. It's very special. Thank you.  
_****_69 Followers: (Insert dirty joke here) Seriously, I'm continuously blown away every time I check my emails and I see more people are following. I really would have been more than happy with five. This is just beyond my wildest imagination - which, considering the fact that I'm an aspiring writer, is kind of a concern.  
_****_Over 11000 views: Don't feel left out, people who are just reading. You're awesome, too!  
I'd also like to give a warm thanks to the people who have favourited/followed me.  
_****_Next chapter might take a while. I've been drafting it since I began this and I want it finished before I start anything else._**

**Shortest chapter yet.**

**Upload Date: 26 August, 2012**

**Chapter Rating: K+ (mild innuendo; very mild, infrequent inappropriate language)**

**Chapter Summary: Beckett watches Castle working and finds it rather interesting.**

#9

Her arm automatically stretched across the bed as she emerged from her slumber. Feeling only empty space, she stilled and opened her eyes. As she had known, he wasn't there. In spite of herself, she was disappointed.

That disappointment was cushioned when she turned and saw the coffee on the bedside table. A lazy smile lit up her features as as she rolled her bottom lip under her teeth. Yawning, she forced herself to sit up and take a sip, before rising in search of her elusive partner. She didn't have to go far. He was in his study, typing at his desk.

"Tweeting?" she enquired as she entered.

He looked up at her and beamed before turning back to his computer.

"For your information, I'm working."

"How convenient," she said as she stepped closer towards him, placing her coffee on the desk and draping her arms around his bare, warm chest from behind, "having a job that doesn't even require you to change out of your _Flash_ pyjama pants."

He stopped typing and put his hands over hers, turning his head to look up at her, his eyebrows furrowed.  
"Hang on. I know this scene. I _wrote _this scene_."_

She raised her eyebrows in mock surprise, resting her head on his shoulder.

"And how does reality compare to the fantasy?"

"Fantasy?!" he exclaimed in mock rage. "How dare you?"

She laughed as he reached an arm around her, manoeuvring her on his lap.

"I am a serious author."

"Well, in that case," she breathed, prying herself away from him, "I guess I better let you get back to work. I wouldn't want you to be distracted from your serious authoring."

He pouted. "Don't go," he whined pathetically. "You can sit quietly and watch me."

"Sit quietly? What am I, a naughty schoolgirl you have to supervise?"

He almost choked and then a wicked grin crossed his face. "Why? You want to be? We can play that later."

"Do you have to turn everything into an innuendo?"

'Oh, come on. You made it way too easy. I had to bite."

"Yes, you just can't resist that temptation, can you? I learnt that last night.'

"Ooh! See? I'm not the only one. Come on, please. You're my muse. It will help me."

She heaved a heavy sigh.  
"Alright," she conceded, sitting in the chair across from his desk, as if this were some big sacrifice.

"'Thankyou."

"Mm-hmm," she said as she took a sip of her coffee.

It didn't take him long to get back to work.

She watched his face, totally engrossed in his writing. All these years he had followed her around, watching her work, she had never really gotten much of a chance to see _him _work – at least, not this side of it. She found she preferred this to the book-signings and launch parties. He wasn't trying to impress anyone here. Here, it was just him and his laptop, telling a story.

Seeing the ease with which he typed, his tongue curled over his lip in concentration, topless, his hair tousled, was incredibly sexy; but there was also something quite endearing about watching him in his element. The scene seemed to almost serve as a bridge between Castle the Man, annoying shadow, doting father, loving son and all-around caring person that she knew and loved; and Richard Castle the Author, fine craftsmen and word-smith behind so many stories she had gotten lost in. Obviously, she could see his author's sensibilities shining through every day, but actually witnessing him writing was a whole other... story.

She wondered how many women he had allowed to watch him, and then dismissed the thought, deciding she didn't care. She was the only one watching now; and what a sight to behold it was.

She smiled warmly at him and sighed, "I love you," reverently under her breath.

Her smile deepened when she realised he hadn't heard her. He didn't need to. What mattered was that she had finally managed to get the words out, and it hadn't felt scary or intimidating; it had felt wonderful, despite him not actually having heard her.

Besides, he would hear the words from her eventually. Soon.

After about twenty seconds, he stopped and looked up. "Did you say something?"

She feigned confusion. "No," she fibbed.

He paused, narrowed his eyebrows and then shrugged, continuing to write.

Beckett smiled coyly as she sipped her coffee, just watching him.

She really liked to watch him.

**Thanks for reading. I wish I knew who wrote the _Nikki Heat_ books so I could credit them for the homage. Oh, right, they're written by Richard Castle. Thanks, Castle!**


	9. Big News

_**A/N: (Feel free to skip) As usual, big thanks for all the faves and alerts. Special shout out to idon'tspeakmonkey for the delightful stream of comments that have been lighting up my inbox in the last couple of days. I wish I could reply to each one personally. Lea, I'm glad you're enjoying the Author's Notes but I personally don't see what was particularly funny about the ones in chapter 5. It's great that you got something out of them but I'm still kind of puzzled. I'm very happy with all the reviews. I love that they've started to get more nit-picky, focusing on the details, letting me know when I've got something wrong. That's awesome and very helpful. I also love reviews that take quotes from the story because it lets me know what you actually like about it. This story has gotten over 14000 views, so, far, which makes me ecstatic, so, thankyou to those who are just reading, too. **_

******PLEASE READ IF YOU DON'T LIKE SMUT: Smut fenced off with giant Xs.**

******Here's the elusive chapter that's been kicking my butt. It was insanely long and had to be cut down extensively (It's still the longest chapter yet). This is for calleigh4ever who requested fluff and smut way back in chapter three (I know chapter 4 didn't really count). If it hadn't been for that request, I may not have been motivated to finish it, so, thankyou. Totally open to any and all requests/suggestions you guys might have. As it turned out, with this one, once I was on a roll, I couldn't stop. I'm planning on starting a companion fic to this of deleted/alternate/extended/extra scenes, so, the stuff I cut out of this will probably end up there. There was an "F" word in here somewhere, but I'm pretty sure I cut it out. Pretty sure. Sorry if I'm wrong about that. This chapter starts out with a similar premise to "Long Distance" but trust me, it's different. Boy Howdy, is it different.  
This is set sometime in 2014. Castle and Beckett are engaged and living together at the Loft while looking for a new place.**

******Sorry if the smut doesn't meet your expectations. As you probably know, it's really hard to write well and I personally don't like writing overly vulgar sex scenes (though I do enjoy reading them from time to time). I just hope I got everything anatomically correct and that the scene is physically possible (I don't currently have a boyfriend to practice on). Hey, some of you might find it way _too_ vulgar, who knows.**

**Upload Date: August 28, 2012 ****Chapter Rating: M (Some mild course language, masturbation, a sex scene)**

**Chapter Summary: Castle has some news for Beckett that could affect their relationship substantially: He's leaving for three months. Can they survive the separation?**

_**Reader: Oh, I hate summaries that ask questions.**_

_**Author: I'm sorry.**_

_**#10**_

Castle sighed wearily, sitting down on the couch. "Big news."

This didn't sound good.

She sat next to him, bracing herself for whatever he needed to tell her.

"_Black Pawn_ wants me to do a Worldwide book tour."

She narrowed her eyebrows. "Ok." She stared at him, waiting for the catch.

"They really want to go all out for the last _Nikki Heat. _Hit every continent. As many interviews, book signings, readings, panel discussions, etcetera, as possible."

She still didn't get it. "Will it conflict with the wedding?"

"No."

"Honeymoon?"

"No."

"Then why - " Realisation hit her and she thought she might know why he was so sullen. "How long?" she asked, mildly afraid of the answer.

He took a deep breath. "Three months."

Her eyes widened. "Three months?"

He nodded.

Beckett sighed, leaning into his shoulder. "Three months," she said again.

"Three months," he confirmed.

There was a pause.

"Ok," she said finally. "We can handle three months."

"Oh, yeah," said Castle.

"We can do this."

"We can totally do this," he agreed.

_One Month Later_

_"I don't think I can do this."_

Kate shook her head incredulously as she held the phone with one hand, filling out paperwork with the other. "Castle, it's been a day. We've been apart for more than one day before."

"_But it's just sinking in, all the things we'll miss out on the next three months_."

"Well y'know," she said seductively, "there are plenty of things we can do that only require a phone."

She grinned as she heard a hitch in his breathing.

"_What, right now_?"

"No!" she hissed. "Later."

_"Ok," _he agreed,_ "later."_

So, that's how it was. They kept in touch through technology, but Castle liked to use Snail Mail, which, while impractical, meant so much more. There was something about a hand-written letter that felt more personal.

At night – or day, depending on the time-zones – they found other ways to stay... connected. Still, it wasn't the same. There was no substitute for his touch, the warmth of his breath, the feel of his skin on hers, the smell of his hair. He was right. This being apart stuff was hard.

**_Six weeks later..._**

It was two in the morning and Beckett was having an argument over the phone with Castle.

"Right now, all I need is sleep. I'm _really_ not in the mood for anything else."

"_So, you don't miss the way I used to touch you?"_

The way he said _used to, _offended her - as if that part of their relationship was over when really, it was taking a hiatus.

"I've got things handled in that department_."_

He let out a soft growl. "_Oh, I bet you have. I bet you're much better at meeting your needs than I ever was_."

There he went again. _Was. _Was he doing that deliberately?

"_After all, I'm just a man. What do I know about how to please you? I wouldn't know how to make you scream, or moan. What do I know about your body? What do I know about your skin? I wouldn't have the faintest clue about how soft or how hard you like to be touched, that little spot on your left collar bone, or how to flick my tongue in just the right way - "_

_Damn him._ Her pulse increased, , her breathing hitching,at the memories he was conjuring up of a very adept Castle who knew exactly how to please her.

"_What do I know about that look you get on your face when I rub circles on the back of your hand with my thumbs? It's probably boredom."_

He really was trying to piss her off.

"Castle," she breathed.

"_I have no idea what I'm doing, Beckett. I don't even know how you can stand my hands on your breasts, my mouth covering your nipple."_

She bit lip to suppress a whimper.

"God, Castle."

"_You know how my mouth feels. Cold and dry. And my tongue probably feels like sandpaper."_

How was this turning her on? This made no sense. Very odd reverse psychology.

"_I'm a terrible lover, aren't I, Kate? You can't possibly get aroused by anything I say."_

Even as he said that, she could feel the damp warmth forming between her legs. She grabbed on to the sheets with her other hand.

"Damn it Castle," she growled.

She could hear the grin in his voice.

"_I know you don't want me to slowly slide my hand down to your panties."_

She had a sharp intake of breath.

"_Yeah, that's horrible, isn't it?" _he said, pretending to misread her reaction. "_ I don't know how to touch a woman, let alone you. I'm a mess down there, aren't I? My thumb moves in all the wrong ways, my fingers fumble clumsily in all the wrong places. When you bite down on my shoulder it's because you want me to stop, right?"_

She couldn't take any more. Her hand released the sheets, slipping beneath her underwear.

_"I guess I'll just stop."_

_"_Don't you dare_," she hissed._

_"Detective, you couldn't possibly be touching yourself , could you?"_

""Don't stop talking," she demanded.

"_You're wish is my command,_" he said, all teasing leaving his voice, now dripping with pure lust. "_Do you have any idea how tightly wound I am_? H_ow badly I need to be inside you_?"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXX

She pumped her fingers harder at his words, applying more pressure to her clit, moaning softly.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXX

"I_ missed you so badly, I can't think straight_.," he continued. "_I miss waking up next to you, __bringing you coffee and bear-claws, distracting you from your paperwork_, _the way you stare at me when you think I'm not looking.  
"__I have trouble paying attention to questions when I'm being interviewed. I'm vacant when people ask me for autographs. I'm distracted by the things we'd be doing together if I were there with you."_

Her breath caught as she rose higher and higher. ""Oh, God, I miss you, too," she admitted. "I want you so badly right now." She felt a pang in her stomach as she voiced her feelings of longing.

_"How badly?"_

"Really badly," she husked. "Almost as bad as – _hmm _- when I didn't have you at all, when I thought I might never know what it was like to feel you against me, all of you."

His breathing had gotten laboured. It sounded as if he was puffing, and she wondered how close he was to his own release.

"Castle?" she breathed.

There was a knock at the door.

She stilled in shock. After a moment, she took a deep, shaky breath. "That'd better be you, Castle."

_"What?"_

She jumped out of bed, removing her hand, definitely wide awake now. "I'm gonna jump whoever it is behind the door. If it isn't you, I'm gonna make you listen," she warned, running out of their room.

He sounded worried. "_Kate, seriously, that isn't me. I'm in London. Don't do anything rash. Remember how much I love you_."

"You'd better hope you're lying," she said before opening the door.

On the other side was a middle-aged man holding an iPhone to his ear, gasping for breath, with uncombed brown hair and tired blue eyes, stormy with want and need.

For a second, everything stopped: her heart, her breath, her mind, as she drank in the glorious sight.

Then, she dropped the phone to the floor as he hastily placed his in his jacket pocket. She pulled the man into the Loft by his collar, slamming the door shut with his back, plunging her whole mouth into his, her chest ready to burst.

He responded eagerly, grabbing her by the rear and pressing her up against him. She breathed him in, touching him as much as possible, partly because it felt so good . partly to convince herself that this was real, that was here. He was kissing her, touching her and it felt so wonderful.

She undid the bottom three buttons of his shirt so that she could feel his chest beneath her hands because he loved the sensation, not just of a man's chest in general but _his _chest, hadn't been able to touch this chest in months, had dreamt about being able to feel it again. He returned the favour, slipping his hands beneath her shirt.

"_Mm_," she moaned as he caressed her bare breasts.

He moaned back against her mouth.

They were so caught up in frenzied desire, they tripped over each other's legs, the man crushing her beneath him as they fell to the floor.

She was briefly winded, certain her back was going to bruise, but it didn't deter her – rather, spurring her on as she fumbled over his top button and unzipped his fly, pulling down his silk boxers just enough to free his erection.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXX

He pulled off her panties to pick up where she had left off, groaning when he felt how wet she was.

"Damn it, Beckett," he growled, as he gently rubbed her clit with two fingers, getting rapidly more aggressive as she responded with a deep, guttural moan that reverberated through her entire body, almost making him lose control. She could feel his Cowper's Fluid dripping lightly through the fabric of her Night Shirt, and knowing just how ready he was fuelled her desire even further.

"Just before, say when," he instructed as he moved his thumb on the base of her clit, driving her wild with swift, circular motions.

"Uh, yeah," she complied. "Nearly – _oh, f _– _when_!"

He stopped instantly. Her clit ached at the loss of pressure and she resisted the urge to finish herself off with her own fingers, instead brushing the hair out of his eyes.

She gasped when he entered her. It had been two months. He was on top. She was very uncomfortable on the hardwood floors. She was still in pain from when they'd fallen and her back was spasmodic from the awkward position; but he felt so good inside her, around her, on top of her, kissing her. Smelt so good, his natural scent mingling with sweat, cologne and soap.

She wrapped her arms and legs around him, pulling him in further.

He sucked on her ear lobes and grunted in her ear.

"_Feel even better than I remember_," he sang in his own little tune, his voice vibrating through her ear to the rest of her body.

"Smell even better, too," he whispered.

"Hmm," was all she could say in reply. She was so close.

For a moment, they stayed like that, neither moving save for their laboured breathing, joined together, staring into each other's faces.

God, she had missed him so much _So much_. And he was here, with her – _with her – _and it was all too much; she almost burst into tears.

He started to thrust, her feet pushing back and forth against his rear, his blue eyes looking down at her, full of love, and it was a sensory overload as he plunged his tongue back into her mouth. It didn't take very long at all.

He sank his teeth into her collarbone when he knew he was coming and she felt herself fall apart as he gushed inside of her, clutching at his back and moving to ride out the after-shocks.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXX

He sagged down onto her in exhaustion. She would have gladly let him stay there but she was having trouble breathing, and it wasn't just from exertion.

"Castle," she gasped.

"Mm."

"You're – ugh – crushing – me."

He pulled himself out of her as they untangled each other's limb's, rolling next to her.

"Sorry," he gasped.

"No – you're fine." She cuddled up him. "You're – better than fine. You're – amazing. You're - stupendous, You're - excellent. You're... _here,_" she nearly sobbed the last word. "How are you – here?'

"Got the – weekend – off," he breathed. "Clear schedule."

"The weekend? It's Saturday night."

"Actually, Sunday morning," he corrected.

"How long before you have to leave?"

He checked his watch. "Five minutes."

"No," she groaned, clinging to him possessive. "Stay," she whispered gently against his throat.

"Want to," he muttered in her hair. "Can't. Get sued."

"Don't care."

"Miss the wedding. Be in court"

"Judge. Marry us."

He reluctantly sat up, re buttoning his shirt..

She groaned, sitting up too, wrapping her arms around him, face to face.. "I'm coming with you."

"Thought you just did," he grinned.

"I'd slap you if I wasn't so happy to see you." She kissed his jaw. "Let me come to the airport. See you off."

"You've got work. Which sucks, by the way, that you have to work on a Sunday. By the time you get back, it'll be time to start getting ready."

"Damn it, that makes sense. I thought I was supposed to be the logical one in this relationship."

He sighed, smiling warmly at her.

"What?"

"'Relationship'. We've been apart so long, it was starting to feel like we weren't in one any more; but Kate, every thing's still there, the same as when I left. We're still us."

"Hmm," she agreed softly.

He got up, sliding up his pants and boxers.

She sighed, putting on her underwear.

"Uh... won't that be a tad uncomfortable?" he asked as he re-zipped.

"Now, who's fault is that?" she teased, raising her eyebrows.

He smirked as he re-did his top button.

"I'm just trying to make myself semi-decent. If you won't let me see you off at the airport, at least let me see you off at the elevator."

"Sounds like a good compromise."

She held him from behind as they walked toward the elevator, gently trying to pull him back.

He chuckled, dragging her forward. "Kate, you're not quite yourself this morning."

"No, I'm exactly myself," she argued into his shoulder. "This is me when you leave for six weeks, call me up in the middle of the night, get me all hot and bothered, surprise me by showing up at the front door, ravish me on the floor of our Loft and then take off a second time. Solution? Never leave again."

He grinned. "Right, so, you'll remain a strong, independent woman as long as you have a man by your side?" he asked as he pressed the button.

"Pretty much."

"Wow, you're a feminist's dream," he joked as he turned around in her arms to face her.

She inhaled, drinking him in one last time. Suddenly, she looked down and laughed.

"What?"

"Were you wearing your shoes that whole time?"

"Uh... yeah."

They both laughed.

"Oh, I'm gonna miss you even more now," she sighed.

"We're half-way there," he whispered.

"Don't say that. That means I'm have to relive the hell of the last six weeks."

"Hell's a bit of an exaggeration."

"Well, it's two-thirty in the morning and I'm still coming down. What do you expect?"

The elevator doors swung open

She groaned. "No, no, don't leave," she said, gripping tighter.

He kissed her and pried her off him.

"See you in six weeks.

She took a deep breath. "Ok. See you."

"I love you," he said as the doors closed.

She wanted to say the words back, but it was too late.

_Six Weeks Later..._

She had wanted to greet him at the airport, but she had been working late. She had wanted to stay up for him. She really had. But it had been a long day and considering recent circumstances, she knew it was best that she got a good night's sleep.

He slipped into the bedroom quietly,, climbing onto the bed to hover over her.

"Mm," she stirred.

He sighed in contentment, looking down at her, stroking her face with his thumb. "Hey," he whispered.

"Mm," she repeated, opening her eyes. "Hey," she said softly, smiling.

"Hey," he said again.

"You're back."

"Yeah."

She sighed, pulling him close. Reading her loud and clear, her kicked off his shoes and got in beside her, fully clothed, spooning her.

"I love you," Castle said against her neck.

She wanted to tell him right then and there, but she was too sleepy. She would tell him in the morning. Instead she simply replied, "Mm," as after a quarter of a year, they drifted off to sleep in the same bed.

_The Next Morning..._

For the first time in three months, she woke to the smell of coffee. Since castle had left, Becket had been the primary coffee maker in The Loft. Now, he had returned to reclaim his throne. And not a moment too soon.

She sniffed the sheets next to her. They smelt like him again. All was right with the world.

Like a child on Christmas morning, Beckett jumped out of bed in excitement, pulled on her dressing gown and ran out to the kitchen to find Castle, in a blue dressing gown, boxers and an open blue shirt (the same one she assumed he had been wearing the night before) carrying a tray of coffee.

He stopped when he saw her.

"You'd better put that down if you don't want us both to get burned," she warned.

Grinning, he obeyed, which was lucky as she was already running towards him and the next thing he knew she was in his arms, her face resting in the crook of his neck.

"Mm, I remember you," she muttered tranquilly.

"Are you talking to me or my neck?"

"Both. All of you," she replied, bringing her arms up around said neck He pulled her closer to him, encircling her. She took a deep breath; breathed him in again. No way was she going three months without smelling him again, no way. Castle enveloped her with his big, warm arms.

"I spoke to you last night."

"I remember."

"I thought you might not. You were pretty tired."

"Not too tired to remember that," she assured him, kissing his cheek.

Finally, they broke off, although Beckett continued to bask in his presence.

"Coffee?" he offered.

"Thanks,"she said.

She smiled warmly as he handed her a mug and her smile widened when she saw the look on his face. They had both missed this.

They sat down across from each other at the table, he with a Newspaper in his hands.

She breathed in the coffee. _Oh, yeah,_ that was what Coffee was supposed to smell like. Only his Coffee could smell like that.

She looked across at him. He was the same old Castle she was in love with, but at the same time, tings had changed. Because as well as love, she now felt this overwhelming gratitude towards him. Six weeks ago, she had been miserable. OK, maybe not miserable, but... sad and bored, definitely. And he had flown half-way around the world and back to spend fifteen minutes with her. In doing so, he had blessed her with an incredible gift.

The last six weeks had been a lot more bearable with that memory to get her through them.

She continued to watch him, contemplating the implications of his gift. Because he wasn't just her fiance any more.

He was the father of her child.

She was still trying to wrap her mind around that concept.

She was going to be a mother. He was going to have another child.

She shook her head in disbelief as she watched him drinking his coffee, chuckling to himself at the comics, feeling the warmest glow of affection in her chest.

They had made a baby together. There was going to be a little person in the world that was part her, part Castle. The man in front of her. Her partner. The man she was in love with, who she was going to marry. Her best friend.

How could she put into words what that meant?

"I love you," she said finally. Yeah, that about said it.

Castle slowly lowered his paper.

"Uh... sorry, what was that?"

Her smile grew wider as she got up and walked around to sit on his lap. "I love you."

His eyebrows rose to the top of his head.

"Wow, you must have really missed me."

"I did."

"Hmm, maybe I should go around the world more often," he said, nuzzling her neck.

She bit her lip. "Oh, that's fine with me – but next time, I'm going with you."

"Well, we've got the honeymoon," he said thoughtfully, "but there are so many places I wanna show you – so many places you can show me – that I just don't think we'll have time for them all."

"Actually, that might not be such a problem. I may be getting a lot of time off."

He furrowed his brow. "Are you being put on administrative leave again?"

She made sure he was looking right at her when she said her next words.

"Maternity leave, actually," she corrected.

His face froze. She felt the grip around her wrists tighten, and his breathing constrict.

"Maternity Leave?" he echoed finally

She took his face in her hands and gave him the sappiest, most over-the-top, adoring gaze she had ever given anyone.

"You knocked me up," she said softly.

He opened his mouth, shut it and then opened it again.

"You're pregnant?" he finally managed to get out in a gravelly voice.

She nodded slowly, beaming at him. "Yeah, Castle. That's what 'knocked up' generally means."

"What - w – how?"

She chuckled. "Castle, you have a twenty-one-year-old daughter. I think it's a little late for the birds-and-the-bees chat."

"Right, but... we're careful and..." He looked down at her belly. "I've been gone three months. And you're not..."

"You don't remember?"

"I – I remember... that night I flew home to surprise you."

"Very good. Do you remember using anything?"

"I – well, we don't usually – you normally have it - "

"Yeah, I normally have it covered. And when I don't, then you have _yours _covered. But you'd been gone for six weeks and you just_ had_ to make it this big surprise. As far as I knew, I didn't have a reason to take anything. And then you showed up and – well, I wasn't really thinking rational thoughts."

His mouth was still agape in shock. "I - I thought I had it all planned but I didn't think about – God, I'm sorry."

"Why? I'm not."

"You're... not?"

"No, are you kidding? I'm having your baby."

He looked into her face, saw the pure happiness there, heard the loving caress in her voice, and a small smile crept up on his lips. "But... we were gonna wait..."

"Since when have we ever done things in the right order? Besides, the clock was ticking. Better to be early than late. And this isn't all that early."

"Are you... are you sure?"

"I took a home pregnancy test last week. The Doctor confirmed it two days ago. I didn't wanna tell you over the phone. "

"Who else knows?"

"Just you, me and Doctor Kline. I thought we could tell people together."

He stared, letting the news sink in.

"We're having a baby," he said slowly.

She pressed his hand to her stomach.

"We're having a baby," she confirmed lovingly.

His smile grew wider. "We're having a baby,' he repeated.

"Yeah," she laughed. "We are."

He kissed her, chaste at first, but then his tongue grazed her lip and it was like greeting an old friend They held each other, smiling against each others' mouths, both nearly bursting with joy.

**Who I did I think I was fooling? Of course it was Castle. No, Beckett wouldn't have actually jumped any random that was at the door. Don't be silly. Maybe if it was Josh or somebody like that. Hey, calm down! Kidding!**

**I'd love to know how many of you saw this coming and at what point in the story you figured it out (some might have figured it out from the title). Now, I don't know if this actually counts as a Baby Fic, but I hate when Baby Fics don't show the actual conception.**


	10. Expiration date

**_A/N: Over 80 followers. Freakin' awesome, thankyou. From the looks of the reviews, I take it you guys liked the last chapter. Well, I'm glad and thankyou everybody for their kind words. Several people mentioned it was their favourite. Considering how much time and effort was put into it, that is very mollifying for me. Thanks, too, for the faves and just plain reading (over 16000 views - holy crap). Just a quick update to let you all know what's going on. I'm at the tail end of year twelve and therefore my upadates are going to be fewer and farther between for the next month or so. Don't worry; there are several installments for this series that I want up before the Season Premiere in the States (you lucky Americans only have to wait a few more weeks. Curse you), so hopefully, that'll be enough motivation to get them up. In the meantime, you can check out "Too Many Ways", which contains extra content that didn't make it into the series. I'm also still in the middle of that other fic I've been mentioning. Hopefully that'll be up in the next couple of weeks. Otherwise, there's also a plethera of talented authors and wonderful stories to choose from, particulay in light of That Promo. Damn right, they liked it. Oh, man._**

**I decided not even to try to compete with the last chapter and just concentrate on making this story be what it needed to be, on its own terms. This is not about milk. It's designed to be paralell to 47 seconds.**

**Upload Date: 1 September, 2012**

**Rating: K+ (mentions of violence, murder)**

**Chapter Summary: Beckett interrogates a key witness, unaware Castle is listening in the next room.**

**#11**

_"Sometimes...__ a guy just loses his cool, ok_?" said Hastings, sweating profusely. "_I never would have killed her, though_."

"I_ don't know, Joel_," said Beckett, as she calmly placed the photos of Joe's girlfriend, Tammy, bruised and beaten.

Hastings winced.

"What did I miss?" said Castle on the other side of the mirror.

"_If you can lose your cool this easily, who's to say you didn't lose it completely?_"

"Well, nice of you to join us," said Ryan.

Hastings shook his head adamantly. "_No, no_."

"Hey," said Castle defensively. "this isn't my job. I have obligations outside this precinct, you know. I have my own work and family commitments. I can't be here every second."

"_Who's to say she didn't just push you a little too far?_"

"Oh, and what obligations did you have today?" Ryan asked with interest.

_"We've got four witnesses who put you at her apartment on the night of the murder, your fingerprints on the murder weapon and a history of violence against the victim. It doesn't look good, Joel."_

Castle looked sheepish. "Alexis had a hankering for doughnuts."

Ryan smirked.

"_I know how it looks, ok? But I swear, it wasn't me_."

"She's in the middle of a marathon study session; I'm just being a good Dad," Castle said defensively.

"You know_ what, Joel? I believe you_."

"So, is this our suspect?" Castle inquired.

Hastings straightened. "_You do_?"

"Gates thinks so," Ryan replied. "Beckett doesn't buy it. She thinks he knows something he's not saying, though."

"Y_eah. Stab wounds point to the perp being left-handed. You're right-handed. There are no hesitation marks. And there are no signs of a struggle, no other marks on her body, no skin under her nails. This was a pre-meditated attack, not a crime of passion. You don't fit the profile_."

Castle nodded, watching Beckett do her job in admiration.

"_But the D.A will find ways to argue that out of court. We need another suspect. And I think you can help._"

"_I'd tell you if I knew anything_."

"_No, I don't think you would. You know why? Because you're a coward. Only a coward would do something like this,_" she said, indicating the photos.

"I_ don't know anything_," Hastings maintained.

"_Or, you know, what? Maybe I'm wrong._ Maybe you did kill Tammy."

"No," said Hastings. "I would never kill Tammy. I loved her."

"Don't you dare," said Beckett in a low voice. "You don't get to use that word. No one would do this," she pointed to the picture again, "to someone they loved."

"Like you said, I lost control -"

"_You want to talk control?! Someone very dear to me was shot in a Hangar. I was there, and I wanted so desperately to save him, I didn't care about my own personal safety. But somebody else did. He held me back. I was kicking and screaming. I'm trained in combat. He isn't. I could have overpowered him. But that would have meant giving him an unbelievable thrashing and I could not bring myself to do that to him. Just the idea makes me physically ill. That's love_."

Castle stared.

Ryan raised his eyebrows. "You know what? I think your good in here. I'm just gonna... go – away." He tapped him on the shoulder on the way out."

_Five Minutes later_

Beckett was very surprised when she exited the interrogation room to find Ryan gone and Castle there in his place.

"Uh... hey," she said. "I thought you had a family emergency."

"Taken care of," said Castle, fighting of a smug smirk.

"Alexis like the doughnuts?"

"How did you know?"

She simpered, but the smile faded slightly. "How long were you standing there?"

He smirked again. "Long enough to hear you declaring your undying love for me."

Beckett took a deep breath. "I don't recall saying, "undying,"

"So... you're saying it will die eventually?"

"I didn't say that, either," she said, avoiding his gaze.

He took her chin in his hand, gently guiding it so that she had to look at him.

"Well, what are you saying?"

She shook his hand off. "Not at work, Castle."

"Kate."

She glared half-heartedly at him.

"Beckett," he amended.

"Come on, Castle," she said on her way to the door, "we've got a case to close."

He nodded, turning to follow her.

"Oh, and Castle?"

He looked up.

She smiled sheepishly, turning red slightly. "My love for you doesn't have an expiration date."

His eyebrows went up substantially before the words really started to sink in and he beamed.

**Havea great apple and sandwiche!**


	11. Through the Grapevine: Lanie

_**AN: At this point, I wasn't sure people would want to keep reading, so, I think it's so cool that there asre still people who want to see more, because I've got plenty, don't worry. The faves are building steadily, which is AWESOME. Thanks so much to everyone who's reviewed so far. I love hearing what you guys think. Well, technically, reading. As I write this, I'm just short of hitting 20000 views, which is causing my head to explode (it's a miracle that I'm still able to type with no head), so, just by clicking on this story, you've made me incredibly happy and I don't expect anything else from you.**_

**I swear I had this outlined before the Tamala Jones interview. All I knew was that Castle and Beckett were gonna try to keep it a secret from everyone and the first thing that occurred to me was: "Well, good luck keeping it from Lanie. The second she sees them together, she's gonna know." Then I thought, "Well, what if she sees Beckett first and is able to tell that she had sex and then Beckett is able to convince Lanie - without telling any actual lies - that she has a secret boyfriend?" So, by the time I began writing it, I only had to add/tweak a few things. The hardest part was figuring out the scenes. We usually only see Lanie at crime scenes and the lab. I think she's been to the precinct... three times? There was also the wedding, and the hospital... and then, um, Beckett's apartment – I guess she was at Montgomery's funeral, too. Oh, the back of the van when they were transporting the body – but it was from the Crime scene to the Lab so I don't really think that counts. I think that's it. I never bought the whole "Lanie randomly going to Castle's apartment" thing. She has a life outside of shipping Caskett, you know. Unlike the rest of us.**

**Upload Date: 10 September, 2012**

**Rating: K+ (mentions of violence, murder, very mild sexual references, very mild coarse language)**

**Chapter Summary: Lanie takes matters in her own hands when Beckett refuses to take her advice and tell Castle that she's moved on.**

* * *

**#12**

"Detective Beckett," Lanie said as she looked up from the body, a small smile creeping at her lips. "Good to have you back."

"Well, it's good to be back, Dr. Parish," said Beckett, evidently trying to hold back her own smile.

After filling Beckett in on the incidentals, Esposito and Ryan dispersed to interview eye-witnesses.

Lanie looked up at Beckett. What a sight for sore eyes. Even though they were friend s outside the Precinct, she hadn't really seen or heard much from Beckett. She had been quite worried. But whatever she had been up to during her hiatus, it seemed to have worked. She looked good.

Really good. Too good.

Lanie Narrowed her eyebrows. "Something is... different about you."

"Yeah, I went lighter," said Beckett, running her hand through her hair.

Lanie shook her head slowly. "No, it's not that. Something else."

"So, what have we got?"

"Kate."

"Lanie."

For a moment, they stared each other down.

"Dr. Parish," Beckett pressed.

Lanie sighed and filled her in. But she hoped the Detective knew that this wasn't over. They had some serious Girl Talk to catch up on.

* * *

_The Lab, the next day..._

* * *

"Hey, Dr. Parish, can I take my break now?" Alexis inquired.

Lanie stared. "Usually I have to force you to take a break. Oh, wait, I get it. You wanna spend some quality time with Captain Underpants here."

"Oh, it'd be so cool to be Captain Underpants. He has one of the most interesting back-stories because his alter ego doesn't even know he's a super hero. So, theoretically, I could be Captain Underpants. Hey Beckett, have you secretly hypnotised me to think I'm a superhero?"

"Castle, if I was going tho hypnotise you, the first thing I'd do is make you stop talking."

"So, can I?" Alexis pressed.

"Of course," said Lanie.

"Dad, you wanna have lunch with me?"

"Oh, um - "

"It's fine, Castle, I can handle things without you for an hour. Alexis can bring you up to speed."

"Ok," shrugged Castle, turning to Alexis. "Ready when you are."

"Cool,' said Alexis, taking off her coat. "Let's go. See ya, Dr. Parish, Detective Beckett."

"Yeah, see you later," said Lanie.

"Bye," said Beckett. "So, you were saying about the chest cavity - "

"Oh, did you really think you'd get off that easy?"

"What?"

"Oh, don't "what" me. You dangle from a roof, you're suspended, and then you quit; and you come back looking happier than I've seen you in a long time."

"Well, I took your advice. I blew off steam, I spent more time out, I got some perspective - "

"Perspective is one thing. You're not just good-tempered, you're luminous, you're radiant, you're - " her eyes widened, "having sex!"

Beckett's face froze. "What?" she said meekly.

"You know, there are other words in the English language. Don't even try to deny it, Beckett. You're getting some."

Beckett went over to the door, checked the hallway from left to right and closed it before finally whispering, "Ok, fine."

"Ha!" said Lanie triumphantly.

"Not so loud," said Beckett.

"There's nobody around. At least, none that are gonna tell anyone. Unless you believe Castle's Zombie theories. Which, as I've already explained to him, are seriously flawed."

"Lanie, this is not appropriate."

"Don't play dodge with me. You know I hate that game. Who is it?"

"It's... just a guy I met at the book-store."

Lanie narrowed her eyebrows. "The book-store?"

"He's... very well-read."

"Ok, ok, that can be sexy. What's his name?"

Beckett paused. "Ed," she said finally.

"Ed?"

"What, you're gonna hold his name against him?"

"Well, no, of course not. So what does... _Ed _do?"

"Uh... he's an artist."

"An artist. Ooh, how bohemian."

"Actually, some of his pieces have sold really well."

"Well enough to make a living form?"

Beckett shrugged. "He's not a struggling artist, if that's what you're asking. But even if he was, you know that stuff doesn't matter to me."

"I know. So, he's creative and successful - oh, speaking of which, does Castle know?"

Beckett nearly choked on her own saliva. "He knows I'm dating and he respects it," she said, recovering.

"Is he ok with it?"

"You'd have to ask him but he seems pretty ok with it to me."

"Really? Because I have a hard time believing he's over you when he keeps shadowing you."

"I think he likes helping; think it gives him a feeling of accomplishment, like he's giving back."

"The guy's a millionaire. There are plenty of other ways he could give back that don't involve following sexy detectives around."

"I think he's still getting inspired by the work we do."

"Oh, I'm sure you're giving him plenty of _inspiration. _I'm just not sure it's healthy."

"Well, maybe you should take that up with him."

"Maybe _you _should. Make it absolutely clear that nothing is ever gonna happen between you. The boy needs closure."

"And I need to know what you found in that chest cavity."

"Kate..."

"Dr. Parish."

She sighed and gave her the findings.

Despite Lanie's best efforts, it was clear Beckett wasn't taking her advice. While Castle continued to follow her around like a lovesick puppy, Beckett seemed to be getting in deeper and deeper with this Ed guy. She appeared happier every time she saw her. She had this glow about her. It went further than sexual satisfaction; it was more like this overall happiness. She would also get the occasional mysterious text or phone-call.

She would try to cover it up but Lanie seriously doubted tat Captain Gates was the one making her giggle like a schoolgirl.

"So, how are things with Ed?" Lanie asked a couple months later over a bottle of wine at Beckett's place.

Beckett looked momentarily confused. "Ed. Oh. Uh, good." she smiled sheepishly.

"Good as in, ok; or good as in... _good_?"

"To be honest, things are...pretty damn great," she said, unable to contain a bigger smile.

"So, when am I gonna meet this guy who's turned the Great Detective Beckett to Jelly?"

"I'm not sure. It's still pretty... new."

"It's not that new. You've been walking around with stars in your eyes for months now."

"I do _not_ have stars in my eyes."

"Oh, yeah, you do. Planets, asteroids, moons, a couple comets, a meteor - "

"Lanie."

"Hey, I think it's great you're so happy. Do I wish Castle was the reason?"

Beckett suddenly looked very uncomfortable.

"Yeah," Lanie continued, "but I can be graceful in defeat. Sometimes things just don't work out the way you think they should. I mean, relationships are complex."

"Well, you seem to be handling this in a very mature manner. I'm impressed."

"Don't patronise me. I'm still in mourning."

Beckett stifled a laugh. "Mourning? For a relationship that - " She stopped herself.

"Never happened?" said Lanie.

"Um," was all Beckett said.

"It's ok, I can handle it," said Lanie. " If you can move on, so can I. So tell me more about this guy. I know so little.

"What's he like?"

"I already told you. He's smart - when he wants to be – funny, handsome, kind, generous, creative, caring, loyal - "

"No, I mean... _what's he like_?"

Beckett blushed. "He knows what he''s doing."

Lanie laughed. "Good to know, but that's not what I meant. Smart, funny, handsome – those are generic terms that could apply to any guy, including Castle."

Beckett's eyes raised slightly and she took a surreptitious sip.

"What I mean is, what do you like about him that's specific to him? Y'know, the little things that make you all warm and fuzzy."

Beckett smiled bashfully. "Oh, uh..." she paused, deep in thought.

"Well, if you have to think about it - "

"The way he cooks," said Beckett. "He makes up these really weird recipes, forms odd combos that should be disgusting but are actually really delicious.  
"His enthusiasm for everything. Yesterday, he hugged me for a full minute after I brought him the cereal he likes.  
"He's got the greatest taste in movies. Every week, we have a scary movie night in his living room. Highlight of my week.  
"He's a cuddler. I'm used to just,.. being held; but he likes top snuggle up all tight. I pretend it annoys me, but he knows how much I – well, he knows I don't really mind at all that much."  
"He can afford Lobster and Caviar but he prefers burgers and pizza. And not gourmet, either. Take-out. On my living room floor. His suggestion.  
"He'll threaten to beat up random jerks hat try to hit on me, but won't actually go through with it because he's afraid of getting hurt and then I have to deal with it. But I don't really mind because it's adorable, he likes me being the hero and I always get a reward.  
"He'll treat me to a romantic candlelit dinner, and nearly set the apartment on fire with his clumsiness.  
"I could go on, but I think you get the idea," she finished quietly.

Lanie stared, awestruck, for a few moments. "Wow, Kate. You've got it bad. Do you think you might be falling in love with this guy?"

"_Falling_? Oh, uh, yeah, maybe. Who knows?"

Lanie' s eyes widened. "You're already there?"

Beckett sighed. "Yeah. I am."

"What happened to, 'it's still new?"

"Well, we're still figuring things out, but you know, the heart wants what it wants."

Lanie shook her head. "You have got to tell Castle."

"I told you, he already knows."

"Does he know you're in love?"

"Well...I'm pretty sure."

"_Pretty sure. Y_ou didn't tell him?_"_

"Not in so many words but but he can read me pretty well."

"Maybe not as well as you think. Look, I know he acted like a jerk with that bimbo flight attendant but he still deserves your honesty. It's not fair to lead him on.."

"I'm not leading him on."

'You're letting him think he still has a chance with you."

'"Do we have to talk about Castle?"

"I don't get it. Just a few months ago you were mooning over Castle and now all of a sudden you don't care?"

"Of course I still care, but after a while, that whole game we used to play was exhausting. I'm over it."

"Really? 'Cause it seems like you're still playing – with his heart."

"Trust me, Lanie, I've moved on. I'm done messing around with Castle."

* * *

_The Following Night (Kevin and Jenny's Wedding Anniversary)_

* * *

It was a simple dinner party with just close family and friends at a low-key restaurant. Esposito was noticeably absent. He still hadn't forgiven Ryan, who, with the help of Jenny, was trying not to let it ruin their evening.

Lanie and Beckett were seated next to each other, with Castle sitting across from them, his hands in his lap. While waiting to be served, Lanie heard a vibrating noise nest her, and turned to see Beckett checking her phone, unsuccessfully suppressing a warm smile and texting something back, looking everywhere but at Castle, who was stealing "subtle" adoring glances at her. This continued throughout the evening, with Beckett getting more and more giggly, until, Lanie couldn't take it any more.

She had tried repeatedly to speak to Beckett about it but she'd refused to listen to reason, so, at the end of the night, when Beckett had left, she apprehended Castle just as he was about to get into his car, not far from where Ryan and Jenny had parked.

"Hey, Lanie. Great night, huh? I guess I'll see you - "

"Castle, I need to talk to you about something."

"Uh, can it wait? I kind of have plans."

"No."

"This sounds serious."

"It is."

"Is is Alexis?"

"No, she's fine. It's Kate."

"Kate? Well, she seemed pretty good tonight."

"I know, that's the problem."

He narrowed his eyebrows. "I don't understand."

"Kate's new boyfriend."

"Uh... what – what's that got to do with me?"

"I don't mean to make you uncomfortable but I think you need to understand that it's serious."

"First of all: I don't see how that's any of my business. Secondly, Beckett and I have already talked about that. Everything is cool."

"No, everything is most certainly not coo. I don't think she's explained exactly how serious it is."

"I think I have a pretty good idea."

"You don't understand. She's really into this guy, more so than any guy I've seen her with. Things are going well."

"And I'm happy for her."

The odd thing was he looked it. He must still not be getting it.

"What about you? Are you gonna stand there and tell me you don't feel anything for her?"

"Of course not. But Beckett and I are both moving on."

"Oh, I know Beckett is. I'm not so sure about you."

"I don't know what you mean."

"Oh, come on; it's obvious you're still in love with her."

"Whoa, love? Uh..."

"Richard Castle, don't even try to deny it. I've been watching you for four years. I was with you in that ambulance. I was standing right next to you in that hospital when they carted her off. I see the way you still look at her. You can't just turn off those kinds of feelings like a switch. It's not something you really get much of a say in."

"I know that. Of course I still love her. She's moved on and I accept that. I'm glad, even."

"See, I don't think you _have _accepted it, otherwise you wouldn't still be shadowing her."

"I like playing cop."

"Oh, Beckett already tried that on me, too. I think she really wants to believe it, too. I don't think she wants to hurt you. I know it's not that – and if you try to tell me it's about the research, I'm 'o smack you so hard - "

"Look, Lanie, I promise you, I've accepted it. Have you?"

"Yes, I have. Because I know how into this guy she is. This isn't just another Josh or Demming, ok? You and Beckett missed your chance. You need to move on. I don't see her breaking up with this guy any time soon. You haven't heard the way she talks about him. She just lights up . I think he's the real deal.

"Last night, we were talking and... the way she described what they had...it sounded like more than just a casual fling. It sounded like a real relationship. She seems really invested. I've never seen her this happy."

Castle was avoiding her gaze now. She knew this was hard for him to hear, but he had to.

"I can see the love shining through her – 'cause that's what it is, Castle. She even admitted it to me."

"She did? She actually said it to you?"

"I asked her point-blank and she confessed. She loves him."

"I know," his voice cracked.

_Oh, poor Castle_. Why wasn't Beckett the one doing this?

"Really?"

"Yeah," he said steadily, "but knowing and actually hearing it being said out loud are two different things."

"So, you think you can move on?"

"I already have. Thanks for telling me this, though."

"Hey, Castle, look at me."

"I'll see you tomorrow, Lanie."

She turned him around to face her. "It's gonna be - " The look on his face stunned her into silence. Because even in the fading blue light, she could see the look of pure joy on his face that he was doing a terrible job of trying to hold back.

_Wait a minute._

"Oh, my god, it's you."

Castle took a deep breath. "Lanie - "

"Oh, my God!"

"Shh, keep it down! Someone might hear you!"

"You and Kate! You and Beckett. I – uh - AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

"Shh!"

"Who else knows?"

"Just immediate family."

"Alexis? My girl Alexis knows and she didn't tell me?!"

"She was sworn to secrecy."

"How long has this been going on?"

"Look, we can't have this conversation here. Why don't you follow me to Kate's place and we'll all sit down -"

"_Kate's place_?! _Those _were your plans!_""_

"Lanie, Calm down."

She took a deep breath. "Ok, but you better tell me everything."

"Well, Kate will probably kill me if I tell you everything - "

"Well, then, _she'd_ better tell me everything."

* * *

_Later, just outside Beckett's apartment..._

* * *

_"_You have a key."

"Lanie, you can't freak out at every little thing," he said as he unlocked the door.

Before she could respond, Beckett had opened the door and lunged at him, attacking his lips – well, his whole body, really.

Lanie would have screamed if she wasn't frozen in shock. They were kissing. With their lips. It was actually happening.

Castle gently pushed Beckett away.

She looked confused. "What's - " Her eyes nearly bulged out of their sockets when she saw Lanie.

"What the – I thought she wasn't allowed to know! That's not fair!"

"Is this one of those little things I'm not supposed to freak out at?" Lanie squeaked.

"I didn't tell her; she figured it out," said Castle.

"I should've known. Those Damn texts," Beckett said, punching him half-heartedly.

"Those were from you? But you barely looked down all night. I was watching!"

"Maybe we should take this inside," he suggested.

"I can text without looking," he explained as they sat down. "I read her responses when you weren't watching."

"How long have you been keeping this from me?" Lanie demanded of Beckett.

"Uh, well, I guess it started just after the whole Maddox thing."

"What, you hung off a building and just decided to come over and hook up with Castle afterwards?"

"Actually, that's pretty much what happened," Beckett admitted.

"Well, it was a little more romantic than that," said Castle.

"Well, we can go over the details later," said Beckett.

"Why didn't you tell me?" asked Lanie.

"Why didn't you tell me abut Esposito?"

Lanie opened her mouth, then closed it.

"Good one, sweetheart."

"Did you just call her sweetheart?"

He shrugged. "Maybe."

"I _wanted_ to tell you but _he_ wouldn't let me."

Lanie almost laughed. There was no way anyone, even Castle, could stop Beckett from doing what she wanted to do. If she had done something he asked, it was for him, not because she had to. How sweet.

"I didn't want Gates finding out," said Castle.

"I wouldn't tell. I don't even technically work for her."

"I know but we didn't want you to have to lie for us," said Castle. "The less people who know, the better."

"Well, you don't have to worry about me; my lips are sealed."

"So, if it wasn't the texts, what tipped you off?" asked Beckett.

"Well... I confronted Castle tonight after dinner. I wanted to get him to move on. I told him how crazy in love you obviously were with your new boyfriend -"

"What?!"

Castle was beaming from ear to ear.

"And he was – well, pretty much looking like that. It was sort of obvious. Now that I think about it I don't know how I didn't see it sooner." Looking back, she felt like a real dummy. The way they were with each other now, still flirtatious, but with none of the angst. The way she had talked about her "Secret boyfriend" - of course, she had been describing Castle. _Duh._

_"_You didn't have to lie to me," she said to Beckett.

"I didn't. Not in so many words. Everything I said was technically true."

"An artist named Ed?"

"Ed?" Castle arched an eyebrow.

"Writing's a kind of art. Edgar is his middle name. Edgar. Ed."

"Why didn't you just say Alexander?" Castle asked.

"That would have technically been lying, since you legally changed your name – I can't believe you told him I love him!" she suddenly rounded on Lanie.

"Well... don't you?" said Lanie.

Beckett looked away.

"It's ok, Kate," her said softly as he stroked her left knee, "you don't have to say it."

She turned back to face him. "I do, though," she said earnestly.

"I know," he smiled, squeezing her hand.

"Oh, you guys are so adorable. I think I'm gonna cry."

"What I don't get, though," said Castle, "is how easily you believed that she wasn't in love with me; but you couldn't believe that I wasn't in love with her."

"Well, when she was talking about this guy that she was obviously in love with, I thought she was talking about someone else because... after all this time, I guess I kind of lost faith that anything would happen."

Castle nodded slowly. "So did I, at one point," he admitted.

"Hey, Castle," said Beckett, "if you already knew how much I loved you, why did you break when Lanie told you?"

Castle beamed again, slowly this time, starting with a small smile that gradually lit up every corner of his face until he was grinning broadly, blue eyes sparkling with happiness as hetried to keep his breathing steady. "What was that?"

She smiled. "I love you, Castle."

His grin got even wider as he silently traced the lines of her face.

"I think he just likes hearing those words," said Lanie.

"Well, if this is how you're gonna react every time you hear them," she sighed in mock exasperation, "I guess I'll just have to tell you as often as possible."

He bent down to give her a soft, chaste kiss. "I love you, too," he said against her forehead.

"Aww, you guys are so freaking sweet, I think I'm gonna pass out," said Lanie.

* * *

**This is the first in a miniseries-within-a-series of Castle hearing about Beckett's love from other people and then sort of confronting her/discussing it with her. Hope that's not too confusing. This instalment is a stand-alone due to it's length, but I envision more multi-scenario chapters somewhere down the line.**


	12. Through the Grapevine: Esposito

_**A/N: Hey! I'm a little blown away at the amount of reviews for the last chapter. I'm glad you guys enjoyed it so much but I was not expecting that. In case you were wondering, yes, I heard **_**Ronan**_**, and yes, I thought it was amazing.  
Props to the people just reading!**_

**I hope Esposito fans don't get too mad at me. I see him getting a little darker in season 5 - and the spoilers seem to be leaning that way, too.  
I broke my own rule and dropped the "f-bomb" in dialogue. Up to now, it's just been in the characters heads. Beckett came pretty close in _Big News _but I needed a really strong word that would get a certain character going in context and I had already used, "Screwing". "Boning" just seemed silly. Once I started, I couldn't stop. Well, it _is_ Esposito.  
Yeah, I know, I said I would have multi-scenario chapters. This is pretty short, so, I could have fit another scenario in here. I was just so happy with the reviews, I was impatient for more. It's addictive. No pressure, though. I hate being asked to review. Ugh.**

**Upload Date: 11 September, 2012**

**Edit [12 September, 2012]: I've gone back and fixed some things. Also, I've elaborated slightly on the coffee scene to make it a little more romantic. Before it felt more like a "how-to" coffee-making guide.  
**

**Chapter Rating: M (strong sexual references, violent references, Frequent Very Coarse language)**

**Chapter Summary: Esposito calls Beckett about a body-drop and ends up getting more than he bargained for.**

**#13  
**

Javi dreaded these early morning body drops only slightly more than he dreaded making the calls to Beckett. After everything she'd been through, he didn't like interrupting her sleep, but of course, she was Beckett; she could handle it. She understood. That was the job.

"_Beckett_," she answered, sounding short of breath.

He was relieved. He must have interrupted her morning run. That meant she was already up.

"Yo, Beckett; we got a body drop."

"_Ok_," she puffed.

He gave her the address.

"_Alright_," she breathed, "_see you in twenty_."

"See you then," said Javi, but then he heard a thud. It seemed she had dropped the phone without hanging up. He was about to end the call when the sound of his name stopped him.

"_That was_ - _Espoo_," she gasped. "_Body_."

He heard a male voice groan.

Esposito's eyes nearly popped out of his head. She was with someone. He really didn't need to hear this. Maybe it was just a running partner.

_Yeah, right_.

Again, he moved his thumb over the end-call button, but then, it occurred to him that if he listened in, just a little, he might get some great ammunition with which to tease Beckett later.

"_Do we have enough time to just finish up_?" the man asked.

Their voices were slightly muffled and distant but the man's sounded familiar.

"_Sorry, cowboy_," he heard Beckett chuckle. "_Ride's over_."

"_Cowboy? I think I'm more like the horse in my current position_ -"

Ok, definitely not a running partner.

"-_which would make you the cow-girl, detective._"

Javi froze. He definitely knew that voice. It sounded just like -

"_Castle,_" Beckett moaned. "_Stop. I have to go. But you can come with me_."

"_I don't see why we can't do that here_."

Now, it was Javi's turn to drop the phone.

* * *

Just a few months earlier he would have been a little hurt that they had kept it a secret, grossed out but also amused at what he had heard, happy for his friends and relieved that they'd finally gotten their act together.

Now? He wasn't hurt as much as annoyed. He didn't know how long this had been going on. For all he knew, it was still new and he and Lanie hadn't told anyone about their relationship initially.

He was definitely grossed out. Just a little. Of course, Beckett was a grown woman, fully entitled to a sex life. He just didn't need to hear about it.

But he wasn't amused, relieved or happy. Because things weren't the same any more. He didn't know where Castle stood with anyone, let alone Beckett. Even though, unlike Ryan, Castle hadn't technically betrayed Beckett, he had walked out on her, abandoned her when she needed him most.

He also had no idea what this was. Was it serious or just a casual thing? Were they both in the same place or was one taking advantage of the other?

Really, it was none of his business, and over the following weeks, he tried to stay out of it, but the information he now had now put everything in a new light: the furtive glances, the flimsy excuses. They were lying right to his face and it was getting to him.

The straw that broke the camel's back came when he called her at the Hotel she'd said she'd be staying at in The Hamptons while consulting on a case, just to check in, to learn from the concierge that due to a plumbing issue, the entire floor she was staying on was flooded. Concerned, he tried her mobile.

"_What's up, Espo_?" she answered.

"Hey, Beckett, are you ok?"

"_I'm fine; why wouldn't I be_?"

"Have you been back to your hotel?"

"_Yeah, I'm in my room right now._"

"Right now?"

"_Yeah._"

He inhaled deeply.

"_What's wrong, Espoo_?"

"Nothing, just checking in. Check you when you get back."

"_Ok, bye_."

She was staying with _him_. Ok, she had a right to her privacy. But the lying was what irked him. She could have said she was staying with a friend. Yes,, he would have seen through that, and she knew it.

Still, hadn't he earned her trust?

* * *

"So, how was your weekend?" he asked her when she got back.

"Good. We got the guy."

"Did Castle behave himself?"

"I'd've been concerned if he'd behaved himself completely, but he managed to stay out of too much trouble," she smiled, the way she usually did when talking about Castle.

"What about the hotel?"

"It was good."

"And the weather?"

"Great."

'It wasn't too... wet?"

"Of course n - " her face fell as comprehension flooded it. She took a deep breath. "You know about the flood."

"Apparently, you didn't when I called."

"Look, Espo - "

"It's ok; you don't need to come up with some fresh lie. I've known about you and Castle for a while now."

She looked shocked. "How?"

"Remember a few weeks ago, I called you about a body drop while you were... otherwise occupied?"

Beckett's face slowly contorted in horror. "I didn't hang up, properly."

"No, you did not."

"How much did you hear?"

"Enough."

"Ok, well, I guess there's no point denying it - "

'Don't worry; I don't need all the seedy details."

"'_Seedy_?'"

"I'm not a kid, Beckett. So you guys are fucking. It's none of my business. No big deal," he shrugged.

"No big – _Fucking_?! Is that what you think?'

Javi instantly regretted his words when he saw the look on her face. In a few seconds she'd switched from guilt to outrage.

"How long have you known me, Espo?"

"Long enough to know it wouldn't be completely out of character."

She seemed confused at first before she realised what he was talking about. "Espo, that was a long time ago. And this is different. You know it is. It's Castle."

"Then, why haven't you told me?"

"Because inter-office relationships are complicated. You and I know that better than anyone. Look at you and Lanie."

"We only hid it in the beginning. Besides, you're right. This is Castle. It's different. There's four years of history there. You don't need to test the waters like Lanie and I did."

"Castle thinks it would be a bad idea if it got back to Gates - "

"You think I'd tell her? Don't you trust me?"

"Of course I trust you, Espo, but it's not just me I have to think of any more."

"I don't buy it. I think you're just ashamed of the fact that sometimes all you need is a hard, long - "

"Detective Esposito, if you finish that sentence, I will _punch_ you_."_ Her voice was low, but quivering with rage. "How dare you. Do you even know me at all? First of all, if that's all I wanted, I wouldn't be ashamed. Secondly, I wouldn't be using Castle to do it. I could never just... _fuck_ Castle. It would always mean something more, at least to me. I love him."

Javi sighed. "Beckett, I'm just worried at you. I'm not really mad - "

"That makes one of us,"she said more calmly. ""I can't be here right now. Let me know when you're ready to stop taking your own issues out on everyone else." She went to the break room.

_Fuck_, thought Javi. _Fuck, fuck, fuck_.

* * *

Castle showed up about five minutes later, looking quite cheerful.

Javi met him at the elevator.

"Hey, Esposito! Miss me?"

"Save it, Castle," said Javi. "I'm not in the mood. How serious are you about Beckett?"

"What?"

"Don't play me, Castle, I know."

Castle stiffened. "Know what?

'"That you're sleeping with Beckett."

Castle inhaled deeply.  
"What did she tell you?"

"She didn't have to tell me anything; you two aren't as clever as you think you are. I'm a trained detective." Really, it had been dumb luck, but Castle didn't need to know that.  
"Now, answer the question. Are you as serious about this as she is about you, or is she just another conquest?"

Once he had recovered from shock, Castle's eyes darkened.  
"Look, I know things have been tough for you lately. I know you've had a hard time trusting me. I get it. But that doesn't give you the right to speak to me like I'm some stranger, like you don't know first-hand that I would take a bullet for that woman.'" He looked around. "Where is she?"

"In the break-room."

Castle seemed to read something in his eyes.  
"What's going on? Did you say something to her?"

"I just asked her the same thing I asked you.

Castle looked like he was trying very hard not to strangle him.

"I know you could kill me with your thumb, but I swear to God, if it turns out that you've hurt her in any way, I don't know if I can be held responsible for my actions."

He walked past him.

"Castle - "

"I don't want to hear it.

"I just don't want you to hurt her again."

Castle stopped and slowly swiveled around.

"What do you mean, 'again'?

Javi sighed. "Maybe you already know this. If you don't, I probably shouldn't tell you."

"Spit it out."

"You broke her heart two years ago."

Castle stared. "What are you talking about?"

"It wasn't your entire fault. I'm to blame, too. I'm the one who told Beckett to stop ignoring her feelings, to wake up and smell the coffee. Specifically, your coffee.  
"And she listened to me. She broke up with Tom before you left for the Hamptons. She was going to tell you – well, I'm not sure exactly what she was going to tell you because she was interrupted by Gina. And then, you went off into the sunset with your ex-wife and didn't call for four months."

Castle's eyes were wide, his breathing shallow. He said nothing.

Javi continued. "I've known Beckett a long time. We've been through a lot together. We look out for each other.  
"You could hurt her again so easily. She loves you, bro. And I don't just know that because of how painfully obvious it is to everyone. She told me, right over there," he pointed to her desk, "ten minutes ago."

There was a pause.

"Esposito, I'm not really sure what to do with that Demming/Gina stuff right now. I'm certainly not going to confront Kate about it just yet, not after you two have obviously had some sort of fight. I – Look, I get it. We're cool."

"Castle - "

"No, I refuse to justify myself to you. I know how committed I am and so does Kate. Now, if you'll excuse me, my girlfriend just had an argument with one of her closest friends and she might need someone to talk to."

* * *

"Hey," said Castle as he opened the door.

Beckett looked up from the Espresso Machine. "Hey," she said softly.

"When I saw the blinds were closed, I thought you might be hiding a secret boyfirend in here," he said, shutting the door behind him.

The smallest hint of a smile played at her lips. "No, the guy I'm cheating on you with left five minuted ago. You just missed him."

"Well, good. That would have been awkward."

"Yeah," she shook her head as she picked up a pitcher of milk.

"Hey," he said softly as he stood behind her, his chest pressed lightly against her back, and gently covered the hand that was covering the handle with his own. "That's my job."

Beckett inhaled slowly, but then eased into his warmth, basking in the comfort of his touch.

"I guess we can do it together," he whispered against her neck, his warm breath sending shivers everywhere.

He guided the milk under the wand tip, turning the dial with his other hand, raising the milk up.

"_Perfect_," he whispered against her cheek as the milk hit the right temperature, swiftly shutting the machine off.

Her breathing was shallow. She was totally aware of every sensation, every touch.

Because there were two people maneuvering it, their movements were slightly slower and more exaggerated as they worked the milk, their arms lined up, his chest gently grazing back and forth against her as his shoulder worked their right arms, gently but firmly tapping it down onto the counter a few times.

He swiftly wiped the nozzle clean and moved the coffee cup already containing the dark rich liquid down onto the bench.

Whenever he leaned forward like that to do something, she felt his body gently pressing into hers and had a sharp intake of breath.

She inhaled his scent as he leaned in again to grab the vanilla syrup, pouring it into a mug before pulling a shot of espresso.

She thought that if he hadn't been holding her, she probably would have knocked the cup over. lLthough, if he hadn't been holding her, she probably wouldn't be shaking so hard.

Together, they rested the spout of the pitcher on the edge of the cup, allowing the milk to flow gently, moving in sync as they topped it off with a smooth crema.

His face turned slightly so that he was looking at her.

"_Beautiful_," he whispered as they placed the milk back down, releasing their hands from the handle and each other.

Trying to keep her breathing steady, Beckett picked up the cup and raised it to her lips.

Taking great care not to make any sudden movements, Castle gently wrapped his arms around her waist, his hands clasped on her stomach.

Beckett smiled warmly as he lightly rested his head on her shoulder.

"Thankyou," she said.

"Always."

She sighed in contentment before taking another sip.

"Esposito stole my "I love you'," he said after a few moments.

She turned her head slightly to face his, causing him to lift his head. "What?"

"The first time I heard someone say that you love me was supposed to be from you."

Beckett took a deep breath. "So, you spoke to him."

"So did you, apparently."

"Yeah."

"It's gonna be ok, you know. He'll come around."

"I know," she said, turning back to face the machine and sighing. "And I do love you."

"Well, it's too late now," he smirked. "You already gave away the first 'I love you'.

"Well, then, I guess I'll have to save all the rest for you."

"Hold on, let's not throw the baby out with the bath-water. You can tell other people once we come forward. You can yell it from the rooftops if you like."

Beckett bit her lip to stop herself from asking just when that would be. Now was not the time for that conversation. Instead, she tried another tack.  
"He didn't happen to mention just how _much_ I love you, did he?"

"No," he murmured into the crook of her neck.

"Well, I'm no writer, but... a lot."

"How much is a lot?"

Beckett simpered as she placed the coffee cup down and turned around, wrapping her arms around his neck. "I could show you better than I could tell you."

His eyes widened. "Here?"

She bit her lip mischievously, leaned in close and whispered, "No.""

He groaned.

"You have no patience, do you?"

"I think we've both used up a lifetime's supply of patience," he said, holding her closer.

"Forget it", Castle," she said, freeing herself from his grip. "I am not having sex with you in the break-room."

"Whoa, who said anything about sex? That would be wildly inappropriate. I'm just talking about a little over-the-clothes action."

She gently pried his hand off her arm and walked towards the door. "Break's over."

He pouted.

Without even turning back, she said, "Don't give me that puppy dog look," as she left.

How did she know?

* * *

**I think I know a little more about coffee than I do about alcohol. Feel free to correct any mistakes, though, people who know about coffee. I'm no expert. I probably do it wrong. Also, I know usually when two people make a coffee together, one steams the milk while the other makes the espresso. This seemed more romantic to me.  
If there's any character in particular you'd like to hear from next in this miniseries, feel free to let me know in a review or pm if you'd like.**


	13. Paintball

_**Disclaimer: Castle = Not mine, not mine. Not-not mine, not-not mine. (****Friends**** reference. Also not mine).**_

_**A/N: **_

_**Over 100 followers and over 50 reviews? What?! Thanksies! Those reviews were so helpful, I can't even tell you. I have gone back and altered that chapter slightly (Mostly fixing up errors but I did add a few lines to clarify some things. I originally had planned to take that story a little further, which may have explained Esposito's behaviour a little better. I did hint at it vaguely. But then I decided to incorporate my break-room idea and it no longer worked). Thanks to Minerva89 for pointing out a very specific error, and her firend for noticing. You were right; it was a freudian slip. I'd love to see Beckett in a thong.  
And thanks for favouritng, too, wow. As usual, I'm happy if you just read.**_  
_**Please forgive the interruption to "Through the Grapevine" for this little one-shot. There's plenty more where that came from.**_

**I know, I'm very vague with the paintball descriptions and the game only seems to last about thirty seconds. But the paintball is just phlebotnum. **  
**Nathan Fillion quote in here (and it's not the one that sort of sounds like what he said at the Firefly Panel at comic-con. That was a coincidence).**  
**I'm not a big fan of song-fics. This isn't a song-fic. But if youré interested, I had the acoustic version of "Gold Guns Girls" by Metric playing in my head when I wrote this (It's why Beckett's using gold pelletts or whatever you call them).  
Apologise in advance for any mistakes.**

**Upload Date: September 13, 2012**

**Chapter Rating: T (adult themes, sexual references, play-violence)**

**Chapter Summary: Beckett and Castle make a kinky wager over a game of paintball.**

**#14**

It was Beckett's idea. As much as she loved playing _laser tag_ – specifically, with Castle – she wanted something with more contact. Maybe it was just the cop in her. Besides, it was his and Alexis's thing and she didn't want to encroach on that.

When she'd suggested it, he had been absolutely delighted, booking a Paint-Ball field for the two of them one Saturday afternoon.

"It's not too late to back out now, Ricky," she teased him as they put on their protective gear when the day arrived.

"Me, back-out? Never. In fact, why don't we make things a little more interesting?'"

"I'm listening."

"Whoever loses…" he grinned slyly, "has to be the other's sex-slave tonight."

"Well, that's not fair. You're already my sex-slave."

"Oh I am – a willing one at that," he agreed, "but I mean, whatever the winner wants to do, no matter how humiliating, or depraved, the other has to go along with it."

She raised her eyebrows. "_Has to_?"

"Well, within reason," he added quickly. "The safe-word applies. But the loser has to at least attempt it. That person can't say 'no', outright."

She paused, considering.

"O.k., Castle, you've got yourself a deal - although, I have a feeling you'll enjoy it either way."

"Oh, and you won't?"

She simpered as she walked past him. "You ready, Castle?"

* * *

She chose gold paint, he red.

Castle stood with his gun at the ready. This was awesome. Beckett was hiding somewhere. He slowly turned on the spot, a predator in wait.

Becket hid behind one of the blocks. She had a clear shot. This was too easy. She was just about to pull the trigger when suddenly images of what he might possibly have in store for her flooded her brain and she deliberately moved the gun to the side at the last-minute, barely missing him.

She hid back behind the block, grinning, but he had definitely seen her. He gave chase and she laughed, ducking and weaving to avoid his many attempts to get her. Just because she was going to let him win didn't mean she was going to make it too easy for him.

"There's no escape, Beckett. I have you in my grasp."

"Quit talking about tonight and focus on the battle," she called out.

He faltered slightly at her words.

Grinning, she fired a few more shots she knew wouldn't hit him.

Castle leapt and rolled in the most ridiculous way, and she laughed, alerting him to her whereabouts.

He was closing in on her.

She ran, thrilling in the chase as he hobbled after her, finally stopping and aiming, as if to shoot, giving him an easy target.

He took the bait, shooting her.

"Yes! I win! Loser! Loser!"

Beckett tried to act annoyed but couldn't suppress a grin as she looked forward to the evening's events.

Castle was bursting with smugness. Then, his eyes locked on the round, red stain in the left-centre of her chest. Suddenly, he felt as if all the air in his lungs had been replaced by stone. There was a ringing in his ears, his pulse thundered and his head spun. His arms, legs and mouth went numb.

Beckett's grin faded as she slowly realised something was wrong.

"Castle?"

Castle fought for air, taking in deep, ragged breaths, bending over and grabbing his knees. Gradually, the ringing was replaced by a loud bang, screams and Beckett's breathing as she fought to stay alive. Then, sights joined sounds. His visioned blurred but then he could make out colours. Green. Blue. Red. So much red. Red everywhere.

Beckett ran towards him, concerned. "Castle, what's wrong?" she asked, bending down slightly to face him.

He looked up at her and his legs gave way. She tried to catch him but he was too heavy for her, dropping to his knees. She knelt in front of him.

"Castle? Is it the paint fumes? Are you dizzy?"

He didn't answer her.

She examined his body, checking for paint marks.

"Did I hit you? Did you get shot?" She knew the gear didn't protect everywhere.

"Shot," he whispered.

"Where?"

"In the chest," he gasped.

She narrowed her eyebrows in confusion. "Castle, your chest is clean. And you're protected there."

He didn't appear to have heard her. "I wasn't fast enough. Not – not faster than a bullet."

She froze.

_Faster than a bullet._

Her shooting.

Then she looked back down and saw the red blotch, in almost exactly the same spot as -

_Oh, God._

He was reliving it.

"Shh," she soothed, steadying him by the shoulders. "It's ok, I'm here. I'm here."

"Kate?" His tone was meek, child-like.

"Yeah, yeah, it's me," she assured him, stroking his hair.

"I - I – I don't - " he was having trouble speaking due to his shortness of breath.

"Castle, just breathe. Breathe for me. Breathe with me."

He tried, slowing down his breaths, following her lead as she slowly demonstrated controlled, drawn out breathing.

He exhaled.

"Good job, good job, just keep breathing easy, ok?" she said gently, rubbing his back.

He stared at her for a moment, and then drew her in, holding her close.

She felt hot tears on the back of her neck, causing her to fight back her own as she hugged him just as fiercely.

"I'm here," she whispered. "I'm alive. I love you."

The sobs he had been fighting back broke through at her words.

"It's ok," she repeated soothingly. "We're ok. I'm safe. I'm with you."

He sunk into her shoulder.

'I love you, Castle. It's alright. Everything's alright. I love you."

His breathing appeared to have steadied. After a few more moments, he relaxed his grip and raised his head to look at her.

"How are you feeling?" she asked.

"I don't know,' he said slowly. "Kate, I'm sorry - "

"You have nothing to apologise for. You were having a panic attack. Those are involuntary. Trust me." She gave a small smile.

"But I'm not the one who was shot."

"No, you're just the one who held me bleeding in your arms. You're just the one who tried to save me. You're just the one who - ' her voice cracked, "who watched me die in that ambulance - "

"Kate," he protested, looking away.

"No, I'm sorry," she said, gently pulling him back to face her by the chin. "You have to hear this. You're just the one who loves me.""

She moved in closer, gently wiping the moisture under his eyes with her thumbs.

He concentrated on keeping his breathing controlled.

"Ï was shot," she said gently, but matter-of-factly,"and that's ok."

_"Ök_?"

"Yeah, it's ok. It's ok that it happened. We have to accept that it happened and we can't change it. We don't need to."

He stared into her eyes for a moment before speaking again. "Did you say you love me?"

She smiled. "Yeah, I did."

"Did you just say it to calm me down?" he asked.

She knew what he was doing. He was trying to get her to say it again. Her smile widened. "Yeah, that's right. I don't love you. I'm only using you for your body."

He finally smiled back. "Well, I can't blame you. Few can resist."

She rolled her eyes. "Come on, Castle," she said, helping him up. "Time to go home.""

"Ök," said Castle. "But don't think that this means you're getting out of our bet."

"Wouldn't dream of it," she replied with a grin.

**I'll admit, Castle crying is one of my Pet Peeve's unless it's played for laughs. However, this just felt so organic and so natural that I had to put it in.**


	14. Riding Out the Storm

_**Disclaimer: Castle is owned by Marlowe, ABC and possibly some other people - none of whom are posting fan-fiction under the name of Cofkett. **_

_**{Goddamitt, you're a Grammar Checker, not a Beta. Ignore! Ignore!}**_

_**A/N: **__**Thank you for everything. You are awesome. I have not forgotten about Through the Grapevine. That will hopefully resume in a few weeks. For now, I need to get these next couple of chapters up before After the Storm airs in the US.**_

**Ok, my second multi-scenario chapter. This one may confuse you. Each scenario is in its seperate own reality but they are all a different version of the same evening, at different points.  
This is very sappy. I don't care.  
Kind of fun for me because in all the other ones I've written so far, Castle already knew that Beckett loved him. These all take place at a point where he's very recently doubted that several times, so, I actually got to have him a little disbelieving.  
Set between Always and After the Storm. I realised the title was a double entendre about thirty seconds after I came up with it. That's how I knew I definitely had to use it.  
Thankyou, The Script. Also, thank you Luna Halo.  
I stole a line from a fic I'm working on. I hope I don't sue me. Myself. Whatever.  
If it wasn't for the Author's Notes, this'd be pretty short (568 words).  
**

**Upload Date:(Just Barely) September 16, 2012**

**Chapter Rating: M(adult situations, swearing in the summary for #15)**

**Chapter Summary: Different points in the evening that Castle and Beckett finally hooked up in which she could have possibly told im she loved him, but probably didn't.**

**#15: For the First Time  
The first time they get ****busy. Do The Nasty. Visit Grandma. (Sigh) While theyre fucking, ok? The first time they fuck.**

**#16: Post-Coital  
Exactly what is says on the can.****  
****  
#17: Untouchable  
Castle wakes up in the middle of the night while Beckett is peeing, thinking she has left.**

* * *

**#15**

As the rain poured, the thunder pounded and the lightning flashed, Richard Castle and Kate Beckett made love.

"_I love you Castle,_" she whispered against his bare skin as he worshipped her with his body.

He halted, but she didn't appear to have noticed. She kept moving under him, whispering, "_I love you. I love you, I love you, I love you_."

He groaned against her mouth and kept going. Now was not the time for thinking or second-guessing. He could do that in the morning. Right now, he was perfectly content believing her, believing she was genuine, that they had a shot, that this was real.

* * *

#**16**

This was perfect and she never wanted to leave. Her head was on his chest and his arm was around her. She was breathing him in, in all his delicious Castleness.

"I love you," she whispered.

He didn't respond with words. He could tell by the way she said it that she believed it right now. So instead, he simply kissed her on the forehead, eliciting a contented sigh from her that made him think that maybe – just maybe – she really did feel that way.

* * *

**#17**

The thunder woke him. He was still half-asleep. His hand felt moisture on the pillow next to him, but no Beckett.

He took in a sharp breath. She was gone. That was just cruel. Despite everything, he didn't think she thought that little of him, that she would make a promise she couldn't keep. Offer him a beautiful dream and just take it way. Taunt him with one perfect night, with her scent, her touch, her _voice... _and then leave. Why couldn't she just leave him alone?

Why had she come here? Had she just used him?

If only he could feel hollow, empty. Unfortunately he was feeling all too full. His love for her was crushing him, suffocating him.

He heard a toilet flushing, bringing him back from his reverie.

His crushed heart almost stopped as he listened to running water.

Was she – ? Yes, she was.

He didn't realise he'd been holding his breath until he exhaled as a very naked Kate Beckett stopped back into his room and climbed back into bed with him.

All of a sudden his heart wasn't crushed at all, but it was still heavy with other emotions.: relief, joy and... something else.

"Did I wake you?" she asked, nuzzling his shoulder.

"Uh - " he gulped. "No. The um, the -" he let out a guttural groan as her tongue imitated its movements on a different body part from earlier in the evening, "thunder – _hmm - _the thunder woke me up," he gasped.

She chuckled against his skin.

"I'm so glad you're still here," he sighed.

She froze.

_Crap, did I just say that out loud?_

She looked up at him.

"Kate, I -"

"Castle."

"No, I didn't mean -"

"Castle," she said again, firmly but gently. "It's ok. I get it. We can talk about it in the morning."

They would have plenty of time to enumerate everything then. For now, she was in love, she was horny and she wasn't wasting any more time.

"I'm sorry -"

"I love you," she said simply, unabashedly, looking him straight in the eye.

His eyes widened.

_Oh, she means it._

"Kate -"

"Shh," she interrupted him again. "No more talking."

After a very compelling argument made by her lips and tongue, he conceded that she was absolutely right; so instead of talking, they got started on round three.

* * *

**If anyone knows the name of the movie that "Visiting Grandma" euphamism comes from, please let me know. I remember it had James Marsden and the young guy from "Hot Tub Time Machine" in it.**


	15. The Morning After

_**A/N: **__**Thank you. Just... thankyou. If you are like me, and you agree with Stupendousboo's review of the previous chapter, than you might not mind checking out the most recent chapters of "Too Many Ways", which contains two slightly more detailed/descriptive versions of two of the scenarios.  
Special thanks to katherine temperance for the answer to my question (Sex Drive).**_

**Both scenarios are set the morning of After The Storm, at two different points, in different realities. Please note the spoiler warning in the story summary.  
****  
Upload Date: September 16, 2012**

**Chapter Rating: M(adult situations,adult themes )**

**Chapter Summary: Um... sort of unnecasary.**

**#18 Castle's Bed**

**#19 Beckett's appartment**

* * *

**#18  
**

"_Castle," Beckett breathed as she moved above him. "Oh, Castle, Castle, Castle," she was repeating his name, over and over, in that sexy voice of hers, him guiding her hips with his hands; and her eyes – Oh, God, she really had wanted this as much as him. "Castle, oh, mmm, Castle!"  
_

* * *

Richard Castle jolted awake with a start, gasping for breath.

_Whoa._

What an intense dream.

It wasn't raining, it was morning and Beckett- he checked next to him to be sure - wasn't there.

He inhaled and exhaled slowly. Clearly moving on was going to be more difficult than he'd thought. He could walk away from the woman, but not from his feelings. He was stuck with them for God knew how long. Possibly the rest of his life.

He was about to get up when he heard a noise.

He turned, startled, to see Beckett walking out of his closet wearing nothing but one of his white shirts.

Castle lent back on his elbows, taking in the view, before an irrepressible smirk lit up his features.

"So, it wasn't a dream," he said, almost smugly - because how many times had she made it clear that this would never happen and how many times had he assured her it would?

He'd won.

Although, Beckett didn't seem to mind losing too much.

"If that was a dream," she grinned as she climbed onto the bed, "than you have an even kinkier mind than I thought."

His nose wrinkled.  
"Katherine Beckett, you had better have a good explanation for why you're not completely naked."

She smiled coyly.  
"Just acting out a little fantasy," she admitted.

"Oh, god, that's hot," Castle said in a low voice.

"The fact that I fantasised about wearing your shirt, or watching me walk out of your closet wearing it?"

His lip curled. "Both," he said, eyes sparkling. "But I was referring to the fact that you've fantasised about anything related to me - although, just so you know, you're free to peruse my closet any time you want so long as you only pick one thing and then model it for me every time so I can watch." It was partly a test, and so far, she seemed to be passing, because his words didn't appear to be freaking her out.

"So, you liked it?"

"Hell yes."

"Perve," she smirked.

"Well, I'm pretty sure New York law states that after you allow a man to ravish you - three?"

She simpered, inclining her head, but didn't correct him.

" - times," he continued,"he is entitled to be as pervy as he wants."

"Ok, and what about the last four years?'

"Well, we _should_ have done that four years ago; doesn't that allow me a little leeway?"

"I'll take it under consideration," said Beckett, tucking her hair behind her ear.

Castle's face fell then, for as she did so, he spotted bruises in the shape of fingerprints on her neck. He sat upright, thumbing the marks gently with concern.

"Kate, what happened?"

Beckett sighed.  
"Maddox" she told him, "my sniper. I...confronted him.'

"Without backup?"  
'I had Espo, but.. he got knocked out pretty quickly."

Castle's eyes darkened slightly. "You took on the guy who shot you, a guy who took out Esposito, all by yourself."

"I hit rock-bottom, Castle. I was so... determined to get the answers I wanted, I lost sight of everything else. If it hadn't been for that deal Montgomery's friend made, I'd be dead."

"You said last night you almost died."

She nodded. "He pushed me off the edge of the roof. I was hanging form a ledge."

"FROM A LEDGE?!"

"Castle, I'm fine. Ryan pulled me up."

"Ryan?"

"He told Gates what was going on, they arrived with a SWAT team; they helped him pull me to safety."

"Wow, Gates must have been... pissed."

"Pretty pissed. She put me and Espo on 'administrative leave'."

"Oh, Kate, I'm sorry."

"No, it's ok."

He stared at her for a while.

"What?"

"Last night was pretty intense for you."

"Yeah."

'Are you sure you - I mean... _us _- that wasn't just your way of coping with it, was it?"

"No," she said simply.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes. Castle... I quit last night."

He stared. "What?"

"I only became a cop because of my Mom's case. Yeah, I loved it - parts of it - but... I let it - no, I made it - define who I was. But then, you came into my life and reminded me of who I was before she was murdered. I like that person. I want her back.  
"I meant what I said last night. I want you. I want us."

"'Us'?"

"Yeah. do you - want a relationship with me?"

"_Yeah_," he asserted, slightly stunned she was actually asking.

"Me, too. I mean, with you." She took a deep breath. "Castle, I love you."

"Really?" he asked quietly, eyes full of hope and none of their usual arrogance.

_Oh, how adorable,_ she thought.

"Really," she assured him, stroking his face with her hand.

They stared at each other, grinning for a few moments.

"Do I get to kiss you now?"

"Yeah," she laughed, leaning in to him, as the both revelled it the awesomeness of the moment. Their moment.

* * *

**#19**

Beckett smiled when she opened the door to find Castle on the other side, looking incredibly hot in a leather jacket and navy shirt.

"Hey," she said sheepishly.

"Hey," he smiled awkwardly back.

She stepped aside to allow him entrance, shutting the door behind him and walking over to where he was, facing him.

"So..." he started.

"Yeah," said Beckett.

"I'm - really sorry about this morning - "

"Oh, hey, no, it's not your fault. I'm the one who just showed up - "

"Well, I'm definitely not complaining about that. To be fair, you did call. And we did have plans."

She nodded slowly. "Yeah, that's right, we did."

They continued to stare at each other.

"So, first day of unemployment. What do you think you'll do?"

"I don't know. I guess I'll just play it by ear."

"Hmm, maybe that's a good idea for _us, _you know, just see where this goes."

"Oh, no," said Beckett.

"What?"

"If we're gonna do this... I need to know it's just me."

He raised his eyebrow. "Well, of course. Who else would there be?"

"I don't know. Maybe... blonde flight attendants?"

"That was never serious. And it's over."

"So, we're agreed? We're exclusive."

He smiled. "Yeah. Exclusive."

"Good", she said, wrapping her arms around him. "I want you all to myself."

"Possessive, Miss Beckett?"

"Miss? Hmm, I could get used to that," she said, kissing him.

He broke off after a few moments. "You've got me," he said.

She stilled. "What?"

"You want me all to yourself? You've got me. I'm yours." He said it so earnestly, such certainty, that any doubts she may have about his ability to be faithful were - at least temporarily - cast aside.

She smiled. "I love you Castle."

His face lit up.  
"That is so cool."

**Can't promise any updates for the next week. Not saying that definitely won't happen but... don't count your Owls. **


	16. Through the Grapevine: Martha & Alexis

_**Disclaimer: The characters in this work do not belong to me. No money is being made from this story.**_

_**A/N:**_

_**I can't believe 117 people have decisded they want tyo keep reading this series. That's amazeballs.**_

_**Every review gives me something, whether it's helpful advice, confidence, inspiration or a new word. Every single one motivates me to write.**_

_**Even if you've just read one of these stories, thankyou. It's so cool that there are people all around the world reading this series. I wrote this, and you're reading it. I love the internet.**_

**_ATTENTION: SEASON 5 IS ABOUT TO START IN THE US VERY SOON. I WILL TRY TO WATCH IT OVER THE INTERNET. HOWEVER, IF THAT IS NOT POSSIBLE, I WILL WAIT FOR IT TO COME TO TV HERE. THAT COULD TAKE A VER LONG TIME. SO WHEN I SAID THIS SERIES WOULD CONTINUE AT LEAST UNTIL BECKETT SAYS "ILY" IN THE SHOW, I MEANT WHEN I SEE IT. HONESTLY, I DON'T REALLY SEE THE POINT OF CONTINUING IT FOR VERY LONG AFTER THAT. SO, AS UNLIKELY AS IT IS THAT SHE WILL SAY IT IN THE FIRST EPSISODE, IF THAT HAPPENS, PLEASE DO NOT MENTION IT IN THE REVIEWS. IN FACT, DO NOT MENTION IT WHENEVER IT HAPPENS UNTIL I SAY I'VE SEEN IT, PLEASE. FEEL FREE TO MENTION ANY AND ALL OTHER SPOILERS IF YOU LIKE, JUST NOT THAT ONE; I'M AFRAID IT MAY STIFLE MY ABILITY TO KEEP GOING. THANK YOU._**

**I did not expect to update so soon but Martha and Alexis both suddenly decided to cooperate with me. Unfortunately, they chose to do so while I was trying to sleep and wouldn't leave me alone until I typed this up. It's probably a good thing since I needed this up before September 25th (one day ahead here if you didn't already figure that out from the upload dates).**

**Upload Date: September 18, 2012**

**Chapter Rating: M**

**Chapter Summary: Both scenarios are set between the first two episodes of season five, both dealing with Martha and Alexis's reactions to walking in on Castle and Beckett visiting Grandma (if you are reading this out of order, that means "Having sex")**

**#20: Alexis (Take 1)  
Castle is pleasantly surprised to find that Alexis is taking his relationship with Beckett fairly well, after a less than thrilled initial reaction.  
#21: Martha  
Martha visits Beckett under the pretense of apologising for interrupting sexy-times with Castle in order to find out where she stands with her son.**

**#20**

Castle took a deep breath as he entered the loft. Alexis was sitting on the couch, reading.

"Hey," he said tentatively.

"Oh, hey Dad," she said casually, looking up. "Did Beckett get home ok?"

"Uh, yeah, I was just there." He didn't feel it necessary to fill her in on the rest of the day's events.

"Yeah, I thought you might have been."

Castle didn't know what was worse – the anger she had displayed this morning or the calm nonchalance she was showing now.

He sat next to her uncertainly.

"Um... so, maybe we should talk about what you saw this morning.'

"Dad, we already had The Talk ten years ago, remember? You don't need to explain anything to me. I know how this stuff works."

"Uh – y – b -" He sighed. "I don't mean that. I mean, the fact that it was Kate."

"So, it's _Kate _now?" she inquired with mild interest.

"Well, it's not Detective Beckett any more. She quit."

That was enough to make her put her book down. "Really? Huh. So, you're... not going back to the precinct.?"

"I'm not really sure," said Castle. "Probably not for the foreseeable future. But Alexis, I need you to understand that last night wasn't just some sleazy one-night stand.. Kate and I... well, I guess we're sort of dating now."

Alexis shrugged. "OK." She went back to her book.

"OK? That's it?"

She sighed and looked up again. "What do you want me to say?"

"I don't know. You seemed to have a lot of things to say this morning."

"Yeah, look, I'm sorry about that. It just came as a bit of a shock is all. To be honest, it's not like I didn't see this coming. But with you leaving and everything... I thought you had cut ties with Beckett."

"We did. I guess we made up."

"Well, then, I'm happy for you?"

"Really?"

"Well, you love her, right?"

He paused and then nodded earnestly. "Yeah, I do."

"And she loves you."

He took a deep breath. "I think so."

"That wasn't a question."

Castle blinked. "What, did she tell yo that?"

"Of course not. She didn't need to. Dad, I know I told you I'm still your little girl; and part of me will never stop being that– but another part of me is also a woman now, and a woman knows when another woman's in love. I know Beckett doesn't exactly wear her heart on her sleeve like you; but I've picked up on some things over the years, and from what I can see, she's pretty far gone."

He stared in a slightly dazed stupor, before shaking it off. "Well, uh, that's... interesting," he said, trying to keep his tone casual. "So, you're OK with this?"

"Yeah, Dad, I've always liked Detective Beckett. I just didn't like the danger you were in being around her -and I know it wasn't her fault. But if she's not a cop any more, I have no objections. What you you do in your personal life is none of my business."

"So, you really don't mind?" he asked again, just to make sure.

"I really don't, she said sincerely.

_Three days later..._

It still felt a bit surreal, waking up with her body tangled up with Castle's. The best kind of surreal, but still. Understandable, since it had only been four days.

She smiled contentedly as she watched him sleep, before spreading soft open mouth kisses across his chest.

His breathing hitched and he stirred. Taking this as encouragement, she kissed her way up his collarbone, nibbling at his shoulders, sucking his neck,, her lips moving up to softly brush his jaw.

He sighed as his eyes slowly opened, taking in the information.

"Hey," he said softly.

"Morning,"" she replied."

Blinking, he looked around. Smiling slowly, he pulled her in closer. "Mm, I love your bed."

"Really? It's not as big as yours."

"Oh, that's part of what I love about it. It's cosy."

"Well, get used to it, because after what happened the other day, I don't think I'm gonna go back to the loft for a while."

"That's probably a good idea,' he agreed, "although I spoke to Alexis and she's cooled down. She's OK with us."

"Really?"

"Yeah, she says if I'm happy and safe it doesn't bother her.'

"Hmm. Well, good."

He simpered at her.

"What?"

"Nothing. It's just... something else she said."

"What."

"It's – she thinks you're in love with me."

Beckett raised her eyebrows, blushing slightly. "Well," she said awkwardly, "yeah, I kind of thought we went over that."

"Um..." said Castle, containing his giddiness, "no, not in so many words."

She sighed in mock exasperation. "Oh, yeah, I forgot, you're a writer. You need words."

"Well, no, you don't have to - "

"It's fine, Castle." She bit her lip. "I love you," she said quietly.

Castle thought his jaw might break from the smile that spread across his face.

"Well, I love you, too."

**#21**

Of all the people Beckett might have expected to be at her door, Martha Rodgers was not one of them.

"Martha! Wow. Um, hi."

"Afternoon, Kate. How are you?"

"Um... fine. Come in."

This was their first meeting since Martha and Alexis had walked in on her and Castle and Beckett in a compromising position. As she closed the door behind her, she took a deep breath. She was not looking forward to this.

"Um – can... can I get you anything?"

"Oh, no, I'm perfectly fine."

Beckett nodded, "Do you want a seat – I mean, would you like to sit down?"

"Thank you," said Martha, sitting down on Beckett's couch.

Beckett sat across from her, changing positions anxiously every three seconds.

"Nervous, Kate?"

"Uh... well, a little."

"I understand. I just wanted to apologise for the other week."

"No, _I'm_ sorry. I'm sure the last thing you expected or wanted to see was your son, um..." She couldn't finish that sentence.

"Oh, please, Kate, give me a little more credit. I long ago accepted that Richard is a sexual being. It's a very natural, healthy part of the human experience."

_Oh, God,_ Beckett cringed. This was one of the most uncomfortable conversations she'd ever had.

"You're probably wondering why I'm here."

_Yeah, what the hell?_

"Oh, no, it didn't occur to me. It's good to see you. But now you mention it, what can I do for you, Martha?'

"Kate, lets be frank. Now, I've already had this conversation with Richard but there are two sides to every story. I've only ever really heard his. I just want my son to be happy. And I fully believe you can be the one to make him happy – you already are, in fact."

Beckett smiled slightly at that.

"But I've got to admit, Kate, whenRichard told me things between you were over, I was relieved. Ever since he met you, I've been telling him to – forgive the vulgarity of the expression – crap or get off the pot. And I thought he'd gotten off the pot. That endless back and forth between you, Kate, it was ridiculous."

"I know," said Kate. "And I promise you, I'm done with that. I wanna make this work."

"Are you sure?" Martha pressed.

"Yes," said Beckett simply.

"Because he's a good man, Kate. He deserves the best."

"I know," said Beckett.

"I need to be sure you're serious."

"Well – look, we said we'd take it slow, but I promise you, I care very deeply for your son an - "

"How deeply?"

"What?"

"Forgive me, Kate but... It seems to me that you are in love with him."

Beckett stared , mouth agape. "Um..."

"But what he told me about how you lied about knowing he loved you – it's confusing. So, I need to hear it from you. Do you love him?"

Beckett inhaled. "Yeah," she said, her voice cracking. Then, she worried Marth might interperet her delivery the wrong way. "Oh, no – I'm just nervous! Don't – I mean it, I love him, I really do."

Martha smirked. "Oh, I know, dear, I just had to be sure _you_ knew." And with that, she left, leaving a mortified Beckett in her wake.

* * *

You could cut the tension in the room with a knife when Martha arrived home.

"Oh, hello, Richard, Darling," she greeted him, pretending not to notice.

"Hello, Mother. Out visiting a friend?'

"As a matter of fact, I was visiting your girlfriend."

Castle's lip twitched. "I know," he said through clenched teeth. "I just spoke to her. I don't know what you said, but you really freaked her out. What possessed you to suddenly get involved in my love life?'

"Kiddo, I've been involved in your love life from the moment you started talking to me about girls. I just needed to be sure she was aware of her feelings for you."

"Mother, that is no concern of yours."

"So, you don't want to know what she said?"

"It doesn't matter. That's besides the point."

"Really?"

He nodded and she smirked.

There was a pause.

"Ok, fine," he gave in. "What did she say?"

"Well, what do you think? She said she loves you. Hold on to that one; she's a keeper."

Castle gazed dreamily into the distance for a moment before coming back to earth and shaking himself out of his sappy state. "I'm still mad at you."

"Oh, I know," she said with a wink. "Have a good night." She went off to bed.

Castle glanced at the keys to his Ferrari on the bench.

No. No, he wasn't going to give her the satisfaction. He would speak to Beckett tomorrow on he first day back at the precinct.

Where he wasn't allowed to touch her.

_Damn it._

He grabbed the keys in resignation.

* * *

There was another knock at the door

_Please be the creepy hair-sniffing neighbour from 11C, _she prayed as she answered.

But it wasn't. It wasn't Martha, either.

Beckett couldn't suppress a smile. "Castle, I'm fine. You didn't have to - "

He cut her off with a searing kiss, engulfing her entire body in his arms, pushing her forward to step inside and kicking the door closed behind him.

At first, Beckett was too taken aback to react; and the way he was touching her was not helping matters. Eventually, though, he did come up for air, and she moved her head away, which only granted him access to her neck, something he took full advantage of.

"_Castle_," she whispered breathlessly.

"_Mm_," he grunted against her skin, his voice reverberating through her.

Beckett tried to keep her breathing steady, tried to form coherent thoughts.

"What – are you doing?" she gasped as he fumbled with the buttons of her blouse.

"What does it look like?" he rasped against her hair.

'Castle – _oh_ – Castle, stop."

Castle stilled at her words, resting his head in the crook of her neck for a second before straightening and releasing her blouse from his fingers, his breathing shallow.

"Not that I'm complaining," said Beckett, "but do you mind explaining yourself?"

"A guy can't be spontaneous?"

She tilted her head to the side, examining his expression, the way he was gazing at her, and comprehension began to form.

"Your mother told you, didn't she?"

"Told me what?"

She looked away for a second, smiling bashfully, before looking back up at him.

"That I'm in love with you," she replied.

His breath caught. "Say that again."

She wrapped her arms around him. "I – love – you."

He groaned as he brought his mouth back down to hers. "Again," he demanded against her lips.

"I love you," came her muffled cry.

"I love you," she breathed as he yanked the sleeves of her blouse down her arms.

"Oh, God, I love you," she panted as he hastily undid the top button of her jeans.

No, this was wrong. It felt so right, but it wasn't what she wanted. Actually, it was exactly what she wanted – but she wanted a lot of things with Castle, that was the problem. They couldn't do them all at once.

"Wait," she managed to say.

Again, he stopped right away, rocking back and forth on the spot with her as she held him by the lapels of his jacket.

"Slow this time," she said softly. "We've got all night, Rick.. I wanna take my time with you."

Every part of what she said – including the rare use of his first name, which he didn't miss – turned him on even further. If slow was what she wanted, slow was what she would get.

"Ok," he breathed, inches from her mouth.

Kate Beckett was a woman of her word. She indeed took her time with him, drawing out each excruciatingly long moment, from the delayed journey to the bedroom as they gradually removed each other's clothing; from her torturous caresses as she massaged him on the bed; their diligent explorations of each other's bodies; her soft moans of pleasure as he brought her to the edge with his mouth; to the languid aesthesis of flesh on flesh as they joined, her legs wrapped around his waist as she sat in his lap, holding each other as tightly as possible. He thought she'd surely be the death of him but when his strangely drawn out orgasm finally took hold of him, and he rode the overwhelming sensation, his lips pressed firmly against her breast as she stared down at him with so much trust and certainty in her eyes; culminating in an intense ejaculation which spurred her on as she shattered around him, and they leaned against each other's damp foreheads, breathing raggedly, spent but sated; he was incredibly grateful that she had taken her time with him.

She had already taught him the value of patience; that extraordinary things come to those who wait, and tonight was an excellent example.

**Uh... yeah, so, this went in a completely different direction than I had originally intended. I was going to have Castle tease Beckett the next day at the precinct, but Castle just couldn't stay away from Beckett after what Martha told him, so I thought, "Ok, frantic sex against every surface of Beckett's home. That could work". But Beckett really surprised me and said, "No, I wanna do _this_." So, I listened. I didn't elaborate on the "M" rating because I didn't want to give away ****the last scene.**


	17. Sleep

_**Disclaimer: The characters in this work do not belong to me. No money is being made from this story.**_

**After re-watching the sneak peek for the twentieth time, I was reminded of something I had already written as a draft. taking that as a sign, I typed up that scenario and all the rest associated with the topic, which is sleep. #22 is based on an awesome scene in Angel.**

**Upload Date: September 25, 2012**

**Chapter Rating: K**

**Chapter Summary: All in the title.**

**#22**  
**Drifting**

**#23**  
**That's Why**

**#24**  
**Progress**

**#22**

It had been a long day, starting with a body-drop at three in the morning. There were so many details, discrepancies, suspects, people of interest and witnesses in this case it had been midnight by the time they had finally gone home. Of course, Beckett had repeatedly told Castle to just go home without her but he had stayed with her, making her coffee, bouncing of theories and keeping her sane with his banter. By the time they got back to her place, they both collapsed on the bed, fully clothed, facing each other, eyes too heavy to keep open.

They were both at the precipice of sleep, exhausted and semi-conscious; yet somehow still aware of each other's presence.

"Mm," said Castle, his voice laced with sleep.

"Hmm?" Beckett asked, her voice just as slumberous.

"You need a break."

"Can't."

"Next vacation day. Take you away."

She smiled lazily. "Where?"

"Hamptons?"

"Been there."

"Bed-and-Breakfast?"

"Boring," she sighed.

"Europe?"

"Air-sickness."

"Take my boat."

"Sea-sickness."

"Hmm," said castle. "We could just stay here."

"Mm," said Beckett. "Or we could go camping."

Castle groaned. "Don't like camping."

"Mm, it'll be great. I'll show you."

"What if it gets cold?"

"Pitch a tent."

"Mm, too much work."

"Other ways to keep warm. Share a sleeping bag. Snuggle up fin front of the fire. Make love under the stars."

"Mm, I guess I could get the hang of camping."

"Mm, Talk about it tomorrow."

"Ok."

"Night.'

"Night."

"I love you," she mumbled into her pillow.

"Love you too," he said vaguely, as they both floated towards their slumber.

* * *

The next day, over breakfast, Beckett suddenly froze, her coffee halfway between the breakfast table and her mouth. "Oh!"

"What?" Castle enquired, concerned, as he sat next to her.

Beckett turned to face him. "I said 'I love you' last night.

He smiled. "Yes. Yes, you did."

She nodded slowly. "I meant it."

He nodded back "I know," he said, kissing her on the cheek.

"I was a bit out of it but -"

"So was I. Still meant it.'

She grinned slowly. "So we're good."

"We're amazing," he grinned back.

"Good."

"Good."

* * *

_**#23**_

_Why do I have to wake up? _Castle complained inwardly as he rubbed his light-stung eyes. Then, he turned over to see the beautiful naked woman sleeping next to him, a contented smile on his face.

_Oh, yeah, that's why._

His lip curled in delectation as he watched her, gently tucking a strand of haor behind her ear.

She stirred slightly, sighing. "I love you."

His arm froze, and his breathing slowed.

She could be talking to anyone – her parents, a childhood pet, and old boyfriend -

"I love you Castle," she mumbled, as if hearing.

A small smile crept up on his lips and he kissed her temple.

* * *

"Good morning," she said as he entered her room, carrying two cups of coffee.

"Good morning," he said as he sat down on the bed, placing a kiss on her cheek and giving her a cup.

"I can't believe you woke up before me," said Beckett.

"Well, it was bound to happen eventually. So, did you sleep well?"

"Yeah. You?"

"Yeah. Did you... have any interesting dreams?"

She narrowed her eyebrows. "Not particularly. Why?"

"No reason," he simpered as he took a sip.

* * *

They were snuggled up on the couch together, both reading their own books.

Beckett put her book down to peer up at him. He was completely engrossed in his novel, tongue cured over his mouth in concentration.

She smiled as she watched him.

She didn't really think about it much. It just felt completely natural to say the next words. "I love you."

He didn't respond.

"Castle?"

"Mm," said Castle.

"Did you hear what I said?"

He glanced at her. "Yeah, I love you, too." Then, he went back to his book.

Narrowing her eyebrows, she unwrapped herself from his arms.

He looked up again. "There something wrong?"

"No, no. Nothing's wrong; I just... thought you'd be a little more excited the first time I told you I loved you."

"Well, I was, but sweetheart, that was months ago."

She shook her head in confusion. "What are you - ?"

"You told me you loved me in your sleep."

"I did?"

He grinned. "Yeah."

"Oh. Well, that doesn't really count."

"I didn't think so the morning you said it, either. But then, that night, you said it again. And the next night and – not the night after that but the morning after that and – well... you tell me you love me pretty much every day."

She stared, mortified. "Oh. So, I guess you've been feeling pretty pleased with yourself, huh?"

"Actually, I've been pretty pleased with you." He pulled her back into him. "Hey, every time you say it is exciting. I am never going to get complacent with that, ok?"

She smiled in spite of herself. "Ok."

* * *

**#24**

He hadn't invited her. She had been the one to ask if she could come on his book tour with him. Of course, he'd been delighted when she had – if a little taken aback. Well, she had a bit of time off at work and the idea of Castle travelling the country being followed around by flocks of mindless fan girls did not sit well with her at all.

So, that's why they were currently sitting in first class.

Castle had fallen asleep. The image reminded her of a similar flight two years ago, on their way back from Los Angeles, re-reading Royce's letter as an oblivious Castle napped beside her.

Back then, she hadn't been ready to admit her feelings for Castle – at least not out loud.

Now, though? She was ready.

She smiled down at him, her thumb grazing his bottom lip as he slept.

"I love you," she said.

He didn't stir, didn't make a peep. Maybe she wasn't quite ready to say it to Castle while he was awake, but she had definitely made progress, and as she looked down at him, she knew without a doubt that she would get there one day.

Just not today.

**I think I invented a new word.**


	18. I just Called to Say

**I have pages and pages of drafts and outlines of ideas for this series - and yet typing them up would require doing actual work; so I just randomly made this up twenty minutes ago so I can tell you about Castlecast, which is an awesome Castle Podcast you need to listen to if you haven't already. The link is on my profile page or you can just type in castle podcast at Google and it's the first thing that pops up. You're welcome.**

**#25**

Beckett stared at the empty chair. She hated when it was empty. It was just... wrong. Yes, she knew Castle had a "real job" and that his deadline was pushing in and he really needed to finish this book and besides, she would see him tonight; but it had been a few weeks now and he was writing into all hours of the night. In the mornings he would be asleep; so it felt like she hadn't seen him in ages. She just wanted to hear his voice.

This was where he belonged.

She had a staring contest with her phone that lasted about ten minutes before she finally gave in and called him.

"_Miss me already_?" came his cheerful answer.

"Yes," she said without thinking twice.

There was a pause.

"What?"

"I miss you, Castle. I'm allowed to admit that once in a while, aren't I?"

"_Well, of course you can admit it. Feel free to say it as often as you want_."

"Fine. I miss having you around at work. I miss solving cases with you. I miss your crazy theories. I miss just... having you here. And I miss... " she lowered her voice "_being with you_."

"_Oh, Kate_," he said, touched, "_I missed you, too. I just really need_ - "

"To finish the book. I get it. I just wanted to let you know how much I... "

"_Yeah_?"

"Missed you; ok, see you tonight." She hung up. Groaning at her own immaturity, she slumped her head on the desk.

The phone rang about fifteen seconds later.

Beckett took a deep breath. It could be a coincidence. It might not be Castle.

"Detective Kate Beckett. How may I help you?"

It was Castle.

"_Kate_ - "

Again, the words had left her mouth before she was even aware if having thought them.  
"I love you, ok? I bet that makes you all kinds of self-satisfied, doesn't it, knowing I can't go through a simple day without hearing your voice; like I'm some love-struck teenager? Are you proud of what you've done to me, Castle? You've basically ruined me for all other men; and the worst part is that I'm glad; because I can't imagine ever being with anyone else. Now that I have you I don't want anyone else. I don't need anyone else.  
"I bet you just love that, don't you?" But she hung up before he could answer any of her questions.

This time, he didn't call back.


	19. Sleep: M-Rated Scenario

_**Disclaimer: The characters in this work do not belong to me. No money is being made from this story.**_

**_In two weeks I'll have more time for this fic. I'd like to thank everyone who's stuck with this fic and the people who are still finding this. I have not forgotten you._**

**Upload Date: October 20, 2012**

**Chapter Rating: M**

**Chapter Summary: Castle wakes to find Beckett next to her having a very intense dream.**

**#26**

It was still dark outside. Castle groaned and stretched, rolling over to go back to sleep. He froze at what he saw. Beckett was moving around in her sleep, her breathing shallow, punctuated by little moans.

Was she...?

Her head tossed from side to side, her fists clenched in the sheet.

She was. She was having an erotic dream.

Castle's mouth dropped open and all he could do as watch as she seemed to be moving closer to her peak by the dream alone.

'Oh, c -" she breathed.

Castle leaned on his elbow and bowed his head forward in anticipation.

_Yes, go on._

"_Castle_," she whispered.

Castle felt incredibly smug and yet incredibly humbled at the same time, knowing that wherever she was in her head, it was with him, and she was loving it.

Maybe he was the one who was dreaming.

"Mm," she sighed, shifting, and he could see that she was close. His boxers were incredibly tight, his breathing constricted and he thought he might be sweating as he sat up to watch her fall, taking mental pictures, wanting to map out each moment of bliss etched on her face as she arched her back and moaned his name.

"_Oh, Castle_," she cried.

He was beaming_. God,_ this was so hot... but also beautiful, so beautiful_._

"_Oh, God- hmm – I – I - Oh God!"_

Why had he ever bothered with porn? This was so much better_. _She was naked, in his bed, on the verge of climax, crying out his name and -

_"I love you_!" she screamed. and stilled, her eyes suddenly open as she stared up at the awed-filled gaze of her partner.

He just stared at her for a moment, before slowly bringing his hand down to brush away the hair that had stuck to her damp forehead.

"Hi," he grinned.

**Keep an eye on "Too Many Ways" if you want a continuation of this scene. It hasn't been written yet, but when I have the time I may write one if there's enough interest.**


	20. Through the Grapevine: The Dreaded Ex

**_Just a friendly reminder that I have a companion piece for this called "Too Many Ways" with extra scenes. So, for example, if you wanted to see what happened after Beckett woke up in the previous chapter, or why Castle didn't call back in "I just Called to Say", all you have to do is click on my profile and then click on "Too Many Ways". It's all there._**

**Edit: So, I've gone in and cleaned up some stuff. It was, like 3 am when I posted this morning. I've been trying to write this scenario since I started this miniseries but it wasn't cooperating; then, yesterday _Red_ came out and I fioud out I only have to wait a week for Season 5, not four months like I thought and all of a sudden I was in the mood to write it. Funny How that works. **

**Upload Date: October 23, 2012**

**Chapter Rating: K+ (Aftermath of violence)**

**Chapter Summary: Afetr Castle is injured, it's up to Beckett's ex-boyfriend to attend to him.**

**#27**

Castle was cleaning the blood from his forehead when the doorbell rang. He dried himself with the towel and answered it. His mouth dropped open when he saw who it was. He should have guessed. It was just one of those days

"Detective Demming. Come in."

Demming nodded, business-like, before looking up, at which point his eyes nearly bulged out of his head.

"Holy crap, Castle!" The next thing he knew he was ripping off his tie. Castle stepped back in fear. He had just been attacked in his own apartment and now Beckett's ex-boyfriend seemed to have decided it was his turn, too. In that moment Castle wasn't sure if he wanted to strangle him or if he was coming on to him – and he wasn't sure which scared him more, either.

Turned out it was neither as he pressed it to his forehead.

"Geez, Castle, you're a multi-millionaire and you don't have a first-aid kit?"

"I was just cleaning the wound when you knocked," said Castle, leading Demming to his bathroom.

"Castle, the call came in twenty minutes ago."

"Yeah, well, I was getting the glass out – plus, I... kind of kept passing out," he admitted. "Guess I didn't realise how deep it went."

Demming froze. "Ok, that's it, we gotta get you to the emergency room."

"_No –_ no, no, don't be so melodramatic. Come on, just... help me get cleaned up."

Demming reluctantly dropped the issue and helped Castle dress his wounds when the door opened and a woman's voice echoed through the loft.

"Ok, I'm home, so what's the - "

There was a crash. She had been out to get groceries. Perhaps she had dropped them.

"Castle?!" There was worry in her voice.

"Bathroom!" Castle called back.

Demming held pressure on Castle's bandage. "Is that...?"

"Uh, yeah. Probably should have warned you about that," said Castle sheepishly. "I blame the head injury."

"Castle, what the hell happened?!" Beckett panicked as she put away her gun. She froze. It's not every day you walk into your current boyfriend's bathroom to find him bleeding through gauze held up by your ex-boyfriend. She recovered quickly, though, pushing past Demming to examine his head.

"Oh, God, we gotta get you to the emergency room." She led him out.

"It's no good, Kate. I already tried - "

"Oh, you tried?!" She snapped. "The man is bleeding from his head. You don't try. You just take him."

"Well, I couldn't very much force him - "

"Maybe _you _can't. Come on, Rick."

"Uh-oh, calling me Rick. That means she's serious."

* * *

About four hours later, Castle was sitting on the foot of a hospital bed, his head clean and bandaged, his arm attached to a drip, while Demming stood in front of him, note-pad in hand.

"Ok, that should about do it. Thank you very much for your cooperation, Mr. Castle."

"Thank you, Detective Demming - and, uh, look, sorry for the way you found out - "

"Hey, it's fine. Kate and I, that was... very short-lived – and over a long time ago. I'm glad you guys finally worked things out."

"Yeah, it was about time, wasn't it?"

"I'll say. Hey, why did you guys break up in the first place, anyway?"

"Break up? We never broke up?"

"Didn't she break up with you just before she dated that surgeon guy?'

"Josh? We didn't get together in the first place until, like, a year after they broke up. We've only been dating for a few months."

"Oh," said Demming, confused. "All this time, I thought she broke up with me for you. I kind of hated you for a few months because of that. In fact I... may or may not have hidden a few copies of _Naked Heat _behind some cook-books at _Barnes and Noble_. Sorry, man."

"Why would you think she broke up with you for me? I wasn't even in town when you guys broke up."

"Uh, well, granted, it was over two years ago; but I'm pretty sure you guys were working on that Spy-Games case when she called off a trip I think we were gonna have for the weekend – and I realised it wasn't just the weekend."

"Kate - Kate broke up with you before I left?"

"Yeah, well, it doesn't really matter, now, does it?" said Demming quickly, apparently realising he had opened a proverbial can of worms. "I mean, the important thing is you're together now. Besides, if she didn't love you then, she definitely does now. I mean, Kate Beckett is one of the most sensible people I've ever met; but she was going crazy tonight over what happened to you."

Castle nodded slowly, smiling. "Look at us; two grown men talking about love like a couple of girls."

"Well, if this wasn't a hospital, I'd suggest a spitting contest. "

"Not necessary." He held out his hand. "Thanks again."

Demming smiled, shaking it. "You take care, Castle."

After opening and shutting the curtain, he almost ran into Beckett. It was fortunate that he didn't, as she was carrying two coffees.

"Uh - "

"Hi, Kate."

"Tom."

An awkward pause followed.

"Uh, so -"

"Look - "

"I'm sorry," they said in unison; and then laughed together.

"Look, I get it," said Demming. "No harm, no foul."

"Friends?"

"Friends."

"Yeah, I'd shake your hand but -" she indicated the coffees.

"No worries, said Demming. "I'm glad you're happy, Kate."

"But you don't know what I see in him, right?"

"On the contrary; I was at Captain Montgomery's funeral. The guy tried to take a bullet for you. Kind of hard to compete with that."

"Oh, well, uh - "

"Relax, Kate," he grinned. "It's been two years. I'm over you."

"Right. Well, I guess I'll see you around the precinct?"

He inclined his head. "Yeah, maybe. I just might stop avoiding you."

They both smiled.

"See ya, Kate."

"See ya, Tom.

* * *

"Hey, said Castle taking one of the coffees from her. "So, what's the verdict?"

"I get to take you home. The next available nurse is gonna take out the IV, we'll fill out some forms and then, we're out of here."

"Ok," he nodded. "Wait. What about Mother?"

"I've already called her; she was having a private lesson with a client and just got back. Alexis has had her phone turned off all day during classes. They both just got back to me. They're gonna meet us back at my place, then Martha's spending the night at the Hamptons and Alexis is going back to her dorm."

"Well, looks like you thought of everything."

"Mm," she said distractedly.

"What?"

She turned to look him directly in the eye. "Don't think you're getting off the hook that easy. Why didn't you call me?"

"I texted you."

"That just said to hurry up and get home. I didn't know it was an emergency!"

"Oh, I think emergency's a bit of an exaggeration - "

"Castle, a man broke into your Loft through the window and knocked you out with a glass bottle. Just how long did you have to wait before qualifying it as an emergency, when your lifeless corpse was laying in the middle of the living room?"

"Woah, Kate - "

"Castle, do you have any idea what it was like to walk into the Loft to find the whole place trashed and blood everywhere?!"

He bowed his head and gently wrapped an arm around her. She fell into his embrace easily; if not for the coffee she probably would have clung to him.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry; I should have called."

"Yeah, you should have called – an ambulance," she snapped again, breaking off.

"Ok, you're right. I should have been less careless. I should have thought about the people who love me; Alexis, mother – you."

Beckett's lip twitched. "Well.. yeah, you should have."

"Ah, so you admit it! You love me."

"I did not – in so many words."

"I don't know why. It's pretty obvious. Even Demming knew when you broke up with him for me."

He watched her face slowly for a reaction.

She took a sip before replying.

"So, I take it you guys discussed a little more than just the case."

"Hey, it's ok. Water under the bridge, right?"

She nodded. "Yeah. I'm over it. I have you now."

He smirked. "Yes, you do. I'm still sorry I hurt you, though," he said, getting serious again.

She shrugged. "It's ok, Castle, it was a long time ago."

There was a pause.

"I can't believe you loved me even then," he grinned.

She raised her eyebrows. " Even _then_?" She put down the coffee. He sighed in relief; she was smiling.

"Castle," she rolled her eyes as she sat on his lap. He gently supported her by the hips as she leaned in to whisper in his ear. "I loved you from the very first day."

**So,** **did anyone fall for the mislead and think for a second that this was about Josh? I guess, since they were in the hospital, they could have run into him, too; but I think that would have been too cruel to poor Beckett. One ex at a time, I think. Plus, I've always had a soft spot for Hot Uncle Cooper. As for the last line... I guess I'm just in a Taylor Swift mood today.**


	21. The Written Word: Part 1

**Upload Date: October 23, 2012**

**Chapter Rating: T**

**Chapter Summary: He did so much for her with his words. It's her turn to return the favour.**

**#28**

"Oh, crap," said Beckett, patting down her clothes.

"What?" asked Lanie.

"I think I left my phone at Castle's."

"Aw."

"What?"

"It's just – it's so normal. Leavin' stuff at each other's place; you're like a real couple."

"We are a real couple."

"I repeat:_ cute_."

"Yeah, well, we can flail and giggle over it later. Right now, can I borrow your phone?"

"Ok, ok," she said as she handed it over. "You might want to be a little nicer when you're asking for a favour."

"I'm sorry," she said, taking it and sending Castle a quick message.

"That's better."

_Castle -_

_Left phone at ur plce. I'm the morgue rite now. Can u meet me at the precinct w/phone in 20 mins?_

_- __Love Kate_

Castle's eyes widened and he nearly dropped the phone. He looked back at the message. Love. Love, Kate.

Was this her way of finally telling him she loved him? Did she even realise what she had written? Maybe she was just using a generic sign-off.

_Yeah, but she's never written that before._

Ok, he needed to stop obsessing and text her back.

"Forget something?" he queried, phone in one hand, Coffee in the other.

"Oh, thanks Castle, you're a life'-saver," she said, taking both.

"It's what I do," he said, sitting across from her.

After a few moments of her doing paper-work, she looked up. "What?"

"What?"

"You're staring."

'I always stare at you."

"Not like this. What's up?"

"Nothing."

"So much for mister poker-face."

"It's... nothing."

"That means there's something."

Castle sighed. "It's not a big deal; it's just..."

"Hey, Castle, it's me. You can tell me anything."

Castle nodded slowly. "Ok, it's just... Like I said, it's no big deal but... before, when you texted me, you signed it _Love Kate_."

Beckett crinkled her nose. "Uh, yeah. So?"

"Well, you've never said it before. I'm just a bit taken aback you'd skip over such a monumental event in our relationship."

Beckett snickered.

"Hey!"

"I'm sorry, Castle; it's just... I tell you I love you all the time."

His heart skipped a beat at actually hearing the words from her mouth. "Uh, no, you don't. I would remember."

"Sure, I do; I told you the night we got together!"

"No, you said _I want you; _which, amazing, awesome, romantic, awesome, sexy and awesome as it was; is not the same thing."

Beckett shook her head. "Well, I still say it all the time. I said it just the other week during the children's entertainer case."

"Um, no."

"Yeah, yeah, you were sitting right there, playing with those ridiculous sock-puppets and that's when I said it."

Castle's lip curled but he didn't let himself smile. "No."

"You sure?"

"Positive."

"Well, then, when you saw my Dad at the _Old Haunt _and we thought he'd fallen off the wagon and you just held me? That – I said it then, didn't I?"

Castle was shaking his head now, unable to suppress a small smile.

She looked confused. "Really? What about when we were going through those photo-albums and you were telling me all those stories about Alexis and your face lit up - no?"

He was grinning now as he continued to shake his head.

"Well, hey, I know I said it when you figured out the link between that Drug-dealer and the investment banker!"

"No, but go on."

Beckett looked away.

"What? Kate, are you embarrassed?"

"No!" But even as she said it she turned red.

"Oh, it was ok when you thought you'd said it but now you know you haven't you're suddenly bashful."

"Not bashful just..." she peered back at him and looked away, shuffling papers. "You get me all muddled."

"Well, I assure you, Detective, the feelings are completely mutual."

She finally met his gaze again and held it as they grinned at each other like a couple of teenagers.

* * *

**_#29_**

Beckett returned to her desk to find two coffees, one with a post-it on it.

_Had to use little boy's room. Back soon._

Beckett, shook her head, rolling her eyes, but also smiling. Smiling because he was just using the restroom but he still felt the need to leave a note because he felt bad about not giving her the coffee in person. So Castle.

She sat down to find that the pad of post-its and pen he used was still there. With out really thinking about it, she scribbled a message of her own and stuck it on his cup.

She was watching him from the corner of her eye, pretending to be doing paperwork, when he returned, watching for his reaction when he picked up the coffee and read the note. He didn't have one, instead just sitting down and taking a sip.

Really? No reaction? Did he think it was no big deal or was he just teasing her? She was starting to attempt to get actual work done when he finally spoke.

"You're the bravest person I've ever met."

She looked up.

"You're the most brazen-hearted, courageous person I have ever had the privilege to know – and you totally punk'd out on your "I love you".

"What?!"

"Come on, Kate, a post-it? I expected better of you."

"Fine." She took a deep breath. "I love you."

"Well, that didn't count. You didn't mean it."

"What?! Of course I meant it!"

"Well, maybe in general; but you were only saying it to prove a point. A guy needs to be romanced."

"You mean, a girl."

"That is a stereotype. Men need to feel special, too."

"What do you want, a sky-writer?"

"What is it with you; you can't say it out loud?"

"I just did!"

"That didn't count!"

Infuriated with him, she grabbed him by the face and kissed him in the middle of the precinct.

"Hey, Castle," she said when she broke off.

"Yeah?" he breathed, gasping for air.

"I love you. Well?"

He smirked. "Better."

"Typical Castle. Never satisfied."

"Oh ,that's not true, Kate. You know exactly what it takes to satisfy me."

She rolled her eyes.

* * *

**#30**

One of Castle's new years resolutions for 2012 was to reply to every single piece of hand-written fan-mail he had ever been sent – not including the death threats.

It was November and he hadn't even started.

So, finally, when he had a free moment, he started to sift through the mail.

It was extremely tedious until he came across some handwriting he recognised in a purple envelope.

Was this what he thought it was? Because if it was...

He chuckled with glee as he opened it. Oh, he had been waiting to find a piece of evidence like this. He was so going to tease Beckett. Oh, he should make copies and send them to everyone at the precinct.

_Careful, Rick, don't get ahead of yourself_.

Instead, he unfolded the letter, hand shaking slightly, and just read.

_Dear Mr. Castle_

_I can't believe I'm writing this letter; but after reading your latest novel, I absolutely had to write to tell you how wonderful I think you are._

Castle shoved a fist in his mouth to suppress a little yelp of glee.

_You're my favorite author. I suppose I could have sent you an e-mail; but I think hand-written letters are so much more personal. I hope they never go out of style because I think letters would mean less if we didn't put any effort into them; and what I have to tell you is pretty meaningful - at least to me. From the very first time I opened up "In A Hail of Bullets", I have been enamored with your writing. You have such a gift; your characters are so real, and you write with this intelligence, humour and depth that just clicks with me. You don't take the subject matter too seriously; but you never make light of it either. It's so real. Life is like that. There's pain, sadness and darkness; but there are also games and laughter and happiness. It's this beautiful twisted tapestry of emotions and situations; and your writing depicts that perfectly. _

This was even better than he imagined. Oh, she really was a super-fan. _He was going to have so much fun with this._

_Lately, though, it's taken on a different meaning. You see, a couple years after I found your books, my mother was murdered in an alley-way. Her killer was never caught. My father reacted by turning to alcoholism and I changed._

_He's sober now; but I'm still not the same person I was before she died. When I read your books, sometimes, I feel like, for a few moments, I'm that person again. I know it may seem weird that books about grizzly murders would help me get through my mother's death, especially considering the circumstances; but reading your words is like being comforted by an old friend. When I read your work, suddenly, I'm sixteen again, crawled up on my bed. I can hear the tv blaring sports and smell my mom's cooking; and I'm getting lost in this world you've created for us._

Castle smiled.. She had crossed out the word me and replaced it with us. He had to put the letter down. It was... wow. He'd known she was a bigger fan than she had let on; but it had never actually occurred to him that his books had meant this much to her. His chest coiled in emotion and he knew he was definitely not sharing this letter with anyone else. When he got himself together, he read on.

_They say you're a play-boy, a scoff-law, an immature womanizer. Maybe that's the image you project; but I think when we write, we show who we really are. I think who you really are is the smart, funny, creative man who got me through my mother's death; a loving son; devoted father; at times annoying, frustrating, distracting nuisance; but fiercely loyal partner - _

Castle froze. He had to read that line several times over. _Wait a minute..._

_and overall; caring man. It is for these reasons and many others that can't be described in words that I love you. Not just as a reader or a fan but as a woman. I loved you the moment I met you. I tried so hard not to; but I knew even then I would eventually end up either killing you or being with you. Every moment I spent with you made me fall deeper; and that hasn't stopped. You still manage to surprise me with your capacity for love, compassion, kindness and blind-faith in the magic of the world and it's possibilities. By the time you actually get around to reading this, you'll probably be in your seventies. I may not even be in your life an more; or maybe we'll be reading this together on a bench under a tree somewhere. Sometimes I picture the two of us, older; still together; still sharing our love of words. We're still taking one day at a time; but I want that for us, Castle. As ridiculously cheesy as it is, I want always; and I want it with you. Perhaps you'll never read this; but I'm still glad I snuck it into one of your boxes of fan-mail; I like the possibility of you one day finding this hanging in the air; because I don't know if I'll ever be able to tell you all of this to your face. I hope one day I can; I'm working on it._

_Don't ever stop writing._

_Love,_

_Kate_

Castle stared down at the page in awe.

_Beckett startled awake by the feel of Castle's lips on h hers._

"_Mm... hmm– Castle," she laughed drowsily , "what's gotten into you?"_

Buy then she spotted the letter in his hand and grinned.

"Oh, so, you found it."

He moved the hair out of her eyes, staring at her wondrously.

"When did you do this?"

"After I read _Frozen Heat_. It was just so... I mean, words can't... and I wanted to make you feel the same way; but I was scared – and then, I remembered how you told me about that resolution. So, you're the expert. Do I have potential?"

Castle kissed her gently and lovingly on the forehead.

"You're my favourite author," he said finally.

**_#31_**

She didn't mind getting dressed up, or having photographers snapping pictures and hounding her with their incessant questions.

It was the twenty-something bimbos throwing themselves at Castle that she had a problem with. At first, Castle had refused to sign their chests now that he was with her; but she insisted that he do what was necessary to sell the books.

Besides, they weren't the ones taking him home.

"So," said Castle, as they walked through her door. "Night-cap?"

He turned to see her shutting the door.

"Actually," she said, moving closer, "I have a better idea.

She reached into her purse and produced a sharpie, a predatory expression on her face.

Castle gulped.

She well-and-truly wore him out that night. He awoke a couple hours later to the sound of running water.

He rubbed his eyes and looked down. He was covered in black ink. He had been a little distracted while she was marking him and hadn't seen what she had written. Now, he had a chance to see what it was.

Castle smiled. It was her name, in various forms, all over his body.

_Property of Kate Beckett _on the back of his hand.

_Nikki Heat _on his left knee.

_HRH Princess Kate_ on his thigh.

_Kate Beckett, Esquire, _just below his belly button.

_Lady Katherine Sackett_ on his Left arm.

But what really caught his eye was in the centre-left of his chest, written upside down so he could read it easily: _KB heart__s RC._

Castle smiled and got up.

"I got your message," he said as he opened the shower-screen.

Beckett grinned.

"You want some help getting that off? I'm very thorough."


	22. Probable Cause

**A/N: Because there just aren't enough _Probable Cause _fics floating around out there. Thanks again to _Sonicaskettshipper_ for the idea. Takes place at some point during the episode after Castle has made bail. Heavy spoilers for sneak peeks, interviews and tweets for that episode.  
****I know this is pretty gratuitous but it's a conversation I think they need to have.**

**Upload Date: October 28, 2012  
**

**Chapter Rating: T**

**Chapter Summary: After the Tessa Horton case forces Beckett to deal with her trust issues towards Castle she comes to a decision, and goes to Castle's loft after he is released on bail to confront him with her choice.**

**#32**

She listens to Lanie. She goes with her gut. The way he looks at her when he opens the door isn't quite as cold as the last time she came here to apologise, but it's wary, observant.

"What is it? Are you here to arrest me for another murder?"

"Castle."

He sighs. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't make it worse."

"It's ok. I'm not here as a cop, Castle."

He responds slowly. "Then, what are you here as?"

"Your girlfriend."

"Are you still my girlfriend?"

"I hope so. Do you still want me as your girlfriend?"

"Kate, of course I do, but it's not that simple."

"I know." She sighs. "Can I come in?"

He pauses, and then steps aside. "Of course."

He shuts the door. She turns back to face him.

"Castle, even before I met you, you had this reputation as a womaniser. Even after I got to know you and I realised there was more to you; that you did respect woman and that you could have something real with someone... you would say something or do something – and I know most of the time you were just joking but I also felt that it came from a real place – that would convince me that you're just not the kind of guy who can be with just one person. This isn't about you having a past. I've been with other guys, too.  
"But it seemed like, with the exception of Kyra, they were all... subordinates. I wanted so badly to give you the benefit of the doubt, but every time I did, something would happen; you'd run off with your ex-wife or make out with an ex-jewel thief or join the mile high-club with a blonde flight attendant or I'd walk in to see you being straddled by a bikini-clad reporter.  
"The night I was suspended, the night I came here; that was the night I decided none of that mattered. I decided to let go of every excuse I ever had not to be with you and just be with you. That night, everything was just so clear. I haven't had that clarity for a while and the only reason that we're still together is that when it's just us, it's so god-damn amazing that I don't want to let it go. I'm clinging on for dear life, here, Castle. Now that we've crossed that line, I can't imagine going back.  
"When other people get involved, that's when we tend to have problems – and that's an issue because we can't stop other people coming along and complicating our lives. This whole thing – it wasn't even really about Tessa. I knew you weren't with _her_. I knew it must be part of the set-up."

"So, you believe I'm being set-up?"

"How else do you explain all of this? It's the only thing that makes sense. But anyway, we'll get to that later. This whole thing just brought up some issues I've had for a while now, that I've ignored, and I really shouldn't ignore them.  
"I should talk to you about it. We've talked about it a little, but there's some stuff that needs to be said, things I need to know. Castle – don't freak out when I say this – marriage is a big deal to me. It's sacred. And you did it twice. And I've wondered what went wrong, and I've speculated, but I need to hear it from you. I need to know."

Castle sighs and runs a hand through his hair. "Well, with Meredith, it was just a mistake to get married. We were way too young and Meredith – God love her – is not the marrying kind. It was just this spontaneous weekend in Vegas that lead to this spontaneous honeymoon that led to this child neither of us was ready for. Luckily, that part worked out for me but Meredith just couldn't commit to the responsibilities – even when she was here. I mean, she was working so much and I think when she actually made an effort to be a wife and mother, she felt trapped and so she handled that by sleeping with her producer."

Beckett's eyes widen. "Castle..."

"It's ok, it was a long time ago. At the time, I was mad – but mostly hurt. I still wanted to make things work, though. I still wanted to be a family. But she wouldn't take my calls. She just took off to Malibu and he next communication I had from her was the divorce papers she served me with.  
"With Gina, there was more thought that went into it. It was a much more mature relationship. There was a friendship there, a mutual understanding and respect that I didn't have with Meredith. But we didn't know how to balance work and home life.  
"There was fighting, fighting that we didn't know how to resolve. Plus I... didn't mean to, but I think I kind of shut her out of my relationship with Alexis. I think I was trying to keep my identity as a husband separate from my identity as a father – which is ludicrous, I know, considering we were all living under the same roof. I think we could have dealt with those issues if we'd really tried, if we went to counselling.  
"The one thing that couldn't be fixed, though, what I think was our biggest downfall, was that with Gina, I wasn't with her because I absolutely needed to be. I was with her because it made sense, because I loved her, because we got a long, I found her attractive – but there was no pull, no gravity, no chemical reaction, no... magic.  
"After my history, I've gotta be honest, I don't know if I wanna be married again. I do know I want to spend the rest of my life with you; but I love what we have and I don't wanna screw it up by trapping us in an antiquated institution.  
"But none of it matters if you don't trust me."

Beckett sighs and takes him by the hand. "I do trust you, Castle."

He looks unconvinced.

She sighs again and pulls him towards her. He takes her into his arms tentatively.

"It's me I didn't trust. I didn't trust my heart. I didn't trust my judgement. I didn't trust that I could feel this wonderful and have it not fall apart.  
"I mean, you were right. Demming, Josh – those relationships were easy because they were safe. There was little risk of getting hurt because as much as I cared about them... well it was like you said. It wasn't like gravity. It wasn't what we have.  
"If this ended – Castle, it would crush me. It would destroy me. And it would ruin our partnership and I can't lose that. So, I need to know that it's just me for you, that this means as much to you as it does to me. Because I admit, I've been doubting it." She releases herself and looks up solemnly at him. "I only need to hear you say it once, Castle, and I'll never doubt you again, I promise. I just need to hear you say it."

Castle doesn't look away. He stares back, with such determination and certainty in his eyes. "Kate, I only want you. I'm only going to be with you, just you, for as long as you'll have me."

She sighs again, and it's as if a huge weight has been lifted off her chest, because she knows he means it, knows he will keep his promise.

"Thank you," she says, hugging him again.

"Always," he whispers back.

"I'm so sorry," she whispers. "I'm so sorry for doubting you. I know how you feel about me, and if you love me half as much as I love you, I know there's no way you could bring yourself to be with someone else when you're with me, because that's how I feel about you."

He stiffens, and finally, pulls out of the hug to look down at her.

"You love me?"

She smiles. "Yeah," she nods, taking his hand again. "I do."

"Will you still love me when I'm living behind bars?"

"I won't let that happen, Castle. I wast thinking about it on the way here, and I think I might know who's setting you up."

"Who?"

"Well, I figured there's no way this is his first killing."

"well, that's obvious."

"We've already got him profiled as a serial killer, and he's smart. Really smart. The detail that went into this whole set up – it's brilliant. And we know it has to be someone with motive, someone who would want to see you suffer, someone with a score to settle. But what really got to me was his MO; the way he kills."

"Strangling.' He pauses. "You think it's 3xk."

"Is there anyone else you can think of who might have a grudge against you who could pull this off?"

"Well, I really can't answer that. I didn't think Damien was capable of murder, so, I really can't speak for what anyone I've ever met is capable of – except maybe Alexis. I'm pretty confident she didn't do this. Not that she couldn't pull it off, I just know she wouldn't. And I have so many crazy fans – one of whom was convincingly framed as a serial killer and one who actually _was_ a serial killer. But I came to the same conclusion as you," he said gravely. "What happened to Tessa, that was him. Tyson."

His voice breaks on the last syllable, and she thinks she knows what's wrong.

"Castle, it's not your fault."

"I know. Rationally, I know that. But I can't help how I feel, Kate."

She strokes his face with her thumb. "I know, Castle," she says softly.

"So, what do we do now?"

She brings her hand back down. "We do what we do best. We solve the murder. We know who we think it is, but we need evidence. And when we have that evidence, we bring it to Gates and we clear your name. And once your name has been cleared, I take you back to my place and have my wicked way with you."


	23. After Hours

**Disclaimer: Castle Belongs to Andrew Marlowe and ABC America.  
**

**_A/N_: _I know. I know. "Where have you been, Cofkett?" I'm sorry. Thank you to everyone who has stuck with me, and to new people: Welcome!  
_**

**Based on spoilers, sneak peeks and promos for 5x08, After Hours. The return of the "expiration dtae" analogy, because I'm not above recycling my own stuff.**

**Upload Date: November 18, 2012  
**

**Chapter Rating: K+  
**

**Chapter Summary: Castle and Beckett discuss their relationship after she rescues him from mobsters.  
**

**#33**

_"Yin needs Yang, not another Yin. Yin-Yang is Harmony. Yin-Yin is... the name of a Panda."_**  
**

Richard Castle, Season 1, Episode 9, _Little Girl Lost  
_

* * *

"Leo was right."

Castle stared up at her.

"About us. When he said the fight wasn't really about our parents. I mean, yeah, I really did want it to go well and then when it didn't, I was worried about how that might affect us in the future - Christmas, thanksgiving, birthdays. My Dad is really important to me and I know how close you and your Mom are. But I was thinking about how different they are, and how those two people don't really belong in the same room. Then, I started thinking about us, and how different _we_ are, and how we bicker and argue all the time. And I wondered: 'Are we just kidding ourselves?'"

Castle listened to her words with dread. He could sense what was coming next and he really wasn't in the mood to be dumped right now after everything he'd just been through.

"'Can two people as different as we are have any kind of a future? Are we doomed to failure? Do we even belong in each others' worlds?'"

Castle inhaled sharply. "Kate - "

"Castle. Just... let me finish, ok? So, I guess I was angry because I don't want this to end - "

"I don't either."

"- but it seemed inevitable. I could see it, laid out before me, the expiration date of our relationship, and I took it out on you. It was like I was blaming you for being so different and that wasn't fair. You should be able to be yourself, and I should be free to be who I am. I basically resigned myself to the idea that it couldn't work, that maybe we should just give up."

His heart sank.

"And then, they took you and suddenly none of that stuff seemed important anymore. All that mattered was getting you back safe."

He noticed for the first time that she had been crying.

"Castle, if anything happened to you, I - I wouldn't care about petty arguments or misunderstandings. I would just... God, I can't even - "

He reached over to stroke her face.

She took a deep breath.

"Anyway, it's not like we're complete opposites. We both... like solving murders. Maybe we have different approaches, but I think that's why we work so well together. And we like a lot of the same books, tv, movies. I love the parts of you that are like me, but it's the parts of you that make you different that I love the most.  
"I love that you're creative and you think outside of the box and you don't take anything too seriously. I love your enthusiasm, Castle. There's so much I love about you. I love... all of you.  
"I don't need to date a carbon-copy of myself. That would be kind of weird. Besides, I have more fun fighting with you than I do agreeing with anyone else."

Castle stared, dumbstruck. He had expected the end, and instead, he had gotten the "L" word. Have wasn't sure if she even realised she'd never said it before; but it hardly mattered. The point was, she'd said it.

"So... you're not breaking up with me?"

She smiled and shook her head.

"Not tonight."

He smiled back and sighed in relief. "Good. And just for the record, I agree with everything you just said."

"Duly noted." She took hold of his hand.

"You know, Castle, on second thought, I think you made the right choice with the red shirt. It looks good."

"Well, thank you."

"Would have looked even better with a tie..."

He rolled his eyes.


	24. Spell it Out

**Disclaimer: Castle Belongs to Andrew Marlowe and ABC America.  
**

_**Ok, excuse time: I have been volunteering at a camp for disadvantaged kids for the past week. Before that, I was editing and uploading my Christmas series (which is done now, if you haven't read it). So ecstatic about 205 followers. Thank you so much.**_

**Upload Date: December 12, 2012  
**

**Chapter Rating: M  
**

**Chapter Summary: Beckett spells out her love for Castle using Coffee beans, food, scrabble tiles and his own skin.  
**

**#34**

It was her first memorial day weekend in the Hamptons with Alexis and Castle. Beckett didn't get off work until late but she had the whole weekend off after that. By the time she got there, Alexis had left for a nearby beach party she'd been invited to by some college friends whose parents also had beach houses in the Hamptons.

Castle had attempted to write in their absence but had instead ended up making a fort out of sheets, pillows and dining room chairs.

He was playing in it when she arrived. At first she made fun of him but it didn't take him long to convince her to get in in on the act. It started out so innocently. They were like two little kids, playing make believe; but it was a hot summer's night and it didn't take long for things to get stuffy and sweaty, which led to removal of clothing, which led to other, more mature – but equally fun – activities and half an hour after Beckett had arrived at the house, they were panting side by side, naked, under one of the sheets.

"That was -" Castle gasped.

"Yeah," Beckett agreed, her hair still up.

Castle turned towards her and her shoulder, gently nudging her onto her side and running a hand up and down her spine, earning a contented sigh from her.

"Did Alexis say when she'd be getting back?" she asked.

"Just that she'd text before she left the party."

"Hmm. Maybe we should get dressed just in case."

He groaned. "Five more minutes. And a shower – together."

She grinned.

"Deal."

He began to trace patterns on her back.

They both enjoyed this game. She waited patiently for him to finish.

"A ninja fighting a unicorn?" she guessed.

"Close. A samurai battling a giant sea-horse."

"That was a sword? It felt like nun-chucks.

"It's a double-ended sword. Your turn." He turned over.

She smiled and turned towards him, one hand on his chest, the other drawing something on his back.

"Done."

"Uh... the stature of liberty?"

"Edward Grimes carrying the Olympic torch."

"Who's Edward Grimes?"

"From Jedward."

"What's Jedward?"

"Oh, don't you watch youtube?"

"I mainly concentrate on the animal videos – like those cute little lion cubs and the animal trainer - "

"Castle."

"Yeah."

"It's your turn again."

He turned around to find she already had her back to him. Admiring her perfect posterior, he began to write on her back.

"Oh, letters. Fun. Um... Y – O -U – G -I - V... give... You give... T – ...The ... W – O – R – World – S... World's... B – E – S – Best... You give the world's best B – L – O …  
"Ok, that's enough," she said ,turning around to face him, fighting back her amusement.

"But I didn't get to finish!" he whined.

"Oh, you're finished alright. Turn around. Last one."

He smirked and complied.

Beckett finally allowed the smile that had been playing hat her lips to burst free as she shook her heard.

She re reached out to stroke his hair, her hand crawling down his neck to his back, touching him softly, peacefully.

This was... nice. Better than nice.

If she could spend the rest of her life doing this, she would die happy.

The letters started forming without her planning it, before she realised what she was doing.

"I – L – O – Illinois! Wait, that's two Ls. V- " his breathe caught.

She could feel his pulse accelerate slightly.

"Kate?"

"Next letter, Castle," she said calmly.

He took a deep breath and continued. "E – Y - O - " the next letter was barely a whisper. "U."

He was frozen beside her.

She gently rolled him onto his back.

"Correct," she whispered, leaning down to kiss him softly.

He responded enthusiastically, reaching up to hold her face. When they finally broke off, he looked up at her with awe.

"Thank you for coming up this weekend."

She sank back down into his arms.

"Wouldn't have missed it for the world."

* * *

**#35**

She needed a caffeine boost but Castle wasn't around; so she descended into the break-room. In her haste to re-fill the machine, he accidentally spilled some of the coffee beans on the counter and was cleaning it up when she saw Castle through the window.

_Great, now he shows up._

He was smiling in amusement and rushed into help her.

She smiled warmly and started spelling out words with the beans.

"Need some he - ?" he stopped talking when he saw he beans.

_I love you._

"Oh, ignore that, it's not for you, it's for Esposito."

"Ah," he said, suppressing a smirk as he closed the blinds and pulled her into his arms.

"Ok, you got me, it's for you," she admitted, running her fingers through his hair.

"Plot twist," he said as he placed a chaste kiss on her lips.

"Why?" he asked when they broke off.

She shrugged. "Just 'cause I felt like expressing it in that moment, and I had just spilled the beans, why not spill some more?"

He ginned and nodded in approval. "Yes."

"What better way than through coffee?"

Well, he certainly couldn't argue with that.

* * *

**#36**

"And triple word score gives me... 63. And you're still on... twelve?"

]"Yes, ok. Don't get cocky just yet. I'm getting warmed up."

The door bell rang.

"Pizza!" He sprang up excitedly.

"Back soon," he said, kissing her on the cheek from behind and bounding to the door.

Beckett glanced down at her remaining tiles and narrowed her eyes.

Slowly, she rearranged them.

"One large supreme and two loaves of garlic bread," he said triumphantly, laying the box down between them as he sat bask down on the floor.

"You know what? I'm not really hungry right now." Her eyes dropped down to his crotch. "At least, not for pizza."

He gulped. "Uh, Kate..."

She crawled towards him, a predatory look in her eyes and a coy grin on her lips as she un-did his fly and released him from his boxers,

"Yes, Castle?" she asked, stroking him and coaxing him until he was rock-hard.

He took a deep breath. "Nothing."

All he could do was stare, eyes rolling to the back of his head as she took him into her mouth.

* * *

Rick's hands dropped to his sides as he collapsed back against the couch. A moment later Kate's head was on his thigh, her body leaning against his leg. They sat silently for several moments.

Finally, she exhaled. "Shower, I think," Beckett said, getting up.

"What about the Pizza?"

"That's what microwaves are for. Put it in the oven. You comin'?"

"I – when – um..."

She smiled in understanding. "When you're ready, Rick."

It wasn't until she'd left him alone that he was able to bring himself to pack up the tiles. That was when he saw the message she'd left for him.

Suddenly, he found he had renewed energy, and he stripped off all his clothes as he followed her into the shower, so utterly turned on and grateful for everything she'd done that night that he decided to repay the favour – ten-fold.

* * *

**#37**

She hated getting sick, because it meant missing work, and being blocked and stuffy and horrible. But this was the first time she'd been sick since she'd been with Castle and he knew exactly what to do. He had given her alphabet soup - "because it's so much more fun than regular soup" - and popped out to get her some things from the pharmacist.

By the time he returned with two boxes of deluxe tissues, a pack of coffee flavoured lozenges, an aroma-therapy candle, a chilled face mask and a package of daytime cold medicine; she was asleep.

Castle put everything down and grabbed the tray he had brought in earlier. He stared down when he saw that she had spelt out the words "I Love Castle" with the letters on the tray.

* * *

She woke up in his arms.

"Mmm,' was all she could say.

"Hey, sleepy head," he murmured.

"Hey," she managed to utter. "You shouldn't be so close to me. I'll get you sick."

"I don't care. Not being close to you is way worse than a runny nose."

She closed her eyes and sighed, resting her head back against him.

"You get my message?"

"Yeah."

She smiled. "Its true."

He smiled back. "I know, sweetheart."

"It's partly because of stupid stuff like this."

**Free BJs for everyone!**

**Male Reader: Yay!**

**Female Reader: I don't have a penis.**

**Author: That's ok, you can watch.**

**Female Reader: Yay!**

**I'm working on a "Significant Others" scenario but it's tricky.**


	25. Significant Others

**Disclaimer: Castle Belongs to Andrew Marlowe and ABC America.  
**

_**Happy New Year!**_

**Upload Date: January 12, 2012  
**

**Chapter Rating: T  
**

**Chapter Summary: Based on the sneak peeks and spoilers for 5x10. Beckett confronts Castle about a secret he's been keepin from her. Set at the end of the episode.**

**#38**

"Well," Castle sighed as the walked through the door to the loft, "that was a sufficiently depressing case. I think I'll hit the hay."

"Not so fast, Castle. We have to talk."

He cringed.

"Do we really?"

"Yes."

"Is it absolutely necessary?"

"Yes!"

He nodded slowly. "Ok. Look, Kate, I don't know how many times I can apologise. Meredith's leaving in the morning, why we can't we just forget this whole thing - ?"

"I can't forget it, Castle. Today I discovered something. Something you've been keeping from me."

"Kate, what are you talking about?"

"I thought I knew you pretty well. And I accepted all of it, the good stuff and the baggage, just like you did with me, and we both know I have my fair-share of baggage. Turns out, I was wrong about you. You're not the man that I thought I knew."

Castle felt a rush of nausea at her words. "I told you not to let her get to you. Listen, Kate, whatever Meredith told you - "

"She told me the real reason that you divorced."

"And you believed her? What did she say, that I wasn't there for her, that I smothered her, I was over-bearing...?"

"She told me the truth. About her affair with her director, about how she was the one to leave you, about how you followed her, tried to get her into counselling with you."

"Oh."

"Why didn't you ever tell me?"

He furrowed his eyebrows. "I guess it never really came up."

"'It never came up'. Why didn't you bring it up? I thought that was one of the things we do now: we talk about stuff, we don't just keep it inside."

"I wasn't keeping anything inside, I just..."

"What?"

"I just didn't want you to think less of me," he blurted.

She stared. "Castle, why would I think any less of you?"

"You said it yourself. I'm not the man you thought you knew."

"Yeah, I meant you're not this ladies man play-boy player guy. I mean, this whole time, I just thought you'd changed, grown up since you met me - "

"That's true."

"Maybe in some ways – and so have I. But... there's been this cloud hangin' over my head, like maybe, you'd revert back to who you really are, but today I realised, this _is_ who you really are. This loyal, kind, amazing steadfast man who got his heart broken a few too many times and decided it wasn't worth trying to make a real relationship work."

Castle smile and then sighed. "Maybe you're right. I just... I still don't understand, y'know? Why I wasn't enough. Why we weren't enough. We could have been a family. She could have been a great mother, I mean, the last few days proves it, she's not completely inept when she puts her mind to something, and she really does love Alexis."

"Well, maybe you should ask her, before she leaves. Get some closure."

"Maybe I should. You were right before. I need to grow a pair and just tell Meredith what's appropriate."

"No, I – y'know, you're not my property, I shouldn't be acting like some school-girl who doesn't want anyone else playing with her favourite toy."

"Oh, I don't know, I think that might have its place.'

She smiled in spite of herself and rolled her eyes.

"Look, I still think Meredith shouldn't have manipulated you... but she's the mother of your child. She's going to be a part of your life forever. And... look, I don't ever think you're going to stop being you – and I don't want you to. You're generous and kind and a good father and I love you for that."

His ears perked up at that part.

"That's right. _Yes_. I just... hate to see someone taking advantage of how amazing you are. You shouldn't let people walk all over you."

"Hey, there's only one person I wanna let walk all over me."

"I don't know, Castle, that sounds a little too kinky for my taste."

Castle smirked.

There was a pause.

"So, we're good?"

"Yeah, Castle. We're good."

"And you love me."

Her mouth spread into a shy grin. "Yeah," she admitted, inching forward to wrap her arms around him.

"Good, 'cause Meredith wants to go shopping with you before she leaves."

Beckett's face dropped. "What?!"


	26. Through the Grapevine: Alexis and Royce

**Disclaimer: Castle Belongs to Andrew Marlowe and ABC America. **

_**Yeah, I'm still working on this. Seriously. Plus, I'm not using a spoiler warning in the summary at the moment so... Warning: spoilers for everything, ever, in the history of popular culture. There.**_

**Upload Date: January 20, 2012 **

**Chapter Rating: T **

**Chapter Summary: **

**#_39: Alexis - Take 2_**

**Continuation of Sneak Peak 4 for Death Gone Crazy**

_**#40: Royce**_

**Castle finds Royce's letter**

**#39**

Castle took a deep breath as Beckett approached, standing up.

"I know, I know. Alexis is right. I need to trust her. I have the best daughter in the world. I'm worrying about nothing. Lots of people post vlogs. It's not a big deal."

"Uh..." said Beckett, looking very uncomfortable having walked in on the two of them, "actually, I was going to ask you if you wanted a coffee. You look like you could use one."

"Oh. Yeah. Thanks."

"So, what's this about Alexis posting a vlog? " Beckett asked once they were in the break room and he was sitting while she made his coffee.

"Uh, yeah, I found it this morning; I probably just over-reacted."

"Well, that wouldn't be out of character for you. It's probably just a misunderstanding. Alexis is a smart girl. I bet the video's set to be viewed only by friends and family."

"Uh, I don't think so. She posted it on her own website, not YouTube, and I found it in a Google search."

Beckett narrowed her eyes.  
"What were you searching for?"

"Uh... nothing."

"You Googled yourself, didn't you?"

"Well - alright, yes. Go ahead, make fun of me - "

"What page was her website listed on?"

"The first."

"Top ten?"

"Top three."

"Oh, Jeez."

"What?"

"Uh - but she's careful about the kind of stuff she talks about, though, right?"

"No, that's what we were arguing about. In the video I saw, she was talking about where she'd been, when and with whom and strongly implied that it was a routine for her - plus, the web-page even says which college she goes to."

"Really?"

"Yeah - uh, why - Why? Is that bad?"

Beckett sucked in a breath as she turned around, handing Castle his coffee, taking a sip of her own and sitting down.

"Well, it's not necessarily good."

"So, you don't think I'm being paranoid?"

"For a change, no; I think you're being vigilant - which is what parents need to be these days; especially now that she's no longer under your roof and you can't know where she is all the time."

He nodded vigorously.  
"_Right_?"

"Right. I mean, I know people here, Castle. I could get someone to talk to her about internet safety, if you want."

"That would be great - actually, why don't you talk to her?"

"Me?"

"Yeah, that'd be even better because she knows you. She looks up to you."

"Oh, I don't know. She and I haven't really spoken one-on-one since you and I've been together."

"All the more reason. Besides, you offered to speak to her about us."

"Yeah, when you told me she hated me."

"Yeah. Again, I'm _really_ sorry about that."

"I know. It's fine."

"Look, if you don't want to talk to her -"

"No, it's not that; I'm just... still not sure how she feels about us. I mean, I know you said she told you she was fine with it and she was very... polite at Christmas, but I'm still getting a weird vibe from her sometimes."

"A vibe? You don't believe in vibes."

"Not psychic vibes; just... look, it's a female thing, ok? I just have this sense that she might have some reservations about us."

"Well, you can talk about that, too. But she seemed pretty cool with it when we went away; she even gave me some advice."

Beckett raised her eyebrows.

"Ew, not that kind! She's my daughter!"

"Well, I'm trying to think about all the stuff we did that weekend, and other than solving a murder - "

"Look, can we just focus on the issue at hand, please?"

Beckett sighed, "OK. I'll do it."

"You sure?"

"Yeah. Yeah, I want to."

* * *

Beckett called Alexis and asked her to meet her at a coffee shop, which she agreed to - albeit reluctantly.

"Hey, Detective Beckett," Alexis greeted her, sitting down across from her.

"Hey, Alexis," said Beckett nervously. "How are you?"

"Good."

"You want something to...? "

"Why don't we just skip to why we're here? My Dad sent you to have a "talk" with me like I'm still fifteen years old."

"Alexis, your Dad is concerned about you - "

"But he has no reason to be. I know how to take care of myself - "

"Really? You think posting personal information on a website anyone can access is taking care of yourself?"

"Detective Beckett, the only people who watch my videos are my friends from college."

"Really? How can you be sure of that? Your Dad found your video from searching his name."

"Of course he did."

"Alexis, when I was investigating the murders that your Dad and I met over, I had to read a sizable chunk of his disturbing fan-mail. If you read it, it would make your hair curl. And he gets letters like that every day. I mean, one of his obsessed fans blew up my apartment. It only takes one of them to find your site while looking up your Dad; and all of a sudden, they know where you go to school, who you're dating, where you hang out, who your friends are - it's not safe and frankly, you're smarter than that."

"Detective Beckett, I understand your concern, but I'm ok. That's not going to happen to me."

"Alexis, no one thinks something like that's going to happen to them. That doesn't mean it won't; it just makes them ill-prepared when it does."

"You sound like Dad. In fact, you know what? He never used to worry about me this much before he started shadowing you."

"That has less to do with me and more to do with the fact that he sees what can happen to young women your age - some younger - who aren't protected. Alexis, he loves you so fiercely. All he cares about is your well-being. I've seen the negative impact of the digital age. I've seen too many girls like you fall victim to online predators not to be worried, too. I mean, I know it's not my place, but as a police officer, just take my word for it: what you're doing is risky."

"Maybe you're right. I said_, maybe_. I'll think about what you said."

"That's all I'm asking," said Beckett, relieved.

Alexis eyed her curiously.

"You didn't want to come here, did you?"

"Oh, of course - "

"Detective Becket, it's ok."

Beckett sighed. "I suggested someone from the precinct with more expertise in this area, but your Dad thought you would be more comfortable talking to someone you know."

"But you're not exactly comfortable talking to me, are you, detective?"

"Uh, I - "

"Be honest. Things have been weird between us ever since the shooting. We haven't really talked since then, other than when Dad and Gram were held hostage. Yet you came here anyway, for my Dad. He must make you very happy."

Beckett smiled. "Yeah. Yeah, he does."

"It's really nice, being in love, isn't i?."

Beckett's heart lurched. She looked up into Alexis's smiling face, full of understanding, and relaxed.

"Yeah," she admitted. "It really is."

* * *

"Hey, Dad," said Alexis, as she came through the door.

"Hey," said Castle, looking up from the glass of orange juice. "Listen, I'm sorry. I know you're responsible and you can take care of yourself and I should respect that."

"Yes, you should; but I'm sorry, too. I know that you're just looking out for me."

"So, Beckett made you see sense?'

"Well, what she said made a lot of sense; but it was Dr. Parish that really got through to me."

"Lanie?"

"Yeah. You're girlfriend snitched on me," she smiled light-heartedly.

"Wow, bringing out the big guns," said Castle, impressed.

"Yeah, the words, 'Girl, what were you thinking?', 'Smack you upside your head' and 'dumbass' were used a lot."

"So, what's the verdict?"

"I'm taking down the website, moving all the videos to YouTube and using the privacy settings so only people I know can access the videos."

"Well, if that's what you want to do, Pumpkin, I'll support you."

"Big surprise." She paused. "I'm happy for you and Beckett. I don't think I've actually said that. But I am."

"Well, I'm glad to have your approval."

"She's a keeper. She really loves you. She told me herself."

"Really? "

"Yeah, Dad."

He smiled dopily.

"That's nice."

* * *

After a long day of kicking butt, it was nice to relax on Castles bed as he massaged her from behind.

"_Mmmmm_," she sighed. "Your hands are terrific."

"Well, I wanted a way to say thanks for helping with Alexis," said Castle as he kneaded the soft flesh between her neck and shoulders.

"Oh, it's no problem, Cas - _Oh, god_."

Castle smirked. "You like that, sweetheart?"

"Mmm, I love that."

"Yeah, I hear that's not all you love."

Beckett rolled her eyes and turned to face him, straddling his lap and wrapping her arms around his neck.

"Alexis?"

"Mm-hmm, Alexis. Of course, it's all hearsay until I hear it from the horse's mouth." He looked up at her expectedly.

"I'm the horse?"

"Yep, and I'm your stallion."

Beckett sniggered.

"Hey, it wasn't supposed to be that funny."

She shook her head, gazing down at him warmly, her fingers running through his hair.

"I _do_ love you, you big goofball," she said, with deep affection.

He beamed contentedly, his eyes crinkling the way she loved, softly moving her hair out of her eyes.

"Stallion," he corrected, flipping them so that he was on top, eliciting giggles from her.

She rolled her eyes and stared up at him, feeling him close, body to body, chest to chest, growing increasingly more aroused by the second.

"_Neigh_," she replied.

* * *

**#40**

_"Risking our hearts is why we're alive. The last thing you want to do is look back on your life and wonder 'if only'."_

_- Mike Royce, Season 3 - Episode 22: To Live and DIe in LA_

* * *

"You got anything decent to read?" Castle asked, scouring her bookshelf.

"You know, I do have your complete works, Castle."

"That I haven't already read or written," he amended. "Whoops!"

Distracted, he had accidentally pushed Heat Wave of the books off the shelf and a letter had fallen out.

"Oh! I'm - "

"Don't worry about it," said Beckett, rising hastily to her feet to pick the book and letter. She paused, seeming to make her mind up about something, placed Heat Wave back onto the shelf and offered the letter to him.

Castle glanced down, taking it.

"It's Royce's letter," she explained. "The one he wrote me just before... " She took a deep breath. "I think I'm ready for you to read it."

"Kate, are you sure?"

"Well, no, but I'll probably never be sure. Just read it."

He kissed her gently on the forehead and sat down to read it.

Beckett paced nervously as he read. Thankfully, as a speed-reader, it didn't take him very long.

"Well?" she asked anxiously when he finally stopped reading.

"You and Royce seemed like you were in your own little world when I met him," said Castle, standing up, "plus he had his own agenda." He carefully put the letter back in the book. "I didn't think he took much notice of me."

"He might not have seemed like he was paying attention, but he was skilled at what he did - and he knew me. He didn't need to spend that much time with us to know I was in love with you."

Castle stared at her for a long time before he was able to access the tools of speech.

"You've never told me you loved me before," he said finally.

"No, I haven't," she said slowly, her voice low, threatening to crack with emotion.

"Am I supposed to act like it's not a big deal?"

"You can do whatever you want." She paused. "So..." she said awkwardly, "what do you want to do?"

"You," he answered without thinking.

She rolled her eyes but they sparkled micheviously.  
"I think I can accommodate that particular desire."

He grinned.  
"Uh... before we... I just wanna know - it's always sort of bugged me. You and Royce -"

"It was never what we have, Castle - on any level. Came close on the physical level a couple times, but we never went there. At the time I thought he was just trying to do the honourable thing - and God, did it piss me off. But yeah, Castle. I was in love with him."

Castle nodded.  
"Thank you for trusting me enough to share this with me."

* * *

**Number #39 holds a lot of meaning for me, as I went to High School with one of Carly Ryan's best friends and just the impact that had on that one person... **

**So, yes, internet safety is a big deal, kids.**

**Now, if you'll excuse me, I think I'm gonna go to the Subaru Noodle and Sushi House and grab myself some sushi. I'll be the one wearing blue.**


	27. Through the Grapevine: Gina

_**I apologise to everyone who was offendeed by my comments in the last chapter. It was not my intention to make light of such a serious issue.**_

**Upload Date: January 24, 2013**

**Chapter Rating: M **

**Chapter Summary: Castle and Beckett go to the book launch for****_ Hamptons Heat and Gina makes some interesting comments._**

**#41**

She didn't know how she had ended up stuck alone with Gina while Castle posed for pictures, but that's what happened.

There was an awkwardness as they stood side by side, watching him, each with a drink in hand.

"So, you and Rick."

Beckett inhaled deeply.  
"Yeah, yeah, me and Rick. He did give you a heads-up already, didn't he?"

"No, he did. I've got to say, I know this might sound odd, but I was fairly surprised."

"Surprised it didn't happen earlier?"

"Surprised it happened at all, actually."

"Really?"

"Oh, don't get me wrong; the sparks between the two of you are obvious; and I don't know you very well - but I guess I didn't pick you for the kind of girl who could gamble on her future like."

Ok, now that she and Castle had gone public, she was getting used to those assumptions, that attitude. That didn't mean it pissed her off any less.  
"Well, Castle's not a gamble; he's a sure thing."

"Oh, I know he is where you're concerned, Detective, but I didn't think you'd be able to see past it all."

"Past it all?"

"All the probing, picking apart your life for his novels; sticking his nose in to cases where it doesn't belong; opening up your Mother's case - "

"He told you about that?"

"He told me a lot that night on the phone; the night before we left for the _Hamptons."_

Beckett took a deep breath and managed a polite smile.

"How he had feelings for you but you clearly weren't interested because you agreed to go on a romantic weekend with your boyfriend and lied about it to Richard. What he didn't mention was that you felt the same way and had probably broken up with that guy by the time I dropped by to pick him up and interrupted you before you were presumably about to pour your heart out to him."

Beckett's gut coiled unpleasantly.

Gina:1  
Kate: 0

"Wow, you're good."

"I'm not blind, Detective. And it's not my fault you didn't have the courage to tell him how you felt.

_Ouch._

Gina: 2  
Kate: 0

"No, it certainly is not."

"But after all that humiliation, years later, you're together. You must really love him."

Beckett smiled. "Yeah, well, what's not to love?"

The two women smiled as they simultaneously took long sips of their wine, coming to an unspoken agreement.

* * *

"So, uh... what exactly did you two talk about?" Castle questioned Gina nervously.

"Wouldn't you like to know?"

She simpered.

Castle took deep, long breaths to prevent himself from hyperventilating.

"Hey, relax, Richard, the woman is head-over-heels for you."

"Really? I mean, I know, but - you can tell that?"

"Richard, what you failed to realise when we were dating, and subsequently when we were married, and then when we were dating again, is that women are much more emotionally aware than men. Plus, she told me.

He raised his eyebrows. "That would help."

Gina smiled. "I think this will be a great seller, Richard."

Caste smiled back. "And I have Black Pawn to thank."

"Oh, don't sell yourself short, Richard. You're not completely untalented."

They shared a knowing smile.

* * *

"So, that wasn't too bad," said Castle as they got itno the limo.

"Yeah," said Beckett. "I only got asked about seventeen inappropriate questions about my my sex-life."

"What'd you say?" he grinned.

Beckett shook her head. "No comment."

"Oh, you're no fun." He paused. "That's my girl. But don't worry. The press only cares about my personal life when I have a new book coming out. The other eleven months of the year, I'm nothing to them."

"Despite your best efforts to persuade them otherwise.'

"I don't know what it is, but riding naked on a horse just doesn't shock people like it used too."

"Well, things have changed over the last century or two - and you did that because you were drunk, not because you wanted to promote political change."'

"Maybe I was campaigning to ban female officers from wearing uniforms. I know it would make work a whole lot more fun for me now."

"Really? Me working in a building with ninety-percent men, many of whom at their physical peak, who work out every day to stay in shape in order to chase bad guys, all leering at my bare, naked - "

"Ok, you just ruined it," he winced.

"Besides, I don't wear a uniform anymore."

"You wouldn't still happen to have it, would you?"

"I may have a few... ceremonial outfit's on-hand."

His jaw hung open. "That is definitely going on the list."

"Whatever floats your boat, Big Rick."

He licked his lips, smirking.

He paused, gazing down at her. "Thank you."

"For what?"

"I know you're not a big fan of this publicity stuff. I know you wouldn't do it if you didn't love me so much _"

"Oh, so you're just assuming that because I'm showing support for an honorary colleague, I must be in love with you."

"Well, I do have a material witness who will testify to hearing your confession."

She shook her head incredulously. "Really? Well, then, fine, you got me. I confess. I, Katherine Beckett, hereby plead guilty to the utter tenderness, fondness, adoration, passion and love of one Richard Edgar Castle. "

"I hereby sentence you to one wekend protective custody in the judge's chambers," he said against the nape of her neck, his heart and lungs struggling to keep up with his mouth as he soared in the ecstasy of her words.

"Mmm, court adjourned," said Beckett.

"Hey, that's my line," he said, eliciting a gasp as he slipped his hand beneath her underwear, submitting her to the first of her many punishments that night, changing the score significantly by the end of the night, when she lay exhausted, spent and so thoroughly satisfied on Castle's bed she barely had the energy to tally the results - but she'd kept count. Oh, there had been moments it had been hard - moments she'd forgotten her own name - but she felt she was being conservative with this number. Honestly, she'd lost count after nine.

Gina: 2  
Kate: 13

* * *

**I know this is the third time I've addressed this issue, and every time it's been in "Through the Grapevine". I will try my best not to write another scenario involving the whole "Demming/Gina" thing but I can't make any promises.**

**Thank you, Serena, for tweeting about my little series, and everyone who followed the link! Hmm, maybe I should tweet about something other than Taylor Swift. Maybe then I'd have more than two followers.**


	28. Through The Grapevine: Jenny

**_I'm planning to edit Chapter Nine: Big News to prevent spoilers for North, the multi-chapter fic I'm writing based on Big News. So, if you need to go copy and paste it into word so you can save it on your computer, I would do that soon. Now would be a great time. If by the time you read this, it's already been edited, and you really desperately need a copy (which would be very odd, but hey, I don't judge) PM me and I'll send you a copy._  
**

**Upload Date: January 27, 2013**

**Chapter Rating: T**

**Chapter Summary: Castle, Beckett, Jenny and Ryan double date. Jenny tries not to say anything controversial.  
She fails.**

* * *

**#42**

"Hey, Castle, Beckett, Jenny wanted me to invite you guys out to dinner," said Ryan.

"Oh, like a double-date?" Beckett asked curiously.

"Yeah."

"Like the double-date you guys had with Javier and Lanie?"

"Oh, come on, that was a freak incident. It's not gonna happen again. Jenny promised to stay away from controversial topics."

"See? It's fine, Castle. Besides, so what if she does bring up marriage or kids? I'm not Lanie. I'm not going to freak out. Those are the sorts of things a couple should talk about."

"Well, what if _I _freak out?"

"Would you break up with me over it?"

"Of course not."

'Then, there's nothing to worry about."

"Don't say that! You'll jinx it."

"Uh... so, what do I tell Jenny, yes or no?"

"Well, I can't speak for Castle, but I'm in."

Ryan and Beckett looked at him expectedly.

He stared back, jaw set, determined not to break.

"Fine," he sighed finally. "Tell her yes. But if we break-up, I'm blaming you," he warned Ryan.

"Relax, Castle, nobody's breaking up." She paused. "But if we do, I'm keepin' the jewellery."

* * *

"And then, Kate says, 'Hide!'"

Ryan and Jenny laughed.

"And did he?"

"Of course not!" said Castle.

"But you made her hide!" said Jenny.

"I know, it was totally unfair."

"Well, as I said, the difference was, I had my pants on."

They laughed again.

"So, then, Kate says, 'Act normal, if that's even possible for you.'

They chuckled.

"And did he?" Jenny asked.

"No!" said Ryan. "He was acting very weird, extremely suspicious and I thought it was odd that he was there because I thought they'd had a falling out."

"Well, if that's true, how come you had no idea?" Castle challenged him.

"I was focused on the case, keeping Beckett safe. I didn't let myself get side-tracked. I just figured you two had made up."

"Well..." said Beckett, "you weren't wrong."

"You know, that is just like Kevin. When he is focused on one thing, he's completely oblivious to everything else. The first time I told him, I loved him, you know what he said? 'You have rats!' He didn't even hear me, he was so focused on an extermination plan."

"Which I didn't end up executing, by the way, since my wife is such a softie." He looked at her with deep affection.. "I bought some humane rat traps and we set them free at the park."

"Just what this city needs: more rats running around," said Castle.

"But she told me later, in a little note with my lunch, and it was very romantic."

"Not as romantic as the first time he said it. Actually, he was the one to say it first. It was only a few months into our relationship and we weren't exclusive yet. We went out to dinner, and he seemed really nervous. Then he got all serious and said he wanted to be monogamous. " She smiled. "So, then, I asked him why, and he barely managed to croak out that he was falling in love with me. But it still counts."

"That is so sweet," said Beckett.

"Yeah," said Jenny, looking into her husband's eyes as he smiled sweetly back at her.

"Uh, so," said Jenny, snapping out of it and turning back to Castle and Becket, "how did you guys say the big L the first time?"

Castle and Beckett glanced at each other uncomfortably.

"Oh, I'm sorry," said Jenny, "was that one of those controversial topics I wasn't supposed to bring up?"

"No, no, it's fine, it's just a really emotional story, that's all," said Beckett.

"Uh, Kate, are you sure - ?"

Beckett covered his hand with hers and squeezed it gently.

"It's fine, Castle." She looked back up at Jenny and Ryan, still smiling politely. "The first time Castle told me was the day I was shot."

"Oh," said Jenny, looking mortified, "I'm sorry. I had no idea - "

"I know, it's fine."

Castle squeezed her hand back, giving her a small smile, which she returned.

"Well, I'm sure the first time you told Rick you loved him was probably much happier."

"Uh... actually, I haven't said it yet," said Beckett.

"Oh."

A very awkward silence followed, until Beckett excused herself to use the restroom.

"Oh, my God," said Jenny when she was out of earshot. "I am so sorry! I don't know what's wrong with me. I have a problem."

"Relax,' said Castle. "It's not a big deal. You didn't know."

"I just assumed she would have told you by now. I mean, clearly she does. So, I guess I just don't understand."

"Well..." said Ryan, "Beckett likes to keep those sorts of things close to the vest - "

"Yeah, but he's her partner. He's the one person she should be comfortable enough to confide her deepest secrets in. It's not healthy to keep so much emotion bottled up inside and I'm doing it again, aren't I? I need help."

* * *

"So... _that_ happened," Castle said on the drive home.

"Yep," Beckett nodded.

He took a deep breath.  
"I don't want you to feel pressured - "

"I don't," she assured him.

"Good. But at the same time, I don't want you to feel like you can't say it, if you want to."

"Ok."

"Ok."  
He nodded, keeping his eyes on the road, shooting Beckett the occasional furtive glance.

"What is it, Castle?"

"Nothing."

She raised her eyebrows.

He sighed.  
"Do you not feel comfortable with me?"

She looked at him confusedly.  
"Castle, I let you see me naked on an almost-daily basis. I think that's about as comfortable as it gets."

"No, I mean... I know how you feel about me, and if you haven't said it yet because you're not ready, that's perfectly understandable. But... if you still don't feel safe enough to just say what you're feeling - "

"No, Castle, it's... not that." She took a deep breath. "I've always believed that the person with the most power in the relationship is the one who cares less. And I'm not saying I want to be the one with all the power but... I feel like, if I say it, then my cards are on the table, and I'm vulnerable."

"Kate, you know I love you."

"Yeah, I do; but what scares me is... I think I might love you more."

They came to a stop light.

He turned to her, smiling in earnest. He lifted her hand to his lips, brushing softly against her skin.

"Not possible."

"You're not in here," she said, putting her other hand over her heart.

"Look, Kate. You said it. And the world didn't end. I'm still here. I still love you. And I'll keep showing up for as long as you do."

Her lips gave way to a small smile.  
"Promise?"

"Always."


	29. Through the Grapevine: Ryan

**_I'm starting work on a novel this year, so, I won't have a lot of time for fan fiction. I'll update when I can._**

**Upload Date: February 1, 2013**

**Chapter Rating: K+**

**Chapter Summary: Jenny brings her and Ryan's daughter ro the precinct for a visit. Ryan and Castle get to talking about kids.**

* * *

**#43**

Castle smiled as he watched the bright joyous look on Beckett's face as Jenny handed over her daughter.

"She's not bad with kids," Ryan commented.

"No, not bad at all."

"And you're a pretty good Dad."

"Why, thank you, Kevin. I think you're a good Dad, too."

"Well, I'm trying'.

"That's all you can do."

"Have you thought about having more?"

"Never say never..."

"But?"

"Well, I'm in a relationship with someone who probably doesn't want kids."

"She actually told you that?'

"Well, no, but...her job. I mean, it's so risky."

"In case you haven't noticed, I have the same job."

"Yeah, but with Beckett's history... I don't know."

"Well have you discussed it with her?"

"It's come up in conversation once or twice but... not really," he admitted.

"At her age, it would be normal for Beckett to be thinking about it. If you're serious and you love each other - you do love each other, right?'

'Yeah - yes. Definitely. Well, I can't speak for Beckett, but I'm pretty sure -"

"Trust me, Castle, she loves you."

Castle smiled.

"So, that being said, you should discuss it - not that it's any of my business."

* * *

Beckett looked up and smiled as Castle placed a coffee on his desk.

"So," said Castle, sitting down, "How cute is that baby?"

Beckett smiled fondly at the mention of the child.

"She's a sweetheart."

"You ever thought about having one of your own?"

Beckett bit her lip, looking down at her paperwork.  
"Sure, I've thought about it. Who hasn't at my age? "

Castle nodded.

Beckett looked up at him and sighed.  
"Truth is, I always thought I'd settle down, and have a family once my Mom's killer was either dead or behind bars."

"Well, Bracken is - "

""Yes, I know, Castle," she nodded. "You don't have to remind me."

"So..."

"So... yeah. I've been thinking about it - a lot, actually. But... I'm committed to us. I want to make this work."

"How would a baby get in the way of that?"

Beckett's mouth parted in surprise and her eyes widened slightly.  
"It wouldn't," she said slowly, "but... I wasn't sure if it was something you wanted to go through again."

"Go through? Raising Alexis was the best time in my life. It wasn't always easy, but I'd jump at the chance to be able to do that again.

"Really?"

"Of course. And if it's what you want, than I would never want to deprive you of that experience. It's awesome. Literally. And to be the one to give it to you - to share it with you - I would be... honoured.

Becket's smile slowly expanded.  
"Well, I would be honoured to have you as the father of my child," she said finally, taking hold of his hand.

Castle beamed.  
"Besides, it doesn't hurt that I'm wealthy. And I work from home. Plus, we love each other."

Beckett inhaled sharply and nodded slowly.  
"Yeah. Yeah, we do. You love me and I love you."

Castle observed her intently.  
"You really do, don't you?"

"Duh."

Castle suppressed the urge to dance, and instead just smirked. "Just checking."

"So it's... on the table?"

"Definitely on the table".

Beckett's lip curled.  
"Well...good. I'm glad we had this talk."


	30. Recoil

_**So, this is embarrassing. I accidentally uploaded a draft in the previous chapter, rather than the finished product. Oops. It's been fixed now, but that's why it went into script mode towards the end.**_

**Upload Date: February 5, 2013**

**Chapter Rating: K+**

**Chapter Summary: After discovering Melanie Rogers' killer was hired by Senator Bracken's wife and he had no involvement in her death, Beckett is forced to let him go.**

* * *

**#44**

"Castle, I could really use one of your silver linings right now,'' Beckett said as she watched Sheila Bracken get carted away in cuffs while her husband boarded the elevator, smiling in that curt, polite manner that made her sick to her stomach as the doors closed, walking away a free man.

"You've given closure to Melanie Rogers' family, put two dangerous criminals behind bars and I think it's safe to say that Senator Bracken's Presidential race is over before it began. There's no coming back from a scandal like this; no matter how you spin it."

"But he's the spin king, Castle. He could so easily play the victim - "

"Well, I won't let him," he said in a low voice, his eyes darkening lightly. "I'll give large donations to every other candidate, I'll launch a twitter attack, I'll put fliers up all around the city, possibly the whole state, if I have to- "

Beckett almost laughed as she shook her head, grabbing his hand and bringing it to her lips to calm him down.

"Not necessary," she said, beaming at him warmly.

"Ok," he sighed calming down.

He realised after a few moments that she was still staring at him with that same dopey grin on her face.

"What?" he said finally.

Becket took a deep breath and sighed contentedly, reaching up to pull his fringe out of his eyes.  
"Nothing," she smiled softly. "I just love you is all."

Castle raised his eyebrows, opened his mouth, closed it, opened it again and closed it again.  
Finally regaining his composure, his eyes twinkled as he gave a small, smug smile.  
"Well, who wouldn't? I'm awesome."

Beckett merely continued to smile as she led him by the hand to the elevator.  
"Come on, Castle. Let's go."

"What about paperwork?"

Beckett shrugged.  
"Espo can handle it. He doesn't have any plans."

"What about those Brazilian bikini models?"

"You actually believed that story?"

"Well... no," he admitted. "But it's still fun to think about."

She raised her eyebrows.

"Ok, I know this is normally the part where I get all defensive and flustered and back-pedal; but I'm sorry - you just told me you love me. I'm in too good a mood. You can yell at me all night if you want."

Beckett cocked her head, pretending to consider.  
"I don't know, Castle. I can think of better uses for my mouth than yelling."

Castle's entire face widened. Once he had regained the use of his limbs, he frantically and repeatedly pressed the down button.


	31. Reality Star Struck

**I'm sorry this is a little late.**

**Upload Date: February 12, 2013**

**Chapter Rating: K+**

**Chapter Summary: Castle is mugged and his present for Beckett is taken. Gates returns it to Becket. Beckett gives Castle her present. He gives her his.**

**#45**

One minute, he was walking out of the jewellery shop looking like the cat that ate the cream with the rectangular box containing the gifts he'd ordered a month earlier, and the next he was lying in a hospital bed with a concerned looking Beckett sitting next to him.

"Hey," she said softly, greeting him with a warm smile. "You're awake."

Castle blinked. "What happened?"

"You were mugged."

He raised his eyebrows.

"Aw, man, I don't remember." Suddenly he bolted up in bed. "Your present! Oh, ow."

"Just sit back down," she said, guiding his head back to the pillow. "It's in evidence, along with your debit card, credit cards and cash."

"Wow, how long was I out?"

She chuckled soundlessly.

"About an hour. Ryan saw it happen and tackled the son of a bitch. He's in custody."

Castle nodded slowly. That was right; Ryan had given him a ride. He hadn't wanted to be late for their dinner so Ryan had put on the siren for him.

"You haven't seen your present, have you?" he panicked.

"No, I haven't, but you can give it to me yourself as soon as he's sentenced."

"What? No. It's Valentine's Day now. You have to get it today."

"Castle, it's fine. You know the rules. It's evidence."

"But... that's not as romantic."

"Castle, you were mugged. You get a free pass. Hey, if it means that much to you, I'll give you a deal. I won't give you my present until you give me yours. We'll have our own valentine's day. Screw tradition. What matters is that we're together, right?"

He took a deep breath and smiled.  
"Right."

* * *

"So, how's Mr. Castle?" Gates enquired.

"Oh, he's fine. Just a couple of scratches and bruises. He's been cleared to go home. His mother's taking care of him."

"He's a very lucky man."

"Yeah, it certainly was a lucky escape," Beckett agreed.

"Actually, I was referring to Mr. Castle's connections. He's very lucky to have friends in such high places."

"Sir?"

"Judge Markway gave Mr. Huntley our attacker, a hearing this afternoon. He pleaded out. Which means - "she pulled an evidence bag out of her draw and handed it to Beckett, "Mr. Castle's personal affects can be returned to him."

Beckett looked own. It contained his wallet and a jewellery box.

Her eyes widened.

"I'm sure Mr. Castle will be happy to be able to give that to whoever he bought it for on Valentine's Day," said Gates.

"Uh - "said Beckett, snapping out of her reverie and looking back up at Gates, "I'm sure he will."  
She turned to go.

"Oh, and - Detective?"

She turned back.  
"Yes, Sir?"

"That's your bike in the parking lot, isn't it?"

"Uh... yes, sir."

Gates smiled.  
"It's very nice."

"Uh... thank you - sir."

* * *

"Hey," said Beckett, knocking on his bedroom door. "How you holding up?"

"Great! Oh," he said, spotting the evidence bag. "I see you've found your present."

"I haven't opened it," she assured him, giving him the box.

"Well, I'm sorry I didn't get a chance to wrap it but I did spend the better part of the day unconscious. Happy Valentine's Day," he said weakly, handing it back to her.

Beckett let out a soft gasp when she opened the box to reveal four diamond Dog Tag Necklaces, each with their own pattern and design.

"Wow, Castle, they're beautiful."

"For my kick-ass biker girlfriend."

Beckett smiled warmly.  
"I don't know if I'd wear any of them on my bike. I'd be too scared of them falling off."

"It's a secure chain, Kate. It's called Biker chic."

"I love them; thank you."

"You're welcome. Now, what did you get me?"

Beckett chuckled softly.

"Martha, you can bring it in now," she called out.

A few seconds later, Martha walked through the door with a small puppy.

"No..." said Castle in disbelief, as Beckett took the puppy from Martha.

"Hey, little guy," she beamed at him, before handing him to Castle.  
"He's mine?"

"Well, that's up to you, Castle. If you want him to be 100% yours, awesome. I know you'll take great care of him. But... if you wanted to talk about the possibility of co-ownership, I wouldn't necessarily be opposed."

"So, in this scenario, he wouldn't just be mine, he'd be ours?"

"I know it's a big step, but I think we're ready."

"Where would he sleep?"

"Well, I was thinking about that. Your place has more room and you have two in-built dog-sitters. However, you have a lot more stuff that could get chewed than I do, and we spend most of our time at my place, so... It's just an idea - "

"I love the idea. Mom, could you give us a moment?"

"Of course," said Martha, stepping out.

Castle turned back to Beckett as he softly stroked their dog's coat.

"Kate, I don't know what t so say. He's beautiful. Thank you."

"You're welcome," she said, moving in to kiss him.

The dog wanted to get in on the action, licking them.

They chuckled as they broke apart and Castle played with him.

"You are the most adorable dog in the world," he said in a baby-voice. "Yes you are, yes you are."

He looked up to see Beckett staring at him, s dopy grin on her face.

"What?"

Beckett shook her head.  
"Nothing," she said, looking at the dog and patting him reverently. "I love you."

Castle stared back.  
"Are you talking about me or the dog?"

Becket met his gaze, her smile even brighter.  
"Both."

Castle smiled back in amazement.  
"Best Valentine's ever."

"Really? Even with the mugging?"

"Sure, it was exciting."

She rolled her eyes.

"You don't even remember it."

"i can imagine."

"You didn't have to go through it to imagine it."

"Oh, Kate, was somebody worried about me?"

"Well, of course I was worried, idiot."

"Well, i'm fine."

She gingerly ran her hand over his bandaged wounds.  
"You'd better be."


	32. Target

**Disclaimer: The author of the fan fiction does not, in any way, profit from the story and all creative rights to the characters belong to their original creator(s).**

_**Oh, bless your hearts. Your reviews give me the warm fuzzies, even those of you who are anonymous or sign in with a name that I can't find on this site (yes, I'm talking to you, Allison McKenzie) so I can't thank you personally and tell you how much your words brighten an otherwise crappy day.  
Note the change in Upload Date format. I'm sick of pandering to an international audience. I'm Australian; we don't use Fahrenheit So, if you do, just switch the day and month, and you'll be fine (I have to do it all the time because 80% of everything on the internet is written in American English.). As of the latest Andrew Marlowe interview, I've got a timetable now (Scary). Which basically means this little series of one-shots will be over by the time the last episode of season five airs here (some time in June or July, I'm guessing). I will remind people not to tell me when she says ILY, I mean it. I've decided to stop reading ahead/watching sneak peeks and spoilers after Hunt airs in the US. We're up to After Hours here (I just saw Swan Song and it's nowhere near as heinous as so many people made it out to be).**_

**Spoilers!**

**Upload Date: 18.02.13**

**Chapter Rating: K+**

**Chapter Summary: Castle and Beckett talk in the midst of Alexis's kidnapping case.**

**#46**

"I didn't know you had that side to you."

Her expression was unreadable. Was that awe? Fear? He didn't know. Shock, definitely.

"When it comes to the people I love, I do," he said unabashedly, meeting her probing gaze with an intense one of his own.

That utter rage in his features as he had..._ interrogated_ -for lack of a better word - that witness, that dark shadow behind his normally cheerful blue eyes, was so unlike him. Yet, with a jolt, she suddenly realised there had been one other time when she'd seen him like that.

The night he had tackled and punched Lockwood past unconsciousness, when he, Lockwood, had tried to kill her.

"Does that scare you?"

Beckett took a deep breath and exhaled, surveying him.

"No," she said in a throaty whisper as she cupped his face in her hands. "That protective streak, that tenderness that Alexis brings out in you, is one of the first things that made me fall in love with you. Nothing that comes from that could scare me. It's good to know we have something else in common."

Castle eyes glimmered slightly at her confession, the ghost of a smile playing at his lips before he sighed, reverting to his weary, anxious state. After they found Alexis - and they _would_ find her - they would talk about this further. For now, having her by his side, whispering those words in his ear, was enough to keep him sane through this living hell.

All she wanted to do was take his pain away, but she couldn't. All they seemed to find as this investigation dragged on were more dead ends. So, instead, she had to watch him suffer as every worst case scenario rant hrough his mind. It was torture. Pain didn't belong on his face. This face was meant for smirking, and crinkling at the corners of his eyes, for bewildered looks when she surprised him and flustered expressions when she was messing him, for the way his eyes lit up when he talked about how proud he was of his daughter, for the looks of concern he gave her over Christmas break when she was studying instead of relaxing, the carefree boyish grin of pure joy whenever they played Laser tag. She loved watching them together, those few fleeting moments when she had the chance, and now, she scolded herself for secretly wondering if she would ever have another.


	33. Hunt

**Disclaimer: The author of the fan fiction does not, in any way, profit from the story and all creative rights to the characters belong to their original creator(s).**

**Spoilers!**

**Upload Date: 23.02.13**

**Chapter Rating: T**

**Chapter Summary: After Alexis is found, Castle and Beckett talk about... lots of stuff.**

**#47**

It was Martha who answered the door.

"Kate," she greeted warmly.

"Hi, Martha."

"Richard's in Alexis's room - making sure she's still there, I think."

"How is she?"

"Good, just a little shaken and tired. Very relieved to be home. I think she might take a little break from classes for a while."

"That sounds like a good idea."

"Do you want to come in?"

"Oh, I don't want to intrude - "

Intrude? Don't be ridiculous," said Martha, practically pulling her in to the loft. "You're Richard's girlfriend - you _are _still his girlfriend, right?'

"Yes, of course!"  
"Alright, well, just checking. It's been a day of surprises."

"Right, Rick's father. How do you feel about that?"

Martha sighed.

"I don't know what to feel. It was so long ago. I barely remember that much about him anymore. It was only one night. I can't imagine what Richard must be feeling after all this. Are you coming?"

"Where?"

"Upstairs, to Alexis's room."

"Oh, I can just wait for him out there."

"Well, you'll be waiting a while. I have a feeling he'll be with her all night."

"Well, in this case - "

"Oh, stop being ridiculous. I'm sure Richard would love to see you."

Beckett sucked in a breath, and then awkwardly, reluctantly followed.

Martha discretely made herself scarce as they reached Alexis's room. Beckett popped her head in and melted at the look on Castle's face as he sat in a chair besides her bed, watching his daughter sleeping. Part of her wanted to take a picture, to capture this moment, that expression, forever. The other half felt like she was intruding on a private moment. She made to leave -

"Kate?"

She took a deep breath and stepped inside.  
"Hey," she said softly.

He rose and walked towards her. She couldn't help herself. She embraced him, clinging on for dear life.

"Thank God you're ok," she breathed into his shoulder.

After a few moments of basking in his presence, they finally broke off.

"You'll, have to make a statement," she whispered. "Alexis, too."

"First thing in the morning," he promised.

"Ok." Becket turned to leave.

"Wait."

She turned back.

"Stay."

She couldn't resist a small smile at the vulnerability in his tone, the hesitancy in his eyes, as if she could ever say no, as if she might want to leave.

"Of course."

"Maybe we should - " he eyed Alexis.

"Yeah, good idea," she agreed.

They left the door partially open and sat on the floor of the hallway, their backs against the wall.

"So..." she said eventually, "what has your biological father got to do with this?"

Castle threw his head back against the wall and inhaled. As he exhaled, he turned to her.  
"If he even is my father. He's a lot older now. Mother couldn't be sure from the sketch - and he didn't exactly leave any DNA samples."

Becket nodded slowly.

"But he is a spy, so, if he believes it - and that's a big _if_; he could be lying, spies do that a lot - then it's probably true. Which is not only creepy, but probably how Al Masri linked him to Alexis. They were keeping tabs on him, he was keeping tabs on us... it's all very Evelyn Ward-Thomas.  
"I know it's not fair to blame him. He did his best to keep us safe, he told me, he kept his distance obviously but... his best wasn't good enough. Being a father isn't an... _ejaculation_; it's a choice. You make your choice and you live with it. Either you stick around, are a part of your kid's life, have them know you exist, or you have nothing to do with them. No in-between. The guy had no right to know how I was doing, give me CIA clearance, no right to keep an eye on Alexis and because of his sloppiness; I just spent the last few days in the worst..." He trailed off, trying to calm himself down.

Beckett put her hand on his shoulder.

"Y'know, when Alexis was a few months old, this weird guy showed up, claiming he'd had an affair with Meredith, and that he was Alexis's real father."

Beckett stared. _Wow._

"Meredith swore black and blue that she'd never even met the guy, and at the time I believed her, I dismissed him as just some loser looking for a payout. It wasn't until three years later Meredith told me she was sleeping with her director and that she was moving to California and wanted a divorce that I took him seriously. I didn't know if Meredith would want custody, and if she did, whether she would try to use it against me, I just knew I couldn't lose Alexis. Whatever genetics or biology said, she was my daughter. I changed her diapers. I read to her every night. I protected her from monsters, I gave her Monkey Bunkey, and I taught her the night-night song. I was not going to be pushed out on a technicality. So, I had a DNA test done, to be prepared, see how hard I would have to fight if it came to that."

She didn't know any of that - but the part about Meredith cheating wand initiating the divorce was interesting. _ Very_ interesting.

"Fortunately, Meredith was more than happy from me to have custody, so long as she was allowed unlimited visitation, at least one vacation with her a year and could contact her whenever she wanted. That's always been the agreement."

"And the test?"

"It doesn't matter what the test said. It just confirmed what I already knew. She's mine, in every way."

They exchanged small smiles.

"It is nice to know I have a spare kidney if I ever need one, I guess."

Beckett shook her head in amusement and rested her head on his shoulder.

Castle gave a little smirk, stroking her hair softly as he continued.  
"A few years ago, I found out through a mutual friend that that guy claiming to have had a romantic tryst with Meredith was gay. He really was after a pay-day. Meredith was telling the truth the whole time. I should have known. She was totally up-front about the director.  
"The point is, I'm not Alexis's father because I slept with her mother; I'm her father because of every decision I made after that - good and bad.  
"Ever since Sophia planted that seed in my head, I pictured this suave James Bond type; this guy's more like Rambo - which is cool, but..."

"It's not the type of protaginist you would write."

"You know me so well."

She shrugged.  
"I feel like I've gotten to know you better over the last few days."

Beckett didn't know if it was the fact that he was opening up to her, or that after this whole ideal she felt closer to him than ever, or if there had been so many times during the course of the investigation that she had just wanted - needed - to say it, but couldn't, that she couldn't hold it in any more, or if she felt he just needed to hear it right now, but regardless, she made a choice of her own.

"Would this be an inappropriate time to tell you..." she trailed off.

He raised his eyebrows.  
"Depends on what it is. My daughter is in the next room, you know."

"Head out of the gutter," she teased. "It's just, your daughter was kidnapped, you met your father, and I really don't want to make it about me..."

"Kate, you can tell me anything any time."

She nodded.  
"What if I told you... that I love you?"

Her words hung in the air for a few moments.

Finally he sat up and turned to her, his small smile gradually growing, lighting up his features, his weary eyes sparkling for the first time in three days - oh, it made her stomach do that flippy thing, and her heart melt,

"I can't think of a more appropriate moment," he replied, placing a hand on her knee and his lips on her forehead.

**Wow. Writing this made me realise how little it would take for them to have these conversations - I rolled them all up into one and it just spans about a thousand words. How much is that in tv time? Two minutes? Oh, well, that's up to Marlowe et al.**


	34. Through the Grapevine: Gates & Madison

**Disclaimer: Castle Belongs to Andrew Marlowe and ABC America.**

**So, I know I already did a version of #49 in a different fic - and it was probably better written. This is not from the Captain's point of view. I tried to make that work and couldn't. Maybe later. We'll see.**

**Upload Date: 24.02.13**

**Chapter Rating: T**

**Chapter Summary:**

**#**_**48: Madison**_

**Castle and Beckett figure out away to support Madison and her restaurant without being outed as a couple - much to Madison's amusement.**

**_#49: Gates_**

**When Douglas Stevens presses charges for Castle's behaviour, Gates comes to a decision.**

**#48**

As she was being escorted to her table, she noticed him right away. He'd really gone all out tonight. Well, so had she. How did he know she had a thing for suspenders?

It didn't take long for him to notice her right back. He sat up a little straighter and reached for a napkin, looking a little flustered, wiping his brow.

She smirked.  
She hadn't bothered putting make-up over her scar tonight, but she wasn't sure if he could tell.

"Can I get you something to drink?" the waiter asked.

"Can I have a few moments?"

"Of course."

A short while later, she received a text message. Surprise, surprise, it was from Castle.

_I know I'm supposed to be the words guy, but all I can come up with is... wow._

_This was a stupid idea, _she replied.

_Why did you agree to it, then?_

_I was in a very agreeable mood at the time you suggested it, if you recall._

_Oh, I recall. I definitely recall._

_Why don't we just get out of here?_

_You can leave if you want to. I just ordered my drink._

* * *

"Becks! "

Beckett looked up. It was Madison.

"When I saw the reservation for 'Beckett' I just knew. How've you been?

"Uh, good, actually. Really good. What about you? I see you're doing pretty well. The place is packed."

"We're not struggling, I'll tell you that. So, are you waiting on someone?"

"Uh, no, I'm dining alone tonight."

"Really? That's interesting because there's someone else dining alone, too. Richard Castle."

"Really? What a coincidence." Beckett felt sloppy for even attempting to keep up the pretence.

"Seriously? Come on, Becks. Give me some credit."

"Ok. I'm dating Castle, but I came here to support you since I haven't been here in a while and we haven't really talked much lately. I wanted him to come with me but...this place is pretty high-profile and - "

"It's ok, Becks. Rick already filled me in before you got here."

"Oh, he did, did he? So, you were just messing with me?"

"To be fair, you made it so easy. For the record, I think it's sweet."

"Well, it was Castle's idea and I think it's stupid."

"Either way, it's going to be interesting. You lovebirds have a good night."

* * *

She tried. She really tried to go along with this covert dating thing of his, but she got a pang in her stomach that had nothing to do with the food every time she looked up to see him gazing at her, every time he sent her a text. She wanted to be able to eat out somewhere that wasn't a burger joint with two-dollar coffee with her boyfriend, actually sit next to or across for him and enjoy a meal with him.

* * *

"Miss?"

Beckett looked up to find Madison smiling, a cup of coffee in her hands.

"This is compliments of the gentleman at table fourteen."

She put it down in front of her. It was latte art in the form of a heart. Beckett rolled her eyes as she tasted it.

"Castle made this himself, didn't he?"

"How can you tell?"

"No one makes it quite like him."

She met his self-satisfied smile across the room with a look that quite plainly said, "I'm going to have my way with you when we get home."

* * *

She didn't disappoint.

"How is it possible that we spent the whole night in the same room, looking at each other texting each other, effectively having dinner, and I still missed you like crazy?" she breathed against his ear.

"Maybe it's because you love me."

Beckett slowed her explorations of his body, but didn't stop.  
" What?"

Castle lifted her chin to meet his gaze.  
"Madison said you were shooting love eye-balls at me all night. Admit it, 'Becks'. You love me," he teased. "You totally love me - "

"Ok, fine. I love you! Now, shut up."

Castle's face and voice softened.

"'Bam', said the lady," he said quietly.

"Castle, are you crying?"

"What - _no!" _he calmly replied, wiping something that was definitely not a tear out of his eye.

"Hold on, I think I have a napkin stashed in my purse somewhere," she offered, somewhere between deep affection and amusement.

"Damn you woman," he grumbled, "giving me all these... feelings."

* * *

**#49**

"Mr. Castle, my office."

That was never good, especially when it was accompanied by what could only be described as a "death-glare".

"Do you know what this is about?" he asked Beckett.

"No idea. Have you done anything to piss her off lately?"

"None more than usual."

"Well, I'm sure it'll be ok. Don't panic."

"Yeah, that doesn't help."

* * *

"Take a seat, Mr. Castle."

He obeyed.

"Do you remember a man called Doug Stevens?"

Castle's eyes darkened. How could he forget?

"The driver of the van that was used to take Alexis," he replied, trying to keep his voice steady.

"Yes, well, he was given a suspended sentence."

Castle didn't care. He had Alexis back, safely that was all that mattered.

"Ok,"

"He wants to sue the department."

"Why?"

She quirked a brow.

"You really don't know."

Oh. Right. The whole... torture thing.

"I'm sorry, sir. I'll pay whatever he's asking."

"I thought you'd say that. You'll be hearing from our attorney later today. We all want to get this sorted out as quickly and discretely as possible."

"I understand. Is that all?"

"Well, not quite. I'm interested in how Detective Beckett fits into all of this."

"She doesn't. I take complete responsibility."

"Well, I'm afraid that when you're shadowing the NYPD, you're her responsibility. If she had intervened, Stevens wouldn't have even had a case. Which raises the question, why didn't she?"

"I guess you could ask her."

"I could. I could launch a full enquiry; with her record I don't see that boding well for her. I'm hoping to avoid that. You see, Mr. Castle, I have a theory as to why.  
"Do you remember when we first met?"

"How can I forget? You kicked me out in your first day."

"Do you know why?"

"If I recall, you didn't want a dilatants writer playing cop."

"That was certainly part of it. When I walked in, I thought you were a cop. Your determination to find Detective Beckett's killer was... admirable. I could also tell that you were torn up. The way a man is when his partner's been shot. But when I found out she wasn't your partner, I saw warning bells. A writer, a shadow, who was allowed to assist on cases? Not just menial tasks, but real detective work? Someone treated like a member of the team. It was obvious even then that where was more to your little partnership than met the eye - and on-top of everything else I had to deal with, taking over from a recently deceased and well-liked Captain, I just didn't feel I had the time or patience to baby-sit you.  
"I don't know how far you two have gone, and I don't care. But even if you're still in denial, that doesn't change the why Detective Beckett feels about you. I believe it's compromised her job, on more than one occasion - why else would she allow you to engage in such inappropriate behaviour with a suspect - leave you alone with a suspect in the first place, for that matter?"

"The way she feels about me?"

"I may not be in the loop when it comes to my employee's love lives but I'm not blind. I know love when I see it. And now I have proof that her feelings for you are interfering with her work, which was my concern from the beginning. Now, I could bring this to the mayor - for all his faults, he's not corrupt and would be forced to agree with me. But I didn't want to have to do it that way. I'd prefer you bowed out gracefully. It's up to you, Mr. Castle."

It was bad. She knew that the second he stepped out of her office, could see it all over his face.

"Castle - "

"Can I have a word with you in private?"

He walked past her to the break-room without waiting for a reply. She followed.

"Doug Stevens filed a complaint," he said, trying and failing to rid his voice of all emotion.

"Doug Sevens? The guy you - ?"

"Yeah. I offered to pay the settlement, but... Gates knows why you let me into that room alone, why you didn't stop me when you should have. She... suggested the best thing for everyone would be if I left without making a fuss."

"And... will you?"

"Beckett - Kate... I want to fight it, but if I do, you could face disciplinary action. So..."

"You agreed."

"Yes."

"So... this is it?"

He avoided eye contact.

"Yeah."

"I'm so sorry, Castle."

"Well, you should be."

She couldn't believe what she was hearing.

"Castle, how would you have felt if I had stopped you?"

"That's not what I mean. Did you have to make it so damn obvious how you feel about me?"

"It's not something I can help. Believe me, I wish I could hold it back - sometimes I wish I hadn't fallen in love with you in the first place, lord knows I tried not to!"

"Kate," he said softly, reaching up to caress her face.

She pushed him away.

"Not here, Castle."

"Who are we hiding from now, Beckett?"

Becket took a deep breath, fighting back tears.  
"I don't know," she said, allowing him to hold her. "I don't want this to be over."

"It's not all over. Just this part."

"This is the most important part! This is what we do. This is how we relate."

"It's not the only way," he pointed out, his hand going up and down her arm.

"Castle," she breathed against his ear. "Promise me we're going to be ok," she whispered against his ear.

"I can't. I don't know. I can promise that I will never stop loving you and hearing you say you feel the same way... helps."

She took a deep breath, looked up at him, and kissed him, a real, proper, French, PDA kiss, loaded with all the passion, love and desperation they could muster as she tried to convince herself this was not goodbye.


	35. Live Like You Were Dying

**Disclaimer: Castle Belongs to Andrew Marlowe and ABC America.**

**_Um, to the guest reviewer on the previous chapter who wasn't very happy with it... you're aware this is fan fiction, right? I could kill off every character and it wouldn't end the show. That's kind of the point. You can do stuff in fan fiction you can't do in the show. Although, it wouldn't necessarily end the show if Castle left for a couple of episodes. Also, just because you've caught up to where I am in the series doesn't mean it's the last chapter. Did I mark it as complete? Didn't think so. Exhibit A: the next chapter - this one. But I'm glad you enjoyed the series anyway. It's still going but whatever._**

**Warning: Some of these scenarios are quite sad. If you're a crier, have some tissues ready****just in case. If you can't handle dark themes, skip.**

**Upload Date: 04.03.13**

**Chapter Rating: T**

**Chapter Summary:**

**Different scenarios in which Castle and Beckett confront each other's mortality.**

**#50  
Déjà**

**#51  
Torn From Life**

**#52  
As the Plane Goes Down**

**#53  
Mole-y mole-y mole**

**#54  
Scared to Death**

**#55  
Last Words**

**#56  
Double Trouble**

**#57  
Stop All the Clocks**

**#50**

When she came to, she found she was tied to a chair, in a locked room. Castle was tied to a chair, too, wide awake.

"Kate! Thank God you're ok."

"Castle, where...?"

"Detective Beckett," came the voice of Jerry Tyson.

"So very glad you could make it."

"Tyson."

"He prefers 3xk."

"Actually, I'm going by Ronnie now. But you already know that, don't you?"

He circled Castle.

"You just had to push, didn't you? You couldn't just leave it alone. I would have left you alone. But, no, you had to dig your nose into a murder investigation in another state."

He leant in close and spoke softly too him; not so softly that Beckett couldn't hear.

"Well, now, you pay... the price."

"Please," said Beckett, "you want to make him suffer? Kill me. He'll have to live with that for the rest of his life and it'll be torture."

"Beckett, shut up."

""You know, this is actually a pretty good love story. Transformation, partnership, self-sacrifice. Tragic ending of course, like all truly great love stories. Unfortunately, if I let him live, he'd go after me for killing his sweetheart."

He pulled out a knife.

"Frankly, I find this repugnant. But thanks to you, I've had to change my MO - again."

He held the knife to her throat.

"No!"

Castle fell to the floor with the chair. Tyson smirked.

"I love you, Castle," Beckett choked out as the blade caressed her neck, ready to puncture her skin.

"Look, Castle. Your girl's given up. Why don't you?"

All of a sudden the door was busted open.

"NYPD!" Ryan yelled. "Drop the knife!"

Tyson complied, reluctantly.

Ryan cuffed him.

"Y'know, I have an odd sense of déjà vu, detective Ryan," said Jerry as Esposito and LT untied Castle and Beckett.

"Yeah? Well, I like this ending better," said Ryan.

* * *

**#51**

"Castle, wake up."

"Mmm."

"Castle."

"Huh? What?" Castle stirred, rubbing his eyes.

Beckett looked over at him, horrified.

"Castle, I'm bleeding."

* * *

"Whatever this is, Kate, you're going to fight it," Castle assured her, stroking her hair as he looked down at her in the hospital bed.

""My Grandmother died of Ovarian Cancer, Castle."

"We'll cross that bridge when we come to it."

"Detective Beckett."

Beckett looked up.

"Yes?"

"This is your husband?"

"My boyfriend. I'd like him to stay."

"Oh, yes, I think it's important that he does. You'll want to hear this, too, Mr...?"

"Castle."

She nodded.

"We have your test results, Detective. I'm afraid there's no easy way to say this."

Beckett turned to Castle.

"I love you, Castle. I just wanted to say that now, so you know I mean it. That I'm not just saying it because -"

"Shh, Kate. Just... let the Doctor speak."

"Detective, were you aware that you were pregnant?"

They stared at her in shock.

"Uh, no," she finally managed to choke out.

"_Were_?" Castle echoed.

"Yes," she sighed. "I'm afraid you suffered a miscarriage."

Castle sat down on the bed, holding her.

"Castle?"

"I'm so sorry."

"It's not your fault."

"What about Kate? Is she ok?"

"She's fine - under the circumstances. We'd like to keep her overnight for observation. I'll give you a moment."

She stepped out of the room. Castle stood up, pacing, running a hand through his hair.

"We were careful."

"Birth control isn't full-proof. And there were times we only used one kind."

He stopped and walked back to her.

"Kate... does it make me a bad person that I'm relieved?"

Beckett shook her head. "No. Castle, we didn't even know about this... baby. Wow. We made a baby.  
"The point is, all we knew was that there was something wrong with me. We were scared of that. We haven't had time to process this yet. I'm sure it'll sink in, and then we'll start to grieve. I'm not particularly looking forward to that, but apparently that's what healthy people do, according to Dr. Burke."

Castle took a deep, breath, tracing soft circles on her arm.

"Ok."

She smiled sadly back at him.

"Ok."

* * *

**#52**

She always thought if she died on a plane, it would be some kind of hijack situation. She thought back to nine-eleven, to the people on that flight who called their loved ones. She couldn't do that, but maybe she could leave a message...

"Castle, I've grown more in the last five years than my whole life before that," she spoke quickly, recording her message into her phone.  
"Castle, I love you. You've been the greatest friend, partner and lover I've ever known.  
"If I had to do it all over again, I'd do everything exactly the same - every argument, every misunderstanding, every single cup of coffee, because I wouldn't want to trade a minute of our time together.  
"Tell my Dad I love him."

"Ma'am, please put on your oxygen mask," said the flight attendant, as the plane descended lower.

* * *

"Ok, Castle, you can let go of me now."

"Nuh-uh. I almost lost you. I'm never letting you go."

"Castle that was three days ago," she reminded him.

"Has no one explained the concept of "never" to you?"

There was a knock at the door.

"Ok, now you have to let go of me."

"Fine," he conceded.

She made herself decent and answered the door, returning to the bedroom with her luggage.

"Oh, you got your stuff back."

"Yeah, all-clear. Water damage was minimal.

She pulled her phone out of a plastic bag, staring at it.

"What is it?"

"I recorded a message for you when I thought..."

Castle raised his head slowly in realisation.

"You want to hear it?"

"You want me to?''

She thought about it.

"Yeah, I think I do."

"Then play it."

She did.

He had a poker-face the whole time he listened. It was extremely frustrating.

"Well?"

Castle shrugged.

"Me, too."

"That's it?"

"I couldn't put it better than you did, Kate. That was perfect. I hope you never have to say it again. I hope that next time, you say it because you feel like it."

She smiled. She felt as if a weight had been lifted off her shoulders as she crawled back on to bed with him, kissing him languidly.

She stopped and looked down at him thoughtfully.

"I love you."

He raised his eyebrows.

"I felt like it," she explained.

* * *

**#53**

"Castle, stop pacing."

"Well, pacing's better than sitting around waiting to hear my fate."

"Castle, if it was bad, he would have called you in."

"Maybe that's what the second call's for."

"Why wouldn't he do that with the first call?"

"Maybe he wasn't sure. Maybe he's sure now and any minute he's going to confirm it! Why didn't he tell me in the first call?"

"Well maybe he's busy, like he told you, and he didn't want you to worry."

"Yeah, good job."

"Maybe it's not even related to your mole. Maybe he's after a donation."

"Another one? I just donated to the children's ward last month!"

Beckett raised her eyebrows.

"What?"

She smiled, shaking her head.  
"Nothing."

He sighed.

"Kate, I've been shot at a dozen times, nearly drowned once, almost blown up three times, locked in a room with a tiger... To go out because of a weird skin pigmentation - "

"Castle, stop jumping to the worst case scenario," she said, stilling him with her arms. "Even if it's malignant, that's not automatically a death sentence; we have options."

"We?"

"Yeah," she said, her arms around his neck. "You're stuck with me, bub. Whatever he says, we're going to get through it and we're not going to worry about it tonight. We're going to sit on that couch and we're going to kick it old-school, John Woo style."

Castle nodded, his heart warming.  
"I'm sorry for freaking out on you."

"You kidding? This is calm for you. I'm proud of how well you've handled this."

The phone rang.

Castle stared down at her, the fear evident on his face.

Beckett released him, squeezing his hand before letting him answer it.

"Castle," he answered. "Yes, Doctor Klein. Mmm-hmm. Uh-huh. I see. Um, tomorrow, one ' o'clock."

Beckett had a sharp intake of breath.

"Ok, see you then."

He hung up, his expression blank.

"Castle."

He turned to look down at her.

"Ok, whatever he said, I want you to know, I'm in this one hundred percent - "

"Kate -"

"Whatever you need - "

"Kate."

"I`m here; because I l- love you, ok?"

"It's benign. Wait - huh?"

"It's benign?"

"Yeah, he still wants to remove it. It's relatively simple a procedure. What was that you said before?"

She hugged him.

"I'm so glad you're going to be ok."

"Kate - "

"I said 'I love you'. I meant it."

He brightened.

"This is a much better day than I was expecting."

* * *

**#54**

"Castle, for the millionth time, you are not going to die."

"Liar. We're all going to die."

She rolled her eyes.  
"Yes, but you have no way of knowing when.

"Right, we don't. I could get hit by a by a bus or choke on a chicken-bone tomorrow."

"Right, or you could die of old-age in a warm bed fifty years from now. Either way, life is too short to be worried about a DVD."

"What about all those stories you hear about people who foresaw their own deaths in visions or dreams?"

"Law of probability. In a world with this many people, someone's gonna be right once in a while. They don't talk about all the people who have no idea they're gonna die, or all the people whose dreams are wrong."

"Just humour me, ok? Now, I know I haven't been the best boyfriend..."

"Castle - "

"I screw up and I don't always show my appreciation for you as much as I should. I just want you to know that it's not lost on me how lucky I am to be with you, that you let me in. Every day with you is literally a dream come true. Please promise me you'll keep an eye on mother and Alexis - "

"We already had this conversation the last time you bought into a phoney bologna myth and thought you were going to die, remember? I agreed to look after Alexis, and Esposito's gonna "get rid of" your porn collection."

"Oh, I've already gotten rid of my porn collection."

"What?"

"Yeah, I threw it out a week into our relationship when I realised how many years I'd been wasting my time with useless information and images when I could have been doing _that. _Besides, if I'm ever in an emergency situation where I need porn - unlikely but not impossible - that's what the internet's for."

She rolled her eyes.

"Remember that first night, when you - "

"How can I forget? That was your favourite part, as I recall."

He nodded, his smirk slowly fading.

"Anyway, I've changed my will - '

"Ok, this is getting ridiculous."

"I just don't want you to be surprised when you see how much money I've left you. It's not that much, anyway. Just enough to keep you secure. I'd like _Stairway to Heaven_ to play at the funeral; although the theme song to "Miami Vice" is fine too. I'd like to be buried in my Bat-Suit but if Mother objects, I won't mind a tuxedo a'la James Bond, providing you put a little gun in my pocket. Oh and maybe a walkie-talkie and some snacks, just in case I'm accidentally buried alive - "

"Ok, enough. Just... stop talking about being dead ok?"

"Kate, I didn't mean to upset you."

"Right, why would I be upset thinking about what I'd have to deal with if the man I love died? You really think I want to know what kind of coffin you want? What is wrong with you, Castle?"

Castle choked.

"Castle?!" Beckett asked, alarmed. "You ok?"

"Yeah," he said, recovering. "I was just... choking on my own spit. I didn't expect - "

"You're surprised that I love you? That your death would upset me?"

"Not surprised that you feel it, I'm just surprised that you're saying it."

"Well maybe it's 'Open up your big stupid mouth' day."

"Kate, I'm sorry. But I can't help what I believe."

"Damn it, castle."

"Hey, prove me wrong. Please."

"I'm sure Lanie will figure out C.O.D soon enough and we'll have a logical explanation for this. Until then, you're going to have to trust me."

He looked down at her intense gaze.

"Now that, I can do."

* * *

**#55**

"_Hey, Rick_."

The use of his first name surprised him, but he leaned forward nonetheless, watching the DVD with an open mind.

"_I'm not sure how to do this." Kate's image on the screen ran her hand through her hair. "Maybe I should have prepared something. That's what you would have done_."

She sighed.

_"Where to start. If you're watching this tape, it either means I died or... you went through my stuff. If it's the latter... Castle! Take this out right now and put it back."_

Oh, how he wished it was that simple.

After a moment, she softened. "_If it's the former...  
"I don't know how much time I have left,. None of us do. Life is fleeting, and I figured I should be prepared.  
"Castle, you know I don't believe in an afterlife. But you do. If you're right, then, I'm gonna spend it keeping watch over the ones I love.  
"Yes, Castle, that includes you. But you already knew that_."

He let himself smile. Yeah, he did but... hearing her say it was getting him choked up.

"_Castle, if I died under suspicious circumstances, I know you're gonna want to investigate. I of all people understand that. Just be careful. Don't do anything too stupid - I know that's a challenge for you. Think about your Mom and Alexis. Don't let my death take over your life. Let Ryan and Esposito help you. Don't be afraid to ask for help, because frankly, when it comes to this stuff, you'll be pretty much lost without me_."

He smiled sadly. That was true. He needed her to rein him in. Needed someone to carry the gun, pull out the badge. Someone to bounce ideas off of. He found himself wondering how he would be able to do that without Kate-

_Ok, get a grip_, he scolded himself.

"_Hopefully, you'll move on like I did. It could take a few months, it could take a lifetime. It's not gonna be easy. You owe it to yourself and your family to try_."

She took a deep breath, looking uncomfortable.

"_Now, by 'move on', I don't mean 'sleep with other women', but if after an appropriate amount of time has passed, you meet someone mature, intelligent, someone kind, who deserves you, and strong enough to put up with you, and loves you enough to be able to take care of you - don't hold back because of me. I'm dirt and worms at this point, Castle. And even if I'm not, I'll just... look away during those times you need privacy. Maybe I'll haunt Mark Ruffalo if he's still hot by the time I_ -"

She sighed again.

Castle cracked a smile.

"_Castle, I'm so glad you wormed your way into my life. I'm so glad I let you. You've taught me so much. And I've had so much fun.  
"Like the time you pretended not to have seen Forbidden Planet in order to go out with me - even though I was with someone else _- "

"You knew about that?!" he said out loud.

"Yes, I knew."

It was Beckett's voice, but it didn't come from the tape.

Castle stood up, wiping the tears from his eyes and turning around to face the real Beckett, who did not look happy.

"Castle, what the hell are you doing?" she demanded, storming over to the DVD player and ejecting the disc.

"You were not supposed to see this unless and until - ugh!"

"I'm sorry. I was looking for something - "

"I don't keep your stuff in my underwear drawer, Castle."

"You seriously thought that would be the last place I'd look?"

"I trusted that you would respect my privacy. We've talked about this. I thought you understood."

"I'm sorry," he said, eyes downcast.

Beckett studied him for a moment.

"Oh, Castle."

"What?"

"Castle, look at me."

He obeyed.

She stroked his chin gently with her thumb.

"It's just in case, Castle; I'm not going anywhere."

"I know. Just... hearing you say that stuff - I don't want to - "

"I get it. I'm just being realistic. It's a possibility.

He nodded.

"Ok. I'm sorry."

"I forgive you. I think you've been punished enough."

"Do you think you could maybe... put something dirty on there?"

He expected her to roll her eyes; instead she simply simpered.

"You haven't seen the rest of the DVD yet."

Castle's eyes widened.

* * *

**#56**

Castle had left a cup of coffee with a note saying Alexis had had car trouble coming back from a party and he was picking her up. The coffee was cold and he still wasn't back. He must have crashed at the loft.

She tried his phone and it went straight to voicemail.

"Castle, it's Beckett - again. I'm leaving now. You've got the address for the crime scene so, I guess I'll meet you there if you get this on time. Otherwise I'll see you at the precinct. Ok, bye."

After hanging up, she opened his drawer on a hunch, not at all surprised when she found his charger. That's why he wasn't getting his messages. She tried calling his landline to no avail. Figuring he must be asleep at his place, she shrugged and left.

"Hey, guys," Beckett greeted a very grim looking Ryan and Esposito. "What we got?"

They exchanged uneasy looks.

"What?"

"Uh, Beckett - " Kevin started.

"Maybe we should go somewhere a little less crowded," Esposito suggested.

"Why should we do that?"

They exchanged looks again.

"Guys, what's going on?" she demanded, quickly running out of patience.

"Have you heard from Castle today?" Ryan asked.

Her heart dropped to her stomach.

"He left me a note. He went to pick Alexis up; she had car-trouble. Why are you asking me about Castle?"

"What time was that?" Esposito pressed.

"I'm not sure. A couple hours ago, maybe. What's going on and what the hell has this got to do with Castle?"

"We're not sure yet," said Ryan. "It could be nothing but..."

"Perlmutter ID'd the body as Castle's," said Esposito.

She had to hold on to one of the squad cars for balance. Straightening up, she maintained her composure.

"Well, what about you guys?"

"We... were building up the courage to go see," said Ryan.

"Well, if you two don't have the balls, I will."

"Beckett, I don't think that's a good idea," said Esposito, grabbing her arm.

"Hey, I'm the team leader, I was called to this investigation, let me see the victim."

Espo held her back as she struggled against him.

"Let me _see_ him!"

"Bro, you go."

Ryan nodded grimly.

"Beckett, relax."

"Let go of me, Espo."

"Kate."

She froze at the shock of hearing her first name.

"Relax. Perlmutter doesn't know Castle that well, ok? This could all be a misunderstanding."

"Right," she nodded. "Right. What if it's not, though?"

"Beckett, don't panic. Because if you start to panic, I'll start too panic."

"I think you're a little late there, Espo!"

They watched Ryan as he approached the body. Upon looking down at the victim's face, he froze, a horrified look of recognition on his face, which drained of colour and all of a sudden, she was lost.

_No. God, please no._

Then, a split second later his eyebrows raised, he relaxed and bowed his head in relief and suddenly she could breathe again.

"It's not him," he called out.

Espo released her and she bent over, grabbing her knees.

"It sure does look like him," Ryan said as he approached "at least at first glance but... it's not him."

"You're sure?"

"I'm positive. Go see for yourself." His face suddenly brightened. "Or better yet, turn around."

She complied.

"Hey," greeted the man behind her. " I didn't know if your coffee went cold so I brought you a new - oomph!"

She wasn't quite sure how it happened. One minute she was staring up at his smiling face, hearing his voice, the next she was in his arms. Some of the hot coffee spilt onto her back but she barely took notice, holding onto him, placing kisses all over his face and neck.

"Whoa, Kate, not that I'm complaining but... crime scene."

"_I love you, l love you_," she breathed.

He looked down at her in awe.  
"Ok, what did I miss?"

She took one more moment to bask in his presence, cupping his face in her hands before dropping them down to his chest, where she hit him.

"Ow! Ok, seriously what did I miss?!"

"Keep your phone charged and answer your landline next time, jerk!"

She promptly turned around and stormed over to the body.

"Uh... guys? Little help?"

"Perlmutter made a little... error," said Ryan.

Castle glanced over to see Beckett engaged in a heated discussion with the ME.

"What kind of error?"

"Well, he might have sort of given the impression that you were... dead, a little bit," Ryan replied.

"What?! Why would he think that?"

"Well, the body does kind of bare a resemblance to you," said Esposito.

Castle narrowed his eyes and walked over to the body, recognising him instantly.

"My look-alike. This is the second time he's gotten me into trouble, poor bastard."

"Uh yeah, I'm ..." Perlmutter started.

Castle quirked an eyebrow.

"_Sorry_," he spat out the word like it was bad seafood.

"Apology accepted, Perlmutter," said Castle.

"Speak for yourself," said Beckett.

Castle stopped smiling and moved closer to her.

"Castle, crime scene."

"Kate. Look at me."

She deliberately avoided his gaze.

"Kate."

She finally looked at him.

"I'm ok," he whispered, leaning in. "I'm here."

Beckett said nothing, just stood there breathing him in.

"Ok," she whispered. "Ok!" she said, a little louder. "I'm good."

"K - Beckett... we'll talk about this later."

Beckett nodded and then short one last death-glare at Perlmutter before heading off to talk to CSU.

"So, Perlmutter, maybe if you'd gotten to know me a little better, this wouldn't have happened. What do you say - "

"Look, Castle, I'm glad you're not actually dead but whatever you were about to say, no."

"Fine, Mr. Grouchy."

"That's Dr. Grouchy to you."

**#57**

Castle and Beckett decided to exit the old Haunt through the back-door. Esposito and Lanie followed.

"Thanks for the free drinks, Castle."

"No problem. Have a good night."

"Night," said Espo and Lanie.

"Night," said Beckett.

"Well, there you go, that wasn't so bad," she elbowed him playfully.

"I guess not. I just hope we don't get dragged into their drama."

"_Their_drama?"

"Uh, yeah. One year and counting. They've only been back together a little while. Our relationship kicks their relationship's ass."

Beckett chortled, her arm around him.  
"Yeah, ok."

"Excuse me?"

They turned.

"Oh, my God! Richard Castle?!" a young woman exclaimed.

"Uh, yes?"

"Oh, my god! I'm, like, your biggest fan."

"Really?" Castle smiled.

Beckett rolled her eyes.

The young woman went to dig something out of her bag.  
"I have a copy of Frozen Heat in her somewhere. Will you sign it?"

"Of course.

Beckett let go of his arm, smirking as he pulled out a pen.

"Where would you - ?"

"Castle!"

She hadn't realised that what the woman was pulling out of her bag wasn't a book until it was too late and Castle was on the ground, a knife in his chest as the girl smirked.

Beckett tackled her to the ground.

"Lanie! Javi!"

The couple ran back, speeding up when they saw what was happening.

Espo took over with the woman while Lanie started working on Castle.

Beckett called an ambulance, putting Lanie on the line to keep them informed, while Esposito called for back-up.

Beckett sat back, watching them in shock trying to -

Something.

Castle was struggling to breathe; and he was bleeding out... everywhere while Lanie improvised.

"We came in a cab," she explained. "I'm sorry; I don't have my - "

"Just help him!"

_No, no, no_, not again. Not like this. Not another alley. Just _- no_.

At least he wouldn't be alone.

_Shut up, Kate, don't even think that way._

"Sandra Donnelly," said Esposito, who had the woman pinned to the ground, as he read her id.

"You are under arrest for assault with a deadly weapon. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you do say will be held against you in a court of law. You have the right to an attorney."

"Ooh, officer," Sandra giggled, "those hand cuffs are a little tight."

He pulled tighter.

She laughed.

"If you cannot afford an attorney one will be appointed to you. Do you understand these rights as I have read them to you?"

"Oh, yes, officer. I heard you quite clearly in that sexy voice."

Beckett stared.  
"Why? Why did you do this."

"Beckett, take a step back."

"No, I want to know," said Beckett standing up while Sandra continued to laugh hysterically. " Why did you do this?!"

"Kate," said Lanie. "Come over here. We might not have much time left."

"What?" She ran to his side like a shot, kneeling back down. "No, the ambulance is coming, right? You're - you're gonna save him."

"I'm doing my best, and they're on their way, but Kate, he's lost a lot of blood."

"_Kate_ -" he croaked.

"Castle," she rasped, stroking his hair.

"Shh, honey, don't talk," Lanie instructed, "save your air."

"Hey," Castle smiled through his pain, "you - just said I m- might not - make it. Just - l - let me talk to my girl, ok?"

Beckett grabbed his hand.

"Castle," she whispered, fighting back tears.

""T-tell mother and Alexis - I'll be there for them, no m-matter... what."

"Tell them yourself, Castle you're gonna be fine."

"Right," he made a sickening sound that might have been an attempt at a chuckle . "It's just a scratch."

"Shh," said Beckett, unable to stop the tears flowing down.

"Kate - "

"It's ok, Castle, just... let Lanie help you."

"I have to - know that you're gonna be... ok. Please don't - let this consume your life. Be happy."

"No. No, you listen to me, Richard Castle. You are not giving up, ok? If you die, I will kick your ass, you hear me?"

"Kate - "

"Castle... we've got her," she said to appease him. "Nothing's going to consume me. Three witnesses. Judging on her... attitude, most likely a... confession. Case closed."

"Our last case," said Castle. "Bit of an anti-climax.

"Stop it."

"Thank you. For helping me grow up."

Castle stared him down, unable to hold back sobs any more.

"Castle - Rick, stay with me, please."

"I'm sorry, Kate."

"No, please, hold on."

"Say it, Kate. One last - one last time."

"I'm losing him."

"Press harder!"

"Any harder and he'll die faster!"

"Don't say that word!"

"Beckett, you're not helping him," said Esposito.

"Kate, please."

She stared down into those blue eyes. She was breaking from the inside out as she watched the light that had burned sp bright it had consumed her in flames of passion these last four years fading and she still couldn't accept it. But she knew.

"Always," she managed to push out, her lungs heaving in agony.

"Got to admit, this is a pretty cool way to go out."

Beckett shook her head, laughing in spite of herself through broken sobs.

"I love you, Castle" she managed to croak out. "I love you."

He smiled weakly.

"I lo -"

He suddenly went limp mid-sentence.

"Lanie?"

Lanie checked his pulse.

"His heart's stopped."

And with it, the rest of the world.

* * *

They tried to revive him. So did the paramedics.

So did the surgeons.

She couldn't let herself believe it, even when they told her; even as she allowed herself to fall to the hospital floor in a heap of tears, not bothering to keep her composure as the first waves of grief washed over her; even when they let her see the body, and she looked down at it knowing her Castle wasn't in there anymore; even as she leaned down to kiss him on his still-warm forehead. And even when she shut his eyelids with shaking fingers, she couldn't let herself face the cold, hard truth:

Richard Castle was dead.

* * *

**So... yeah. *Ducks for cover*.**

**Edit[12.0313] For some reason, people have been getting to this point and stopped reading because they thought it was the end. Trust me; it's not. I just outlined the next nineteen scenarios this morning. Press that "next" button and you'll find another chapter, and another after that.**


	36. Goat

**Disclaimer: This piece of fan fiction is for entertainment purposes only. I am not seeking a profit and assert that the characters and universe do not belong to me. Any similarity between my own ideas and ones that end up on Castle will be celebrated. Even if I could afford to sue, I never would. That would be stupid.**

**_I can't believe this is the second time in a row I've had to respond to a Guest Review in the Author's Notes for partly the same reason. Guest I Guess, thank you for your review, I'm glad you're so passionate about this series BUT IT's NOT OVER YET. I checked; I didn't accidentally mark it as complete so I really don't understand why this keeps happening. I'll tell you when I'm finished, I'll mark it as complete and I'll end it on a high-note*._**

_**The way #57 ended would be a stupid way to end the series in my opinion; a punch in the face to the people who've been faithfully following this series. I already know what the last scenario will be. I've planned it nearly since the beginning. It's going to be simple, intimate and fun - well, hopefully.**_

_**But that's a few months away. I've said I'll end it when Beckett says "I Love You" on the show. As soon as that episode airs here (June or July, I'm guessing), I'll wrap it up - unless I finish all my ideas before then, which I doubt. I still have a lot - although, I think I can safely say we're past the half-way mark in terms of the amount of scenarios.**_

_**REMINDER: DO NOT TELL ME WHEN BECKETT SAYS ILY TO CASTLE. I'VE OFFICIALLY STOPPED LOOKING AT SPOILERS NOW SO HOPEFULLY I WILL NOT KNOW UNTIL IT AIRS HERE.**_

_**Guest I guess, just because #57 ended in a particular way doesn't mean it's the end of the series. I can see how you might think that if this was one continuous story. Do I have to explain the concept of separate one-shots? If this all took place in the same universe, then it would not be Beckett telling Castle she loved him for the first time over and over. You can only do something for the first time once. Unless they both have amnesia.**_

_**I have created fifty-eight distinct universes for this series, and while I do have a concept coming up that was inspired by a few details in an earlier scenario, it's still a/u from that scenario.**_

_**If I still have scenarios left over (more likely), well, I have this companion fic called Too Many Ways which is a kind-of waste-bin for things that don't end up here. I haven't posted in it for a while, but it's still open to new updates.**_

_**It's funny that people want it to turn out to be a dream sequence. In my head, it's not. In my head it happened - but only in that reality. But the reason I think it's funny is that there will be a scenario that will turn out to be a dream. I've been working on that idea for a while but it's not the right time to post it yet.**_

**This is an impromptu chapter written expressly so I could respond to that review because I'm not sure when the next planned chapter will be ready; it's quite long and I'm pretty busy attempting to write _North_ and doing research for that novel I was telling you about, as well as organising things for the organisation I'm involved in. So, I guess you can thank Guest I Guess for this chapter. I pretty much made it up on the spot, like "I just Called to Say".****  
****Bit of an homage to the Buffy the Vampire Slayer episode, "Go Fish". Because Cordelia is awesome.**

******I apologise to gypsies. I'm actually descended from gypsies, apparently.**

**Upload Date: 05.03.13**

**Chapter Rating: k+**

**Summary**

**Castle and Beckett interview an old gypsy on her farm. She is not cooperative.**

* * *

**#58**

"Mrs. Razvan, I want to ask you a few questions about the money that your nephew gave you."

"No questions!" the woman replied, perturbed. "Get off my property."

"Mrs. Razvan, there's been a murder and you didn't return our calls."

"I know nothing! Off my property or I will curse you."

"Beckett, maybe you should listen to her."

"Castle, don't be ridiculous. Ma'am - "

"I warned you."

"Kate!"

"Transforma într-o capră!"

Castle gasped.

Beckett raised her eyebrows.  
"Any way - ah!"

"Kate!"

It all happened so fast. One moment she was standing next to him, the next she cried out and when he looked she wasn't there anymore.

Castle rounded on Mrs. Razvan.

"What did you do to her?"

"What she deserved," she smirked.

"Kate! Kate!"

Castle ran around the hill, desperately searching for her throughout the property.

"Kate!"

He heard a bleating sound. He turned around to see a goat with Beckett's scarf in its mouth.

_She must be close._

"Kate!"

The gloat bleated again.

Castle looked back at the goat. After a few moments, his eyes widened.

No. Not possible...

Was it?

"Kate?"

The goat raised its head and then lowered it.

"Oh, my God!"

Castle knelt in front of the goat, cupping its face.

"Sweetheart, what did she do to you? Oh, Kate. Don't worry. I'll make her change you back - and if she doesn't, I'll find someone else and if I can't... you don't have to worry. I still feel the same way about you, no matter what you look like - I mean, you look beautiful, as goats go. I'll never leave you. I'll buy you a huge paddock, with lots of grass; I'll come out to visit you every day. I mean, I get it if you're not interested any more. I might be literally too much man for you now... I understand if you want to see other goats. "

The goat bleated.

"Oh, I know, Sweetheart, I know. Everything's gonna be ok. I love you."

"I love you, too," Beckett bleated.

Castle raised his head hopefully.

"You can talk? Oh, Kate!"

He heard a throat being cleared behind him.

He turned around to see a very dishevelled looking Beckett, covered in dirt and grass with a combination of annoyance and amusement on her face.

"Kate?"

"Oh, don't let me interrupt. Looks like you two are having a moment."

Castle glanced back at the goat and then at Beckett, standing up to hug her.

"Oh, Kate! I thought -"

"That I had turned into a goat?"

She shook her head in amusement before leaving his embrace to pull her scarf away from the goat.

She turned back to castle, running her hand through his hair affectionately.

"Castle, that was the most bizarre thing I've ever seen - and I'm a cop from New York."

"Well... it could have happened."

"No, it couldn't have, Castle; I just lost my balance and rolled down a hill. There's no such thing as curses."

He did feel pretty stupid.

"Come on, Castle."

She led the way back to the house.

"Uh, Kate?"

She stopped and turned to face him.

"Yeah?"

"What you said - well, bleated - were you just kidding around or...?"

Beckett smiled warmly, walking back to kiss him passionately.

"What do you think, Dr Doolittle?" she asked, smiling up at him adoringly.

* * *

**_Proof-Reading Tracker_**

**_First Check_**

**_passionaten- *passionate*_**

**_chevcked - *checked*_**

**_undersatnd - "Understand*_**

**_ened - *end*_**

_**soomn - *soon***_

_**trems - *terms***_

_**dcenarios - *scenarios***_

_**eneded - *ended***_

_**tghat - *that***_

_**ear;lier - *earlier***_

_**hedad, - *head***_

**ythink - *think***

**wuill - *will***

**ir's - *it's***

**notthe - *not the***

**ther - *the***

**reafy - *ready***

**pregty - *pretty***

**yoiu - *you***

**cordeliua - *cordelia***

**monety - *money***

**propertyyu - *property***

**warmned - *warned***

**dodn't - *didn't***

**gased - *gasped***

**any more - *anymore***

**fdidi - *did***

**tio - *to***

**next,m - *next***

**kAte - *Kate***

**arounf - *around***

**seaching - *searching***

**Becket''s - *Beckett's***

**bleeting - *Bleating***

**bleeted - *Bleated***

**possimpible (seriously, that happened, completely by accident; "Nothing and everything is...") - *possible***

**,, - *,***

**Dswetheart - *Sweetheart***

**dpoesn't - *doesn't***

**don *don't***

**zI'l l - *I'll***

**cvback - *back***

**stillfell - *still feel***

**leeave - *leave***

**hguge - *huge***

**by - *buy***

**yoiu - *you***

**everyday *every day***

**itif -*it if***

**noer - *more***

**mihgt - *might***

**undersatnd - *understand***

**bleeted - *bleated***

**kater - *Kate***

**heardf - *heard***

**beckett - *Beckett***

**Annoance - *Annoyance***

** letty - *let***

**thqat - *that***

**itno - *into***

**shpook - *shook***

**hup - *up***

**huig - *hug***

**"Oh, Kate! I thought - "That I had turned into a goat. - *Oh, Kate! I thought - "  
"That I had turned into a goat?"***

**a musement - *amusement***

**scarfe - *scarf***

**throiugh - *through***

**hvave - *have***

**juyst - *just**

**blance - *balance***

**fcome - *come***

**yeash - *yeah***

**bletted - *bleated***

**walkinmg - *walking***

**smilimng - *smiling***

**"What you said - well, bleated - were you just kidding around or. - *What you said - well, bleated - were you just kidding around or...?"***

**Second Check**

**Raznav - *Razvan***

**it's - *its***

**Castle, that - *Castle, that***

**Third Check**

**Beckett, maybe - *Beckett, maybe***

**" - *"***

**, - *;***

**Dolittle - *Doolittle***

**Fourth Check**

**-I - * - I***

**want ask - *want to ask***

**kind of a - * a kind of***

**stoppedlooking - *stopped looking***

**Fifth Check**

**north - *North***

**doesn't - *doesn't***

**Sixth Check**

**out - *our***

**peoperty *property***

**Seventh Check**

**do no not - *do not***

**Eighth Check**

**No errors Found**

**Sorry if I missed any.**

**_*Remember this. It may__ prevent an aneurysm about a month from now._**


	37. Through the Grapevine: Meredith and Kyra

**Disclaimer: This piece of fan fiction is for entertainment purposes only. I am not seeking a profit and assert that the characters and universe do not belong to me. Any similarity between my own ideas and ones that end up on Castle will be celebrated. Even if I could afford to sue, I never would. That would be stupid.**

**_Guest I Guess/Alex, you did not come across as a dick and you do not owe me an apology. I was never mad at you. Baffled and amused? Yes.  
Mad? No. I enjoyed responding to your review and I wouldn't have written Goat without you. A lot of people liked that chapter. Take the credit. *smiley face*._**

**Upload Date: 11.03.13**

**Chapter Rating: T**

**Summary**

**Beckett is embarrassed by Castle's exes.**

**#59  
Meredith**

**#60  
Kyra**

* * *

**#59**

"Oh, honey!" Meredith exclaimed, wrapping her arms around her daughter in a tight embrace. "Thank God you're ok."

"Good to see you again, Mom," said Alexis.

Meredith took a step back from her daughter and surveyed her.

"I'm so sorry it's taken this long to come out here," she fawned over her daughter, stroking her hair. "This was the earliest I could get off work."

"I understand," said Alexis.

"You're here now, Meredith," said Castle, "that's the most important thing."

"Oh, Rick!"

Meredith turned away from Alexis to hug Castle.

"Thank you for getting her back safe!"

"Well, of course; she's my daughter, too - "

"And Detective Beckett!"

Beckett took a step back but it was no use as Meredith embraced her tightly.

"Thank you so much for all your help - and for keeping me informed."

"You kept her informed?" Castle asked.

"Yeah, well, she's Alexis's mother - and you were kind of... occupied."

"You went above and beyond the call of duty. I know it's always awkward with the Ex but since I _am _Alexis's mother... can I expect an invite to the wedding?"

Beckett choked on her own saliva.

"Uh, Mom -"

"It's a little soon for that," said Castle, flustered.

"Well, I know you don't have the best track-record, Ricky, but clearly the girl's head-over-heels in love with you."

Beckett blushed.

"Well," said Alexis awkwardly, "I'm ready. I'll call you every half hour," she promised her father, hugging him and her Grandmother before leaving.

"Well," said Martha, "I think I'm going to retire to my bedroom and... yes."

She left.

Beckett took a deep breath.

"Don't worry about it," Castle said before she even opened her mouth. "You know Meredith just likes to stir the pot."

"Is it really that obvious?" she asked, avoiding eye contact.

"Well, she wasn't exactly subtle about it."

"Not Meredith, me; How..."

He raised his eyebrows and inched closer towards her.  
"Yes?"

"How crazy in love with you I am," she said quietly.

Castle allowed his smile to break through. She had never actually said it out loud before.

"Sometimes. Those little looks you shoot me aren't exactly cryptic; the way you stare at me in a crowded room like I'm the only man there, the way you smile at me like I'm giving you the world just by breathing..."

"Oh, God, I'm a walking cliché."

He gently took her by the chin and lifted her head.

"I've always had a soft spot for clichés."

"Yes, I know; I've read your novels."

"Hey, I'm trying to make you feel better here."

"Right now? Not possible."

His smile broadened.

"Well, you make me happy, too, Sweet heart."

She kissed him.  
"Good," she smiled back.

* * *

**#60**

It was their third day on holiday. Castle had chosen somewhere nice but low-key. They had both decided to just hop into the warm, bubbling waters of the hotel Jacuzzi before dinner.

The moment she sat down, her fingers began to caress his broad chest with feather-like touches.

"Kate?"

"Hmm?" she smiled lazily against his neck, where her head was currently resting in contentment.

"I can see a couple coming over here to join us."

Beckett reluctantly let go of them and turned to face the approaching couple.

She straightened up in recognition.

"Is it just me or is that - ?"

"Kyra!" The expression in Castle's face was priceless.

"Rick!" The expression on Kyra's face was just as stunned. "Uh, you remember Greg?"

"Uh, yeah, good to see you, man," said Castle.

Greg waved awkwardly.  
"Hi."

"And Kyra, you remember - ?"

"Detective Beckett." Kyra looked very pleasantly surprised. "Is that you?"

"Well, I'm on Vacation so just Kate is fine," said Beckett nervously.

"You're on vacation and you just happened to bump into Rick... in the Jacuzzi?" she asked, amused.

"Um..." Beckett squirmed.

"No," said Castle, firmly grasping her hand. "Kate and I came here together."

"Wow, that's so nice! Greg, isn't that nice?"

"Very nice."

"Yes, I agree, it's nice. Good one, honey. So, we were going to use the Jacuzzi but I think we'll - "

"Well, don't leave on our account," said Castle.

Beckett shot him a questioning look. He shrugged.

Kyra and Greg looked at each other, and after a few moments, climbed in with them.

"It's not awkward, guys. It's only awkward if we let it be."

There was a pause.

"Yeah, it's awkward," said Greg.

"It's pretty awkward," Beckett agreed.

* * *

Eventually, they were able to move past the awkwardness and even had dinner together. The next day, when Kyra and Greg checked out, they saw them off in the lobby.

Kyra had a private word with Castle while Beckett and Greg discussed baseball scores.

"So... it was good to see you again," said Kyra.

"Yeah. Yeah, it was really nice to see you, too. Glad you and Greg are doing ok."

"We're managing. Greg's always found a way to land on his feet. And I like working. It makes me feel like I'm contributing to society. What about you and Kate?"

"Yes, well, things are going pretty well."

"Don't screw this up, Rick. You're never going to better.'"

"Easy, there!" he chuckled.

"Just being honest."

"Well, if history serves, I can do at least as well."

"That was twenty years ago. Cling onto this one for dear life - and if you ever manage to get her to marry you, for God's sake, don't divorce her."

"Way to instil confidence Kyra."

"Seriously, though, I've seen the way she looks at you. I thought she might be falling in love with you three years ago but now? Wow."

Castle smiled as he looked over his ex-girlfriend's head - admittedly not that difficult - to his current girlfriend, who was having an animated discussion about drug-testing.  
"Wow," he agreed.

* * *

"What did Kyra say to you?" Beckett asked Castle that night in their suite. They still had a few more days. Unlike Greg, Castle could afford more than a weekend.

"Are you jealous?"

"Don't flatter yourself, Castle. I'm just... curious."

"Is that the Czech word for "jealous"?"

"Castle."

He smiled.  
"She told me... not to mess it up, that you're way out of my league..."

"Sounds about right. What else?"

"Well..."

"Spit it out, Castle."

"She said it's clear that we - that is, you and I, that we're... in love."

She nodded slowly.

"Does that make you uncomfortable?"

"To be honest... yes, it does."

"Why?"

"Kyra's one of those open-book types who's not afraid to talk about her feelings, even if they're not her own. How you and I feel about each other, that's ours. It's a private thing."

"But... it _is_ a thing, right?"

Beckett moved back slightly, surveying him with a crooked smile and narrowed eyebrows.

"What are you doing?"

"What?" Castle asked, feigning innocence.

"You just want me to say it out loud, don't you?"

It was his turn to narrow his eyebrows.  
"'Say it?' Why, Katherine Beckett, whatever do you mean?"

Beckett's smile became less crooked and she shifted slightly so that she was leaning on her elbows, looking up at him.

"Castle, if you want me to say it, all you have to do is ask."

"Say what?"

"Seriously?"

"I don't know what you're talking about."

She shrugged and turned over.  
"Well, I'm not fussed either way. If you really don't care I guess I'll just... sleep."

"Ok."

"Ok," he squeaked.

"Goodnight."

"Goodnight."

He was an idiot. Why didn't he just ask? No. It didn't work that way. He wasn't supposed to ask. She was supposed to say it of her own volition.

However, that obviously wasn't who Beckett was. Of course, he knew without a flicker of a doubt that... Yeah, she did. Everybody could see it.

_Kyra _could see it. Well, she always _had_ been pretty perceptive. But still... He'd like Beckett to say it.

Even just once would be nice. If he asked...that would defeat the purpose. He'd leave it up to her. If she wanted to say it, she would; and if she didn't...

Well, that would be ok; because he knew, and that was enough. Castle smiled at Beckett, who rolled over, snuggling up too him, pressing her lips to his shoulder.

"Hey, sexy," she whispered, barely audible.

"Mmm," he replied, grinning.

"I love you."

_Oh, wow_. It felt even better than he'd imagined. Just the simple, honest truth.

"Kate," he croaked, "you didn't have to - "

"I told you all you had to do was ask."

"But... I didn't."

She stifled a laugh.  
"Not with your words but... I'm kind of an expert at non-verbal communication," she said seductively against his skin.

Castle's eyes widened as she continued to caress his body. Yes, she certainly was an expert at... _that._

* * *

**I stand by Beckett calling Castle sexy. I don't care what you say.**

**Like Castle, I am also fond of clichés - big surprise, huh? I think they get a bad rep but name one story that doesn't contain any clichés.**


	38. Through Grapevine: Gates - Takes 2 & 3

**Disclaimer: This piece of fan fiction is for entertainment purposes only. I am not seeking a profit and assert that the characters and universe do not belong to me. Any similarity between my own ideas and ones that end up on Castle will be celebrated. Even if I could afford to sue, I never would. That would be stupid.**

**_Ok, so, the first attempt at Gates... wasn't great. I know some people will be mad at me for repeating myself AGAIN with #62 but... oh, well; you're getting this story for free._**

**Upload Date: 16.03.13**

**Chapter Rating: T**

**Summary****:**

**Different scenarios of Gates telling Castle about Beckett''s feelings and Castle confronting Beckett.**

**#61  
Police Picnic**

**#62  
An Honourable Man**

* * *

**#61**

It started out as a great Police Picnic. Gates was even showing more of her lighter side thanks to a healthy dose of peppermint Schnapps.

It all deteriorated when they got to the three-legged race. Castle toppled backwards, taking Beckett with him.

They moved him to a picnic blanket. She gently rolled him over onto his stomach. He had painful prickles all over, particularly the posterior region, and Beckett was pulling them out one by one, Castle trying to suppress yelps of pain.

"Now, that's what I call true love," Gates hiccupped as she passed them.

Beckett froze.

"Uh... maybe we should talk about this later," Castle suggested. "When I'm not... in this position."

"Good idea."

* * *

"So," said Beckett when they got back to her place, "Uh... do you think Gates knows?"

"Probably," said Castle, "but I don't think she had proof - she even seems to be ok with it. She thinks we have true love."

"Well, she's not wrong."

"You agree with her?'

"Castle, I spent the better part of the afternoon pulling prickles out of your ass in front of a hundred of my colleagues and their families. If that doesn't prove how much I love you, I don't know what does."

Castle smirked.  
"You... do realise that's the first time you've actually told me you loved me in so many words."

She smiled back and inched closer to him.

"I realise it."

"Well, as long as you know . For the record, I was not hating that position you had me in."

"Well, maybe we could try it without the clothes this time."

His smile broadened and he kissed the bejesus out of her.

"I would not be opposed to that, either," he whispered against her skin.

With one last kiss, she broke free of his embrace.

"I'll get the lotion.

Castle's eyes rolled to the back of his head.

* * *

**#62**

The buck was up. Gates had discovered Beckett's deal with Bracken; how she had withheld serious evidence from her - again - because of her mother's murder case - again. Beckett was still on probation. If Gates reported her, that was the end of her career. So, Castle made a decision.

"Mr. Castle, this is none of your concern. Now, kindly get out of my office and let me do my job."

"I think you'll find, sir, that what I'm about to say to you is very much my concern. I understand that Beckett needs to be disciplined. She went behind your back. You must be feeling pretty betrayed."

"How I feel is irrelevant, Mr. Castle. Detective Beckett, no matter how good she is at her job, needs to be held accountable for her actions."

"And you should do that. But if you really want to punish her; if you really want to teach her a lesson, take away one of her privileges."

"I'm afraid not letting her use the Coffee machine you kindly donated to the precinct isn't going to cut it, Mr. Castle."

"No, I mean taking away something that means even more to her. Something she'll sorely miss."

As she watched his darkened expression, it finally dawned on Gates what he might be on about.

"Take away something she loves," she said softly.

Castle nodded gravely. He was glad she had caught on so quickly.

"It's your decision."

"You're prepared to do that - even if it means never returning again?"

"At the risk of sounding melodramatic, the city needs Detective Beckett more than I need to keep playing cop for another four years. I've already spoken to the mayor. He won't stand in your way."

Gates surveyed him for a second before taking a deep breath.

"Mr. Castle, your position as shadow here at the department is hereby revoked."

He took a deep breath. _Good_, he tried to tell himself. _That's what you wanted_.  
"Thank you, sir. It's been... real."

"Mr. Castle, I know you and I haven't always seen eye to eye; but don't think it's escaped my notice before now that you mean well. Overall I think you've been good for morale and occasionally even helpful."

Castle smiled.  
"Thank you, sir. That means a lot." _Coming from you_, he added inwardly.

"But tonight you've proven to me beyond a doubt that you are an honourable man."

"Wow. Thank you, Sir."

"Victoria."

"Victoria," his voice cracked. _Hey! Stay cool, Rick._

"Have you discussed this with Detective Beckett?"

'No. This was my decision."

"Would you like me to speak to her?"

"No, I think it's best that she hears it from me."

"I agree," said Gates. "Good luck with that."

"Well, it may not be easy to accept at first but hopefully she'll understand that I did the right thing."

* * *

"Castle, what were you doing in the Captain's office?"

"We were just talking."

"Talking?! Castle, that's sweet but you probably made it worse."

"Relax, it's taken care of."

"'Taken care of'? What on earth does that mean?"

"Detective."

Beckett looked up to see Gates.

"There will be no disciplinary action taken. The matter has been settled."

"Sir?"

"Consider this your second strike, Detective. One more and you're out. Have a good night - both of you." With that, she left.

"What did you say to her - Did you pay her off?"

Castle snorted in spite of himself. "Are you kidding me? Bribe Iron Gates? You think I 'd still have testicles if I tried that?"

"Then how did you convince her?"

"Kate, maybe you should sit down."'

Beckett's face was frozen in place.

"What's going on, Castle?"

He took a deep breath. He didn't need to say it. It was written all over his face.

"No." She shook her head. "You didn't."

"Kate, I had to. You're still on probation. You would have lost your job. You love your job. If someone told me I couldn't write any more - "

"There has to be some other way."

"Do you know one? I have been racking my brains all day trying to think of some other solution. I don't want to do this but it's the right thing to do."

She couldn't look at him. Finally she turned back to face those earnest blue eyes and -

_Shit_. As much as she hated him right now for the decision he had made without discussing it with her first, she had never loved him more than she did in this moment for the sacrifice he had made for her .

"I'm sorry," she said, putting her hands on his face. "I - you're right. It was the right thing to do. It's just... going to hurt; it already hurts, God."

"I know; I'm sorry, sweetheart."

"So... this is it?"

"This is it.'

"Oh, God, I wish we had more time."

"I think four years is plenty of time. You mind... telling the boys for me? Might be easier."

"Yeah, of course. So, we're still...?"

"Of course. I mean, I'm still if you're still."

"I'm still. Definitely still."

"Not that any of this is easy but I think Gates was right. Taking away something you love is punishment enough."

"She actually said that?"

"I think she's more perceptive than we give her credit for.

"For the record, she's right."

He smiled sadly.  
"I know. I love you, too, so much.

"You'd better. 'Cause I ..." She took a deep breath.

"Kate, it's ok."

"I love you so much it's breakin' my heart right now," she finally managed to choke out.

The small smile he gave her as he tucked a stray hair behind her ear told her everything she needed to know.

"Kate - "

"You should go because I don't want to cry at my place of work."

"I don't wanna cry at your place of work, either. Are you gonna be ok?"

"Hey, I was catchin' bad guys before you got here. I'm sure I'll manage. It's not gonna be as fun with out you."

"Well, if you get bored with paperwork, you are free to sext me under the desk whenever you like."

That brought on a smile.

God, he was so... Castle.

'"I'll keep that in mind."

He stepped into the elevator and nodded.

"Thank you, Castle. For everything."

"Always."

Then the doors closed and he was gone.

* * *

**Reader: Cofkett, stop writing these sad scenarios!**

**Author: I have to be true to my artistic vision.**

**Reader: *snort* You write fanfiction, loser. Not exactly shakespeare.**

**Author: I resent that. Most of them have been fluffy but sometimes you need to explore other emotions, too.**


	39. Tony's Chapter

**Disclaimer: This piece of fan fiction is for entertainment purposes only. I am not seeking a profit and assert that the characters and universe do not belong to me. Any similarity between my own ideas and ones that end up on Castle will be celebrated. Even if I could afford to sue, I never would. That would be stupid.**

**I know this may seem a bit rushed but this series is coming up on a hiatus during which time I will be working on my other project.**

**_This chapter is for Tony7323. Thanks for the suggestions, Tony!_**

**Upload Date: 16.03.13**

**Chapter Rating: T**

**Summary****:**

**In #63, Castle and Beckett attempt to spend the night apart - under the same roof. Thsi does not work (surprise surprise). Then, in #64, Castle and Beckett are taking a walk through Central Park**

**#63  
Movie Night**

**#64  
Central Park**

* * *

**#63**

If the point was for Beckett and Lanie to have a girls' night and Castle to spend time with Alexis, going to movies at the same time on the same night in the same complex was a bad idea from the get-go. Beckett made it about forty-five minutes into the movie before she finally got up, making an excuse about needing to pee. Castle was waiting for her right outside the doors, where he pulled her into a passionate embrace, kissing her fiercely.

"I knew you couldn't stay away."

"Stayed away longer than you."

"Not by much. I just got here."

"Do you really think I love you so much I can't go two hours in the same building as you without seeing you?"

Castle raised his eyebrows and grinned as his arms rested comfortably around her frame.  
"Yeah."

"Well, you're right," she smiled affectionately, wiping chocolate off his chin. "Smartass."

She pulled herself out of his embrace.  
"Ok, you'd better get back to your daughter."

"And you'd better get back to your friend."

"Ok, see you tonight."

"Oh, yes, it will be on."

* * *

**#64**

"You know what we've never done?'

''Castle, I am not having sex with you in the middle of Central park."

"That's not what I was about to suggest - although I love that's where your mind went. You and I have never taken a carriage ride through Central Park together."

Beckett sniggered.

"That is because you and I are New Yorkers. Those are for tourists."

"Not just tourists. They're for lovers."

"I've never seen what's so romantic about a slow, bumpy ride in a cramped, uncomfortable space out in the open that probably stinks like horse excrement with some old guy sitting next to you making clicky noises."

"Oh, come on, Katherine. You're an old romantic at heart. Admit it."

Becket sighed._ Shit_, he was making that face. He was so enthusiastic and -_ shit_.

"Ok, Castle. But I'm only doing this because I love you."

Castle mouth widened.  
"Kate! That was your first I love you! This is excellent. Mmm." He pulled her close and laid one on her.

"What better way to celebrate than taking a carriage ride through the city."

After a kiss like that, she couldn't really argue.


	40. A Simple Question

**EDIT: THANKS TO JAREYA, I MADE A LITTLE ADDITION TO "IN THE WARM, RED GLOW". ****SNAPS FOR JAREYA.**

**Disclaimer: This piece of fan fiction is for entertainment purposes only. I am not seeking a profit and assert that the characters and universe do not belong to me. Any similarity between my own ideas and ones that end up on Castle will be celebrated. Even if I could afford to sue, I never would. That would be stupid.**

**I just want to say that I am very grateful to every single person who follows this fic. Every time I get that alert e-mail, I get all warm and fuzzy. I take it very seriously and do my best to deliver the best stories I can. I know I'm not perfect and there's stuff I've had to work on. I really think I'm improving my proof-reading, but if you have a problem with my story to the point that you're ready to leave, can you at least tell me why first so I understand? I lost a follower today and it made me sad. I feel like I let that person down; that I wasn't good enough for them. Part of the reason the review system is there is to point out my flaws. I don't mind. I actually love it. It helps me improve.**

**I know you can't please everyone but obviously this person was following my story for a reason. I just want to know what changed.**

**Anyway, enough of my self-obsessed gloominess. Let's move on.**

**Upload Date: 21.03.13**

**Chapter Rating: T**

**Summary:**

**Fluffy proposal scenarios.**

**#65  
In the Warm, Red Glow**

**#66  
String Theory**

**#67  
That's New**

**#68  
Being Practical**

**#69**

**Latte Art**

* * *

**#65**

There was nothing particularly special about this specific evening. They more or less followed routine: solving a case, making the decision to go home together, ordering Chinese and going to bed. They hadn't made love tonight and that wasn't too unusual lately. Sleeping together was no longer solely about sex; the connection, the intimacy of sleeping side by side was the important part.

They'd been at this stage for a while; on the surface, nothing further seemed to have changed. She didn't quite know what it was. He often fell asleep first. It usually took her a while to turn off her brain.

She would usually spend these moments in which he slept while she was still very much awake on her side, watching the steady rise and fall of his chest as her oblivious lover bathed in peaceful slumber. Tonight was no different. Castle had only managed to take off his coat and shoes before crashing on top of the covers. Beckett had undone the top button for him to make his sleep more comfortable.

She had brushed her teeth, taken off all her clothes except her panties and slipped on a small grey-blue t-shirt she often slept in. She wasn't quite ready to turn her lamp off yet. The new red lamp-shade she'd recently purchased gave the room a soft, warm glow.

She wasn't sure if it was out of the blue or if it had been more gradual. She had been thinking about this for a while, knew it was something she wanted to do - something she was prepared to do, but not something she needed to do. Up until now she hadn't felt ready.

For some reason, on this night, she felt ready. She felt this all-consuming certainty enveloping her and she knew; she just knew. It was time.

Grabbing her necklace from the drawer she had placed it in a few minutes earlier, Beckett removed her mother's ring from its chain, placed it on her finger and put the chain back around her neck.

He started to stir as she slowly and gently climbed on top of him.

She smiled down at him as she brushed his hair out of his face.

Castle blinked a few times as he slowly awoke, staring up at her when the whole scene started to sink in.

She leant down as if to kiss him, but pulled her head back at the last second, letting him chase her. She grinned silently as he gave her a searching smile and proceeded to unbutton his shirt. His hands wandered beneath her shirt but she gently pulled them down, guiding them to her hips.

He followed her lead willingly. When she had removed his shirt, he could feel something gliding across his chest as she moved back down to him.

It was her chain. She occasionally forgot to take it off before bed; he knew that. But... _that_ was strange.

"Kate, did you lose - "

Beckett shook her head, smiling from ear to ear as she showed him her hand.

"Castle, you know why I wear this."

"For the life you lost."

"Right. My Mom. I never thought I'd stop wearing it because I always felt like I was keeping a part of her closer to my heart. But I've reached a point where I don't want to wear it any more."

"Why?"

"Because I want you to wear it. That way it'll always be close to my heart, because my heart is with you."

He didn't reply at first - at least, not with words. His face said it all. Finally he managed to squeeze some words out.  
"Not that I'm complaining but where is this all coming from?"

Beckett inhaled slightly.

"Castle, will you marry me?"

Of all the things, he might have been expecting, it wasn't that.

"You don't have to say yes. I'm perfectly content spending the rest of my life with you without a piece of paper. But if, like me, the idea of us committing to each other in front of all our close friends and family, two weeks of fabulous honeymoon sex, not being compelled to testify against each other if one of us is put on trial - and with us that's a very real possibility - and having the ability to call each other husband and wife appeals to you, now's your opportunity to say yes."

"Am I... dreaming right now?"

"Definitely not, Castle. I want to marry you. I love you. So, what do you say?"

"Yes, Kate... I - I would be honoured."

Beckett's eyes sparkled with joy as she put her ring finger in her mouth, pulling the ring off with her teeth and lips, grabbing his hand and sensuously sucking on it, sliding the ring onto his pinky.

"This is temporary, by the way. You can wear it on my chain. I just really wanted to do that."

"I'm glad you did."

"You liked that?"

"Sexiest proposal ever," Castle said in awe.

Beckett grinned again then leaned back down to seal it with a kiss.

* * *

**#66**

She woke up to a flustered Castle quickly hiding something behind his back.

"Castle?" she yawned in confusion. "What's going on?"

"Nothing."

"What's that behind your back?"

"Behind my back? Er, I don't - " he laughed awkwardly, "I don't know what you're talking about!"

She narrowed her eyebrows and reached behind his back. He jumped off the bed.

"Castle, what the hell is going on? You're really starting to freak me out."

Castle stared at her for a long moment, sighed, sat back down on the bed and showed her.

It was a piece of string with a loop tied in it.

"What were you doing, Castle?"

"Measuring circumference."

She stared at the small loop.

"Well, I don't think you're using a very effective method 'cause that measurement is _way_ off."

"No, I wasn't measuring me, I was measuring... you."

"Why?"

Castle sighed.  
"To get your ring size."

Beckett's mouth fell open.

"It was supposed to be a secret; I was gonna go to the jeweller's tomorrow and then next week..."

"You were going to propose."

"Well, I'm still going to propose. That's if you're planning on saying yes."

Beckett took the string from Castle.  
"There's just one way to find out."

She reached into her drawer and pulled out a pair of scissors, cutting the end off so it was just a loop, which she gave to Castle.

"Ask me now."

Castle raised his eyebrows.

"But I had a plan - "

"You can still go through with the plan. That'll be your official proposal. But I don't want to wait that long to be engaged to you. I love you."

Castle's features slowly crept into a small smile.

"Are you sure you want to do this?"

"Positive."

Castle took a deep breath.  
"OK."

He pecked her on the cheek and climbed off the bed so he was kneeling on one knee in front of her.

Beckett inched closer to the foot of the bed.

Holding the small piece of string with both thumbs, he looked up at her.

"Kate, will you marry me?"

Beckett beamed down at him.  
"Yes."

She held her hand out to him, allowing him to slip the modest string onto her finger. The next day, she'd go with him to pick out a ring - the best way to determine ring size was to do it there at the jewellers anyway - then he would have his big moment, and it would probably be very romantic and emotional. It would be the story they told everyone who asked.

But to Beckett, his real proposal would always be kneeling at the foot of her bed in his boxers with a piece of string. To her, that was the perfect moment. That story would be kept just for therm.

* * *

**#67**

It was odd. There was something familiar about this place. It was closed.

"Detective Beckett, I presume?"

"Uh, yes. I'm here to talk to a Tina Mel. "

"Of course," the manager said, opening the door for her. "She's working on the roof. Just go straight up those stairs."

"Thanks."

Beckett clutched her gun for security. There was definitely something fishy going on, and she needed to be prepared.

However, nothing in the world could have prepared her for what she found at the top of those stairs.

They led to a rooftop, where Castle was waiting for her, dressed in a tuxedo, in front of a table with candles, flowers and Champagne.

"Castle? What are you doing here?"

She'd thought he was out of town on business.

"What's the most important ingredient in a successful partnership?"

That's when she realised where she knew this place from. This was the place where she and Castle had first met.

Beckett stared, trying to absorb the situation.  
"Um..."

"I think it's compromise," said Castle, moving towards her.

"Castle, I'm here to interview a witness."

"No, Esposito just told you that because I asked him to," Castle replied, slowly closing the gap between them. "I needed to get you here. A lot of planning went into this; paying the manager to let me use the place for the whole night; getting Esposito to lie to you, making you believe I was out of town. But now we've gotten here, it's just you and me, standing on the rooftop where you first found me; and I can't think of anything more intimate."

He bent down on one knee.

Beckett gasped.

"Compromise." He reached into his pocket and pulled out a small navy blue box.

"Castle."

"Katherine Houghton Beckett."

"Oh, my God."

He opened the box to reveal a platinum diamond ring in a classic solitaire setting.

Beckett merely stared, shaking and on the verge of tears.

"Will you do me the great honour of being my wife?"

"Yes," she finally managed to come out with.

"Yes?"

She nodded through the tears that finally broke through.  
"Yes."

"Oh, thank God," he said, heaving a huge sigh of relief, sliding the ring onto her finger.

She knelt down before him, flinging her arms around him, the box falling to the ground as she pressed her lips firmly to his, a big fat grin on her face.

"Hmm, I've gotta get back to the case."

Castle broke off, smirking.  
"Case? You seriously think you don't have the night off? Esposito and Ryan can take care of it tonight."

Beckett nodded.  
"So..." she started to giggle, almost giddy.

"What?"

"We're engaged!" she exclaimed in disbelief.

"Mmhmm.," he grinned.

"I'm engaged..." She leant her forehead against his, staring into his eyes because she was allowed to be a little clichéd and sentimental at a time like this. "To the man I love."

Castle sighed in contentment at her words as he wiped a stray piece of hair out of her forehead.

"Yes, you're my fiancé.'

"Mm-hmm, and you're mine. Hmm."

"What?"

"Well, once we're... _married," _she couldn't say the word without smiling, "we won't be living in sin any more."

"We can still live in sin; we can just make sure we do all the dirty stuff the bible says is evil."

* * *

**#68**

She wasn't there when he woke up. It was gradual - a twitch of the hand, a flutter of eye lids, odd vocal noises. It took him several days to come out of his coma. It wasn't like on tv where the patient miraculously and suddenly recovered. Real life was a bit more complicated.

Because she wasn't a relative, Alexis and Martha had to explain what had happened to him . It wasn't until he'd been taken out of intensive care that Beckett was finally allowed to see him.

"Hey, she said softly, rushing to his side, sitting by the bed and stroking his hair, staring at him like she hadn't seen him in years.

"How're you doin'?"

"Good."

"That's good." She paused. "Marry me.'

"Sorry, I must be hallucinating from all the drugs they're giving me. What did you say?"

"Marry me, Castle."

He stared at her.

"Are you for real?"

"Yes, Castle. This past week, not being able to see you, having to rely on Martha and Alexis for updates... it's not acceptable. I've been thinking about it. I want to be your wife because... I love you so much and I can't lose you and when things like this happen we need to be together."

"Now I know I'm hallucinating 'cause it sounds like you just said you love me."

"I do love you, Castle, I love you every day. I love you when things are going amazing, and I love you when there's a crisis, I love you when everything's completely boring. I love you through thick and thin and we always have each other's backs. That's marriage. It's time."

"Uh..."

Wow, she seemed so serious.

"Kate, I've been married twice before."

"Not to me. I don't care about your past; I want to be a part of your future. So... will you marry me?"

Castle smiled.

"Yes."

* * *

**#69**

"So, you finally got to meet Stan Lee," said Beckett, barely looking up from her work when he put her latte down in front of her. "How do you feel?"

"How do _you_ feel? You're just as big a comic-book nerd as I am."

"It was amazing," she smiled."You know, they say you should never meet your heroes."

"That's a load of crap. Because I not only met my hero, but I fell in love with her, too."

Beckett narrowed her eyebrows and looked up at him.

"I thought we were talking about Stan Lee."

"You're my hero, Kate," he stated plainly.

She stopped working all together, staring at his love-filled eyes.

"I - "

"Here, have some coffee."

She looked down and was even more shocked to discover what it read:

_Will you marry me?_ was there in silky white letters.

She lifted the cup and realised it felt weird.

She checked the bottom to find a ring taped to it.

She looked back up t see his questioning gaze.

"Castle... this is amazing. I... wow, I love you."

Well, she was relieved she said it before they were engaged.

"Is that a yes?"

She smiled, slipping it on her finger.  
"That's a yes."

Castle stood up.

"That's a yes. She said yes!"

Suddenly, all the staff she'd thought had been ignoring them cheered, and some gave Castle high-fives and fist-bumps while others congratulated her.

Beckett shook her head, a smile on her lips. How many girls got to meet Stan Lee and get proposed  
to in one day?


	41. Heat of the Moment

_**Disclaimer:**_ **_Castle_** _**belongs to ABC (America) and Andrew Marlowe. No money is being made from this work and no money or credit will ever be sought regardless of any similarity to future plot-lines.**_

_**A/N: We've passed 300 followers! Thanks so much. Man, remember when I was ecstatic over 28 followers? And now I'm on 309. So humbling. **_

**I'm so happy about how well the previous chapter was received. The first scenario - where Beckett proposes - is my favourite scenario so far and I was thrilled to find some people agreed with me.  
Ladies and Gentleman, I give you the reason for the M rating. Once it had the M rating it gave me the freedom to not always censor myself with certain scenarios, but these were among the original ideas I've been carrying around in my tattered, cover-less notebook. I've been saving them and finally feel ready to release them to the world. I've spent the last few days fleshing them out and polishing them so I hope you enjoy.  
I've obviously written sex scenes before, but never anything like #71. My hope is that it was tasteful yet still realistic. You may notice I kept it vague but hinted at the logistics just enough that I think it will work. If you disagree, don't be afraid to let me know. I think these kind of scenes can be romantic but I also get that some people can't stomach this type of situation and I tried to be respectful of that.**

**Upload Date: 29.03.12**

**Chapter Rating: M**

**Chapter Summary: Shameless smut scenarios in which Beckett confesses her love for Castle during and after sexy-times.**

**#70  
Camping Trip**

**#71  
Firsts**

**#72  
Ready to be Ready**

**#73  
Just Relax**

* * *

_**#70**_

She persuaded him to leave his elaborate luxury tent and premium camping gear behind. She wanted him to have a proper camping experience.

He was reluctant at first. But lying here, in this three-man tent he fit surprisingly well into, Becket snuggled up to him, the rain a peaceful pitter-patter outside of the tent, he had to admit it was kind of nice without all the distractions – and he still had his favourite distraction lying next to him.

Beckett stirred, awoken by the rain.

"Castle, you awake?"She whispered.

"Mm-hmm."

"Rain's too loud."

"It's ok, just go back to sleep."

Beckett's arm ran up and down his body through his sleeping bag.

"Help me."

"Want me to tell you a story?"

Beckett grinned in the darkness, shaking her head.

"Uh-Uh."

"Sing you a song."

"I've heard you sing."

"Then what, Kate?" he asked, turning towards her. "Name it."

Beckett grinned sheepishly.  
"Rock me to sleep?" she finally asked.

Castle smiled.  
"You promise you won't fall asleep 'til after?"

"Promise."

"Ok, you pulled my leg," he sighed in resignation.

Beckett giggled as he unzipped her sleeping bag , slipping his hand beneath to find her warm, willing and ready. Moments later, she was inside his sleeping bag and he inside her.

His hand on her back, he gently rocked her back and forth as she hummed in contentment.

"I like being here," she sighed.

"Me, too," he grunted. "It's a nice place."

"No, not the camp site."

She placed her hand on his cheek, her eyes seeking his through the darkness.  
"Here," she whispered quietly. "I love being here."

"I love having you here."

"I love _you_, Castle."

Castle stilled for a second, cupping her cheek with his hand, not only letting her whispered words sink in, but also listening to the unspoken promises and declarations in her touch, and in her presence.

"Make love to me."

He did as she asked. When they reached their peaks, it was like gentle ripples pooling around them, adding to the intensity without detracting from the intimacy.

True to her word, she didn't fall asleep until afterwards - but when she finally did, she slept well.

* * *

**#71**

They had spent two weeks, plus fifteen minutes tonight, preparing for this moment - preparing _her _for this moment.

They lay naked on the bed, Castle spooning Beckett on her side.

"Are you ready?" he whispered in her ear.

Excitement and anticipation coiled in her stomach.  
"Yes," she replied.

Castle nibbled her neck.  
"You sure?" he asked against her skin, causing her to emit a low moan.

"I'm positive," she assured him, intertwining one of her hands in his.

"Ok, here I go," he wanted her as he took himself in hand.

She gasped as he slowly entered her.

He paused, kissing her shoulder.  
"You ok?"

"Mmm, keep going."

He complied, slowly filling her to the hilt, assisted by the generous amount of lubrication they'd applied.

"Does this feel alright?"

"Mm, it actually feels really nice at this angle."

He chuckled.  
"Hmm, I guess all that research paid off. You'll let me know if it hurts, won't you?"

"Mm," she replied, slowly beginning to arch backwards and forwards in time with his movements as his hands caressed her breasts. "We're both learning. We'll get better."

"You already planning more?" he enquired his hands moving lower.

"_Oh, Castle_," she uttered as his hands reached their destination, still rocking into her at a steady pace. "You know I never would have done this with anyone else, right?"

"Mmm," he replied, nibbling her lobe as his hands moved in time with the rest of his body. "Me neither."

"I've never trusted someone this much."

There was a pause as he continued his movements.

"Thank you for trusting me," he said finally.

"Thank you for earning it," she replied. "I've never..."

"Hmm?"

She inhaled deeply.  
"I've never loved anyone I've been with as much as I love you, Castle."

At this point, he kind of knew that. How could he not know that what they had was so special and unique that nobody could touch it, not even Beckett's Superhero ex-boyfriends? That didn't make it any less amazing to finally hear from her lips. He didn't know if perhaps the lack of eye contact made it easier, but if anything, this felt like she was in a more vulnerable position.

He was so proud of her for overcoming her anxiety and telling him with her words what she so often told him with her eyes.

* * *

**#72**

They were always there, at the back of her tongue, waiting to leap out at any given moment. She always held them back, afraid to cross that final barrier, that point of no return that signalled she was really committed; that they genuinely had a future and that terrified her. If they had a future they were no longer playing it by ear and suddenly there would be pressure, pressure to keep up with Ryan and Jenny, pressure to move in, pressure to have conversations about marriage and kids and dogs and houses and china patterns and it was all too much.

She liked where they were right now. Where they were was safe and comfortable and just committed enough to both be secure that this was where the other wanted to be. But it was so hard. She had to keep herself in check all the time to keep those three words from falling from her mouth.

Sex was the worst. When they were making love, they were at their most intimate, and she was at her most uninhibited. She often had to bite back the words to stop them from spilling out; but after a year, she still hadn't and she was proud of herself in a weird twisted way.

But tonight was different. It was their first anniversary, exactly one year after she had come to him and declared her love without actually declaring her love; when they had finally consummated their relationship and tonight, all of it overwhelmed her as she sat with her legs wrapped around his waist, staring into his eyes and at the crucial moment, everything else fell away but those three crucial words as they finally broke free.

"I love you," she gasped into his shoulder.

"Kate," was his reply as he followed her.

After a few moments they finally looked up at each other.

"Castle, did I just say what I think I just said?"

"If you think you just told me you love me, then yeah," he grinned.

She nodded.

"Do you regret it?"

"No, of course not,' she said truthfully. Really it was about time she faced her fears. "I just... can't believe the first time was... like that."

"Neither can I," aid Castle. "That was incredible."

"But... lots of people say things they don't mean in that moment. I need you to know..."

"I already do. I've got to say, I much prefer your first 'I love you' to mine."

Beckett smiled.

"You're really ok with that?"

"Ok with that? Kate, I'm thrilled."

And as he kissed her, she realised maybe she was ready to talk about moving in and china patterns and dogs and kids. Because even if she wasn't ready for all those things just yet, she was ready to be ready. She was ready to be happy.

* * *

**#73**

She slumped down onto the couch in exhaustion. It had been a very long day.

Castle sat next to her, gently rubbing her shoulders.

Beckett turned to give him easier access as he massaged her.

"Mm," she murmured. "Your hands are magic."

Castle smiled. "Just relax."

She tried to - and he was doing an excellent job, his hands applying just the right amount of pressure - but there was something off about it.

Her blouse. It was slightly uncomfortable the way he was touching her through the fabric.

She started to un-buttton her top.

Castle paused.  
"Kate, what are you doing? This isn't about that; this is about you."

"Yeah, I know," she said as she pulled her arms out so she was now topless. "I need skin-to-skin contact. It'll feel better."

"Oh, of course. Sorry."

"No need to apo-_ohhhhh, _God, yes."

Castle gulped uncomfortably as he felt himself begin to get aroused.

_Stop it, Rick. Focus. This is not about Mr. Happy, this is about Kate._

"Lower," Beckett whispered.

Castle complied, his fingers spanning the skin of her back. She had a lot of tension to work through.

His hands were generating small sparks on her body, and his warm breath at the back of her neck was affecting her own breathing. The warmth he was generating spread to her stomach, coiling lower...

"Castle," she gasped. "I think you should stop."

He halted immediately.

"Am I pressing too hard?"

"No, no, it's perfect. Too perfect." She craned her neck to face him. "You said this isn't about sex, but with you touching me like that, I..."

Castle lifted his head as it dawned on him.  
"Ah."

So, those weren't just innocent massage noises. This was affecting her as much as it was him.

"Well, I said it was about you, Kate," he said, slowly returning his hands and moving them around to her front, slowly skirting lower. "If this helps you relax - "

She gasped as he reached her abdomen.

"I don't see a problem with it." He paused when he reached the top of her slacks. "Is this ok?"

_Ok? _This was pure bliss.

"Uh, _yeah_," she replied.

Castle slipped one had beneath her panties, the other supporting it from the outside, softly kissing her neck, ignoring the persistent erection yearning to break free of its silk and denim prison.

She held her breath as he grazed a certain sensitive spot. Kate felt his tongue trace down her shoulder-blade. She squeezed her eyes shut and whimpered as he gently stroked that sensitive area with his thumb while his fingers worked a little magic elsewhere.

The noises of pleasure she was making were sinful. She couldn't speak, so he kissed his way up behind her ear, across to her cheek and finally her lips.

He could sense she was getting close, her skin damp as she moaned against him. The build-up continued until he felt her contracting around his fingers as she came apart in his arms, coming up for air and whimpering as he watched the sensations wash over her features.

_Holy fuck_, he just wanted to -

_No. Get a hold of yourself, Rick; you already knew Kate climaxing was the sexiest thing anyone had ever seen; that's no reason to react like a twelve year old. Keep it in your pants! _

Beckett sighed, sagging against his shoulder, eyes still closed as she panted, feeling him kissing from her jaw line to her ear.

As uncomfortable as he was right now, with a topless post-climactic Beckett nuzzled into his shoulder, and a painful erection now at full-mast, he just... loved doing that. As soon as he felt she had relatively recovered, he stroked her hair softly, kissed her on the forehead and gently moved her so she was looking straight ahead.

"Kate, would it be alright if I did that again?"

_Seriously? Would it be alright?!_

"I'm not going to stop you."

Castle stood up and leaned over Beckett, his arms either side of her body as he kissed his way down. She threw her head back when he reached her scar, and her chest and stomach contracted as his mouth traced her skin down to her naval. Smiling up at her, he pulled her slacks and underwear off, hooking his arms around her legs, bending her knees so her heels were at her bottom. Spreading her legs, he kissed the inside of each thigh before he settled between them and closed his mouth around her.

Beckett's head was getting fuzzier by the second as Castle's tongue expertly flicked and rolled in just the right places and at just the right times.

He chose that moment to thrust his tongue in her, causing her to moan louder. Castle groaned against her, the vibrations setting her off even further. He quickened his pace and increased his intensity. She could feel the pressure in her body start to rise as he laid into her.

He briefly explored her with his lips and tongue, causing her to hum appreciatively, but when he returned to his favourite spot, and added a finger inside her, she cried out.

'Oh, God, Castle!' she panted, fisting his hair. She looked down at him between her legs, his blue eyes focused on only hers. He thrust his fingers and sucked her harder, bringing her dangerously close before he pulled his mouth away.

Smirking, he kissed his way down her stomach, slowing making his way back to his earlier position, tongue swirling around it before thrashing intensely.

She panted and squirmed, arching towards the ceiling as he brought her to the brink.  
"Oh, god!' Kate screamed as she climaxed, her thighs trying to clamp around his head. His tongue hadn't stopped hammering, nor did his fingers stop pumping, bringing her to another orgasm quickly.

Beckett couldn't think. She twitched uncontrollably, causing Castle to let out a guttural moan as he felt himself leaking through his boxers, trying desperately to keep his own climax at bay, kissing up her body until he found her lips. She could taste herself on his tongue.

He hummed into her skin, making her tingle right down to her toes as his fingers found her again and resumed his pace. Kate's heart felt like it was going to beat out of her chest as he brought her to the brink. She screamed out his name as she exploded and clenched around him.

Rick slowed his pace, moaning as he kissed her up to her breast.

"Castle," she gasped, not wanting to beg for mercy, but unable to see what other option she had.

"Just one more, sweetheart?"

Beckett looked back into his pleading eyes and nodded her consent.

As his mouth went back to work, Castle continued to try to suppress his body's natural impulses; but Beckett's response to him was consuming his senses.

The smell and taste of her desire; the warm pulsing feel of her body's reaction to her; the sound of her voice as she cried out his name and made other less coherent, but equally arousing sounds, all got to him - but it was that look of pure abandonment, cheeks flushed, mouth parted, pupils dilated as she broke that final time which, in turn, finally broke him, as he shuddered in unwanted ecstasy, his body convulsing shortly before expelling hot spurts in his underwear.

He recoiled from her as if burned, sitting back on his legs.

At first, Beckett wasn't coherent enough to register what was going on. Once she returned to herself, she looked down at him curiously.

"Castle?"

His eyes were downcast.

"Castle, did you...?"

"I'm sorry, Kate."

Beckett stared at him for a while, mouth agape, before climbing off the couch to kneel in front of him, gently moving his chin over to face her.

"Sorry? Castle, that was amazing. I mean, I didn't realise what was happening at the time, but I saw - I heard - I felt... Castle, you're amazing."

"It was supposed to be about you."

"It's never just about you or me when we're together. It's about us. Castle, if I ever came just from going down on you, not touching myself or anything, just purely getting off on your pleasure, how would you react?"

He finally met her gaze without being made to.  
"That would be... remarkable. Mind-blowing. Fantastic."

She smiled.  
"Well, that's how I feel, Rick." She ran a hand through his mussed hair affectionately. "I seriously love you, you beautiful weirdo."

He gaped at her in wonder. Had she really just told him she loved him or was it just a post-orgasmic haze?

"Come on," she said gently, standing up and pulling him to his feet. "Let's get you cleaned up."

* * *

**Two more chapters and then a hiatus while I work on some original fiction and other fanfiction that's been... let's say neglected lately. But I will be back and How Many Ways to Say I Love You is not over yet.**


	42. This Can't Be Happening (But it is)

**[EDIT: 02.04.13] THIS WAS AN APRIL FOOL'S JOKE. DO NOT TAKE IT SERIOUSLY.**

**Disclaimer:** **Castle** **belongs to ABC (America) and Andrew Marlowe. No money is being made from this work and no money or credit will ever be sought regardless of any similarity to future plot-lines. But, you know, if you're a fanfic writer, don't ****plagiarise ****me. Please. 'Cause then I'l****l be sad. Plus I have over three hundred followers. At least one of them will report you.**

_**To all my Christian Followers, I hope you're having a great Easter. To everyone else, I hope you're enjoying your long weekend. To everyone who likes and is allowed to eat chocolate, I hope your recovery is going well.**_

**I wrote this one a while ago. It's been sitting in the Doc Manager and I've been debating whether or not to post it. I finally decided to submit it, partly because I don't really have a lot of time to write new chapters right now, partly because the _timing just feels right_ and partly because I know I should be writing for myself, not others, and as much as I love giving you chapters you enjoy - it's motivated me beyond belief - there are certain things that I'd like to express through my writing. No one else has read this and I'd like to share it with you. I know some of you will probably have strong feelings about it - most likely negative feelings - and that's ok.  
Let me put this into context for you, though, so that you may better ****understand what kind of head-space I was in when I wrote this. I had just gotten my heart broken for the first time, and to add insult to injury, one of my ships sank - check out my profile for the details on the latter (although I'll warn you it mostly comes off as a thirteen-year-old girl's diary entry; only less coherent). So, when I sat down to write a fluffy chapter, this came out instead. Also,_ Significant Others_ had just aired here so some of the stuff at the end kind of fuelled the fire a little. The good news is that once I'd gotten all that angst off my chest, I was able to then write the aforementioned fluffy chapter (that's next) in true sweet, romantic Caskett style. I hope you enjoy it. I'll have it posted within the next day or two. Until then, though, here's Chapter forty-two.**

**I only ask that you keep an open mind.**

**Upload Date: 01.04.13**

**Chapter Rating: T**

**Chapter Summary: Beckett breaks up with Castle (open mind, remember).**

* * *

**#74**

When Castle opened the door to his loft and entered, he was surprised to find Beckett standing in the middle of his living room, her hair up, carrying a box of her stuff. He recognised some of the things on the top as stuff she had left in the loft over the course of their relationship.

"Kate? What's going on?"

Beckett put the box down and took a deep breath, taking a step towards him.

"Castle, I've been doing a lot of thinking lately. I've made a decision. I just don't feel this is working for me anymore."

"What's not working for you any more?"

"This; us. Castle, we're over."

He felt as if he'd been punched in the face. He was disoriented; his mouth dry, causing his voice to be low and throaty once he'd recovered form the shock of her words enough to force some words out.  
"What? Kate, where is this coming from?"

"This has been coming for a while, Castle. Ever since we've gotten together I feel like I've been putting everything into this... _relationship _and getting _nothing_ in return."

"What are you talking about, Kate? Sweetheart," he implored her, taking her gently by the arm, "I've put everything I have - "

"I know you believe that," she interrupted, shaking him off. "That's what makes it so sad. I guess you're just not cut out for a committed relationship," she shrugged.

"Kate, I_ am_ committed to you."

"Your version of commitment is just not what I'm looking for."

"Please, Kate, don't do this. We're so good together and - and... I love you!"

Beckett smiled sadly, reaching up to stroke his face.  
"I know. I still love you, too - in a way, I guess; but things have changed. I've re-connected with Josh."

Castle stared in stunned silence.  
"Josh?" he finally managed to choke out.

"He's back in the country and we've been talking. I realised I made a mistake and he's been good enough to take me back. Castle, we've had some fun times but we're just not right for each other. Josh is the person I belong with."

As if on cue, Josh appeared in the doorway.  
"Hey, Babe, ready to go?"

"Coming, honey."

"_Honey_?"

Beckett ran a hand down her long hair which cascaded down her back.  
"I think it's for the best if you don't come back to the precinct."

She picked up the box.

"I appreciate all your help over the years and I hope you find happiness. I have."

She smiled at Josh, who smiled back at her as he helped her with the box.

"No, no, this is all wrong."

"I know it seems like that now, but trust me, I'm doing the right thing for both of us."

His heart broke as he watched the woman he loved being escorted out the door by the leather-clad doctor who was evidently trying his best not to look smug.

Had he been a complete idiot to have thought this was real? It had felt real. Was he a fool to have started planning a future, a future he pictured her in?

He was struck by an inexplicable wave of grief. He had done this before, and it wasn't that difficult to erase her from his conscious mind; he was quite good at compartmentalising. But when it came to his heart and soul, she was permanently branded there. That summer with Gina in the Hamptons had been great at first. Outside of his writing he hadn't thought of Beckett at all... until one night, he had woken up with her name on his lips, an echo of images,each one of _her_, fresh in his mind and an ache in his gut - not dissimilar to the one he was feeling right now. He had turned over and been unable to suppress the surge of disappointment at seeing who was lying next to him.

_Oh, God_, he was going to have to go back to that, wasn't he? Being totally in love with her, but not being able to touch her, or even look at her, to share jokes, watch her roll her eyes at him, to bring her coffee...

It was over and it hurt like hell.

Beckett turned back to face him one last time.

"Goodbye, Rick."

* * *

**_Reader: Oh, you're dead._**

**_Author: AH! *runs away*_**

**_Reader: *Finds author. Kills her. Eats her entrails* That's what happens when you mess with Caskett, bitch!_**


	43. No, it isn't (Psyche!)

_**Disclaimer:** **Castle** **belongs to ABC (America) and Andrew Marlowe. No money is being made from this work and no money or credit will ever be sought regardless of any similarity to future plot-lines. But, you know, if you're a fanfic writer, don't ****plagiarise ****me. Please. 'Cause then I'l****l be sad. Plus I have over three hundred followers. At least one of them will report you. Well, maybe not now. But I will. I read a lot of fanfic. Beware!**_

**A/N: April Fools!**

**Upload Date: 02.04.13**

**Chapter Rating: T**

**Chapter Summary: Castle comes to terms with the events of Chapter 42, and where he really stands with Beckett.**

* * *

**#74.5**

No, this couldn't be happening.

Castle looked on as Josh and Beckett boarded his motorbike, which was parked in the hallway, and rode off into the sunset.

"You shouldn't be so surprised, Rick."

He turned around and was utterly astonished at who was standing behind him.

"Kyra?"

"Hey, Rick," she smiled. "I'm sorry, but you should have expected it. Do you really think you can make it last with any woman? Why do you think I left you?"

"Hell, why do you think _I_ left you?" a voice coming from the stairs chimed in.

"Meredith?!"

"Hey kitten," Meredith winked as she descended the stairs. "Oh, don't look so sad, Ricky, it's not your fault; it really isn't. You're just not good enough for her. For any of us. I mean, you're not bad for the short-term, but sooner or later, we all find someone better."

"What are you doing in my home?"

"Just trying to make you understand, Rick," Kyra said kindly. "Did you really think a guy like you deserved a girl like Kate?"

Castle didn't know what to say. Everything was all wrong and he couldn't figure out a story that would make this scenario make sense.  
"She loves me," he said finally, desperately clinging to that shred of hope rooted in his heart where he knew it to be true. "I make her happy."

"Obviously not happy enough," Meredith reasoned.

"I don't know what's going on with her. She's probably just scared; freaking out about me. She'll come to her senses and return to me."

"Like I did?"

He turned around to find Gina at the doorway.

"I should have learned from the first time. Kate's too smart to go there again."

"I don't have to listen to this," he said, pushing past her and running down the hall. "Kate! Kate! "

* * *

"Castle?"

With a jolt, he was in his bed, the lamp was on and soft hands were gently nudging his shoulders.

"Hey, Castle," Beckett's voice soothed. "Shh, it was just a dream. Come back to me. It's ok, Rick."

"Don't call me that!" an angry voice roused him from his half-sleeping state.

Seeing Beckett's stunned face made him realise it had been his own voice; a reflex action; a result of the residual angst from the dream.

His face softened and he let out a sigh of relief as he reached up to stroke her hair. _Thank God it wasn't real_.

"Kate - " His voice was dry. He swallowed, wiping his sweaty forehead with his arm. "I'm sorry; I'm - I was... out of it; I didn't mean - "

She shook her head.

"It's ok. Are you alright?"

He opened his mouth to answer but found he was lost for words as he looked into her eyes, full of compassion and love. This was _his_ Kate Beckett. The dream had been a mere figment, a shadow of the woman he loved born from his own fears and insecurities. She didn't hold a candle to the real thing.

"Did you dream about the shooting or the kidnapping again?"

He sometimes had nightmares where he relived the moments in his life that he'd thought he had lost two of the people he loved most in the world. God, those dreams had been even worse than this one, and this one was pretty horendous.

"No, no, I..." he trailed off.

"What is it?"

He shrugged.  
"It's not important. Just a dream."

"Well, Castle, if you're dreaming about it, then clearly it's bothering you; which means it _is_ important."

Castle stared into her caring eyes again, still full of warmth and concern, and sighed.  
"I dreamt you left me for Josh.'

She narrowed her eyebrows and lay back down next to him.

"My ex-boyfriend, Josh? "

He nodded gravely.

"Uh... wow, I haven't thought about him in a while." She looked up at him, squeezing his hand in comfort. "Castle, you... know it was just a dream, right?"

"Yeah, I know. It's just..."

"Just what?"

He looked away but she followed his gaze.

"Hey," she said, catching his eye. "Talk to me."

"You sure you never think about him?"

"Who, Josh? Yeah, I'm sure. Why? Do you?"

"Sometimes," he admitted. "You ever think about how different your life would be if you'd stayed with him?"

She stared at him before answering.  
"No," she said frankly. "I've never had a reason. I don't regret my relationship with him but I don't regret ending it either. I've moved on and I assume he has, too."

"So, if he were to walk through that door tomorrow - ?"

Beckett snorted.  
"'Wow, Josh, I thought you were in the Amazon!"

"You wouldn't be tempted...?"

Beckett rolled her eyes.  
"Ok, I know you're tired and you just had a nightmare, but seriously... I'm with _you_."

"Well, you were with_ him_ for eight months. There had to have been a reason."

"Sure; he's handsome, smart, successful, generous..."

"I get the picture."

"But I wasn't in love with _him."_

An awkward pause followed as her words seem to fill the empty space of the room. Castle hadn't missed the emphasis on the word _him_.

"Get some sleep Castle," Beckett said finally.

"Wait."

"What is it?"

"Do you ever feel like you're putting more into this relationship than you're getting in return?"

She stared at him.  
"Castle - "

"Just be honest. Please."

She nodded slowly.  
"Ok. Not... don't get me wrong, Castle, most of the time,it feels like the opposite; you give me so much, Castle you really do. It's amazing - _you're_ amazing - but... there are times I feel like you're still holding back."

"Well... maybe I am," he admitted. "A little. I don't mean to, but I think at the back of my mind I'm still waiting for the penny to drop; for you to realise that you can do better."

"Do better? Castle, I'm not exactly perfect - nobody is; not even Josh. Everyone has baggage."

"Really? What's Motorcycle Boy's baggage?"

"He originally wanted to be a paediatric surgeon but he had to switch specialities because kids hate him."

"Really?"

"No. The point is, you may have your flaws, Castle, but I can't possibly do better than The One."

He stared at her.  
"I'm The One?"

She simply nodded.

"You believe in that stuff? That we all have one person we're destined to be with?"

"I don't know about destiny but I believe my Mom was the one for my Dad and vice versa. I believe two people can find each other and just fit; but I also believe that it's rare. I believe that I found it."

"I believe I found it, too - and I'm terrified of losing it. I do this thing where I try to keep things light; laugh off the serious stuff because I don't want to screw this up. It's too important - but that's what I do; I always screw things up and I can't lose you, Kate. I love you too much."

"Well, you're not the only one with something to lose here."

She sat up, looking him straight in the eyes, a frank, sincere and open expression on her face.  
"I love you just as much, you adorable, _foolish_ -" she started to smile.

He couldn't help returning it.

"- amazing man. I'm just as scared as you are; but you know what I realised? It's ok to be scared. It's ok to be insecure as long as you don't let your fears and insecurities hold you back from what makes you happy. You make me happy."

"You make me happy, too - especially fifteen seconds ago when you told me you loved me for the first time."

"See, there's another thing I was scared of. Telling you how I really feel. But I did it."

"Yes, you did."

"And if you want to stay with me forever, Castle, you can do that, too."

It was too much. He thought his heart would burst at the fullness of it; that Beckett wasn't just talking about a future, she was talking about forever, with him. She wanted what he wanted. He wasn't a fool for planning a future for them - he was for other reasons but not for that. They had a future, a future she believed in.  
"Look at you, all optimistic."

"Yeah, I wonder where I picked that up from."

He smiled.  
"Thank you." He made to turn off the light

"Wait."

"What?"

"We _could_ go to sleep; _or_ we could..." she bit her lip as she climbed on top of him.

"We could...?" Castle enquired as he reached under her top to run his hands up and down her back.

"Mm, do stuff," she muttered against his lips as she leaned down to kiss him.

"Mm, stuff," he muttered back between kisses.

"Mmh-mm," she agreed as he lifted her top over her head. "Stuff and things."

"Oh, I like things," he growled as he ran her fingers through her hair.

"Mm, me, too," she said as she threw her top onto the floor. "We have so much in common."

"Hmmm... we should be a couple."

**Hey! How are you feeling? I have been planning this for a long time. Since last year. I did it because I _thought_ it would be funny... **

**And I was right! Oh, God, I'm still laughing. I loved your reviews so much. I've never had so many for one chapter in such a short amount of time for How Many Ways to Say I Love You. So many people who don't often review or who never review at all stepped out of the woodwork to let me know how they felt and it was great. I was surprised at how mature certain people were about it. I wouldn't be so understanding.**

**I was actually kind of disappointed by the lack of death threats but I still got a couple and some of the comments were even better than death threats.**

**I'm glad to know that if I ever lose my mind and start doing to Beckett what other writers do - that thing I hate where she's not even herself and treats Castle badly without even and explanation - enough of you will have my back and call me on it. That's actually very reassuring. Kudos to those who figured it out, especially Soprano009 who asked me if it was a dream or a joke. Obviously it's both. Soprano didn't find it very funny, but the thing about April Fool's Day is that it's the one day of the year that you can get away with having a laugh at other people's expense. Any other day and you're a tool. So, it doesn't really matter if you saw the humour or not. The point was,_ I_ found it piss funny. Mission accomplished.**

**I loved the Guest Reviewer who I unfortunately cannot credit, because it was brilliant, who made fun of my rant on my profile - which is 100% real, by the way. I genuinely was upset about that when it happened but it had nothing to do with this. Another thing I was telling the truth about was the broken-heart part. See, as I said, I'd already planned to trick you. I wrote both parts as one big story and split it up at the appropriate part a month later when it came time to upload it. Towards the end of the first part - halfway through the process - I found out someone I had very strong feelings for is gay. I'm (mostly) over it now but those feelings of shock and heartbreak influenced the paragraph where it sinks in for Castle and he starts second-guessing their entire relationship. Originally, that was just one short sentence.**

**Count yourselves lucky I didn't mark it as complete like I was originally intending. I thought that might be going a little too far with it.**

**Now, if you had been paying attention you would have picked up on the clues. They were subtle but they were there. If you'll recall, back in "Goat", I said that I had written something that would turn out to be a dream but hadn't uploaded it yet because the timing wasn't right. Then, in the Author's Notes for Chapter 42, I italicised the part where I wrote, "the timing just felt right". Even more subtly - though I'm surprised no one picked this up - was when Beckett starts out with her hair up but then later her hair is down. I thought if I used stronger hints it would be too obvious.**

**On that note, it's time for my hiatus. I'm not planning to upload new chapters for How Many Ways to Say I Love You for a month or two while I concentrate on other projects - but I do have a birthday this month so there might be a birthday special; I'm not sure - which reminds me: Happy Birthday, Castle!**

**I'll be back, though. Reminder: I'm staying spoiler free.**

**I'm still blown away over the fact that this many people actually care about my writing; but in the mean-time the twelfth precinct is running a fanfiction AWARDS THINGY where you can vote for your favourite fics. No, none of my stories are nominated but plenty of great fics are and so you just need to register; they provide links so you can go check the fics out!**

**Sorry for any angst or frustration I might have caused. Forgive me?**


	44. The Written Word: Part 2

_**Disclaimer:** **Castle** **belongs to ABC (America) and Andrew Marlowe. No money is being made from this work and no money or credit will ever be sought regardless of any similarity to future plot-lines. **_

**A/N: So, sorry, no birthday fic. My birthday was a few days ago (the 22nd here, the 21st stateside). I had just gotten back from a wonderful camp working with some truly inspirational kids and then when I got home my sister decided to introduce me to tequila shots...**

**Hey, any excuse to eat salt and suck on a lemon is ok with me.**

**Anyway, I'm uploading this now because this site is scaring me with how often I haven't been able to access it lately. **

**Just a friendly reminder: Keep reviews spoiler free. I'm way behind the US right now.**

**#75 heavily inspired by synopses from Richard Castle's website.**

**Upload Date: 26 April, 2013**

**Chapter Rating: M for skin on skin naughty touching but nothing explicit.**

**Chapter Summary: More little written confessions of the heart from Beckett.**

**#75  
Beck's Notes**

**#76  
Pros and Cons**

* * *

**#75**

Castle's eyes nearly popped out of his head when he turned over to see Beckett writing notes in her advance copy of _Deadly Heart_.

"Kate, I have editors for that. "

"I'm not editing." _Much._

"Then why are you besmirching my work?"

She sniggered.  
"_Besmirching_? It's not the final published work and you said I could keep it. Don't get your panties in a twist."

"I'm not... _getting my panties in a twist_. You know I wear boxers."

Becket chuckled, marking her place and putting it on the dressing table before leaning over to nuzzle his neck, stroking his hair.  
"I've been doing it with all your books. I make little notes to myself; you know, favourite quotes, observations; it's no big deal."

"Is it just my books you do this with?"

"Not exclusively; I used to do it a lot in high-school and a bit in college but since then... well, pretty much, yeah."

"So, what kind of observations do you make?"

She smiled coyly.

"Oh, you know, procedural errors - "

"That's editing!"

"Just making note of them. Also, just... personal opinions, interpretations of text."

"Can I see what you've written here?"

She surveyed him for a while.

"Ok," she said eventually, handing him the book.

He smiled at her in gratitude that she was allowing him to see this.

He flicked through; pausing at the pages she'd scrawled little notes in the margins.

He smiled knowingly.  
"I thought you'd like that.'

"What?" she asked, reading over his shoulder. "Oh," she chuckled. "Yeah, that was funny."

He grinned proudly as he continued to flick through, marvelling at the time and care she'd put into analysing his words...

Until he came across something that bothered him.

"Hey! That line's not sexist!"

Beckett tittered.

"Which part are you referring to?"

"There's more than one?"

"I'm sorry, Castle, I know you're very loving and respectful of the women in your life, and you've written some very strong female characters, but still, your books aren't exactly a feminist's dream -and that's ok; they're not supposed to be. It's just... some of it's pretty funny."

"I do respect women," he said, sorely.

"I know," she said softly as she kissed his shoulder.

* * *

After graduating Stanford, Beckett had briefly moved back home while in the academy. When she had eventually found a place of her own, she took only the essentials with her; leaving a lot of her belongings in her old room. She'd always meant to pick up the rest of her stuff eventually, but had never gotten around to it. Now, her Dad had decided to knock out the wall in her old room to make a bigger study.

Beckett wasn't resentful. It had been over a decade since she'd lived there and she was happy for her father finally being made an equity partner after years of loyal service to his firm. The new position would require doing a lot of paperwork, and as the commute to work was quite long, he didn't want to be pulling all-nighters at the office, so he'd decided he'd needed more room to work at home. It hadn't been an easy decision - there were many sentimental memories attached to his daughter's room - but he had made it with her full support, and given her plenty of notice.

Castle came with her to help pack up the stuff she wanted and throw or give away the things she didn't.

While Beckett was out of the room looking for more boxes, Castle found something that made him have to quickly bring his hand to his mouth to stifle a squeak of glee: There was an entire level on her bookshelf completely dedicated to his early works.

His hands paused in mid-air. Should he be doing this?

Oh, come on. This was him. Beckett knew how nosey he was when she got involved with him romantically. She should have known better than to invite him into her childhood bedroom and expect him not to snoop.

Quickly checking the door, he picked up _In a Hail of Bullets_. He noted it was a first edition and began flicking through, delighted to find her notes scattered through the pages.

_McAllister senses there's more to the case than meets the eye, _he read. _He keeps pushing. Thinks outside of the box._

He put the book back and started looking through _A Rose for Ever After_.

_There's something almost beautiful, almost romantic, about the way he kills. Or maybe it's just the way it's written. _Castle skipped to the sex scene, wondering what a teenage Beckett thought of it. _So freaking hot. _

He grinned. _But also... I can feel it; the way the leads feel about it and how their faith makes it taboo; like it's them against the world. Forbidden love._

He had never read any review or critique that had understood quite where he was coming form. Sister Mary Grace's affair with her young lover mirrored his relationship with Kyra in many ways. He always felt as if she was too high above him; and her mother was like the church; telling them their love was wrong...

Hoping to have enough time to get through as many books as possible, he quickly moved on to _One Bullet, One Heart._

_Ok, so, she's attracted to him, and it totally looks like he did it. So obviously, he's completely innocent. And they're probably going to hook up._

He grinned as he got to the passage where Norma and Jason made love. _Yep, knew it. Geez, I know he's innocent but she doesn't. This makes the character seem weak and stupid. But still pretty hot._

He was mollified when the real killer was revealed to find she was surprised.

_Wow, didn't see that coming._

He paused when he came upon Flowers for Your Grave. The book that started it all. If she hadn't recognised that scene from this book... they probably wouldn't have met. And all this... the last four years, the friendship, banter, lust, passion, heart break, joy, laughs, tears, coffee... wouldn't have happened. A world in which Beckett wasn't in his life.

He couldn't picture it. Just thinking about it felt wrong.

_Another character that pursues the evidence the police ignores, _she had written. _I like that_. He skipped _When it Comes to Slaughter _and _Death of a Prom Queen, _knowing she'd be returning soon_._

He looked through her copy of_ Hell Hath no Fury.  
Enraged wiccans on a murderous rampage? Seriously? Come on, we both know you can do better. _Castle smiled, shaking his head.

That's when he came to _A Skull in Springtime_.  
_A young woman dealing with the death of a parent by solving other people's murders, _she had noted_. _Then, later on, _I love how strong Rachel is. _

She seemed to really appreciate the scene where Rachel confronts the killer. The margin was filled with notes on that page.

_So good, so fitting for her character. Exactly what he deserves. Castle can be such a good writer when he wants to be. This is why I love him so much._

Castle's breathing faulted. She had written this long ago; years before she'd met him. She'd meant she loved him as an author, not as a man...

But to see it written down this way, knowing how much he had affected her... affected him.

* * *

**#76**

_Pro: He is my favourite Author - Con: I'm not interested in a one-night stand; and that's all it would be_

_Pro: He's a good and loving father - Con: He's a sleaze-bag_

_Pro: He's smart - Con: He's an idiot_

_Pro: He notices things about me noone else bothers to see - Con: He's intrusive and nosey_

_Pro: His Coffee Machine is awesome - Con: He enlisted outside help without authorisation_

_Pro: He's good at thinking on his feet and improvising - Con: He's reckless_

_Pro: He's not a terrible dancer - Con: They call him the white whale. Ew._

_Pro: He was nice enough to let me win - Con: He's so patronising he let me win_

_Pro: He knows how I like my Coffee - Con: He's immature_

_Pro: He called me extraordinary - Con: He investigated my mother's case behind my back_

_Pro: He looks ok in brown - Con: He broke my trust_

_Pro: The way he looks at me with those intense blue eyes like he can see into my soul- Con: He is self-centred_

_Pro: His stubble - Con: He's writing a stupid book about me without my __permission_

_Pro: He apologised - Con: I'm scared_

_Pro: He meant it - Con: He places bets on murder investigations_

_Pro: I'm not ready for him to leave yet - Con: He wrote a sex scene between characters based on us_

_Pro: We make a great team - Con: I don't want that to end. Dating him would mean no longer letting him shadow me_

_Pro: He's sweet when he wants to be - Con: He's too trusting_

_Pro: That sex scene was pretty hot - Con: Maybe he's still hung up on his ex-girlfriend_

_Pro: He seems to know the boundaries now and is starting to respect them - Con: He kissed an engaged woman_

_Pro: He's willing to see the good in people - Con: He's always messing with my chair_

_Pro: He raised Alexis - Con: I chose his life over my mother's case. I think I'm starting to care about him too much._

_Pro: He's not just doing this out of the fun of it any more. He really cares - Con: Our partnership must not mean so much to him with all the time he's been spending building theory with Jordan Shaw_

_Pro: He's Capable of having a real relationship with a three-dimensional equal - Con: He is an ass_

_ Pro: The lengths he was willing to go to to help me solve my mother's case - Con: He's obviously not interested in a relationship with me if he's still sleeping with bimbo actresses_

_Pro: He makes me look forward to coming into work because having him around makes things a little more fun - Con: I can't risk my heart with him when he's thrown out too many warning signs for me to not think he'll eventually let me down._

_Pro: Sometimes, as much as I'd rather ignore it, I can't stop myself thinking that we fit. - Con: He broke my heart_

_Pro: I love messing with him - Con: He will never change_

_Pro: He's grown up a lot - Con: I was humiliated_

_Pro: He let me stay at his place - Con: He hooks up with his exes_

_Pro: While he can often be annoyingly childish, that child-like quality also brings out a kind of sweet innocence which is actually kind of nice -Con: He's clumsy_

_Pro: He has a nice ass - Con: He's disrespectful_

_Pro: I've never gotten a rush like I do when I'm building theory with him - Con: He has stupid hair_

_Pro: I think I'm hurting him. and that means he might care enough that maybe I might be enough for him - Con: He didn't call._

_Pro: I can't lose him - Con: Our partnership obviously don't mean to him what it did to me. Al he cared about was getting in my pants; and now he's given up and wants nothing to do with me._

_Pro: No, he loves me. - Con: It's not enough_

_Pro: He believes in real-life love stories - Con: That's a fairytale_

_Pro: His imagination and faith in the unexplainable is adorable - Con: It's also stupid_

_Pro: He didn't sleep with Natalie - Con: I have a boyfriend_

_Pro: He called me his partner - Con: I have a boyfriend_

_Pro: He stood behind me 100% - Con: I have a boyfriend_

_Pro: When he kissed me everything else melted away and it was incredible. - Con: I have a boyfriend_

_Pro: His loyalty - Con: He trusted Damien over me_

_Pro: His determination to get to the truth (even when the truth is painful) - Con: I have a boyfriend_

_Pro: He's here - Con: Josh is staying and I owe it to him to make it work_

_Pro: He went to all of that trouble of getting that poster signed for me - Con: I have a boyfriend_

_Pro: I'm in love with him - Con: How badly he could hurt me_

"Castle!"

He jumped, looking up from the computer to see Beckett with her arms folded, glaring at him. He wasn't sure if he was imagining it but it looked like she was trying not to smile.

"Uh..." he stammered, rising to his feet. 'It's exactly what it looks like."

"Castle, when your laptop died, I said you could borrow my computer, not read my stuff!"

"Yeah, well I was saving something to my USB... then I figured I should back it up on your hard-drive just in case and I saw my name and I just... couldn't resist.

It hadn't been his imagination. She smiled warmly at him.  
"It's ok," she said, putting her arms around him. "That list was just this silly way to try to rationalise my feelings for you."

"Your feelings for me?"

"Ok, I'll admit I found you attractive in the beginning- but it wasn't until later that I developed real feelings for you and I was trying to find a logical solution but... relationships aren't a mathematical equation."

"Well, I think I liked your solution: showing up at my place and jumping my bones."

"Mmm, I liked that one too," she said against his lips as she pulled him on for a soft, warm kiss, leading him towards the bed as they broke off.

"So," she said as she pushed him backwards, straddling him, "what were you up to? I've got the list committed to memory if you wanna hear the rest."

"I... believe I was up to 'Pro: He went to all that trouble to get that poster signed for me'."

Beckett, paused, staring at him.

"You're lying."

"Yeah, I am," he admitted.

"Con," she said, unbuttoning his shirt, "I have a boyfriend."

"You used that one a lot," he said slipping his arms out of the sleeves.

"It was all I had to cling to at several points," she said, pressing her hands firmly against his bare chest o get him to lay back down. She made sure to maintain eye-contact as she worked on his belt.

"Pro..." she paused briefly. "I'm in love with him."

Castle opened his mouth, inhaling, preparing to say something but... no words came out.

"Con," she continued, resuming her actions so that his belt was soon on the floor, "how badly he could hurt me." She un-did his button and slipped down his fly. "Pro," she said, slipping his pants down his legs as he kicked off his shoes and socks, "this partnership is as sacred to him as it is to me." They shared a meaningful look as she slipped off his boxers. "Con: It's too sacred and too important for me to mess it up," she said. "Pro: He's there for me."

Castle opened his mouth again -

"Don't say _alway_s, Castle. If you say it too much the word won't mean as much. Con: I can't cheat on Josh. Pro: He thinks I'm strong."

"You are", he said, pulling her down to him.

"Con: I'm not ready," she breathed against his neck as he started to un-button her blouse.

"Pro: He thinks I have a big heart."

"You do," he said, disposing of her shirt and burying his face in her cleavage, paying special attention to her scar.

"Con," she gasped, arching her back, "I have a boyfriend."

Castle removed her bra with skilled fingers.

"Pro: I want him so badly it hurts."

He kissed her lips passionately.

"Con: I have a boyfriend."

He flipped them, kissing his way down her chest as she flipped her head back.

"Pro: Even Royce could see it."

Castle paused, giving her a questioning look.

"That's a long story. I'll tell you later."

He nodded, resuming his lips' caressing of her skin.

"Con: Royce wasn't the all-knowing hero I thought he was."

"Just how long is this list?"

"Oh, I'm not even halfway done yet."

"Well maybe we should pick it up later and concentrate on more - "

She grabbed his crotch.

He hissed in pleasure, "_Pressing_ matters until then."

She grinned, flipping him so she was the one on top again.  
"Fine with me."


	45. I Actually Do

_**A/N: I'm uploading a lot lately, aren't I?**_

**In The Written Word: Part One I had a scenario where Beckett thought she'd already said it to Castle a bunch of those times, and I got to thinking, A good way to incorporate Jim, because I know there's no way to give him an honest TTG chapter that I would be happy with.**

**Upload Date: April 30, 2012  
**

**Chapter Rating: M for language(it may technically fit a T rating but with all the work I do with teens, seriously, they already swear enough. )  
**

**Chapter Summary:What if she had said it one of those times she thought she said it? Each scenario played out.**

**#77  
Sock Puppets**

**#78**  
**Castle Sees Jim at the Old Haunt**

**#79 The Link **

* * *

**#77**

When Beckett returned to her desk Castle had MR. Piddle's Sock Puppet's on either hand.

"Castle! Are you wearing evidence?"

"What?! No, I found this in a box of Alexis's old stuff. Aren't they cute? '_Hewwo, Kate. You have beautiful hands. I'd love to have you inside me_!"

"Castle!"

"Benji!" he chided. "You can't talk to her that way.'_Oh, why not? She's such a beautiful lady! __  
__'Oy, then treat her with some respect, love'_."

Beckett nearly choked on her coffee trying to suppress her laughter.

"Castle - "

"I know, I know. It's not professional; it's just... Nigel and Benji were such a big part of Alexis's life at one point. Harris_ was_ Nigel and Benji. Now that he's gone; it's like _they'r_e gone... unless they can somehow live on in people like me, people who don't know how to grow up. They're like my... pals. They saw her through potty training and teething... they helped chase away the monsters under the bed. I just... I'm going to miss them. But... I'll get rid of them."

He took off one of the socks.

"Wait."

He paused.

She put on the discarded sock.

"_'Don't listen to Kate,_" she said in a surprisingly good imitation of Benji. "_She likes watching you like this. You don't have to grow up completely, Castle. That boyish wonder you have at the world is one of the things that made her fall in love with you._"

Castle looked up, astonished.  
"Kate."

"Shh, Benji, I'm not ready to tell him that yet. 'I'm sure he understands."

"I do," he said meaningfully.

Needless to say, there was a lot of handshaking that night - with, then without the puppets.

* * *

**#78**

Castle liked owning his own bar. He was rich enough that he could pay a bunch of other people to do all the work.. All he had to do was lay back and enjoy it. Another benefit was owning the booze. He was on his way out with an ordinarily expensive bottle of wine when he saw a familiar face leaving the bar.

It couldn't be...

Maybe he was there to visit Castile? He hoped so.

Castle followed him out, running to catch up with him.

"Jim!"

The man turned around.

_Crap,_ it was him

"Rick."

He looked surprised.

_Oh, damn, damn_.

"Hey, Jim. Uh, what brings you here?"

"Uh, I was meeting with a client."

He smelt strongly of alcohol, though his breath was clean. The old breath mint trick, no doubt.

"What about you?"  
"Jim, I own _The Old Haunt_."

Jim raised his eyebrows.  
"_The Old Haunt._"

"Yeah, it's a bar. Just around the corner. Heard of it?"

"Uh, can't say I have. Look, Rick, I have to run. Say hi to Katie for me."

He took off.

_Oh, fuck, fuckity fuck._

'Beckett sat down on the couch, merely staring into space.

Eventually, she took a deep breath and spoke.

"Castle, I know you wouldn't make something like this up, or joke about it, but... God, I really hope you are."

"I'm so sorry ."

She shook her head, wiping a single tear fork her cheek.

"Kate..." he leaned down to comfort her m=but she stood up, retreating to the safety of his loving arms.

"Castle," she sobbed softly.

"I just wish I could tell you everything's going to be ok..."

"I just don't know if I can do this again, Castle. The first time was hard enough."

"Well, you won't have to do it alone this time, Kate. This time, you'll have me. You'll always have me."

She looked up into his eyes, so certain and sure, the eyes of the steadfast, stalwart, solid man in front of her, and she meant to say, "I know", but instead the words that came out were "I love you."

He wiped away a tear with his thumb, his face deep with emotion.  
"Kate - "

"Just hold me, ok?"

"Of course."

So he did. He let her be vulnerable, let her cry, as she could only do with the people she truly trusted.

There was a knock at the door.

"I'll get it," he said, kissing her on the forehead. "Whoever it is, I'll get rid of them, ok?"

"Ok."

"Sit tight."

He answered the door.

"Jim,' he said in surprise. "Ricardo!" he exclaimed, even more surprised.

"Hello, Mr, Castle."

Beckett looked up. Standing at the door was Jim and a young man she believed to be the new bartender at The Old Haunt.

"Rick, is Katie - Oh, Katie, I don't know if Rick told you about where I was tonight but it's not what you think."

So the two men came in and Ricardo explained that due to a mix-up with paperwork, he was going to be deported even though he was a permanent resident. Out of pure coincidence, Jim had been the lawyer who was helping him sort it out. He'd left something at the office. Jim had called and Ricardo has asked him to drop it off at his place of work. Jim hadn't known it was the same bar Castle owned, and someone had spilt their drink on him while he was there. He, of course, couldn't explain himself due to Attorney Client Privilege but now that he knew his status in the country was safe, Ricardo was not afraid of telling his boss what was going on.

After Ricardo left, Jim and Beckett embraced while castle gave them time alone.

"I'm sorry, Katie."

"You didn't do anything wrong, Dad. God, I'm just so glad you're ok."

"Katie, I promise you, I'm never going down that road again."

She smiled back up at him.

"I know. I'm so lucky to have two men in my life I can rely on."

* * *

**#79**

"Anything?"

Castle enquired.

"Nothing," she replied, yawning."

He handed her a coffee.

"Thanks," she smiled.

"Nothing? "

"Not even a parking ticket. White and Fernandez were from completely different neighbourhoods, they didn't work near each other, had no friends or family in common. And Fernandez was practically a boy scout. Actually, I think he was a boy scout. I have no idea how his death could be linked to a drug-dealer's."

"But it's there, Beckett - '

'I know, I know, we just have to find it."

"Exactly. So, what do we know about Fernandez?"

"He was an investment banker, early forties, married, three kids, allergic to dogs... really liked rice crackers according to Lane's assessment of his stomach content - "

"Vegan!"

"What?"

"He loved rice-crackers, he was allergic to dogs but he still let his assistant have time off to go to her dog's funeral, even sent her flowers. So, he was an animal lover; Most people hate the things they're allergic to. Fernandez was a vegan. That's probably why he and his brother aren't that close; he used to work in an abattoir. White used to deal outside the Valley Club, right?'

Her eyes widened.  
"The Valley club is just behind Mercurial's - "

"Best vegan restaurant in town!"

"That's our link!"

She got up.  
"Fernandez and White were in the same area at the same time, " said Castle as they inched closer, the excitement building as they put the pieces together.

"Either they both witnessed something or were involved in something near that club. "

"And whatever happened at that club led to both of their deaths."

"We find out what happened - "

"We find our killer!"  
They were close enough to feel each other's breath now, blood pumping with the adrenaline, staring into each other's eyes.  
"God, I love you when you help me solve things."

Castle was so shocked he had a sharp intake of breath. Unfortunately, it went down the wrong pipe and he started to cough.

"You ok, there?" she asked, striking his back.

"Yeah," he said, recovering, I just won't expecting - "

"I'm sorry."

"Sorry? This is the second best day of my life, after the day Alexis was born.

"That makes me happy."

"You make me happier."

"It's not a competition."

"I know, but I still win."

"Wait, if I make you happier, wouldn't I be the one who wins? That's my achievement, not yours."

"Touche', sexy."

"Castle! Not at work."

"Oh, public declarations of love are ok, but I can't state a simple fact?"

"Touche... Big Rick."

"Careful, you want me to break into another coughing fit?

* * *

**Yep, you're right. The bloopers.**


	46. Through the Grapevine: Finale

_**So... read the end Author's Notes. Just... yeah.**_

**This is the final Through The Grapevine chapter. Kind of sad. I will have some more scenarios involving other people in Too Many Ways so don't fret. Vincent McLoughlin was named after my Grandfather because I needed a good Irish name that didn't sound silly. Spell-check doesn't recognise the Irish spelling of McLoughlin and that makes the one quarter of me that's Irish sad. I guess it's a sad day.**

**Upload Date: May 04, 2012  
**

**Chapter Rating: T  
**

**Chapter Summary: Castle heads to London for the premiere of Heat-Wave.**

* * *

**#80**

He was in England for the London premiere of "Heat Wave". Castle's presence had been required. There was an after-party but Natalie Rhodes and her new fiancé had wanted to do something quiet instead, inviting Castle to a low-key dinner at an out-of-the way restaurant. Natalie's most recent bout of rehab seemed to have calmed her down somewhat; she was nearly two years clean and sober.

It was a surprisingly pleasant evening. Castle was reminded that aside from some of her crazy attempts to be "method", Natalie was actually an intelligent, funny woman who was fun to be around, and her fiancé, Vincent, an Irish Screenwriter, seemed to adore her.

Everything was going quite well until -

"Richard Castle?"

Felling a little smug to be the one recognised, not Natalie, Castle took a small sip of wine and turned to the man who had addressed him, a polite smile on his face until he saw who it was, and promptly choked on his drink.

"Inspector Hunt," he said, recovering, "wow; it's... interesting to see you again."

"Sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt - Natalie Rhodes! Why, it's an honour."

"Natalie, Vincent, this is Inspector Colin Hunt, Scotland Yard. He collaborated with me and Detective Beckett on a case back in the states. Colin, this is Natalie's fiancé, Vincent McLoughlin."

"Pleasure," he said courteously, shaking both their hands before turning back to Castle.

"So, are you still collaborating with Detective Beckett?"

"Yes," he said simply.

"Wait, how long has it been now?" Natalie asked, with interest. "Three years?"

"Four," Castle replied.

"Wow, and you're still expecting everyone to believe there's nothing going on between you?"

Castle decided to plead the fifth.

"Well, I know that as of about a year ago, she was single."

"Oh, is that so?" Natalie perked up with interest. "Do tell, Inspector Hunt."

"Well, we went out for drinks and she told me she was unattached."

Natalie looked at Castle, loving this more and more with every second.

"Really? Tell me more, Inspector Hunt."

Castle gritted his teeth, not sure if he wanted to know or not.

"No more to tell. We had a few drinks; she went home and I came back to England. No funny business."

Natalie merely stared at him.

"Ok, I'll admit it; I tried to shag her."

Natalie's mouth fell open with glee. Vincent cleared his throat awkwardly and Castle downed the rest of his glass in one gulp.

"But she shot me down. "

Castle relaxed.

"She was in love with another bloke."

"Really?" said Natalie.

"She said that?" Castle asked in spite of himself, his throat dry.

'"Well, she was pretty sloshed. I think she'd had a rough couple of days."

Castle felt small wave of guilt in his stomach.

"She never said who the bloke was but I could add two and two."

"I think with those two it's not even as difficult as two plus two. More like one and one. No, simpler than that. If x is one, what is the value of x? No, even simpler than tha? How much is one? That's them."

"Well, I'd love to stay longer but I'd better be getting back to my table," he said, indicating a gorgeous blonde sitting nearby. "Cheerio!"

"Have a good night, Colin," said Castle.

"I twas very illuminating," said Natailie.

"Yes, have a pleasant evening," said Vincent.

"So... was Colin right?" Natalie asked.

"No. He's an idiot. Wait. Right about what?"

"Beckett's secret love. Was it you?"

Castle shrugged.  
"I don't know."

"How can you not know?"

"Well, you'd have to ask her. "

"Hmm. Maybe I will," she said, taking out her phone.

"Oh, very funny," Castle chuckled. "You don't have her number."

"Don't I? "she smiled coyly, dialling. "Kate gave me her number ages ago so that I could call her if I had any questions about Nikki."

"Well why didn't you call m - not the point. Natalie - "

She raised her eyebrows as she put on the speakerphone.  
The phone was answered on the second ring.

"_Hello_?"

_Oh, God _it was Beckett's voice.

"Kate, hi, it's Natalie. You're on speaker-phone."

"_Yeah, hi, how're you going Natalie? How was the premiere_?""

"Oh, it was just great. Look, I've got Castle here with me and my fiancé, we're at dinner - "

"_Oh, how nice_!"

"We were wondering if you could clear something up -"

"No, Beckett, don't - "

Natalie shushed him.

_I'm on the phone! _she mouthed.

"Don't be rude," said Vincent.

"_Oh_?" Beckett's voice contained its fair share of amusement.

"Yes, we just ran into an old friend of yours. Inspector Colin Hunt."

"Colin Hunt... Oh, yeah. Wow, really? How's he doin'?"

"Very well, as far as I'd gathered; but he mentioned something interesting. Apparently you mentioned to him that you were in love with another man, and we were just curious to who that was."

There was a long silence.

"I don't think that's any of your business."

"So, you're not going to tell me."

"No. Look, put Castle on - "

"Ok, great talking to you!"

She hung up.

"It was totally you."

Castle resisted the urge to wring her skinny neck and tried Beckett on his phone - to no avail.

"Seriously, Castle_, have a great night_," she giggled as he left in a huff.

* * *

He tried all the way home but couldn't get through to her on his phone for some reason. He decided to call from his hotel phone.

He was in a pretty low mood when he stepped into his room and turned on the light.

He froze.  
"Kate?"

Lying on the bed wearing nothing but a sexy black teddy and a Cheshire grin, Beckett sat up.

"Hey, Ricky," she purred.

"How are you - I thought you were in New York, working."

"I lied," she said, standing up and walking towards him. "Natalie helped me out by sneaking me into your room and making sure you got back at a decent hour to give us plenty of time to..." she raised her eyebrows suggestively"... before I have to leave tomorrow.

"Natalie was in on it?"

"Mm-hhmm. Oh, and by the way," she whispered in his ear, "it was you."

"What was me?" he asked, still partially in shock.

"The one that I loved Castle. It was you. Still is."

Castle took a deep breath, processing everything.

"Ok," he said finally.

"Seriously? 'Ok. ' That's what you're going with?"

"Mm-mm. Ok." He then proceeded to grab her, turning her around to push her up against the wall in a passionate embrace, kissing her more fiercely than he ever had, one hand caught in her hair while the other lifted up one of her legs, groaning at the discovery of her lack of underwear.

When he finally released her, she gasped for breath, leaning back against the wall, a dopey smile on her face.

"Ok," she said dreamily.

* * *

**So... I have an announcement: I finally figured out how to watch episodes that have aired in the US but not here yet online. I've seen _Still_. The only one I haven't seen is _The Squab and the Quail_ because I'm watching in their intended order and after I watched _Still_...**

**Well, I thought I should let you know; so I finished editing this piece and here we are. Ok, so first let me say that the episode was amazing, that moment was amazing, I'm totally completely satisfied with it and what it means for the Caskett relationship.**

**What does it mean for How Many Ways to Say I Love You? I'll be honest; this was started as a form of therapy. Yes, I wanted to prove to a certain fanfic writer that I knew how to write fluff, but there's a reason I chose to do it this way. I really wanted to hear Beckett say those words to Castle; I wanted to know how she might do that and the sheer amount of possibilities were dizzying.**

**Now that she's said it... I'm happy. I don't need anything else. That moment is enough for me, and better than anything I can conceive.**

**I have the last two chapters done; they both just need a lot of heavy editing. I have made my decision. This doesn't mean I'll stop posting scenarios. I have quite a few still outlined and it would be a shame if no one saw them. Some will end up as chapters for Too Many Ways and some will be their own fics. But it won't be as often. The thing that I've loved the most about writing this series is all the amazing people I've "met" because of it. Thank you so much for your support.**

**The good news is, you can talk about spoilers to your heart's content now. Can I just say, good on you for keeping that secret guys. I had no idea.**


	47. Reflection

**Disclaimer: This piece of fan fiction is for entertainment purposes only. I am not seeking a profit and assert that the characters and universe do not belong to me. Any similarity between my own ideas and ones that end up on Castle will be celebrated. Even if I could afford to sue, I never would. That would be stupid.**

**I wrote the present day stuff months ago but the other stuff... you can sort of tell what some of it was influenced by.**

**Upload Date: 08 May, 2013**

**Chapter Rating: T - M (mostly T with one little descriptive sentence that's very naughty).**

**Summary: As Beckett prepares to finally tell Castle how she feels, she reflects on some of the times she almost did, What if she had?**

* * *

**_#81_**

_If Esposito had come in a little later..._

"I am barely makin' a dent in this thing."

"Castle, I hear footsteps; he's comin'_. Hurry_."

"Man, if we got murdered right now, I'd feel so ripped off!" he said, turning to face her.

"Yeah," she agreed, turning to meet his gaze, "me too."

"At least..." his face softened as he smiled at the memory, "at least we had last night. We should've done that... four years ago."

_"We... would have been amazing together four years ago, but don't...think like that, ok?. No regrets. Last was... last night was it for me. I have never... Castle, I - I love you."_

_"I... can't even touch you. But I wish - I wish I could."_

_The door opened and they turned in fear._

_"Wish you could what?" Esposito asked._

* * *

_If Beckett hadn't been so distracted by Bracken and Maddox trying to Kill Her_

Beckett stared at the senator's smug face on the screen.

"I finally figured out who he is, the guy who killed my Mom, and there's nothing I can do about it." She paused. "Did Ryan talk to you? Did he check those security cameras around Smith's room?"

"Yes."

She turned.  
"And?"

"The cameras were disabled," he smiled apologetically, gently touching her arm.

"Okay," she nodded. "So, they're comin' for me."

"Ryan's got two teams stationed outside."

"And what about tomorrow? And the day after that?"

"Let me take you some place, Kate. Somewhere you'll be safe."

She stared back at him. Part of her so badly wanted to say yes, run away, just the two of them. But it wouldn't matter where they went. He would find them; and she didn't want to run away. She could see it in Castle's eyes; he knew she would say no; and he would understand when she did; but there was an unmistakable shadow of hope in his eyes that made it all the more harder.

"Castle, I know what you're trying to do; and I love you for that..."

As he smiled again, she leant into his embrace, head on his shoulder, letting him comfort her the way she knew he needed to right now.  
"But as long as William Bracken is alive, I'll never be safe."

* * *

_If that pause had lasted a little longer _

"The answer's in there - somewhere. It has to be. Anyway, it's getting late. I have to drop off Alexis first thing in the morning. Fresh start tomorrow?"

"Sure."

"Walk you out?"

"Uh... you know what? I gotta stick around. I have to go over Angelica's alibi."

"Right." He took a deep breath, looking into her eyes, feeling the same longing tinged with the smallest amount of sadness that he was feeling. Their relationship was still so new but already they had become accustomed to their Goodbye kiss. Not being able to do that felt unnatural.

"I so wish I could kiss you right now," he whispered.

"Yeah, I know."

He thought for a moment, and then held out his hand.

Beckett looked at him questioningly.

His gaze was insistent, so she followed his lead, holding out her own, which he took firmly.

"This is me, touching your face, pulling you in for a long, slow kiss."

Beckett smiled.  
"And this is me, kissing you back," she said, moving her thumb back and forth across the back of his hand, "running my hands through your hair."

He had to suppress a groan. She loved to run her hands through his hair, and he loved it just as much; her passion and tenderness all being expressed as their lips and tongues surged and melted together. That was what they should be doing right now; but he could feel it; the heat, the frisson, all in a simple handshake -

_"I love you," she said softly._

_He froze, his hand squeezing hers for a second before relaxing._

_"Best handshake ever," he said finally._

* * *

_If Tyson had driven by a little later._

_"_Are you ok?"

"Yeah." Castle stared out the window pensively. "Just ...finding that stuff of Tyson's... seems lucky."

"Yeah, well, sometimes luck is all you need. He can't hide now. We'll find him."

"Thank you."

"For what?"

"Believing in me. I mean, given my history, my reputation, once you saw those e-mails. it would've been real easy not to."

"Yeah well," she whispered, a small smile playing at her lips, "since when have things been easy between you and me?"

He had to agree.  
"Maybe that's what makes it all worthwhile," he said thoughtfully.

_"Yeah," she agreed, taking his had, "maybe it is."_

_"Seriously, thank you."_

_"Always,"_

_His smile broadened.  
"I love you, too, Kate."_

_She froze for a second before relaxing, smiling into his gaze.  
"I _do _love you, Castle."_

* * *

_If Castle had stopped believing in the video-tape curse once the murder was solved_

"Ok, so..." said Beckett, clinking glasses with Castle, "here's to a job well-done." She took a sip and put the glass down

"And now," she said, picking up Castle's bucket list "you can finally get rid of this bucket - " her face changed as she read it, "list of yours."

"What's that look for?"

"_Be with Kate_? That's your number one? When did you write this?"

"What, like, three years ago? Ooh, I can cross that off."

There were no words - actually, there were three but she wasn't ready to say them. He had made a commitment to be with her three years ago, had made it his top priority to be with her; number one on the list of things he wanted to do before he died.

She needed him in her - now.

She kissed him passionately, trying to express with her body what she couldn't with her words - but why couldn't she? As he returned her advances with vigour, she realised she wanted more than this tonight.

Yes it would be amazing, because it was always amazing, but he deserved more, so she stopped kissing him and gazed at him intently.

"I love you, Rick."

His eyes, dark with desire, softened at her words as he gently pulled her back to him.

* * *

_Present Day_

Beckett took a deep breath as she looked in the mirror. She'd always found excuses not to say it; the timing wasn't right, the situation didn't call for it, she wasn't ready... it was all ridiculous. She loved the man and she should tell him. The big question was how. She wanted it to be just right, so she was practising - not that she was having much luck.

"Castle, I love you. I love you, Castle. Hey, Castle, guess who loves you?" she pointed at herself, smiling sheepishly, then scoffed. "No. Um... Hey, Castle, pass the sugar - oh, and by the way I love you.  
"Roses are red, violets are - oh, get a grip, Kate. Ok. Castle, you know that thing you said when I was bleeding on the ground? Yeah, well, I feel the same way. I love you.  
"Rick, I love you. I love you, Rick. Richard. I love you Richard Castle.  
"Richard Castle, I love you. Richard Edgar Castle, I love you. I'm in love with you. 'Cause you're a swell guy!"

She sighed, exasperated, and stared at her own reflection, pretending it was his face.

"Castle. I know the last four and-a-half-years haven't been easy; we've both made mistakes and had our fair share of obstacles but... you make me happy, Castle. I think about you and, my heart is just... so full. You're everything. I can't picture my life without you any more. Everything just fits with you. I... love you." She shook her head. "Stupid."

"I don't know; I like that one."

Beckett jumped, startled as she turned to find Castle standing at the door, a huge smile on his face.

"Castle! How long have you been standing there?"

"Since 'pass the sugar," he grinned, moving forward to take her in his arms. "You really think I'm a swell guy?"

Beckett smiled sheepishly.  
"The swellest."

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**Want more "what if" ILY? There's a whole bunch in _Too Many Ways._**

**One more to go.**


	48. The Beginning

**Disclaimer: This piece of fan fiction is for entertainment purposes only. I am not seeking a profit and assert that the characters and universe do not belong to me. Any similarity between my own ideas and ones that end up on Castle will be celebrated. Even if I could afford to sue, I never would. That would be stupid.**

**No upload date because it will tell you in the summary since this is the last one.**

**Chapter Rating: T**

**Summary: Castle always thought he was the first one to say "I love you". What if he was wrong?**

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_I kind of prefer the idea that saying I Love You when it's not a deathbed confession or some other emergency or emotional upheaval means more. It's the quiet whispered confessions of the heart that have the most honesty._

___ - IV2BNSB_

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**#82**

The anticipation grew as she got closer and closer to the front of the line until finally, there he was, smiling up at her: Richard Castle.

He looked her up and down; apparently happy with what he saw.

She blushed.

"Why, hello."

"Good, thanks. I mean, hi."

His smile widened as she handed him her copy of _Storm Warning_.  
"And who am I making it out to?"

She merely stared at him for a while. He was real. Well, of course he was real. _Get it together, Kate!_

She finally managed to force out the words.  
"Kate. You can make it out to Kate."

"Well, hello, Kate. I hope you enjoy reading it."

"Oh, uh - " Beckett said. She dealt with criminals every day. Why was she so flustered? "I'm sure it's going to be brilliant! I just love you - uh, your work, I mean."

"Thanks for coming out, baby."

"Thank you, so much!"

He flashed her one last grin before someone ushered her away to keep the line moving.

She looked down at the book and felt a lurch in her stomach. He had written his number, and underneath, the words,

_Kate, call me sometime._

_- Richard Castle._

Wow. Richard Castle was interested in her? Should she call him? Of course! She would be nuts not to. She smiled warmly, tracing her finger over the writing.

"Oh, my God, Nina! He gave me his number, look."

Her breath caught as she looked behind her. A well-endowed, barely legal blonde was flaunting her book to her friend.

"Big deal, Christie. He gave me his number, too."

Beckett looked back at the author, who was flirting with yet another woman, stung. She had heard about Richard Castle's reputation. She supposed she had hoped it was simply gossip; but here was the evidence.

_Stupid Kate!_ She had actually thought they had shared a moment... what a fool she had been. He had called her _Baby,_ for heaven's sake! She had been blinded by the idea that her favourite author might be interested in her she had forgotten all common sense. She wasn't special. He probably wouldn't remember her an hour from now. She was just another potential conquest.

She was going to go home, run a bubble-bath, read her book - despite being an absolute sleaze-bag, he really was a fantastic writer, and she had been waiting for this book for ages - and forget all about her ridiculous crush. Beckett stowed the book back into her bag and left, vowing to never let herself be fooled by anyone like Richard Castle again.

"Wow, that... is embarrassing," Castle said, putting down his sandwich.

"For you or for me?"

"A bit of both. I just wish I remembered."

"I don't. Your earliest memory of me is that night on the roof. I was bad-ass; not some pathetic fan-girl."

"I can't see you ever being pathetic, Kate. So, I guess I wasn't the first one to say I love you."

"Well... no. But that's a technicality. You can still claim the title."

"I'm sorry."

She looked at him thoughfully for a while.

"Apology accepted," she said finally. She looked up to see his plate empty. She stood up and pulled him up from the box he'd been sitting on cleared save for a few crumbs. "Ok, break's over."

Castle grunted as he straightened and stretched. "Shouldn't I wait half an hour after eating?" he asked, patting his belly.

"That's swimming."

"Well... you told me a story. Isn't it my turn to tell you one?"

"You can tell me a bed-time story tonight."

He grinned.  
"I'm looking forward to it."

He brought his plate you the kitchen counter.

"Hey, you didn't have to agree to move in here if you didn't want to go through the labour of un-packing the boxes."

"I'll live."

He paused his washing of the plate as he turned back to see her un-packing a new box.

"Thank you for asking me to live here, in spite of everything."

She looked up and smiled.

"Thank you for agreeing, in spite of everything. Neither of us have perfect track records." She stroked his cheek softly before getting down to business. "Yeah, well, any way I don't think we can fit all this stuff here. You might have to keep some things at the loft."

"I'm sure mother won't mind. She can keep the guest-room as a storage room for all my stuff."

Castle dried his hands.

"Ok, where do you want me?"

Beckett smirked.

"What would you like me to do next?" he said, amending his previous statement as he stepped from behind the kitchen bench in mock disapproval. "Katherine Beckett, I never."

"Really?" she asked, handing him a box of clothes. "You never?"

"Well, maybe sometimes."

She smiled.

"You can take those to the bathroom. I've got a second shelf cleared out for you in our cabinet."

He bounced happily towards the bathroom, box in hand.  
"_Our _cabinet," he echoed.

"Oh, there's just one more thing - and listen carefully because it's important."

He turned back towards her, surprised tho find that she was already right behind him.

"Yes?" he asked softly, looking down at her as she simpered back up at him.

"I love you."

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**Special thanks to: Calleigh4eva for insisting on more smut; CastleCrazie for being so supportive and hilariously random; Joss Whedon for making Buffy; Danny Jacobson for making Mad about You(even though it sucked); Taylor Swift for the lyrics that often inspired phrases and even chapter titles; Josh Schwartz for creating One Tree Hill; Lennon and McCartney for their inspirational lyrics; Senor Happy - the song "How Many Ways" was evidently the inspiration for the title; bones35 for calling me on my typos; Chkgn9 for all the helpful info on alcohol - I'll even forgive you for constantly forgetting this work because you always came back to it, even if you didn't remember already having read it; IV2BSBN1 for all your support, suggestions and constructive criticism, Blue Obsydian Butterfly, for your constant support and for agreeing to beta North even though I'm so bad with updates; Minerva89 for all the suggestions and constructive criticism; Stupendous Boo for always encouraging me to write more; Katherine Temperance for the movie trivia; SoniaCaskettShipper for her enthusiasm and suggestions; LittleLizzieZentara for her delightful contributions and just general awesomeness; Tony7323 for your ideas which eventually became an entire chapter of scenarios; whenthelightscutout for your honesty and for not letting me copout; Guest I Guess/Alex for the hilarious misunderstanding - sorry you got hurt in it all, though, that wasn't my intention (I wasn't hurt); Bree21 for her Natalie Rhodes suggestion; Jareya for her constant support, great feedback and insightful suggestions; everyone who stuck around after the April Fool's Incident; everyone who recommended this to their friends and followers (I am still freaking out that one of my favourite authors not only read - and liked! -my work; he actually recommended it to a friend of his. Squee!), all my male followers for willingly subjecting themselves to my fluffy, gushing girliness; every reviewer and follower; everyone who favourited me; everyone who loved my work; everyone who hated it; everyone who had any feelings whatsoever toward my work; everyone who read this story; everyone who clicked on my story and skimmed it; everyone who made a suggestion that made it into the story who I forgot to thank; Andrew Marlowe and all the Castle writers... and last but not least, Caskettlove22, who started it all.**

**Too Many Ways will continue. I'm in the process of putting up a chapter guide on my profile for How many Ways to Say I Love You and Oh, My God, I am never writing a title that long again; it is such a pain in the arse to write over and over. I'm a bit under a quarter of the way through said chapter guide. I've also published Long Distance on Extraordinary Lines and plan on getting the whole series up on that site, too. The great thing about Extraordinary Lines is they allow really dirty stuff.**

**My handle is DanJanRob if you want to follow me on twitter. Everyone's on twitter these days.**

**Thank you!**


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